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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:50:58 AM | Miss Di, a guy here... I look at it a couple of ways, of course it's good you brought it up, but no matter how gentle you think you have made it, it's still not easy to say or to hear. Perhaps, if you tried showing him what you wanted, while getting into the act itself, you might have had more luck - then again, perhaps you wouldn't have either.
I know that women like to talk things over and many men do too - but this might be a topic to write to him about in a way in which you try to remove pressure from him... kind of let him know how much you enjoyed his company and that you'd really like to see if you could get back together. Then go on to explain, gently, why you brought up the topic in the first place - not to complain, but to make it more of a lovemaking session for both of you ...
Yes, some will chastise me for asking you to approach him because it's really his problem, BUT, since you really seem to like him, what harm would it do to try to rekindle. Don't expect too much though - for sometimes a bruised ego cannot get over certain issues.
Best of luck to you - you sound like someone I'd have enjoyed meeting!
PS to all the annoyed readers - yes, I know how important good communication is and can be - but it takes time to build a relationship and it takes time to deal with egos in a way that helps sustain a relationship for both sides. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:56:28 AM | LOL!!! I ask myself that "mouth shut" question at least once every day!! And the answer is, if you're focusing on that days goals or activities, yes, stifle. If you want to get to a place you like, or love, and want to stay in for a while, nope-blurt it out, all that stuff, and much more. The last thing, the very last thing, I want to feel is that I have just been fooked by a stranger, especially one who doesn't much like me.
Do men's ego's get bruised that easily? If I was with somebody that I really liked and he would ask me to change something than I would be all over that. More for me to learn! That's how I look at this.
Change your approach to sex, your methods? Sure. Getting to your partner's inner pleasure center is key. But don't ever leave yourself behind while your "getting all over that". And I if you really would be all over that, without issues, or qualms, or hesitation, you are a most unusual lady. Most of us, of either gender, and any mix of the two, I think, would hurt first, as all senses of self are really vulnerable. The best of us would soak up what was said, and add that ingredient for your future consumption, but it would never be a pleasant medicine going down.
Any thoughts?
Always, about damn near anything,  but this subject is kinda dear to my heart. | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:04:59 AM |
Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
IMO whenever this question comes up the answer is always yes. Because it has become too late to change the past. It's always best (IMO) to deal with "problems" immediately, or to simply accept them.
did I spell that right?
Yes.
I just didn't get it; how can a guy show much affection when we are hanging out but when it comes to sex there is nothing there.
Could be because his personality is a facade to get the sex.
Could be he doesn't really want the sex, just the hanging out (or really just comfortable with the hang out and not the sex), but feels the sex is expected of him so goes along with it just to do it so the hanging out doesn't stop.
When is it ok to talk about sex?
Before you actually do it IMO. You talk about you when you are comfortable in talking about it, and listen to them when they are comfortable talking about it...but pay close attention if they are simply responding to when you bring it, if they are actually comfortable or tense about it. If tense, lots of pauses and whispers, then they aren't comfortable and only trying to keep up with your conversation.
IME a lot of people tend to find that takes away the romance and/or spontaneity though.
Do men's ego's get bruised that easily?
Yes. Especially if they are unsure or uncomfortable about it in the first place.
Any thoughts?
Tons and tons.
I need a little foreplay...and just becasue you came doesn't mean sex is over.
Try telling them or forcing the issue on them via your behavior before the 9th time and after patterns have been established?
I consulted my girl friends and they don't like that either.
How is that relevant to him? Is he having sex with them too?
Prostitutes might want it that way.
Is that the only type of person you can compare your likes and dislikes to?
I just didn't get it; how can a guy show much affection when we are hanging out but when it comes to sex there is nothing there.
Because he is so scared of losing the awesome "click" that he is worried he will screw it up. So his fear becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Especially in situations where fear can kill desire and ability.
Because he doesn't want to have sex but feels you expect it of him so he takes it as an implied condition of continuing the relationship.
Because he doesn't have that much experience with it.
Because "hanging out" doesn't really require truth, commitment, responsibility, or anything that really shows who someone really is. Sex kind of does, because without it the experience becomes quite unpleasant. For both.
I asked him if I hurt his feelings by bringing up this subject and he said no, I didn't hurt his feelings.
IMO not much context or actual conversation. Did you imply you wanted him to say no?
What did he think would happen if he said yes? Was he simply trying to end the conversation?
If I wouldn't care about him , I would have not even brought it up, I would have just moved on, loose his number and never answer his call again.
Is that what you've done in the past? Has he been around you long enough to know that's what you would have done if you didn't care?
Is caring about him enough to him or more important than how he wants you to see him?
If I was with somebody that I really liked and he would ask me to change something than I would be all over that.
Does he have proof of this? Does he actually believe this?
so
Any thoughts?
There's a biased one sided account where one person lays blame on another in an attempt to manipulate the reader into seeing the writer how the writer wants, when it's a disguise for self aggrandizement, search for justification, and validation.
Happens here all the time. Some are just typed better than others.
Those are my thoughts (and rhetorical questions). | |
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| Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:42:44 PM | | I wouldn't be with someone that just jumped into it like that. I need some playtime as well before i just start pumping. Sometimes my X wanted quickies though and i was fine with that. Just depends on the situation, but if it's like that all the time, i'd say see ya lata. | |
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