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| | Justifying Cheating?Page 22 of 24 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24) | Bottom line is CHEATING IS JUST COWARDLY!! And there is absolutely NO excuse for it!! 
If there is no intimacy in your relationship and you don't have the BALLS to talk about it with your partner and either work it out or come to some 'mutual agreement' (like maybe an open marriage) that works for both of you, then you have one of two choices; LEAVE them or make the choice to stay in an unhappy situation and to ACCEPT the consequences of that choice!!
I hate it when people use money or kids as their 'justification' for staying and cheating!! LOTS of people live very happily on a small income and LOTS of kids grow up perfectly healthy and happy even with parents who are separated or divorced!! Besides if you're to the point where you're considering cheating... if you think your KIDS don't know how unhappy you are with each other, then you are in serious denial.
So stop debating whether cheating is 'justifiable' or not and GO TALK TO YOUR PARTNER or BREAK UP!! You're an adult... act like it!! 
*and this is NOT directed at the OP of course (just the people who cheat)!!  | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:17:34 AM | Larissan04:
Whist I agree with 90% of your posting here, I tend to disagree with the following statement:
nothing is more pathetic than a 50+ year old man who is out trolling for tail. the old guy in the club is someone you feel sorry for.
I think that it would be more pathetic if the 50+ year man was married, which is unfortunately more common than not. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:50:56 AM | Severin78 on 7/1/2009 12:09:37 AM
Subject: Justifying Cheating?
"I think people who cheat are garbage
And I think a woman who is supported and taken care of but provides no closeness or intimacy with the man supporting and taking care of her is even a bigger piece of garbage. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:00:52 AM | Angelsbigheart on 1/6/2012 10 06 AM
Subject: Justifying Cheating?
Message: Bottom line is CHEATING IS JUST COWARDLY!! And there is absolutely NO excuse for it!!
Same can be said for those (usually women) who refuse to provide intimacy to the one they say they love. To quote Angelsbigheart,It's COWARDLY and there is absolutely NO excuse for it.
I hate it when people use money or kids as their 'justification" for staying and cheating!!
And I hate it when people (again,usually women) use every excuse they can think of as their "justification" to not be intimate with the one they say they love. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:05:46 AM | Reading this thread is interesting...
I'm saying to myself, cheater, cheated, cheater, cheated, cheater, cheater, cheater...
I get the impression that there is a whole lota cheatin' going on around here. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:10:09 AM | @ BEEN:
First off you may want to work on that BITTER taste you have in your mouth... it's NOT attractive!! HAHA
While I'm sure this happens on occasion (where a woman or man is just physically and emotionally unavailable for NO REASON or FAULT whatsoever), I think more often than not, if your partner (male or female) is distant with you there is usually a REASON behind the distance, even if the reason for the distance in YOUR EYES in unjustifiable (you may think that by just supporting them monetarily and 'providing for them' you're holding up your end, when they need more than that to feel close and intimate with you). And if you are feeling a lack of 'closeness or intimacy' and don't TALK to your partner about how YOU'RE feeling then you are just as to blame for the situation as they are!!
A relationship and love takes 2 people both working together (and being there FOR each other) and if ONE person is not strong enough to deal with the situation for whatever reason, then the other needs to be able to suck it up and take the reigns. Some are just more comfortable bringing up emotional stuff than others. So instead of pointing fingers at each other, maybe you should try to open up the lines of communication and try to UNDERSTAND the reason behind the distance.
I'd like to think that when you love each other, you would not HURT each other knowingly... so if one person is hurting or upset, maybe the other person does not realize they are doing anything wrong!! You can't fix it if you don't know it's broke!!
Oh and for the record, I have NEVER cheated or had someone cheat on me!! :) | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:13:56 AM | | if/when he gets caught he'll loose half anywas, I'd say dont make the other person suffer through the pain of being cheated on and cut your losses. Hes playing with a perfectly good womens heart and thats not ok, esspecially because hes doing it out of greed even though she had to stay home and raise the kids. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:57:49 AM |
I stand by the words, "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Some people will do that to you while some people won't - there are never any excuses to justify it. Ever.
I'd like to agree with that statement 100%, I seriously would. Would make things easier. But honestly, I can't. If one's dating a 40 year old gal, who he finds out cheated on her new boyfriend when she was 20 in college, by making out and hanging out a couple times then ending the relationship with the new bf -- you're keeping people's actions when they were young, dumb, and full of .... well, you get the idea. :) I would say within the "young-in" time-frame it would more or less apply... and when she's a no-questions-full-adult (by US car insurance standards) over 25, then I would apply it greater.
And the same goes for being in an abusive relationship -- of course, you weren't there, so you couldn't take a gal's word for it all close to 100% -- but if in an abusive relationship, she ran off with another guy before breaking it off -- she did cheat. But if you (somehow) had great evidence that it truly was an abusive relationship (and not just her unhappy and the guy a jerk) -- then it wouldn't necessarily be "one a cheater always a cheater".
But I will say though, that cheating doesn't require sex. If you're with someone in a committed relationship, and "build a lifeboat" (ala Mad Men) in the background -- even if the gal is wack or the guy is a huge jerk -- you're cheating. I think most cheating occurs when people are too chicken to break up -- and a lot of that is when they can't stand being single and would need someone to transition to. They can rationalize why that's okay, but it's not. Not wanting to be Single is not a good reason at all to justify cheating -- just because "you are about to" break up (even if it occurs shortly after you cheated). | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:05:38 AM | Angelsbigheart on 1/6/2012 11 09 AM
Subject: Justifying Cheating?
Message: @ BEEN:First off you may want to work on that BITTER taste you have in your mouth... it's NOT attractive!! HAHA
Not bitter, just wiser!! HAHA. It amazes me how EVERY woman says a man is bitter when he tells it like it is and won't put up with their crap anymore.
Angelsbigheart said: I think more often than not, if your partner (male or female) is distant with you there is usually a REASON behind the distance, even if the reason for the distance in YOUR EYES in unjustifiable
I think you are creating a double standard. As you say the distant one should talk to the other one and explain the reason for the distance. The distance might just be the reason for the cheating. If the reason for cheating is unjustifiable the same goes for the reason for being distant. You can't blame one without blaming the other.
Angelsbigheart said: you may think that by just supporting them monetarily and 'providing for them' you're holding up your end, when they need more than that to feel close and intimate with you).
And the supporter/provider might need that closeness and intimacy in order to provide the more that is needed. (perfectly ok if the distant one keeps needing more in order to be intimate)
See the 50/50 that its supposed to be is all out of whack by what you say. Your posts tell me that its ok for the woman to say give,give,give to me and do,do,do for me and when I have enough I will give back. This is crap and if you think about it you will see that unless,of course, you are the woman you show in your posts | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:11:30 AM | Angelsbigheart said:
And if you are feeling a lack of 'closeness or intimacy' and don't TALK to your partner about how YOU'RE feeling then you are just as to blame for the situation as they are!!
And if you are feeling distant from your partner for some reason and you don't share your feelings and try to fix things then you are just as much to blame as your partner for what might happen. (cheating,leaving or whatever) | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:23:48 AM | Sexual desire and sex ebbs and flows within a healthy relationship as time goes on. That is normal. An ongoing lack of sexual desire generally indicates an underlying problem within the relationship. Until that issue is addressed, then the lack of sexual desire is going to continue.
Sex is the result of a healthy relationship; not the other way around. To say otherwise is to demand that people should have sex with someone with whom they may be very angry, disliked, mistreated, etc. I certainly don't want to have sex with someone who mistreats me or that I may be angry with and I certainly wouldn't ask it of my spouse.
If there is a lack of sex in the relationship, then the couple needs to discuss the problem and come up with a mutually beneficial solution; not a solution that will benefit one at the expense of the other. Communication is key. If one or both parties are unwilling to work together, then the relationship is pretty much over with already.
There is NEVER a justifiable reason to cheat. A commitment means a commitment to work together to make it work in a manner that is beneficial to both parties even when things get rough. When you cheat, you have essentially called it "quits" on the relationship. After that, it's over!
Your posts tell me that its ok for the woman to say give,give,give to me and do,do,do for me and when I have enough I will give back.
Your post tells me that men are entitled to sex whenever they feel like regardless of how they are behaving or treating their spouse. YOU are the one suggesting that women should just give and give and maybe the man will provide a crumb when he's been satiated. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:21:24 PM | | I wonder how many women feel distanced from the man and just start relying on the plastic?I would consider it cheating if her sexual energy was going in that direction. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:02:52 PM | There really is no justification... It was something their moral compose justified as explainable. An excuse to make themselves feel better about themselves. Instead of actually taking the time to fully understand their part in their actions. Listen if your reasoning to cheat is because of something lacking in your relationship, well think about how much you were actually putting into that relationship. Finding a partner to cheat with takes active energy that is taken out of a relationship that should be treated like a living thing and nurtured.
There is no justifying it. Just excuses and selfishness.... | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:49:11 PM | | I agree with you - well put. The guy stops contributing and the girls shut down... I have lived the "broken heart" after 18 years of love, marriage and raising children, and have to say that the measure of a man, or a person for that matter, is how they deal with a bad situation. Honesty is always best, even though it can cause incredible pain it is the only chance we all have for an authentic life. In this short, precious time we have I feel that learning and growing and experiencing the best of life is what makes it all worthwhile. Love is what we all crave. But true love can only come through honesty - to ourselves and those we care about. I think if my husband had been honest and dealt with things differently, we might have been better for it. But he didn't for whatever reason, so he broke my heart and he will either learn ... or not. I have this broken piece of me, but I have looked at how I contributed to this relationship and if I could go back and change things - I would. So to answer the question, "no, there is no justification for cheating". For falling in love, yes. But for lying and cheating, NO! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:52:23 PM | | Cheaters suck. If you aren't digging the sex any more, let me know! It's not the rejection that pisses me off, its the the fact that cheaters do it for a long time before you find out--therefore rendering a good chunk of your life quite pointless and asinine. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:01:41 AM | I, personally don't see ANY justification for cheating nomatter the circumstances and don't see where it would be beneficial to cultivating a healthy relationship or even raising a decent family. Once someone reaches a point where they feel the need that they have to "cheat" in a relationship then the overall trust and respect is gone as well, Never to be the way that it was (or is) again.
Although, this scenario might seem understandable for the sake of the kids alone, it's still not justifiable because we must accept responsibility for our actions and bringing children into this world is one of them. We are obligated to provide for our own children however suitable means possible, even if it means financial ruin because the parents must always put their kids BEFORE themselves. If a mariage isn't working-out and the intimacy has gone then getting a divorce would be a viable solution because it's not fair to the kids (or oneself) to use them as the only excuse to stay together. What kind of message would this be sending children in a marrige of infidelity?
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/8/2012 1:48:44 PM | @BEEN:
I'm completely FLABBERGASTED at how clueless and unwavering you are in your opinion of women!! Wow, she really did a number on you!! 
And I'm not going to get into this with you any farther because just as you did with all my NEUTRAL scenarios, you will just blame the female for the problem and to justify your cheating!! 
GOOD LUCK with your fishing and I hope you find the submissive, non-opinionated, do what you say not what you do, sex slave you're looking for!! HAHA
FTR: I stand by my original post that there is NO EXCUSE or JUSTIFIABLE reason for cheating... if you're not happy with your partner (male or female) talk and work it out or LEAVE BEFORE YOU CHEAT!! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:28:16 PM | | The married guy in a marriage without intimacy is banging his wife. Just like the married woman in an abusive relationship is banging her husband. These are just stories people tell you they can have sex with someone else, too. It's a win-win for them. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:46:05 PM | | I hate cheaters too for all the reasons listed above, but I do disagree with the statement "once a cheater, always a cheater". I dated a woman for 3 months and she told me on the first date she had an affair during her marriage. She had so much guilt over it, seriously bothered her. I honestly believe she would never do that again. The whole time we dated I never worried about her cheating. She f'd up and she knew it, but she was a good person and she was genuinely sorry for what she did. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:52:50 PM | BullCrap is all it is....THERE IS NO REASON FOR CHEATING, no reason to break a person's heart & soul. Listen I understand that sometimes you can't help whom you have relations with, I get that the heart sometimes consumes itself with feelings rather it's right or wrong. But it's a choice to cheat, it's not like you well...just cheat, come on, it really doesn't happen that way!!
And if a person is cheating then losing half of what they worked for is part of the disaster, it's called consequences!!!!! Or more like having your cake and eating it too...you can buy that bull as to why he cheats understand it if you want, but not me. Are you so underttanding because you are the other woman? Or wish to be? Sorry but I sure hope you never experience a cheating spouse and then have a friend understand why he cheating...just saying, it's not so pretty when the shoe is on the other foot, hey at least if your future cheating mate is reading this, they will know that you will understand, right? Geez things that make me say hmmm!!! | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/8/2012 6:49:25 PM |
The married guy in a marriage without intimacy is banging his wife. Just like the married woman in an abusive relationship is banging her husband. These are just stories people tell you they can have sex with someone else, too. It's a win-win for them.
Were you there as part of a threesome?You don't know.Plenty of couples just plain quit having sex for one reason or another. | |
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pasmal
| | Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 547 | |
| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/17/2012 8:34:36 PM | I think it's the ultimate passive aggressive behavior and show of contempt and anger at the spouse.
And, if the marriage is dead, fear of change --divorce, also motivates cheating and whining my spouse denies me.
Sometimes it's financial why they stay.
It's what people incapable of intimacy do, bluffers, liars, fakes, manipulators, mentally unstable.
Having many faces--how can these people actually enjoy anything?
Why not just come clean and end a bad ltr?
I think those that cheat are content and don't intend on leaving their spouse. If it was so bad, they would leave. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/18/2012 3:35:08 PM | If someone's reached the point where they really feel the need to cheat, then just end the relationship. If he's not willing to work at the marriage, why should the woman care about how much he'll suffer in a divorce?
And if the woman's not willing to work at the marriage, she should just let him run around with other women and that's barely even cheating anymore. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/18/2012 8:33:15 PM | _Italiangirl_ on 1/4/2012 1 39 PM
Subject: Justifying Cheating?
Message: Females who do not meet a male's needs should not be surprised when he seeks to have them met elsewhere.
Many females in my personal experience lose interest in sex after having children, let their figures go, gain weight and become slovenly about the home and their person. They place the male's needs behind those of the children, and overall neglect him to the point of him feeling totally emasculated and worthless as a man.
If he can receive proper attention from a willing female who treats him as a male should be treated, I think it is correct that he do so.
And to think,I truly believed that women didnt get it. Now you have totally destroyed that opinion. Thanks. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 1/18/2012 8:54:06 PM | Angelsbigheart on 1/8/2012 4 44 PM
Subject: Justifying Cheating?
Message: @BEEN:
I'm completely FLABBERGASTED at how clueless and unwavering you are in your opinion of women!! Wow, she really did a number on you!!
And I'm not going to get into this with you any farther because just as you did with all my NEUTRAL scenarios, you will just blame the female for the problem and to justify your cheating!!
GOOD LUCK with your fishing and I hope you find the submissive, non-opinionated, do what you say not what you do, sex slave you're looking for!! HAHA
FTR: I stand by my original post that there is NO EXCUSE or JUSTIFIABLE reason for cheating... if you're not happy with your partner (male or female) talk and work it out or LEAVE BEFORE YOU CHEAT!!
I'm not clueless at all. I have things figured out pretty well. Nowhere in my posts did I blame women for everything and nowhere did I say I condone cheating. What I have done is propose an alternate opinion to yours.
You on the other hand want to always blame the man. You say if she is distant talk to her to figure out what the problem is but nowhere did you say if the woman is distant she should talk to the man to fix the problem. Why does the man always have to fix it in your opinion ? Does the woman not have some responsibility there too ?
I agree that there should not be cheating in a relationship. I also stand by my opinion that a man or woman should not have to feel as if they HAVE to cheat in order to get their needs met. If one person feels distant and doesnt want intimacy they should talk to the other before any cheating occurs and if they dont they are just as much to blame as the cheater.
As for your LEAVE BEFORE YOU CHEAT comment I would agree but the problem with that is when we do that we are selfish a$$holes. In the end we are either lonely/without, cheaters or selfish a$$holes. We pick whichever is best for us. | |
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