| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:47:58 PM |
See there is the problem. He's not going to tell you what to do. He wants you to "know" what to do at this stage in a relationship. There are basic sex "acts" all men expect women to know and take the initiative with. If you don't at least attempt the basics he's not going to tell you. Instead he'll assume you are a "dead fish" (explained many times in POF) and will just move on. Then when you tell him he's bad in bed, he gets pissed off and moves on because he'll think you don't have the brains to know what's wrong. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:48:03 PM |
I just don't like it when a guy jumps on me and humps away like a little rabbit.
Then don't let him ride you like the energizer bunny until he has proven he can satisfy you at least once!
Disneyland has requirements to get on their rides. Maybe you should too.
A man that is not into foreplay is definitely a man I would not be with.
Exactly but you can easily figure that out before you have intercourse. That's why it's called FOREplay.
Maybe he's just not experienced or mature enough to realize the REAL pleasures that can be attained when with a partner who can open up physically, mentally, AND emotionally.
Or maybe he just doesn't care.
You showed patience, and good communication skills.
I'm really not trying to be mean but my point is that if she had good communication skills there would be no need for her to be discussing this.
If she had good communication skills she wouldn't have allowed him to dry hump her (9 times) in the first place.
OP: What's wrong with telling him you're not quite ready yet and you need SOME (more) foreplay BEFORE he jumps on you and humps away like a little rabbit? | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:21:47 PM | the first part of this thread has alot of good points on both sides - you did show patience, he shoulda called you back, maybe it was just one of those things whatever
but lets get to the heart of the matter other posters are driving at before we go any farther
what grade level do you read/write at and did you start the sessions off with deep throating oral? | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 10:46:08 PM | If he doesnt have the maturity to confront the issue, just be glad it happened now because imagine what would have happened with other issues later on down the track.
If its aby cosulation if i was him id be all over ya. HUBBA HUBBA | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:07:31 PM | My opinion is that while you handled the situation with a lot of class, he did not.
Clearly he is either very immature, very insecure, or both... In any event, you cannot blame yourself for this falling out.
I'm sorry that you must be hurting as apparently he was a good guy, but the fact that he doesn't care about your enjoyment would have eventually pissed you off enough to ditch him anyway.
I wouldn't keep calling him either... I would let him know I'm open to working on the issue, but let the chips fall where they may, in terms of his coming back with an open mind, or remaining selfish and ignorant without you. M | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:14:25 PM | You were absolutely right to talk with him about it, and that fact says alot about your character. Lesser woman would have simply dumped the guy without a second though.
The reality is that you probably bruised his ego a bit, and he may not be as mature as you when it comes to taking or giving constructive critisism, or talking about sensitive issues.
You can really only do one of two things:
A. If you really like the guy othre than the sex inadequacy, then make another attempt at contact, and tell him this. If he responds negatively or not at all, then you can move on. After all, it is apparent that a man like that would not fit with your maturity level if he cant talk about things such as this.
B. You can write it off and move on to the next one.
good luck to you at anyrate. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:38:32 PM | | Many men are visual. Showing him what you desired might have worked but only if you are not to shy to showed him exactly what you want. An example of what I means is... if you need your breasts stimulated a lot because it is one of your erogenous zone that makes you really aroused...then what if you began the stimulation and let him see how it affects you..and then you could invite him to take over that action. You could then proceed to the next fore play you desired. The added benefit is that you learn what gets him going too. Many men respond to visual stimulation much more readily than verbal in most cases. If he did not get the message then...it's time to move on. My approach may be different than yours but I don't think you "should have just kept your mouth shut" but maybe just approached him in a different way the first or second time you had sex and noticed the problem. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:51:29 PM | missdi...
This is a sad case of his ego being bruised and unfortnately, instead of taking it on as a challenge and enjoying himself to the fullest by doing everything he can to change things and make them AWESOME, he escaped his 'busting" and ran like hell.
This is sexual immaturity at its best. Sex being such an important part of a relationship you are going to have to decide whether or not to spend the next few weeks being sad over this or look over your shoulders as he rolls off it and move forward with your life and the experiences yet to come. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 6/30/2009 11:54:02 PM | Honey,
Men are very sensitive about their performance in bed. This guy obviously thought he was a sexual dynamo, and was fulfilling all of your needs, because he was getting his rocks off. Then, when you told him the truth, he got his widdle feelings hurt and ran like a scared rabbit.
If he had been a mature man, he would have listened, learned, and become a better lover for it. Instead he couldn't take the critisizm, and so he's off to find someone who will fuel his delusion that he is Superman in bed.
Believe me, there are a lot of unsatisfied women out there with just these types of men.
You are better off for him to be gone. Find you a man who cares about your needs and works to please the both of you!
Beth | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:50:08 AM | | OP, you not only did the right thing talking about it; you showed infinately more patients and sensitivity than I ever would have under similar circumstances. I have absolutely NO tolerance for a selfish lover. If this guy was as abysmal as you say he was, then he simply doesn't care; because, it is not possible to be THAT inattentive, AND give a d*mn. Communication, caring, and a willingness to adapt, are absolutely critical if you're going to be a good lover. This guy doesn't appear to have ANY of these traits or abilities. WHY should you have kept your mouth shut? So you could be subjected to MORE of this type of insensitivity? Be thankful he's gone. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:02:37 AM | See there is the problem. He's not going to tell you what to do. He wants you to "know" what to do at this stage in a relationship. There are basic sex "acts" all men expect women to know and take the initiative with. If you don't at least attempt the basics he's not going to tell you. Instead he'll assume you are a "dead fish" (explained many times in POF) and will just move on. Then when you tell him he's bad in bed, he gets pissed off and moves on because he'll think you don't have the brains to know what's wrong.
Anyone who can't communicate his desires is 1) a poor lover, and 2) a bad long-term prospect. Good sex is all about communication--much of it nonverbal, but expecting your partner to be a mind-reader is immature and likely to lead to failure.
OP: It sounds like this guy is immature and unable to communicate, if he's going to stop contacting you after a respectful discussion. Good for you for approaching this the way you have, and while I'm sure you're both missing him and pissed off, try to remember that someone who reacts this way to good communication really is a poor prospect for a relationship. You definitely shouldn't have just kept your mouth shut--what's a relationship where one party feels s/he isn't allowed to communicate?--but his actions leave something to be desired. Sorry you have to deal with this. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:10:27 AM | | Never shut your mouth!tell whom ever u are intimate with ,oi little bit to the left or whole heap to the right lol.take control of the situation ring him and say thats not good enough if u want lets do it right, balls in your court (pun realised) that failing build a bridge! | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:41:02 AM | | You did the right thing. I admire your patience;I don't think I would waited until after nine times. It's too bad that he is not willing to communicate with you on this and I know you must be disappointed because you liked him otherwise but IMHO you are much better off without him. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 7:07:42 AM | the sad truth is that some men are simply clueless when it comes to that type of stuff. they get their moves from porn which is the worse place to find moves [the women are in pain/ don't like it/ are faking it half the time/acting]. I think thats why i hear so many women complaining about men sucking so much.
Thats something we don't have much control over but talking about it should get u somewhere IF THE PERSON CARES.
next time just gotta be honest from the very very very beginning. instead of focusin on what sucks, focus on what can be done to make it better. telling the man DETAILS of what to do. it SUCKS to have to spell it out but it pays off if you're already in love and the person is eager to listen and get better. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:03:24 AM |
This is mostly for the guys around here, but hey, girls if you have any good advise bring it on.
Ok, here is my situation. Started dating this guy. Things are more than awesome. He is so cool. Very open, fun to be around, just a very interesting person. A guy with an edge:) Just what I am looking for. We had a lot of fun. We met and started seeing each other every day. We just clicked. Well, as you might guess by now, not everything can be perfect. The sex wasn't good. I just don't like it when a guy jumps on me and humps away like a little rabbit. Doesn't do anything for me. I need a little foreplay (did I spell that right?) and just becasue you came doesn't mean sex is over. Hello!!! I am here too. I consulted my girl friends and they don't like that either. We were talking and came to the conclusion that no women can like that kind of sex. Prostitutes might want it that way. The guy cumes fast and she can move on to the next customer. I am talking about the guy just humping away; no kissing no touching no anything. I just didn't get it; how can a guy show much affection when we are hanging out but when it comes to sex there is nothing there. Anyway, so I decided to talk to him about it. I was very respectful and very careful not to hurt his feelings. I asked him: Are we just uncompatible in this part of the relationship or can we work on this? I asked him if I hurt his feelings by bringing up this subject and he said no, I didn't hurt his feelings. Well, ever since this conversation I have not heard from him. WTF? We are old and mature enough to discuss these kind of things. If I wouldn't care about him , I would have not even brought it up, I would have just moved on, loose his number and never answer his call again. But I made it a point to talk about it in a sensitive way. It wasn't easy to bring up this subject but he was and still is important enough that I want to work on this. Now I am dumped for speaking my mind? When is it ok to talk about sex? Do men's ego's get bruised that easily? If I was with somebody that I really liked and he would ask me to change something than I would be all over that. More for me to learn! That's how I look at this.
Any thoughts?
probably best to keep out of it | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:45:30 AM | Just an observation ladies and gentlemen.
Over the years (and there have been many) I have wondering why some men are such great lovers, even if they don't love you and some are not, even if they do love you. I have recently found out that not all men actually LIKE women.
Don't get all excited everyone. There are men who love a women, who want a women, who need a women, but how many of those men really LIKE WOMEN?
A man who knows the subtle change in the softness of the skin on womens bodies, who touch her because HE enjoys the touching, he enjoys her pleasure, the smell her hair and skin not the perfume and will cradle her head in his hands, rest his head on the inside of her thigh, that is a man who is a great lover.
Lately I have heard a lot of "I always make sure my partner is satisfied" . Nice sentiments and I am sure they are sincere. It gives the impression that they will do what they have to, to get the "job" done, not necessarily because they like or enjoy the task. I have been told by some very older men that a man will do all the required moves to please a woman, but in the back of their mind is that 7 1/2 second ejaculation as the prize. Now the man who feels the woman is the prize thats the great lover.
So in response to missdi123 - he just can't do it, not because he doesn't like you but because he just doesn't really LIKE women. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:56:06 PM | So in response to missdi123 - he just can't do it, not because he doesn't like you but because he just doesn't really LIKE women. ??????????????????????????????????????/,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,mmm nonconformance,are u qualified to say this or are u just repeating what some one else said?i too read the first post and gathered that they really clicked but the sex wasn't good,communication of this ended in him halting the proceedings!For you to say "he just doesn't like women " thats not for you to say.not cool  | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:55:47 AM | He's embarassed.
Instead of "Honey you did X Y Z wrong"
say
"Honey you're a GREAT lover, I want more, do A B C for me next time"
where A B C is foreplay, kissing etc etc | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:12:59 AM | You are absolutely right. You had to bring it up some time and if you did not bring it up you would be unhappy forever. It,s like the porn movies all mechanical stuff .
Anthony. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:52:41 AM | first off im just going to admit that i didnt read all of the responces........
ok... he is emmbarrased plain and simple. you however did not do anything wrong by bringing it up....
i also have to say that i cracked up when i read that you had to ask your friends if they liked it that way.... lol.... no-one likes it that way!!!!
chances are he just does not have a lot of experience.
i would call him and try to talk it out, tell him its ok, and you dont hink less of him and yadda yadda. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:14:46 AM | Nine times before bringing the issue up....what were you waiting for.
Good for you for bringing it up but I think earlier would have saved you from such a usless partner....hmm...good call on the prositutes.
Some of us make it a point to find out what pleases a woman from day one.."ask and ye shall recieve"....maybe its me but I would not expect a repeat performance if I didnt light your candle the first time.
Take care and dont settle for Jack Rabbit...too many of us out here who go the distance. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:32:17 AM | The most important sex organ is in between the ears. If you cannot communicate all is lost before you have begun.
Honestly, I think the OP may have done other women a favor..... maybe he'll work on his "technique". | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:48:44 AM | As a member of PETA, I find the blatent and malicious disregard for an animal being used as a scapegoat for your unfortunate and unsatisfied experience with this gentleman and his proclivity to engage in emotionless and rapid motion sex ,unfair! For one to use such a general characterization of bad sex is a habit we all need to move away from...why does one mans terrible sexual technique have to be dumped on the hapless furry woodland creature we all know and love.."The Rabbit"
The male rabbit for all we know could be considered the Casanova of the animal kingdom!..who are we to associate this magnificent rodent with the likes of an uncaring , emotionally inadequate and physically detached man??
Please take a moment to think of the damage you are doing to the reputations of all the different species throughout the animal kingdom before opening your mouth...such overused and oh so obviously misguided...Shes a real"Cougar"..He's Hung like a "Horse"..or "Budgie" depending on the context and relative performance therewith.
She smells like "Fish" down there!!!.. Hell have you ever throw out a Tuna sandwich in disgust because it smelled like fish!!! Man Up!!
In closing, I only wish to shed light on this oft used maligning of or brothers and sisters of the wilderness and oceans...please think next time before you speak. | |
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