| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/16/2009 3:35:40 PM | I fail to understand the hypocracy of those that are in an 'open marriage'... | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 12:05:08 AM | If this is an "online dating" site then why is there an option for married people?  POF is not a cheating/swinging/sex site is it? Also even if the man/woman is just looking for and activity partner or something of that nature of the opposite sex, but is married, I just think that's asking for trouble or they are being dishonest about what they are looking for.  | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 12:58:34 AM | It's not my cup of tea, but it's not that hard to understand why people choose open marriages rather than divorce.
There's more to being married than sex. They like living together, they like their lifestyle, they love their children... | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:29:01 AM | In my book, they are BOTH cheaters. She is cheating her husband out of the physical intimacy he needs to feel loved. Our society has totally forgotten this side of the issue.
yes I read that statement and realsied that is truely at the heart of the issue.
Remember we are 50 per cent responsible for what happens in any relationship. And if we think that we are not well thast just a little too convenient | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:45:21 AM |
It's not my cup of tea, but it's not that hard to understand why people choose open marriages rather than divorce.
There's more to being married than sex. They like living together, they like their lifestyle, they love their children...
You think?...I don't know dear friend, I think it's more a hunger for OVER indulgence or some sick addictions that society has deemed acceptable...then they give it this glossy label and call it OPEN Marriages for open minded people.
Also if there is more to marriage than sex why the over indulgence with various partners?... | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:01:16 AM | Maybe because having more than one partner is important to them for some reason. I don't know..lol..I always think of swingers as fairly sleazy. (Australian reference: think Magda in a neck brace and Peter Moon.)
OT: Anything can be justified. You're asking if it's morally acceptable, I think. Society says no, so it's up to the individual's own moral code of acceptable behaviour. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:04:47 AM |
Anything can be justified. You're asking if it's morally acceptable, I think. Society says no, so it's up to the individual's own moral code of acceptable behaviour. thats the best answer ive read to date regarding this subject.
End of story. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:25:32 AM | OP you gave us the "Story" you say you've been given
Man has worked very hard for many years, nice house, kids, material possessions, etc, but has no intimacy at home. Chooses to stay in the marriage as he knows the alimony will crush him, she stays home, raises kids, and he will lose half of everything he has worked so hard for. So he seeks intimacy outside the marriage.
I've heard that one and similar from CHEATERS and to them all I say: blahblahblahblahblahblahblah
There are apparently people who marry for Money and there are those who stay married because of Money .. blahblahblah
I am sooo not interested in that sort = I am setting my sights much higher - I am waiting on a MAN who is "in it" for Love.
As for this  b.s. excuse that 'he' (or she in some cases) can't leave for fear of losing all those material things = B.S. People around the world deal with losing Everything for many reasons - flood, fire, natural disaster .. etc. Those who fear losing "everything" because of their own poor decisions and with such lack of regard for those they have vowed to be with "better or worse" get Zero from me.
Cheaters piss me off. People who enable cheaters .. piss me off too .. I don't know why y'all don't just stay single so you can screw each other and leave the rest of us to Loving, caring, companionships in which the Highest Regard is given your Partners feelings.
"justify cheating" .. as has been said - You can "justify" Anything - still doesn't make it Right.
I've had married men 'try' with me. I ALWAYS let them know that If they persist I Will tell their wife. Twice 'they' called my bluff I wasn't bluffing.
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:14:39 AM | "If he says anything otherwise he's sitting on the fence. Drop him like a hot potato."
Correct. And on one side of the fence are the snapping pitbulls named anger, confusion, frustration, self-doubt and loneliness.
And on the other side contains a vast canyon of abyss-which may or may not have a bottom. I admire those that have made the decision to jump off. However, some of us are still teetering on the edge. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:32:59 AM | A marriage has certain expectations. Suppose it's a traditional marriage, where the man goes off to work and the woman takes care of the home. Eventually, she decides she no longer wants to cook and do his laundry, and no amount of discussion, readjustment of roles, or counselling gets her back in the kitchen even though things are still fine in the bedroom (despite dirty sheets). Sure, he could divorce her, or he could go undernourished and wear dirty clothes, or he could go to a restaurant and be served in style and comfort and take his clothes to a laundry service. Yes, he's cheating on the expectations of the marriage, but she reneged on her part of the deal first!
Most people would say that despite still loving her and still having sex, he should divorce her before going to a restaurant. But how is he going to eat in the meantime, so he can keep on living and earning (if clean shirts don't matter) and maintain their existence for them both? Man does not live by bread and water alone. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:10:21 AM | I think I can explain why people cheat with a series of questions. If you're interested I will guide you through these questions one at a time I will wait for career for people to respond with their opinion and or answers.
First of all let me tell you a little about myself. I'm 62 years of age I had the same question in curiosity about 10 years ago. I went to an opinion board and posted these questions and ended up that nobody could answer me or help me with my dilemma maybe you guys can. So keep in mind right off the beginning I am not looking forward nor do I need your approval.
My first question is if sex is a form of intimacy, How long can you go without intimacy of any kind? | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:57:23 AM | Well I am glad you are NOT looking for approval...none here.
I think the intimacy has to be there to have GREAT sex !
You can also have great intimacy with someone without the SEX!. My late husband was unable to have sex for 4-5 years before he died. It has been 3 1/2 since he died.
I never felt like the intimacy was lost while he was alive. .
Your question is loaded...........because a person can go indefinitely without intimacy.
Also, if you are not getting it at home..and using that as an excuse to cheat, and SHE
is not cheating....then how long has it been since you had sex with her......and you answered your own question. HOW LONG HAS SHE WENT??
If she is denying you, and you use that as an excuse....what did you do to trample her faith and love in you...to cause her to turn away??
AN EXCUSE IS NOT A REASON!!! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:57:42 AM | | when u said there's no intimacy at home, who is to blame? that's nice, he works hard to earn his material possessions while she's left home to take care of the kids. as if looking after the kids is an easy job. if man is so gung ho about alimony, why not encouraged the wife in the 1st place to work and he could stay home to watch the kids. that way, she'll be the one having affairs with other men. let's see how man will take that. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:59:16 AM | | My opinion on the subject is simple as this...starve a tiger long enough and it's going to get loose and eat the first thing it brings down...just like stealing is just a word when you haven't eaten in a week. Many people who get cheated on probably were setting a trap in the first place because they didn't have the guts to work toward fixing things or breaking it off. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 12:26:00 PM | starve a tiger long enough and it's going to get loose and eat the first thing it brings down...just like stealing is just a word when you haven't eaten in a week. Many people who get cheated on probably were setting a trap in the first place because they didn't have the guts to work toward fixing things or breaking it off.
I am thinking that if there are two people involved, then both are starving!!
Thats like wanting a good breakfast ........having eggs and bacon, one has the eggs, one the bacon, neither will settle for less, so they both go without because of stubborness.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS SCENARIO!! what made you choose her in the first place??? Selfishness, and" whaaa, I need my own way" is usually what keeps people from working thru problems.
If you feel deceived, OMG, just imagine how she feels!!
Any man that even acted like he would take a lover because of problems in our relationship....would have that lover.....and be out of my face!!
Who in the H*ll wants to be in a fox hole with someone that you are afraid can shoot you at anytime!!
I am so sick of all the excuses......why get married in the first place if you don't have the honesty, the constitution, the decency, morals......etc to uphold the words you promised!!
Have the balls to pack up and leave your little worldly possessions that mean so much to you.....and continue to think and feel with the smaller head!!
Men and women cheat for different reasons according to the forums.....but all is BULL..........CHEATING IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do all of these cheaters feel about being cheated on??
I approached my neighbor about this subject a few days ago. He had cheated in his first marriage. First time she caught him, she swallowed a bottle of aspirin. Second time she told the woman she could have him. After that the cheated on wife went out running around. Neighbor told me THAT almost destroyed HIM!! ( I can't even IMAGINE the HURT that drove her to that!!) You think she ever got over that treatment??? doubtful!!
Then his second wife, which he refers to as the love of his life...cheated on him repeatedly. WHAT GOES AROUND comes around..but how many innocent people.including those that are lied to by married creeps ( male or female) that
" forget" to tell the new "chase"....that they are married or involved. Cheating is LOW DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:58:36 PM | Hmmmm....some of those answers you gave, Dave1234, hmm...if I were your wife, I'd be a little unsettled. Well, to each his own, I suppose, just don't cause the probs there with the marriage, because of this only, I'm just sayin'...
thanks re the photo, yeah, well, I work on myself...always have...very into athletics (school teams, etc., just to be clear!!) all my life too...helped, I suppose! Just gets harder as one ages....energywise. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:07:07 PM | | Yes, so then. why doesn't he man-up, or woman-up, whoever is the betrayer, and say what is going on with them and that they are going to go out and date other people ? Why not be honest? What is the problem? If the other person then says "oh no you are not, I'm getting divorced then", then, so be it...what the (*&(*& is everyone afraid of???? | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:11:53 PM |
Pro filer Of course they can have more than one friend, care to nit pick some more now?
Since the site gives options re: married/living together/not single/not looking and seeking chat/email, friends, intimate encounter, as well as dating, and LTRs .. and yet people are so stunned that these classifications are being used that they are actually picking at the people who choose to HONESTLY portray their status and goals! Honesty! Using the site as the designer apparently intended! Gosh and golly darn, what will happen next!
Yeah, you're right ... I ought not nitpick stupidity. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:16:18 PM | I love it, some of you folks made assumptions on my post that are faults. One lady said she could go 4 to 5 years without sex she did not tell me how long she had been without intimacy (I am sorry for her loss because I have suffered a loss very similar). Intimacy being nothing more than the interaction of two human beings sharing personal thoughts or actions. You can have intimacy with what I like to call my 2-D friends (Internet friends) or 3-D friends (people I can physically touch).
Ichi-bon
you asked the question "How do all of these cheaters feel about being cheated on??" I would like to answer that from my own personal point of view. If my wife cheated on me I would then be happy. The reason I would be happy is, because then I would know I was doing something wrong. Once I knew it was me I could do something to correct the problem.
By the way yes my question in the first round was loaded, this time you have an explanation and/or
definition,
So I'll try this again how long can you go without intimacy of any kind?
Question two. Is it acceptable to force your wants or desires or needs onto another person? (By "force" I mean getting somebody to do what they do not wish to do either by talking them into it by being so persistent that they give in or what everybody knows physically) | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:26:08 PM | pro-filer
come on, nitpicking stupidity is a good thing. because I have looked at profiles of some of the ladies on here in their profile says that they are married and looking for an intimate encounter
I'm confused what to my supposed to think | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:30:17 PM |
because I have looked at profiles of some of the ladies on here in their profile says that they are married and looking for an intimate encounter
I'm confused what to my supposed to think
I guess you're supposed to think they're married and looking for an intimate encounter. Since the site offers that choice, it seems pointless to ask 'why' they're here, don'cha think? Their profile explains it. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:45:33 PM | Good gawd, how can someone seriously ask for justification to cheating?
And if you're married and wish for an open relationship, why not just end the marriage, because in the long run someone is going to get either A) get hurt! or B) so involved with another the marriage will probably end worse. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 3:07:03 PM |
Are you saying that Im stupid Pro filer?
I'm calling it stupid to pick at people who have "married" in their profile, stating that their looking for "friends". For one thing, the site gives those options so obviously it's "allowed". For another, if someone puts down married, looking for friends - I don't think it's anyone's business but their own. People lie about all kinds of crap on these profiles; I tend to think those who put "married, looking for friends" are probably telling the truth.
To answer your question, no I don't think you are stupid, Mahogany-Rush. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 3:21:50 PM | Mahogany-Rush - "most people who are in open marriages gravitates towards sites geared to open marriages/swinging etc," How do you know what most people in open relationships do? I don't post a picture of my spouse because she isn't the one looking. As my profile says, she has a bf and I'm just balancing things out.
honeyangel1985 - "anyone, man or woman, who is married or in a relationship and on a dating site is cheating 100 percent. You don't have to swap body fluids to be a cheater. There is emotional cheating too. Hmmm there are similiarities between an open relationship/open marriage (why bother being in one when your going to screw around?) and cheating such as as both encourage risky sexual behaviour and are dangerous and degrading." I am sorry, but you are confused. "Cheating" means "breaking the rules." think about it. You play a game, there are rules. Rules in games, rules in life, rules in relationships. Many couples don't allow their spouse to go out to lunch with a member of the opposite sex, their rules are different than others. Different rules means that you can't lump "cheaters" into one neat little pile. And do you talk about "risky behavior" to your single friends? I'm not out looking to get laid, looking for a one night stand. I'd be happy to play ping pong and have a female buddy to hang out with. If benefits arise, as in many single relationships, so be it. But you seem to be happy on that friggin high horse you just rode in on.
italianbelisima - "If this is an "online dating" site then why is there an option for married people? " Yes, let's just take every single married person out back and beat the sh!t out of them!
FriendlyFreeSpirit - "It's not my cup of tea, but it's not that hard to understand why people choose open marriages rather than divorce.
There's more to being married than sex. They like living together, they like their lifestyle, they love their children..." - THANK YOU. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I tell you what, there are no lies in my marriage. I however do see cheating, lying and much worse in monogamous relationships.
Arabianangel - " I think it's more a hunger for OVER indulgence or some sick addictions that society has deemed acceptable" ... thank god most monogamous people aren't as mean spirited as you are. 99% of our friends are monogamous and they are fine with us as individuals and as a couple. We respect our friend's boundaries as much as we respect each other. You seem to be filled with hate ArabianAngel. | |
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