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 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 26
Bad experience with petsPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
hi
can anyone help me here, i have a dog and i have met a new partner, when he stayed the night i left my dog who normally sleeps on the end of my bed in the living room and he spent most of the night howling...i know i have spoilt him, what can i do about this situation, cos its certainly spoiling my partner staying here? Caz

Option one: is to stay at his place...
Option two: let him sleep at the end of your bed
Option 3: Get a kennel silencer and put it in the room he is staying in.. A good one will cost a few hundred dollars

Good luck
thecatsmeoww
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 27
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:26:19 PM
caz4 you need to transition that dog to the floor and that means especially when your partner isn't there. otherwise the dog is going to associate your partner's presence with being forced off the bed and away from you. and how could you expect the poor poochie to not be upset? i regularly kick my dogs off the bed just because. hey not that there's anyone actually willing to stay over here but what the hell, it's the principle of the thing :)

so buy that puppy a dog bed and put it right next to yours. then put one of your dirty shirts on it so the dog will have all your smells handy which he's used to having all night long. teach him that when you say "get down" that is exactly what it means and by that i mean he is not allowed back up on the bed unless and until you say so. the dog will understand & accept this concept quickly, as long as you are consistent. you can put a short leash on him that's tied to the bed for a little while at first, during the learning phase, so that he has to stay put.

you can't expect to bring somebody into the house and then suddenly make the dog sleep elsewhere. it's not fair to the dog because he won't understand it, and he'll be very jealous and upset. then there's a good chance he'll start acting out in all sorts of strange ways. dogs are just like little kids except they don't have the language skills. so you have to frame everything in a manner that they can clearly understand. when you have an upset dog that doesn't understand what the expectations & boundaries are, that's the makings for a real messed up situation.
 mahgninnuc
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 28
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:45:57 PM
Exactly who is the master at your house? You or the dog? Is the dog the Alpha?

If "you" are the Alpha and lay down the law the animal will respond (period)

You may have to take a more critical role in enforcement of who is the boss.

Unfortunatly for some, including me, it is difficult to think in critical terms to enforce rules no matter what, but we as humans must realize the dog, cat, ferret or whatever live by different rules. It is up to us if we choose to have pets that we are dominant, otherwise don't have pets.



 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 29
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 3:52:31 PM
mowtown said: caz4 you need to transition that dog to the floor and that means especially when your partner isn't there.

This is also an option but would require time.. You can always sleep at this place until you dog gets used to sleeping on the floor. In the meantime you will have know when he jumps on your bed in the middle of the night and correct him.. I hope you are not a very sound sleeper?

thecatsmeoww
 tresor cache
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 30
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:18:04 PM
I've learned over the years that many women have replaced the man in their life with their animals and when you show up it creates a conflict. In spite of what was written earlier, you can act as dominant as you are capable of and those damn animals will still spray to mark their territory. It's not about how dominant/submissive the man is, it's more about how much the women has let the animal become the substitute male in her life.

I'm almost to the point where I won't date a woman with pets because many woman bestow so much love on their animals that the poor animal doesn't understand the difference between pet and lover. I should get a lot of hate mail for that one but just look at the crazy lady on the east coast that slept with her chimpanzee; it's no small wonder that the monkey eventually felt like the dominant male of the house and damn near killed the owner's friend. I've had to fight with more than one dog for space on the bed. Inevitably the dog won because I was gone and the dog was still there. I just pity the next fool that tries to replace that dog.
 tropicalknights
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 31
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:38:25 PM
Well I can understand the reluctance when it comes to the horses, but I don't think they will be as pissed off as the other animals. LOL

I have to agree with Womaninprogress on this one, these animals were showing dominance over you, you just didn't come off Alpha enough. Horses, because they are herbivores are a bet less of a problem than cats and dogs, but if I were you before I went over there I would read some books on horse whispering, it will help you to understand and interact with the horses better.
 TopFind
Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 32
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:54:57 PM
Thank you all for the advice. Some of the comments sound very scary.

thecatsmeoww

Well being that I own cats.. my bedroom is off limits to anyone but my children and myself.

So where do you keep you bf?

Cats will spray when they are aware of a strange scent.. The use of Feliway is recommended.

Do you spray this stuff on yourself, or on the furniture?

I think I’ll stick to the new lady with the horses.

Janet4fever

I'm just impressed you've had three lady friends taken with you enough to invite you to their home for sleep overs!!
After listening to the no-luck lads go on and on with their complaints of no contact on other threads...
I think rather than asking for advice, you should be giving it.

I don't think I am qualified to give advice, but this is what I think:
1. The overall business climate (even in this business) was better last year. This year, the return on investment seems much lower.
2. It appears that the ladies with pets have been deprived of men for longer than ladies with no pets. So maybe, that’s why I got lucky.

Twisted sister

I dated a guy once who had 2 female cats and a male dog. The dog decided I was his new best friend and followed me everywhere. The cats peed in HIS shoes.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think, I would put up with that.


idoc_steve

If I was over someones house and the dog started jumping all over me, I would firmly say "No", and remove the dog from my body by firmly pulling on it's collar until it was completely off of me; and repeat as necessary. And I would point out to the owner of the dog, that behavior such as that should be discouraged going forward.

To be honest, at one point that night, I had to say NO, and remove her from my body.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:29:08 PM
Unfortunately this is another thread where some people are dating a partner they don't agree with on a major issue. This isn't about the OP - but a few people posting here think this is a power or replacement issue.

You either like pets or you don't. If you don't really want to deal with them, date people who don't have them. This means that if you are dating someone early on and they mention pets, stop dating them. Same as smokers, or kids, or long distance or anything else you'd run across in an SO you disagree on and you're better off not going any further.

Trying to continue dating them and hoping they turn their lives upside down is not good twofold - it's not fair to ask someone to do it and it's not fair to their pets if they do.

To the poster that made the comment that women have replaced men with pets, this assumes that we've got a void in the first place, which assumes all women need to be with a guy, which is a generalization. Most women who have pets may joke about unconditional love and all that, but the pets have nothing to do with a relationship status. A woman can have a pet AND an SO - or neither and it doesn't really mean much of anything either way.

P.S. People who are dating have alternatives to sleeping in the home where the pets are - so sleep in the other home, or go your separate ways when the date's over, or rent a room...
 mahgninnuc
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 34
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:40:01 PM
Damn it. It's hard (pun intended) to concentrate on this thread seeing you constantly in a bathing suit.

 Moooocow
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 35
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:00:12 PM
You are no cat or dog whisperer,but maybe the third animal and the third time is the charm. Try to work some Robert Redford magic on the lady and on the horses however if you decide to impress on the horses what Tryagan suggested

you might consider launching a preemptive strike and mark your bag and a few strategic spots in your gf’s place with your own perfume.


before whipping it out, turn your back on the horses, as it wouldn't make a good impression on your date if the horses died laughing :204:
 PacificStar
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 36
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:01:15 PM
It is sad but some people use their pets to be sumissively agressive with the social relationships they have. While they might not directly tell you that you are on the bottom of the food chain it is crystal clear. They have elevated pets to being superior to themselves and you in their lives and that is where you will always be. Not something I would be up for but sometimes third is not a bad finish for some. .
 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 37
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:19:58 PM

It is sad but some people use their pets to be sumissively agressive with the social relationships they have. While they might not directly tell you that you are on the bottom of the food chain it is crystal clear. They have elevated pets to being superior to themselves .......


Not exactly the words I would have used, but so true!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 38
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:17:08 AM
topfind asks me: So where do you keep you bf?

I do not have a boyfriend so right now is not a problem for me. I also do not invite men into my home or people that I am not very familiar with..

If I had a boyfriend.. I would introduce him to the cats in another room..

Most likely the loggia since my cats are never in certain areas of my home like the kitchen and living room.

Once the cats are moved to a different location they are not nearly as protective and introductions will include lots of toys for them and the boyfriend to play with. They will be hesitant at first to approach him but if he does not try and approach them they will not go into hiss mode. I would encourage him to toss the toys for them without approaching and to wait and they will eventually approach him when they feel ready.. In reality this can be as short as a hour or two if all goes well and they will be buddies..

I never have problems with them with male judges at shows simply because they are no longer in the place they are so protective about..In fact they show their little hearts out because I have trained them to every single teaser there is available to me on the market.
So they know when that comes out it is playtime.

The reason I section off my house is that is my sister is highly allergic to my cats and by keeping them out of the common rooms she can feel more comfortable visiting. My home has a really neat design so I can section off the sleeping areas from the rest of the house..

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 39
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:27:18 AM
tresor said:I should get a lot of hate mail for that one but just look at the crazy lady on the east coast that slept with her chimpanzee; it's no small wonder that the monkey eventually felt like the dominant male of the house and damn near killed the owner's friend.

Please that would have happened even if that animal had not been sleeping with her..These animals should not be kept as pets period and are well known to get aggressive after puberty. She was told that and refused to listen..

As for the rest of your post please do not generalize about women and pets.. There are a lot of women pet owners that know how to bring their baby up properly..

For instance yesterday I had to bring my two kittens up to the vet for a shot. They wanted to pin down his leg and had another vet ready to do just that. I removed her hands off my kitten since she was stressing the kitten out with her pin hold. I gently laid him on his side while stroking him. I looked directly into his eyes and softly talked to him. He was so distracted he never felt the needle and there was no need for them to apply that pressure hold to stress out this little one.. They got my message loud and clear that I wanted gentle hands or keep your hands off.. No struggling kitten no fuss no muss.

thecatsmeoww
 mahgninnuc
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 40
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:24:30 PM
thecatsmeoww, [I can section off the sleeping areas from the rest of the house..]


You must have really big, big house! Cat dander flys everywhere. You are obviously a cat lover so let me tell a story.

During my marriage I was traveling constantly and during that time I would come home to see another cat. The kids loved them and kittens are irresistable. For 14 years I paid them no mind. Then during my divorice my ex, suddenly, had a allergic problem with cats and I got stuck with them.
A year after, I had developed a deep relationship with, Roxanne (named after the Steve Martin movie, Roxanne). She gave me a tremendous amount of comfort during that year. Unfortunatly after 16 years she developed cancer and the options were slim.
During the time I actually spent with her I found out cats are very, very smart animals. Her demise still makes me sad.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 41
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:42:54 PM
mahgninnuc said:You must have really big, big house! Cat dander flys everywhere. You are obviously a cat lover so let me tell a story.
During my marriage I was traveling constantly and during that time I would come home to see another cat. The kids loved them and kittens are irresistable. For 14 years I paid them no mind. Then during my divorice my ex, suddenly, had a allergic problem with cats and I got stuck with them.
A year after, I had developed a deep relationship with, Roxanne (named after the Steve Martin movie, Roxanne). She gave me a tremendous amount of comfort during that year. Unfortunatly after 16 years she developed cancer and the options were slim.
During the time I actually spent with her I found out cats are very, very smart animals. Her demise still makes me sad.

Hi mahgninnuc,

Thanks so much for sharing your story.. Indeed cats are much smarter than people think.
As for my home it is a nice size and I also have a super duper air filtration system that filters the outside air coming in. Then I have two other filtration systems one in each room that filters the inside air.. This I find to be very helpful.. Also daily grooming you do not have a whole lot of cat floating around because you have removed any dead hair there is. It also prevents them from getting hairballs.

Roxanne sounds like a very special cat. I know when my mother was dying of cancer my cats were aware of my absence all day long while I spent my time at the hospital. When I could come threw the door at night they would not leave my side. Many times that final week I misted all their coats with my tears.. They also know when I am sick or feeling under the weather..

They do offer you comfort when you need it.. Besides that I am a touchy feely type of person and love to hear their motors running. It is like have my personal sound machine.

thecatsmeoww
 mahgninnuc
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 42
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:55:39 PM
I now have a tiger on my right shoulder and a panther on my left.

Do you collect Cat's meow's?
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 43
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 5:50:38 PM
the horse won't pee on you unless you manage to get on the ground underneath him. if that happens, getting peed on is the least of your worries.
 mz taken
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 44
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:03:20 PM

Don't stand behind the horse.

my advice would be don't stand in front of the horse.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 45
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Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:22:20 PM
With your track record, I would say stay as far away from those stallions as possible! While well trained horses can be predictable, there is no way to tell how well trained those two are.
 judy1940
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 46
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:33:04 PM
thanks for the entertainment guys. That exchange was hilarious!!! I needed that.
 Isabella_the_Lost
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 47
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:45:25 PM
Well, you can at least be assured that the horses won't pee on your bag or in your bed. ;p Sorry, had to say that.

I'm a TOTAL animal lover, but I also look to the pet owners when there's a behavior issue with a pet. The poor animal is just being an animal and doesn't know any better--it's the owner that needs a makeover.

In fact, if you look at how a person treats an animal, even the ones who love animals but don't seem to have very well-behaved animals in their own home... might tell you something about that person.

My humble opinion: Don't let an animal's 'animal' behavior turn you off to pets, but rather.... let those animals show you about their owner(s). Seriously, you can learn a LOT about people by their pet's behavior (and health condition, temperament, etc.).

In my household, my dog (for example) isn't allowed on the sofa or bed. She has a big, fluffy, comfy bed of her own and gets tons of attention. They're like children, and if a parent allows a child to sleep in their bed all the time for just about every reason.... that child will, and will expect it, and that child will usually act out when they can't.

Okay... hopping off the soapbox. ;p
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 48
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:53:54 PM
moraima..TELL THAT TO THE YOUNG KIDS WHO ARE MAULED AND KILLED BY PITBULLS.
If it was my kid, I would have shot the owner and the stupid dog.

I love animals, but if you refuse to spend the money for obedience training, then you should not have a dog.
 Isabella_the_Lost
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 49
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:58:50 PM
First off, I am an avid animal lover and believe that gentle training of animals is the ONLY way to teach them proper behavior. It's my belief that a dog's training should not mean stressing him/her out needlessly. Your dog isn't going to understand AT ALL, for example, being sent to a room and controlled with a kennel silencer. He's not going to understand what's happening or what's expected of him... and that's the key: you dog needs to know what's expected of him.

Bluntly, you taught him the behavior you now don't like, so you have to re-teach him. Ever watch the Dog Whisperer? I would highly suggest that, maybe getting some of his DVD's and books. His gentle, proven techniques works wonders.

In the meantime, you will need to start retraining your dog while your partner isn't staying with you. get your dog his own bed, something large enough to really accommodate his size, whatever that is. If he tries to get up on your bed, simply make him get down and show him where HIS bed is. Reward him when he's CALMLY laying on his bed, but NOT if he's crying. This isn't going to happen at once, and it's not going to happen overnight. Maybe if Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, were there.. but he's not. ;p So it's up to you.

Keep in mind that a stressed out dog isn't going to learn anything from a stressed-out, nervous, frustrated owner... except other stressed-out, nervous behavior. You basically have to show your dog that HIS bed is a good place, a calm place, a safe place.

It's going to require work on your part, but you taught your dog one routine, and now he feels punished when you make him sleep somewhere else. He's used to you, his buddy, his pal... and this fast switch has him all mixed up and stressed.

Your dog is simply spoiled. lol ;p It happens. Check out the Dog Whisperer and try some of the techniques Cesar uses for similar or identical situations. Give your dog some time to RE-learn new behaviors, and definitely give him time to figure out that he's not being punished when you don't allow him to sleep on your bed.

Best of luck, hon. :)
 Isabella_the_Lost
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 50
Bad experience with pets
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:00:43 PM
P.S. Avoid 'punishing' your dog. Dogs respond to positive reinforcement best. :)
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