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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:11:22 PM | Wow, I read your post, and thought,Blow me down and tickle me with a feather,(Not there!) You are in tune with live and the way to act in a relationship.I hardly ever read these post,As some are very boring.Yes,I am a Ozzy and love it.I see Cheats as cheats,no colour in between..Most Ozzies tell it like it is.You are a very compassionate man.Why aren't there more in the world?.Good On YOu. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:13:24 PM | | Passionate Guy,I read your Post on Cheating,Yes I am behind in posts!Wow, I thought,Blow me down and tickle me with a feather,(Not there!) You are in tune with life and the way to act in a relationship.I hardly ever read these post,As some are very boring.Yes,I am a Ozzy and love it.I see Cheats as cheats,no colour in between..Most Ozzies tell it like it is.You are a very compassionate man.Why aren't there more in the world?.Good On YOu. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:22:39 PM | | He's lying to you. If he wanted his marriage to be over and WANT you, he'd divorce her. If he says anything otherwise he's sitting on the fence. Drop him like a hot potato. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:27:32 PM | Lets play devils advicate for a moment:
You are very vague in your example due to teh following reasons:
It is BOTH parties DUTY to keep the relationship alive. One person can not be blamed due to the lack of intimacy. People change and personalities are bound to change as well. It is important to communicate with one another to keep a close knowledge of the wants, needs, desires, etc. of one another. The reason why people cheat ( in my opinion ) is because you both have failed to realize, evaluate, consider, and/or continously understand each other emotions.
What exactly is love? Is there an absolute meaning to the word - love? Or is it purely subjective? The concept of true love is what we search for all our lives. Yet love is one of the most misunderstood concepts of all.
What people really want more than anything else is to be loved unconditionally; to be accepted for who we are, and still be loved. Sometimes we will do some crazy things, in the name of love.
Love is actually the choice one makes to put someone's wishes, desires and needs above your own.
Many people confuse the word love with the meaning of the word want or desire. For example, sometimes when a young man tells the woman of his dreams, I love you, when he means that he wants her because of his own selfish desires. He's the one that may feel all excited over her, but in reality he may want her because of her physical appearance, or because of her mentality or her ability to make him feel good or important. Notice his primary motive for pursuing her is based on himself and his desires; not on pleasing her, although he may choose to please her, but that's only based upon the fulfillment of his wants.
The same goes for a young woman, when she says to the man of her dreams, I love you, she in fact means that she wants him because of his physical appearance, status, mentality or his ability to make her feel good or important. This usage of the word love for the meaning of the word want is ever so present in the way we use and abuse it.
Since we are selfish creatures, and our understanding of love is to first be pleased, look at how this word is overused. · I love Papa John's pizza. · I just love Gone with the Wind. · I loved Titanic. · I love Jazz Music. · I love Beethoven. · I love The Island of Dr. Moreau.
To better understand the concept of love, lets define the value of love.
Love is the most valuable commodity in the world.
We all need love just like a fish needs water. Without love, life would not be worth living. With love in our lives, we are empowered beyond belief. Without love in our lives we will shrivel up and die a slow, painful and lonely death. Love is the very essence and core of our being. It is the energy that sustains who and what we are. Everyone in life has a deep-rooted desire to love and be loved.
Many times people only recognize love in its emotional form. We might hear people on television say things like, I don't love you anymore, as they express their emotional feelings. However, love is a lot more than what we feel. Love is a spiritual form of energy that can be given or received in physical, emotional, or mental forms.
Love usually starts in our thoughts, then spreads to the physical world through our actions, and then it will produce the emotional feelings. For example, it is possible to be angry with our spouse and force ourselves to do something nice for them in our actions, like buying flowers.
Pretty soon our emotions kick in and after we see how happy our partner is upon receiving the gift, our emotions will follow.
Love is a spiritual gift from a supreme force that starts mentally and finds its way to physical expression, but the emotional feelings we call love have very little to do with what love really is all about.
Furthermore, love can also come in healthy and unhealthy forms.
Love is an energy that can be used in a positive, healthy manner or a negative, unhealthy manner.
There is unconditional love, which is very accepting, supporting and forgiving.
There is tough love, which is disciplined, authoritative and conforming. For example, if a father's son were using drugs, he could unconditionally love him and accept his destructive behavior, hoping that he doesn't overdose and die, or he could use tough love and put him in a rehabilitation hospital in an attempt to save his life.
So as a result, too much tough love can be unhealthy, just like too much unconditional love can be unhealthy.
The acceptance of love also plays a role in better understanding the concept of love. Many times we give love to our partner the same way we would like to receive it. But loving a person this way might not be in their best interests. If our gift of love fails to promote the good in the other person, they might not like it and reject it.
Other times we might expect to be loved by our partners in the same way we were loved as children by our parents. For example, if our parents made us feel loved by buying us things, we might associate loving actions especially in the form of gifts, jewelry, clothes and expensive toys.
Our partner could be the most loving, supportive, compassionate, understanding and caring person in the world and it's possible we could overlook their loving intentions if they didn't come from a store.
In conclusion, to love others takes effort, and in some cases this can be very hard work. Ideally, we should also be able to love people who we don't particularly like or find attractive. This is not as unreasonable as it may sound, if we understand that love is not just a feeling, but it is expressed when we do something for another person that benefits their spiritual and emotional growth, which in turn helps them realize their full human potential.
As for a conlusion to the question, cheating is the rulst of both parties faults. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:13:28 PM | I have been talking to someone through email, on the phone and we finally met.
During one of our phone conversations, we came onto a topic of conversation about cheating on a spouse.
We clearly have different views on the subject matter. The question posed was if his wife could not be intimate and she was in the hospital dying, should a man cheat on her? His answer to that question is based on his value that no spouse should cheat on each other. My response was this: I told him I do not want him to go without as I cannot provide for his needs but I do not need to know. I do want him to make me his priority while I'm still alive because I'm the wife and she his mistress, and he should visit me first before going to her.
He then posed the question: What if he told me about the affair? I said I do not need to know because eventhough I will allow such an act to occur, that I am deeply in love and that because I'm in my death bed, that he should for the love he has for me in return, keep it to himself and to give me further hope so whatever days are left, that I remain happy. If he were to tell me, he will only draw sorrow from me. I told him to blind me from the truth.
That is only for the above scenario. I will not allow such conduct if I were not sick and nearing death. If I were to find out, watch out. LOL | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:23:04 PM |
I hate a coward. Men and women who stay in a marriage and choose to sleep with someone else, for whatever reason, are cheaters and cowards. There is NO justification in what they are doing. Those of us who were brave enough to leave our marriages, even though it wasn't always easy, are now starting our new lives and we can date someone new.
Look I spoke to several "married" men when I first joined a dating site (not realising they were) and was told the same thing - "well the marriage is over but I stay because it's cheaper than leaving and paying for 2 places!". They write "single" on their profiles because that is how they see themselves. So technically they are married on paper but are convinced they are not any more. They seek out women from dating sites and convince them they are single. Should we justify this type of behaviour??? I think not.
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:50:19 PM | | I don’t know. Cheating is wrong I think any way you look at it. If you are in a relationship and you want to be with someone else just say so instead of sneaking around. And if the relationship his just for appearances sake why couldn’t you tell your partner. They’d understand I think probably even be relieved, because then they could feel free to look at other relationships as well. I don’t condemn other people for having romances outside the primary one with their significant other but their significant other should know so they can decide if they want to stay in the relationship or not. Who knows they might find themselves in a happy three way relationship. LOL | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 4:47:15 AM | In my opinion, it doesn't justify it.
They made that commitment, and then let the relationship fail instead of working things out. When you get married, you're supposed to be intimate with your partner, not make him/her run off and get the money alone, or stay home and feed the children.
And what are those children seeing, with parents that don't love each other? It's an awful cycle.
It's better to get right in there with all the awkwardness and work things out. Everyone who is ever married will go through something uncomfortable. I'm so sick of hearing of people taking the easy way out and just giving up. What was the point of getting married to begin with? | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:53:28 AM |
(OP) Man has worked very hard for many years, nice house, kids, material possessions, etc, but has no intimacy at home. Chooses to stay in the marriage as he knows the alimony will crush him, she stays home, raises kids, and he will lose half of everything he has worked so hard for. So he seeks intimacy outside the marriage.
I am hearing this so often, as a single person, I ask, why do u stay? The above reply is what I hear.
I absolutely hate admitting this...BUT...I can actually see their point? Any opinions would be appreciated.
Many people talk about morals when discussing affairs. I would think it appropriate to look at the Bible to see what it says.
I Cor. 7 : [2]" Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
[3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
[4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
[5] Defraud ye not one the other, "
I think it's fairly clear. To avoid fornication, sex without marriage, it is important the husband and wife have unfettered access to each other's body (verse 4)
While I'm certainly not a "Bible-thumper" my point is when people express outrage at infidelity one needs to question if they married in a church and if so why they didn't follow the advice in the Bible.
There is no excuse for either the husband or wife to not accomodate their partner's wishes. Unless one has a copy of the Kamasutra on their night stand there are very few things less strenuous or tiring than sex when it comes to the many things we do for our partner.
I believe the problem rests with the idea sex is some reward or option or special celebration. Some people are of the belief sex has no importance, in and of itself, which is at the root of many problems. They couldn't be more wrong.
It's referred to as "making love" because that's exactly what it does. It "makes" love. The times when sex is most needed (disagreements, frustration with ones partner, etc) is usually the very times sex is withheld.
There is a fundamental misunderstanding when it comes to sex. While it's certainly enjoyable and a great way to express ones happiness the real value lies in bonding two people. It seems those who claim to place the highest value on sex, those who see it as a sacred rite between two people, are the very ones who reserve it for some kind of party or good time.
How important can sex to be to one who partakes strictly when "in the mood"? They're saying, "It's so important and special but I only do it when I feel like it, when I'm in the mood." Is that the way to treat something that is supposedly so important and special?
That brings me to my last point. Should a certain post catch my attention I will read the person's profile. Frequently, sex is either not mentioned or sits at the bottom of their "important" list. I'm not sure if it's comical or absurd but should an affair occur sex instantly shoots to the top of the list. Perhaps it might be wise for those folks to place it at the top, in the beginning, where it belongs.
In most cases affairs can be prevented. From the moment an affair is discovered to the finalizing of a divorce I wonder how many people reconsider the times they uttered "not in the mood".
A quick note regarding msg 382. That reminds me of something I read about 10 years ago. There was an author who lived in upstate NY. He contracted prostate cancer and could no longer perform his “husbandly duties”. He kept a diary and asked his wife to publish it should he succumb to his illness which he did.
In his diary he mentions the following discussion with his wife. “(Paraphrased)You’re a beautiful, healthy woman. I do not expect you to give up a normal sex life because of me and I know your values preclude cheating. I would prefer if you took a lover rather then leave me. All I ask is for you to be discreet.” | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:07:37 AM | Frequently, sex is either not mentioned or sits at the bottom of their "important" list. I'm not sure if it's comical or absurd but should an affair occur sex instantly shoots to the top of the list. Perhaps it might be wise for those folks to place it at the top, in the beginning, where it belongs.
So agree. I learned this lesson the hard way years ago. Everything is somewhat equal, but sex is a large part of being a couple.
Of course, there are alot of women who may forego the sex if they are being taken care of in other ways. I can't for the life of me understand that.
Good sex stems from good communication and trust. It seems to me that if the sex is lacking, the communication is lacking; the level of "lacking" could vary, but as a woman, I find it hard to give myself fully to someone unless I trust them and feel comfortable talking about sexual issues; and I don't want a relationship where I'm not giving myself fully and we are not free to explore new and different things. I have no more patience for immaturity when it comes to sex.
As for cheating? Sorry, but I was raised to be loyal. If I want to cheat, I'll break up with them. I have several stories of men who tried cheating with me - I'm a very principled person and many of them ended up feeling ashamed of even trying.
I just can't understand the idea behind betrayal like that. Again, this is one of the reasons I refuse to enter into a relationship where sex is not important. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 8:27:31 AM | This is a topic that kind of hits close to home. It's also my first post. I
have to start by explaining why I am where I am today.
I've been married for a long time and for a time when the kids were growing up
we had one of those marriages where we'd spend a busy day working or
dealing with the kids and then sleep with sex now and then, probably like most
couples.
My wife drank socially but had an alcohol problem I honestly wasn't aware of
until I came home around 3 am from a gig(I played in various bands to make
some extra money) one night and found my young kids, ages two and five,
alone, awake, and scared.
Put them in my car and left looking for my wife, who I found staggering home
from a bowling alley not far from our house.
I was so angry I told her to get her stuff out of the house the next day and
contact her lawyer. I didn't care about the money or the division of goods,
etc.., I just wanted out.
She said she's stop drinking, which she did for years until recently.
She said she had control over it now and I believed that but over the last few
weeks I can see that it seems to be getting away from her again and when I
bring it up she becomes very defensive and denies it. She's even begun
repeating herself when she hasn't been drinking and I'm thinking that's the
alcohol taking it's toll.
At any rate I'm in a situation where I'm just tired of trying to deal with it.
It certainly isn't sex related because we have great sex about 5 nights(and
sometimes days) a week on average. I'm in my 50's and she's younger than
me but I'm in good shape and have no trouble keeping up(no pun intended).
She used to like reading, movies, getting out to a restaurant, etc..
Now it's just back to a drink in her hand as soon as she's home from work and
hanging with her friend, a female neighbor and her husband, who's an alcoholic and doesn't care. I've been invited to hang with them
but sitting in a drunk conversation every day just isn't for me.
I have the occasional drink and that's good enough.
That's why I originally joined POF, on the advice of a friend, just to have a
conversation with someone who still likes to get out and have some fun
without being snockered to do it. I've never cheated once in our entire
marriage but I find myself in a situation where if I came across someone I
connected with I honestly can't say what would happen. I don't know if that makes me a coward or not but if I met the right person I could see myself walking away from the marriage and it's the first time in my life I've thought this way.
That's why I don't think cheating is a simple black and white issue. There are
always grey areas in there. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 9:22:43 AM | | This sounds like an "American" situation/question. Do what is done in the majority of the other countries in this world. That is: Stay married, stay responsible.... take care of your home/wife/kids, etc. But get your sexual satisfaction outside if you need to. It's something the wife knows about, but neither of you discuss. Be a good husband, father, provider, etc. But you have to get your own needs met one way or another. Above all, Don't feel guilty... a man has to have his needs met too. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 9:41:07 AM | His side of the story...second hand no less.
Facts:
He is married. Their choice.
He has children. Their choice.
He supports the lifestyle they live. Their choice.
He is looking outside the marriage to fill a void within it. His choice.
Justify all you want, it doesn't change the facts. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:59:50 PM | a quick note regarding msg 382. That reminds me of something I read about 10 years ago. There was an author who lived in upstate NY. He contracted prostate cancer and could no longer perform his “husbandly duties”. He kept a diary and asked his wife to publish it should he succumb to his illness which he did.
In his diary he mentions the following discussion with his wife. “(Paraphrased)You’re a beautiful, healthy woman. I do not expect you to give up a normal sex life because of me and I know your values preclude cheating. I would prefer if you took a lover rather then leave me. All I ask is for you to be discreet.”
I can imagine someone saying that to their spouse..but I can't imagine them really wanting them to do it.......or even feel there is a chance.
My late husband was unable to perform for several years before he died. He even asked our doctor many times in front of me for Viagra( to my embarrassment...so he could be fair to his " beautiful wife as he called me). Ray, among his other medical problems had a bad heart and Viagra would have been deadly to him. I refused to even think about it. I LOVED HIM, not just the sex.........
Just as many times he told me to put him in a nursing home when the " job" of taking care of him became a 24/7 responsibility. I always replied " not as long as I breath", I know that always made him proud , happy and secure that that was how I felt about him. He trusted me with every aspect of our life. Even when he was in one hospital, and I in another.....( I was almost walking dead from taking care of him....I did it myself with only a visiting nurse occasionally to put in IV"S).......I had collasped.......but......I left against the doctors wishes to be with my husband. First thing he said when I walked in was "I'll be OK now...my baby is here." Sadly he was in ICU for 20 days before he died.
Taking a "lover" was never even a consideration.
HOW CAN ANYBODY SAY THEY LOVE SOMEONE SO DEEP..............AND HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE???? I am gonna get blasted for that, but hey we all have our right to opinions or questions.
I still maintain that anyone that is deeply in love with their spouse or SO could not EVEN consider the option.
That's why I originally joined POF, on the advice of a friend, just to have a
conversation with someone who still likes to get out and have some fun
without being snockered to do it. I've never cheated once in our entire
marriage but I find myself in a situation where if I came across someone I
connected with I honestly can't say what would happen. I don't know if that makes me a coward or not but if I met the right person I could see myself walking away from the marriage and it's the first time in my life I've thought this way.
That's why I don't think cheating is a simple black and white issue. There are
always grey areas in there.
You are kidding yourself if you honestly believe that " conversation" is all you filled out that form for. You have already made the step in your mind and heart to do it. You can't look for justification for what you obviously struggle with.
You want your cake and eat it too. You don't want to walk away from something that is comfortable and a sure thing...to get out in the big bad world and do the right way. If you no longer want her..why stay? What about the woman you may involve in your mess. Is that fair to her? Do you just search around until you find what you consider better than your wife to UPGRADE????
What respect will another woman hold for you if that is what you do? I would feel like if things got rocky with us..........you would repeat the pattern. How much stability would that make me feel in our relationship?
Bible thumping as it has been called, aside, you reap what you sew.
Jumping from one relationship into another NEVER works. Either work on finding with your wife what you once had, or be fair to either woman and do what your heart tells you to do. Only you know if you are truly " DONE" with the marriage.
Read a lot of the forums, since this is your first post.............there always has to be a healing in between. If not you take the problems from your last relationship right into the new one.
When people are angry, they forget that perhaps the other person is hurting just as bad or worse than they are. Her drinking may be her way of coping with what she can't handle in the relationship or the lack of communication.
Dumped or dumpee.....NO ONE gets out of ANY relationship without some hurt, anger, and orwhat ifs????
CHEATING IS CHEATING..........BLACK AND WHITE..........and any excuse is just that...........an excuse. How would you like to be on the receiving end of her staying with you until she finds something " better or more fun"? | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:12:11 PM |
His side of the story...second hand no less.
Yes it is my side of the story, but I've told it the way it is. I haven't embellished it or tried to make myself look like the good guy.
He supports the lifestyle they live. Their choice.
Actually I don't support it. I'm just trying to keep peace in the family but at times feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and have been feeling like that more and more lately.
He is looking outside the marriage to fill a void within it. His choice.
That's probably true. Or I might be looking for someone to connect with that simply enjoys the things in life that I do, that my wife no longer wants.
I won't know until I run into that person if I ever do.
It's not about sex because as I mentioned I have a very active sex life and if I just wanted something on the side I've been playing in different rock and blues bands for about 30 years and have had more than ample opportunity to get something on the side.
I've never taken advantage of that even one time.
As I said, it's easy to assume the man is always the bad guy but there are a lot of grey areas. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:28:29 PM | Dear Ichi-Bon ( message 391) ^^^^^
I must say I do respect you views on marriage fidelity. I once believed in them just like you do.
I also want to say you and your husband were a blessed couple, where with all the pain and the normal wear of the relationship managed to love each other until the day one of you left to our Lord. I also know it took a great deal of work from both of you. Good marriages do not happen by chance. I know it.
I know I have tried very hard to have a marriage like that. This is the way my parents marriage was, this is what I was taught. But this is not what I was able to construct with the man I chose and was chosen to be partners with.
I can feel your every word and applaud you...and anyone that can have this type of marriage or partnership.
I can share that my father due to chronic depression committed suicide but was unsuccessful in killing himself. He was paralyzed from half his body and lived bedridden from 38 until 67 years old when he passed away. My mother, was left a "widow" with a husband and 3 children to care for. She did it immaculately took care of my father until the day he died ( 30 years after). Never ever went out even on a date. ( I know Catholic Church would approve marriage annulment under the grounds of suicide). They were both 38 when that happened.
I just know that we all can't always make it work the way we are supposed to. I just know that sometimes finding love on the side might help you just for a little while not to sink. I am aware it will not help your marital problems, but sometimes we pick the lesser evil.
I do not justify cheating....I just know I have done it..and I am not a bad rotten person.
===I do believe some spouses beg their mates to seek actually sex relief elsewhere discreetly....I know they rather they not, but they do as a proof of their infinite love, when they see it might help them live through the rough times.
Life is just not black and white....and yes cheating and faithfulness are black and white.
G. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:36:34 PM |
I know they rather they not, but they do as a proof of their infinite love, when they see it might help them live through the rough times. ive heard that few times and I think that is the biggest crock of sh1t.
People who do that have a misguided view of love, love is unconditional , if youre in love with your partner and your partner cant perform physically because of health issues and they think that justifies cheating? what a load of crap .
That means you value the physical relationship above all, major difference between making love and just f*cking | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:47:55 PM | Mahogany ^^^^
I try to respond w/o vulgarities. Why cant people just write without using them,????
Maybe they were never taught.
Secondly read well. The one giving a blank check is not the deprived partner!!!! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 3:25:39 PM | I think vulgarities are not the norm..for anyone,but sometimes people seem so hell bent on making excuses that the frankness comes thru. I agree with Mahogany........is a crock.....but hey what do I know?
Have you ever received a check from someone for a good deed? And torn it up? I have. I did the good deed not to be re-payed, but because of love and it gave me pleasure to convey that love thru word or deed. That person may have felt I needed to be rewarded, but my reward was the blessing it gave me. I don't understand the concept of " blank check".
My husband could have given me all the blank check needed........LOL.........that would have been like looting a bank account of someone still unable to take care of his finances. THERE IS NO BLANK CHECK ............CHEATING IS CHEATING!!
If I walk out of Wal-mart and forget to pay for the soda on the bottom of my cart, and the cashier didn't see it...is it any less stealing??
And yes, I have gotten very strange looks from even the cashier when I came back in to pay. Afterall I could have gotten away with it,,,,,,,,,,,no one the wiser. BUT, I HAVE TO LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR. There is no such thing as accidental theft
( once you are aware), or accidental cheating or a REASON.
AN EXCUSE IS NOT THE SAME THING AS A REASON!!!!!!!!!
Again I am not Bible thumping, but there is always been one scripture in the bible I wish I had never read. It says " to him that knoweth to do good, and does it not...to him it is sin"
I was dating a married man for a few weeks off and on about 18 months after Ray died....his profile said single, he acted single, no problem with the calls, anything. He was a trucker.........and I was naive. Once I found out........OVER!!! OVER!!! OVER!!!............and I still felt terrible about his wife. Did I know? NO............but ONCE I did............. I was sick to my stomach about it. It was not physical...but it coulda been very easily. I really, really liked this guy..and it hurt, but he was not his to give, and certainly not mine to play with or love. I could have chose to look the other way and tell myself if not me, would be someone else. I CAN"T DO THAT!!!
NOT an excuse in the world justifies his lies, his cheating, or deceiving those he contacts.
What do cheaters do with the ones they involve like that????If I had known how, she would have known!! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 4:18:58 PM | road84--
Just to be straight, I was responding to the OP thread starter.
Just sliced it through to the core is all.
As far as looking outside the marriage to fill the void within it--in OP's case,
in that she has those facts, she decides to be complicit or not.
She does have a choice. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:23:20 PM | | Relax Rosiag, dont take everything to heart, lighten up, I didnt use the f word every 5 words , Santa Lucia....... | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:28:05 PM | Actually that comment she has made is true to some and not for others. So long as there is an agreement prior to being gravely ill. This agreement is between the couple and it's no one's business but theirs and I would not judge against these couples for they have communicated and have agreed.
As for mahogany-rush comment on people who do that have a misguided "view of love, love is unconditional", human beings cannot love unconditionally, that is why we are discriminating and judging others. You are a man and are very much capable of having extra marital affairs because that is in your own nature (in your being) due to your physical birth.
Those capable of unconditional love is on a higher vibrational level who have entered through a spiritual birth but their sex drive has diminished because they have relinquished physical sexuality to live in sainthood until their physical first nature and temptation of the body from the beginning manifests itself and returns to conditional love and with it comes jealousy, hate, dislike, discriminating, judging, controlling etc.
How can we say what is justification when you have not been in your death bed and been gravely stricken with illness to know what your own actions would be, you cannot speak of other's actions of right or wrong in their personal life choices, let it be between wife and husband (for each choice you both have made in agreement, that it is already a blessing, it's only when you REGRET AND ARE OF GUILT, that it destroys. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:33:09 PM | There's no justifyable reason for someone to cheat. If not happy with how their being treated or lack of something they want then break up and find someone new.. DONT stay with current relationship and find someone new to give what your lacking...
A poster on here talked about a guy she knew stayed in a relationship because she was ill and he had good health insurance. Well to me i don't think she forced him to stay, nevertheless pay for her medication and related. Maybe he's not entirely happy in the relationship but still cares and has a heart and doesn't seem to mind doing this for her. Not always a bad thing to put others before yourself. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:54:39 PM | I have been married twice.
The first marriage he was hardly ever home either working or out with his friends. We didn't have a good relationship, kind of hard when you never see each other. I never refused to have sex and many times he would come home and I would be asleep and surprise we would be having sex. I learned he cheated when I was pregnant with our third child. At that time I didn't believe in divorce and thought if we would go get counseling things would get better. He wouldn't go for counseling, he didn't need it. We managed to be married 16 years and I had enough and filed for divorce.
The second marriage I would beg for sex and he always came up with an excuse. One time I received a phone call saying he was cheating on me and while I had the person on the phone called him on his cell phone and he wasn't where he was supposed to be and found out he was at a female's house. I thought we worked through our issues and I thought we were happy did things together. I was working New Years Eve and called him but couldn't reach him, thought he fell asleep. A few days later he was going to a male friends house to watch football and he gave me a kiss and told me he loved me. For some reason my intuition kicked in and I drove by his friends house he was not there and drove by one of his hangouts the bowling alley. I called and that is when I found out he was cheating and he told me he would be moving in with her after bowling. That night at the bowling alley he was showing public display of effection to his new bimbo which crushed me and everyone around were shocked with his display. A month later he was engaged to his bimbo but a month after that his new love connection was never more and he wanted to move back in with me. No way. After we separated I found out he had tried to ask other women but they told him no because they knew he was married. I also learned that he had a Police record for wanting to have sexual advances to young girls and he was in a Police sting but didn't show up to meet the girl. His first ex-wife and I had a talk and we had similar experiences of serial cheating and he is not that great either.
He could never give me a reason why he cheated. Since then I have no respect for him and have learned to forgive him so I can move on with my life and not be as bitter as I had been, not healthy. By having a more positive attitude things are turning around for me except a love life. I guess once I get my life back on track and love myself more then maybe find the right person. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:08:44 PM | In cases where it's a matter of not being "in the mood" what seems bass-ackwards is the onus to leave the relationship is placed on the person being denied sex rather than on the one doing the denying. If fidelity, faithfulness, monogamy is of such importance then it follows sex must be important. If it is reasonable to expect sex and ones partner does not participate shouldn't the responsibility to leave the relationship be on the denier?
By not wanting ones partner to "get it" elsewhere it presupposes they are "getting it". I posit it is the one who demands faithfulness and then denies their partner who "wants their cake and eat it, too".
For the record I am happily married, faithful and sex does play a vital role in the marriage. | |
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