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 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 126
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Women will do what they do and if it works for them, they'll continue.


I'm not sure if taking the initiative increases a woman's choices much, or at all. The men she chooses may not accept.

I've seen a number of women express their amazement, admiration, sympathy, etc. about the rejection men have to endure, after having gotten a taste of it themselves. Women know very well that the less of that job they share, the more of it men have to do.

And yet they let us do it. How can it give men a warmer feeling toward women to know that the whole reason they have to do the bulk of an unpleasant job is that few women will help out? Just what skin do women have in this game, anyway--and where is it? What makes it fair, overall--or is the deck stacked in women's favor?
 ***Tee***
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 127
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 12:39:38 AM
I don't believe in beating around the bush about things. If I'm interested, I ask, I have no problem with it.
Its happened in some instances where they've admitted later they wanted to ask me out but didn't know if I was interested, so I just took the guessing out of it
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 128
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 3:59:21 AM

I'm not sure if taking the initiative increases a woman's choices much, or at all. The men she chooses may not accept.

Well yeah, that's part of the deal. It may not increase a woman's choices, but it sure increases the quality of men they interact with. When you sit back and let them come to you, you deal with a lot worse (i.e. way more you don't want).

I'd rather talk to the ones I like and find out they're not into me than weed through the ones who come to me.

Now if I could just get the men I'm not into to understand that if I haven't approached and talked to them already, I'm not interested and stop them from approaching me, I'd be all set.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 129
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 4:48:42 AM
I think pof should set up their program so that when a new person signs up they have everyone automatically blocked then have a box they can check that unblocks the people they think that they might be interested in. This would keep women from automatically recieving 15 emails a day and they would just get emails at the pace that they want to recieve them. Then they can reblock the ones they don't like.Another box could say unblock everyone.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 130
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 10:04:19 AM
Why ask a guy out when you don't have to? Much safer and less damaging to ones esteem to sit back and let others take the risk and pain.
 esp123
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 131
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 11:27:01 AM
I prefer the traditional way because it gives me something to think about as to the why me. It also gives you that nice feeling that someone is interested in you.

I think if he didn’t ask you in the first place maybe he is not interested? As a woman if you ask him he might say yes because he pity you? Haha.

If I do ask, I would do it directly because no fun beating around the bush and things might not amount to anything.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 132
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 12:12:11 PM
The problem with many women today and dating is they put in very little effort, they expect big results, and complain the most when their not successful. In otherwords, I want a 50-50 relationship but only invest 10% while the other person put in 90% of the effort and risk.

I never understood why most women who ask a man out expect him to yes everytime knowing full well they don't accept every offer presented to them. Men have more respect for a woman who tries and fails and keep on trying vs a woman who tries and fails and never tries again and definetly less respect for a woman who refuses to try at all uses "tradition" as an excuse. After all why would a man want to be with who isnt willing to take on the same risk as him or gives up easily on a tough situation.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 133
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 12:26:47 PM
Nicely done S.O.U.L. you hit the nail on the head!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 134
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 12:56:54 PM

Why ask a guy out when you don't have to? Much safer and less damaging to ones esteem to sit back and let others take the risk and pain.


Many women may be handicapping themselves by not taking more initiative. And not all men think the risk and pain is that bad. But even so, what about just knowing that women are well aware that a lot of men *do* think that, and that even so, most of them are willing to let men go through it so they won't have to? They can't all imagine that none of the men who ever approached them found it at all hard to do.

When the man has to carry most of the load in the beginning, just how and when does this difference get made up for? And if the woman who's benefiting from this arrangement doesn't care about being fair to him, why should the man care about being fair to her, either?

Some women go beyond just letting the man do the approaching. They let him approach, and then purposely go out of their way to be nasty when they reject him, so they can rub salt in the wound. It seems to me every one who does this teaches these men to be a little colder and more thoughtless about other women they meet. I think feminist ideas and widespread divorce have caused a much higher percentage of single women to have some grudge against men than, say, 50 years ago. And yet men are still usually expected to approach them.
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 135
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 1:05:05 PM
Of course I have. I am also another fossil (from another response) and I have found if I don't ask nothing will happen. I used to belong to another dating site where we had dances, I asked many men to the dances. You have to put yourself out there and like another person said, if the man does not respond, it is time to move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea, problem is catching the right one.
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 136
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 4:44:07 PM

The problem with many women today and dating is they put in very little effort, they expect big results, and complain the most when their not successful. In otherwords, I want a 50-50 relationship but only invest 10% while the other person put in 90% of the effort and risk.


Major kudos to S.O.U.L.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 137
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 4:50:57 PM

Why ask a guy out when you don't have to?

If you want to date someone and all the men coming at you are rat bait, you kinda DO have to.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 138
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 5:01:51 PM
being a guy who has never had the experience of a woman approaching him, or even asking out on a date...I would love to experience it.
But I think because at this age no one has, if a woman did I would think she was being put up to it as a joke.
If I was in my 20's I wouldn't think that, but now? My qiestion would be why now, why not years before.
So I think I will still be doing the approaching and the accepting of rejection.

I think women do not do it as much as we would like them to is because they do not want to be rejected and think rejection is a man's thing. Also some women think that it makes them look desperate. Again leave that to the men to look like. LOL
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 139
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 5:14:10 PM

being a guy who has never had the experience of a woman approaching him, or even asking out on a date...I would love to experience it



Never?....seriously? Dude, get yourself out there!
After my ex-wife....EVERY one of my relationships was initiated by the woman! All of my online dates and Even my one-nighters!
I'm no better, looking and definitely not in better shape than you...and currently I'm broke!....so....

So...either you're not out there or just not realising that they're hitting on you!

I've even been told that I'm kind of intimidating and tough to approach by some of them...
I'm not real affable or gregarious when I go out either...I'm usually the quiet guy of the bunch....
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 140
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 5:48:00 PM
Yes, I have asked men out - none ever declined.

I never asked guys out too often though!
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 141
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 7:46:08 PM

Never?....seriously? Dude, get yourself out there!
After my ex-wife....EVERY one of my relationships was initiated by the woman! All of my online dates and Even my one-nighters!
I'm no better, looking and definitely not in better shape than you...and currently I'm broke!....so....

So...either you're not out there or just not realising that they're hitting on you!

I've even been told that I'm kind of intimidating and tough to approach by some of them...
I'm not real affable or gregarious when I go out either...I'm usually the quiet guy of the bunch....


Well you live in the USA I am in Canada, big difference.
Now I can say that yes while I have been on my many vacation trips to the USA, Las Vegas/Florida/Dallas and even back in my partying days in Buffalo (Buffalo is only a 2 hour drive from Toronto as it is a border city), I have ben approached. But by American women. No Canadian women here in Toronto have ever approached me. Not even in my partying days in my 20's. Just what my experience has been.
One nighters? FWB? Never happened to me. Only certain guys get hit on, approached and asked out on dates.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 142
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 9:07:34 PM
^^^^ Really? So its the American women who are more aggressive?
So... you actually HAVE been hit on...just not in Canada?





One nighters? FWB? Never happened to me. Only certain guys get hit on, approached and asked out on dates.


Dare I ask what kind of guys they are?

 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 143
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/15/2010 10:15:11 PM
When I used to travel to Florida back in the 90's twice a year the women were always much more friendly as compared to the ones here in Toronto. I was always taken off guard at a beach club when a woman would strike up a conversation with me, ask me if I wanted to hit the dance floor with her and even bought me a drink.
When I used to party in Buffalo, NY and Niagara Falls, NY the American women would be way friendlier to the Canadian guys compared to the Canadian women who were at the bars there too.
In Vegas the samething has happened the past few years going there.
Mind you I think Vegas and Florida are exceptions because they are tourist places and so most people will let loose more on vacation.

Here in Toronto, it being a big Metropolis, there is a less friendly atmosphere here. And so I find that even in bars, women are more prone to approaching the guys who stand out in the bar/club as it becomes more a competition for thier attention. Sometimes when I do go out to a bar, which is on the odd occasion, I will sit back and people watch and see the festivities unfold. Also it can help to see what women not to bother approaching, as you see who they approach and who approaches them, and the girls' reaction. If a guy is along the lines of myself in looks wise and gets shotdown, then I know to avoid saying even hi to that woman for example.

The type of guys who get approached etc? The hot guys of course.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 144
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/16/2010 8:28:39 PM
If you want to date someone and all the men coming at you are rat bait, you kinda DO have to.


What do you do, I wonder if you want to date someone, and many of the women you see are rat bait? If you're going to insult men, better be ready for the return shot. Some of us men don't think much of some of you women, either.
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 145
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/17/2010 4:27:24 AM

One nighters? FWB? Never happened to me.


Then you are doing something wrong somewhere. I'm in Canada as well and even I've been hit on and had both on both sides of the border.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 146
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/23/2010 11:30:49 PM
I dunno, I find that more American women give me the time of day than Canadian women. And I do not act any different towards the two. It is nice to not be told to **** off when I strike up a conversation with a woman. Here in Toronto, forget it, unless you look good enough to them, that is what they will say.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 147
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Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/24/2010 4:07:18 AM

What do you do, I wonder if you want to date someone, and many of the women you see are rat bait? If you're going to insult men, better be ready for the return shot. Some of us men don't think much of some of you women, either.

Wow, that almost sounded like you took it personally - but since you had nothing to do with it as I didn't address you, I don't know how that can be.

Hey I'm the first one to ask a guy how often he gets out of the house and how hard he looked if he tells me I'm one of the better looking ones in a place - I don't have an inflated sense of myself, and I know most guys who hit on me do it because I'm female and breathing (and some might still hit on me if I wasn't breathing, but that's another thread) so there is no return shot in my case. I NEVER think it's about me, as opposed to most people. Not all people are supposed to have attraction to you nor you everyone you see - that's life.

A friend and I were out of town for the holidays and hit a gym. We were weighing ourselves which is sort of an obsession, but I digress. A couple men walked up and asked us why we needed to weigh ourselves as we were more than thin enough not to worry. She swooned and told them she was thrilled they said it, I kind rolled my eyes and thought it was an easy line and that she was a bit gullible - telling a woman in a gym on a scale she's thin? Too easy. So, to each their own.

Perhaps some women fall for the stuff men dish out in social situations and believe it - I agree that in their cases it'd be more of a shock. Guys have it a little easier though, as they don't get approached as much by women they consider to be filler, or not their type, or whatever. The advantage to being the one approaching is you tend to deal more with what you want, rather than having to work with what comes to you. So, if you want better quality, pick it yourself - that was mostly my point.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 148
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/24/2010 4:26:53 AM

A friend and I were out of town for the holidays and hit a gym. We were weighing ourselves which is sort of an obsession, but I digress. A couple men walked up and asked us why we needed to weigh ourselves as we were more than thin enough not to worry. She swooned and told them she was thrilled they said it, I kind rolled my eyes and thought it was an easy line and that she was a bit gullible - telling a woman in a gym on a scale she's thin? Too easy. So, to each their own.
I agree!
A much better line would have been; "Don't worry! You'll get there! Look me up in a few weeks!"
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 149
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/24/2010 8:32:26 AM
Guys have it a little easier though, as they don't get approached as much by women they consider to be filler, or not their type, or whatever.

WIP you know I've been one of your longtime fans, but on this one point I will *gasp* disagree with you.

I get approached by women fairly often, especially since ages 26-31 where I made some great gains on the physique; when I put on my dancing shoes, I am rarely lacking a volunteer lady partner. Girls buy me drinks, girls will slip me their number without even asking for it, and some outright pounce and molest me.


However despite all that seemingly "good fortune", I've considered PLENTY of them to be "filler" or "not my type" (smokers, plumpers, airheads, racially-ignorant, etc.). About 20% actually turn out to be both personable and have the trendy body-type that most guys drool over, and for those I am indeed delighted when they approach.

So I still do the bulk of the approaching, just to ensure I'm dealing with the physical quality I truly desire, but wholeheartedly admire ANY woman that musters the courage to approach - even when they're not my type, they'll get a warm smile, a compliment, and a polite declination.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 150
Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that?
Posted: 11/24/2010 9:22:16 AM

Perhaps some women fall for the stuff men dish out in social situations and believe it - I agree that in their cases it'd be more of a shock. Guys have it a little easier though, as they don't get approached as much by women they consider to be filler, or not their type, or whatever. The advantage to being the one approaching is you tend to deal more with what you want, rather than having to work with what comes to you. So, if you want better quality, pick it yourself - that was mostly my point.


WIP, you make an interesting point here. BUT women will most times fall for the stuff men dish out IF they are physically attracted to the guy who approached them. See this is where it becomes a grey area. If a guy like myself approaches a woman like yourself, not you specifically here, but someone very good looking and I complemented you on your great smile, your hair, etc I would get the once over, dirty look and that would end it. BUT if it were a guy who was a really good looking guy, well then the results would be the opposite.
See you are right that most men do not get approached. And although I wish it would change I doubt in my lifetime it will, I am going to have to still do the approaching. BUT being 41 I now know what women are unattainable/unapproachable than 10 years ago. And women mostly want the hot, really good looking guys to approach them, BUT never admit to it. Women work with what comes to them by looking the guys over and finding something negative more than positive in them. Like I say, I may not be much to take a glance at, but given the chance, you will enjoy my company and very much like the person I am. BUT in today's world, substance is further down the list of attraction.
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