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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:45:03 AM |
Please keep in mind I am one who can see justification for sex outside a committed relationship, but that statement makes absolutely no sense to me. Men don't love hookers. Hookers are a paid receptacle. Men have sex with hookers. See how illogical the statement becomes by following that thinking process?
There are many men who either have very low sex drives or have medical reasons for not having sex, but that doesn't mean they don't love their partners.
I never said that a guy had to be in love to have sex ...but that is what women want us to think is that they have to be in love to have sex ...something we know is not true either...but if a guy does love a woman he will want to have sex with her ...actually about the only woman a guy will not want at all is the woman who has hurt him to the point he cant stand the thought of having sex with.... a guy or woman can have sex with someone they dont love or are mad at ...and women who really want to heal their marriage would be advised to try it ...there are a lot of things the man who wants to save his marriage should do also but thats for another topic
There are many men who either have very low sex drives or have medical reasons for not having sex, but that doesn't mean they don't love their partners.
again not what I said ... a man in love wants to have sex with the woman he is in love with ,period..even if physical or medical ..situations dont allow it ...ask the makers and sellers of Viagra and other male sexual aids ...guys spend millions to make their bodies do what their minds want ..have sex with thene they love ..or a reasonable facsimile
f a guy loves a woman ...he wants to have sex with her, period
but that statement makes absolutely no sense to me.
just because there are exceptions or variations to a rule dont make the rule not make sense | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:28:02 AM | Marriage is hard. People choose after awhile to stop working on it. (Many times in just a few years). I've been doing research about this for a novel I'm currently working on is about a adultery. And it's funny but now adultery among women is skyrocketing. While men "stay for the money", women don't because in many cases they know they will get the upper hand in the divorce if the man isn't smart. Many times men are blindsided when a woman just decides to up and walk out. (Many times the women are cheating at this point but aren't found out until after the fact).
The breakdown goes like this:
1. Women want marriage and push for marriage. (Some want a wedding, not particularly a husband and don’t have the slightest idea what it means to be married in my opinion).
2. They get married, and see that's it's hard work and not just good feelings.
3. Eventually they lose interest in sex as it becomes common between the two partners.
4. They’re drawn to someone else
5. Many times they eventually start cheating
6. They become angry and resentful
7. They blame their partners for their behavior...and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages. Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces.
A lot of men go through the same stages but a lot of times with men it's simple lack of moral fiber. Even in a happy marriage a man with poor morals will simply give in to a woman who says, "Hey I'll open my legs for you." and he simply says wow, sounds good." To him it feels good to be chased (just like it does for a woman).
This of course is if he himself isn't doing the chasing, therefore being validated and feeling powerful because he can get this woman. It's part self esteem issue and part simply just being an a$$hole. The "I stay because I'll lose everything." issue is BS also. That's an excuse used to make the person feel trapped and at the same time give them reason to harbor resentment toward the other party. You'd be surprised what goes on in the crazy mind of a cheater.
-Nate | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 2:18:38 PM |
Cheating is simply an outward sign of something broken in the agreement and understanding between the couple; this in my opinion is why there is such a slam against those who perpetrate this---because it's outward...it's humiliating. So does that justify? Perhaps not to most....but what is not commonly understood is this...the first underpinnings of the relationships...the attack on the unity and integrity of the couple usually comes not at the hands of the cheater...it comes at the hands of the other.
I've been off on my boat and just lurked back in on this thread. Maybe people are more kind around Independance Day or something, but all of a sudden, there is some thought provoking stuff here!
I focus in one word that you mentioned: VALIDATION. If one of the spouses is kept sexless and not by choice, he/she start feeling worthless, undesirable, irritated, etc.
Lots of times a lover just gives them that VALIDATION, that they are still alive and wanted. In these cases affairs are conducted without intention to hurt anyone but more to heal the cheater's feeling of abandonment at home.
Validation is a BIG part of why I cheat. Rejection on such a deeply personal level as intimacy is damaging to one's psyche to the extreme. And regaining a sense of self-worth in that area is a huge step towards finding the strength and confidence to come to a decision about a permanant solution.
Am I justifying my infidelity? no. Not to myself, nor to anyone else. Just thinking out loud, so to speak.
Again I'm not here to condone cheating...just to bring up some perspective as to why some cheat. In theory, a true lover is the most selfless relationship. You are together for the love of the other ( love , care,company, special friendship etc ...maybe not even in love) and a good lover's effect might even make it look greener at home. and patch up some of the cracks in the lover's marriage.
Yes, my lover has been been this, and does. Actually it works for both of us. He is healing from a failed marriage and he tells me I am helping him with his recovery. Both of us know we are not each other's ultimate solution nor is our friendship going to turn to into more than comfort for us. But it is comfort. We are comfortable with each other. We provide comfort to each other, and whatever we find down the road, I think we will always be friends.
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:30:57 PM | I am Ginny you've got to be kidding; you and the other cheater are helping eachother? LOL;
I often see addicts tell eachother the same thing; It's called lacking a conscious. Some people dont know or dont care what is right and wrong; they just get what they want.
Women constantly choose poor partners then cheat or play the victim card.
Using your "logic"; and I use that term very loosely; all men that get rejected by their spouse should go to a hooker because it's 100% guarantee they wont be rejected! It validates them; LOL; that is one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever heard.
Most insecure people go to sex, drugs or alcohol. They validate their feelings instead of dealing with their situations and how insecure they are.
Some people get comforted by doing drugs; some by alcohol; some with promiscuous behavior; that doesn't mean it's good comfort.
And no you will not always be friends. When you cheat and get into situations like this, a train wreck and bad karma are to follow. The foundation is insecurity, poor character, immoral and poor judgement. You dont build friendships that way.
Instead of taking care of what you are in, then you play the victim card to justify sleazy activity.
Of course he tells you that you are helping. he wants to screw someone! lol; I've heard addicts say the same thing.
You can float on a cloud and act like all the world is good and there are cute pink stars in the sky but I deal with adult reality. For you to say it's all good says a lot.
It's scary to know that there are people that can go through life justifying their immoral actions that are selfish and devoid of character. What goes around comes around and selfish people ALWAYS get theirs in the end. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:41:20 PM | | There is no justification for cheating, only gratification. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:48:51 PM | mthomjmark
^^^ I think you need to checkup some reality for an Average Joe or Jane, not for Ken or Barbie.
Very easy easy to preach moral based on ideal way life should go.
I respect very much your opinion. I used to think even more stricter than you do, and was way more inflexible. Life and falls...have changed me. I don't hurt anyone, but I need to take care of myself, since no one else will do it.
What comes around goes around...you are so right. But also when people harm you, good will come back to you. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:02:38 PM |
Very easy easy to preach moral based on ideal way life should go.
The whole idea of morals is that you live by them even when it hard. This is WHY people cheat. When it gets hard they don't live by their morals, they cheat.
...Life and falls...have changed me. I don't hurt anyone, but I need to take care of myself, since no one else will do it.
Morals shouldn't change because life does, otherwise everyone would be a liar and cheater. (It is pretty popular now to be one).
-Nate | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:19:47 PM | Not sure what it is for everyone but I just recently met a great woman and life was all I hoped for. Now since we are together, and committed, I spend evenings with her feeling so alone and ignored that I feel more alone than before i had someone. I suppose that could easily trigger a person to find someone to enjoy some time with.
well....that's rather interesting. does she know about your wife?? i noticed on your profile that you are married. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:28:02 PM | when he completely stops caring for you he will not want to shag you ...thats how a guy knows he is finally over the Ex when he cant stand the thought of having sex with her
...he does the same with her attempts at reconciliation...
well i cannot agree with this because it's wrong. ever heard of first date sex?? well obviously the guy does NOT care about the women and vice versa so why do they have sex then?? probably because both are horny and it's purely lust. you cannot care or love someone the first time you meet them, that's just impossible. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:19:12 PM | msg1.
Justify cheating!? GOOD GAWD MAN!
A lack of intimacy at home means the two involved are already seperate in all but name. An amicable divorce is a honest solution to that problem. Two people might as well go their seperate ways if they've been living seperate lives. In all things. A name has no connection, in and of itself. Be that a shared last name or not, particularly in a marrage, when that name has no significance outside of an implied connection to another.
Names are names, human connections are human connections. Only a fool tries to continually sow their destiny with a broken needle and frayed thread.
9to9 | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:42:39 PM | Interesting subject..Really I have to ask myself who the hell am I to Judge anyone, except myself. I jump on any freakin moral band wagon and say Cheatin Justifiable, Blah Blah Blah. Sex, is it justifiable, is human intimacy justifiable. I have no respect for religion or it's morality;. I have witnessed the effects of residential schools to my Grandmother, and Mother. The four religions politically involved, and still haven't provided any Public Apology can go **** themselves. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:51:19 AM | You ask why men get burned so badly having to pay alimoney and child support.
Well .. let me count the ways.
There is an actual formula the courts use which indicate how far a man would be in his career, how much money he would earn, how much he would save in personal savings, and how much he would have had to pay .. if he had been a single father since the birth of the children.
You see marriage is not just one at home and the other making money --- its a COMBINED EFFORT OF TWO PEOPLE who are investing in homes, businesses, and children.
If one of the two sacrifices the possibility of building their own business portfolio for example, to stay home and protect the investment they both have made in the house and the children - that leaves the other free to earn, advance in career, etc. The one who chose to stay home will never get those years back in terms of career, resume, employment history, years of seniority on a job etc --- so what then. Is he or she supposed to then begin earning minimum wage at an entry level position and continue living in the same family home with the children because the marriage is over?
Of course every case is different - and I think both people should always do what they can to keep themselves in the income loop if they can - as individuals.
I also think if the man keeps the kids he can have the house and the child support. If she keeps the kids she should have the house and the child support. It all goes toward enhancing the quality of the childrens lives in my mind.
Time and time again I have heard about all these men who lost everything in a divorce - now Im not saying it doesnt happen but I have never met a woman who had everything after a divorce .. where do they all go???
Similarly - there are more and more women walking out and leaving their children behind - because they dont want to be labelled as a single mother and struggle for the next 20 years begging for scraps from a guy who had no problem wetting his wick when the children were being conceived. They dont want to be the one to worry about childcare and taking days off work when they are trying to build a career because the kids are sick. They dont want to have to take time off because of parent teacher meetings, and daycare closures, and what not. They dont want to have to foot the bill for a three bedroom house when they only need a one bedroom condo downtown. They dont want to have to spend every evening doing homework, and cooking and sewing and teaching and entertaining children when they could be at the gym, having a****ail with the company heads, or showering for a hot date at 7pm. They dont want to have to get up in the middle of the night and look like crap in the morning because of no sleep for a child who had a bad dream, they want to be able to have loud earth shattering sex in their own bedroom and not have to seek out a hotel because kids are in all the rooms of the house - they dont want to worry about what they wear, what they say, how they live - they want to be free. And are realizing that if they had to pay 1500 a month in child support - its peanuts for all that freedom.
I choose my children - because with or without a dad, child support, or even a house - they are my family, and I love them. I dont care about sacrifice, its those sacrifices I believe I was put here to make and I couldnt do anything but see to them every day for as long as I have life, or till they move on in their own lives and have no use for me anymore (lol).
I never feel sorry for ANY parent who has to contribute to the financial upbringing of his/her child. Money is just the small part - kids are more taxing emotionally, physically, and practically then they ever could be financially. The money never replaces the existance of a positive parent - it only serves to enhance their quality of life.
More then enuff said. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:55:24 AM | Oh yeah - this was mainly about cheating ....
Nope .. there is never a justifiable excuse for cheating.
Lots of people have many different problems in marriage/relationships - to me .. lies and deception can never be part of the solution.
All I have to say about that.
Great thread.
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:13:19 AM | | Cheating cannot be justified at any cost and as we all know honesty is fundamental principle that holds any relationship. When that flies out of the window then that is not a relationship. With that contained in the hearts of both parties things can never be the same again well that is in the world I know of. It hurts and it haunts to the cheated and that that cheats respectively. Of what benefit will I keep a person who is cheating? That he/she will bring food to the table or put cloths on my back? That is all bullshit. You don’t sacrifice your dignity with someone who can’t hesitate to tear it down at any time. To whoever accepts it, I am referring to the cheated that is self betrayal. The sooner you walk out when you learn that you are cheated you gain respect both to yourself and the other and that is more important than any possession you can think of. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:47:44 AM | when he completely stops caring for you he will not want to shag you ...thats how a guy knows he is finally over the Ex when he cant stand the thought of having sex with her
...he does the same with her attempts at reconciliation...
well i cannot agree with this because it's wrong. ever heard of first date sex?? well obviously the guy does NOT care about the women and vice versa so why do they have sex then?? probably because both are horny and it's purely lust. you cannot care or love someone the first time you meet them, that's just impossible.
Idont get it you people read what you want to hear ...again I never said a man had to be in love to want to shag a woman ..Christ!!! a guy dont even have to care about a woman to want some of it ..but its a pretty sure bet that if he has been in a relationship with her and has lost all feelings for her he wont even want the nookie ... there are exceptions ..some men will tap anything even a woman that he hates ..I have been mis quoted twice in the last few posts while others have quoted exactly what i said ??????
I agree you cant justify cheating..... however
its easy for all you moral people to say there is no reason to cheat ... but when people have been made feel worthless for so long its easy to act worthless .... lets not blanket condemn until we have walked in their moccasins.... we can say there is no reason for suicide ..but for some it becomes very logical ( I had an old childhood friend slash her wrist last week ..she lived about a mile from me and we had went our separate ways ... still friends but no longer in each others close circle ...but she seemed the most happy person ... (I will always wonder what went wrong )( I will always wish I had made the effort to stay closer ) I will always wonder if I could have made a difference )
I have seen very few relationships fail where there were not two sides to a story ..where just one party was at fault ..including my own relationships !!!
there are very few serial cheaters ..if your spouse cheats odds are you had a part in their decision to cheat ..my first wife cheated and looking back after i took off the blinders of anger ... i know she is a good person and did not enter our marriage with the intention of cheating ...so I have to agree with the poster who said that most cheating is the symptom of a already bad marriage
people : please lay down your anger ..take off the blinders and see your failed marriages for what the are ..and then allow yourself to heal and do things differently next time ...stop dwelling on how you were done wrong what he/she did will be adjudicated by his/her karma ..ask yourself ...what did I do wrong ???? and vow not to repeat it ..or karma will bite you again
all cheaters are not bottom feeders by nature ...when you are pushed to the bottom enough you will begin to feed there | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:57:39 AM | i like to sort of put homo sapiens in a petri dish and observe the process. i'm not so much interested in the justification & cheating as i am all the stuff they do and the state of mind they fall into to actually to get to the point of justification. because the "justifying" part is easy and any moron with zero integrity and an itch to scratch can do it.
"i'm not getting it at home"
"i can't keep it in my pants"
"revenge fvck"
a million and one reasons, but in the end it's all about the inappropriate fulfillment of your pent-up desires after a lonnng string of chronic behavior, when you should have been doing something differently, and making better choices all along.
cheating is a real easy choice to make, especially when someone isn't willing or able to make the more difficult choices that they should really be making.
and hey, there's nothing like capping off a fvcked up personal life by putting your genitals where they don't belong.
:laugh: | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:07:25 AM |
Similarly - there are more and more women walking out and leaving their children behind - because they dont want to be labelled as a single mother and struggle for the next 20 years begging for scraps from a guy who had no problem wetting his wick when the children were being conceived. They dont want to be the one to worry about childcare and taking days off work when they are trying to build a career because the kids are sick. They dont want to have to take time off because of parent teacher meetings, and daycare closures, and what not. They dont want to have to foot the bill for a three bedroom house when they only need a one bedroom condo downtown. They dont want to have to spend every evening doing homework, and cooking and sewing and teaching and entertaining children when they could be at the gym, having a****ail with the company heads, or showering for a hot date at 7pm. They dont want to have to get up in the middle of the night and look like crap in the morning because of no sleep for a child who had a bad dream, they want to be able to have loud earth shattering sex in their own bedroom and not have to seek out a hotel because kids are in all the rooms of the house - they dont want to worry about what they wear, what they say, how they live - they want to be free. And are realizing that if they had to pay 1500 a month in child support - its peanuts for all that freedom.
The label 'single mother' seems to wear a lot better than the label for those more preoccupied for doing the above. Surprisingly, I've never met any women or a parent who has done this.
It's scary to know that there are people that can go through life justifying their immoral actions that are selfish and devoid of character. What goes around comes around and selfish people ALWAYS get theirs in the end.
^^^mthomjmark, your position is well-noted throughout...but I ask of you what is there a moral role for the other spouse as well? Before cheating on a spouse begins...can a husband or wife (that will not be the cheater) act in an immoral way to precipitate the cheating or immorality in the other?
Very easy easy to preach moral based on ideal way life should go.
In my experience, I've known met women who have been as staunchly firm on holding that line...until it's put to the test in their marriage. These are women that are long-standing in monogamous 20-35-year marriages...where the husband (the other) has reached an impasse in his development in their opinion and has entered mid-life crisis and is cramp and 'old' all of a sudden...is and completely uninterested in her for years now...all of this can be flipped for a man...but I'm referencing people that I know.
These are hard-working women that give selflessly in marriage, family and community...they go to church on Sunday regularly are intimately familiar with morality...yet when they sit and quietly lament the state of their marriage...and their alternatives within something failing for years now and are now looking at ways to move forward or dealing with it in the way it---this rumination invariably includes an exploration into being with someone else while married.
When this was broached to me the first time I was stunned---shock and horror actually was my response...with another friend at a similar juncture...I finally understood. Its for reasons like this that I cannot judge people and their circumstance. Things change...and yes, for some they believe that this rigid application of morality needs to be applied for life...but what happens if your best friend, your married daughter or son with their young family in crisis mid 30's, or your father or mother reveal a shoddy adherence in something that you taught them---something that you believed in them as your own name. Where do you go then? Tolerance is best.
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:16:21 AM |
, but in the end it's all about the inappropriate fulfillment of your pent-up desires after a lonnng string of chronic behavior, when you should have been doing something differently, and making better choices all along.
If anyone can see 20 yrs. in the future and determine how good their choices are in the present, they should be in the stock market. They would be wealthy.
People and circumstances change, and not one of us, no matter how rigid our morals, or how careful our choices,can foretell how we will react to those changes. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:20:52 AM | ^^^oh but it's not about foreseeing the future. it's about making the effort to address the inevitable changes that occur in people and circumstances as they arise, in the best possible way, instead of stuffing it and taking the easy way out with some strange-piece-of-ass stress relief. THAT'S how you get better outcomes.
believe it or not, i'm not all that judgmental about cheating per se. it's just a symptom of a much bigger underlying issue(s). people can easily survive cheating, it doesn't have to be the end of a relationship, but you have to face whatever those underlying issues are. | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:27:04 AM | .
mthomjmark
quote]victim card to justify sleazy activity.
the problem is that society doesn't know the difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is feeling comfortable about yourself, without having to brag. Arrogance is acting like you are better than others when in reality you are just self absorbed.
It's scary to know that there are people that can go through life justifying their immoral actions that are selfish and devoid of character. What goes around comes around and selfish people ALWAYS get theirs in the end.
The foundation is insecurity, poor character, immoral and poor judgement. You dont build friendships that way
My aren't we judgmental, and not very consistant, except in your arrogance and your bragging.
I don't justify my actions and certainly are not looking for your approval or absolution.
Some people can put themselves out of their own understanding of a situation and some justify their own insecurity by hiding behind their self-righeous morality.
While I am pointing out you inconsistancies from various of your post both here and on other threads, I'm not judging you. I'm happy to provide you with a target for your derision. Have at it. Enjoy.
Namaste
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:13:39 AM |
A lack of intimacy at home means the two involved are already seperate in all but name. An amicable divorce is a honest solution to that problem. Two people might as well go their seperate ways if they've been living seperate lives. In all things. A name has no connection, in and of itself. Be that a shared last name or not, particularly in a marrage, when that name has no significance outside of an implied connection to another.
Easy to say, but someone here said "walk in their moccasins," and until one does, it's impossible to know what drives a person's decisions. In my case, divorce is not an option.
These are hard-working women that give selflessly in marriage, family and community............yet when they sit and quietly lament the state of their marriage...and their alternatives within something failing for years now and are now looking at ways to move forward or dealing with it in the way it---this rumination invariably includes an exploration into being with someone else while married. I know my husband may discover my cheating someday. I try very hard to keep that from happening, but if he were to ask me, I would start by saying, "Are you sure you would really want to know?' I know is's a two-way street, but I've spent 25 years contributing to the support of his ex-wife, taking care of his mother, keeping his home, working one and sometimes two jobs and going to school. I'm not saying he;s not contributing, of course he is, but the fact of the matter is that one of my rewards has been complete isolation from any intimacy of any kind. So, I found it elsewhere. If I left him, he could not survive financially. I make sure I have enough l;ife insurance on me so if I die, he will be able to make it. Sure, if I left him I would be able to make it on my own, but I'm not that selfish. Is it selfish for me to want so closeness? Yes. So be it. I'm living up to more of our "promises made" than he is. Just my opinion. Regardless of the statements of some here who judge me weak and immoral, yadda, yadda, I think I'm more honest than a lot of people here. Who hide their own foibles behind their sanctimonious comdemnation of mine. I'm above all else a realist and never judge others unless they somehow effect my life. I, unlike some, do not feel threatened by other people's actions that may be different from mine. I have found that not to be the case of lots of very "principaled" types. A good example; I am an athieist. I respect other people's beliefs and don't discuss mine as a general rule because there are religeous people who feel that my atheism is somehow an attack and damger to them. I don't believe Christian values are the exclusive perview of the avowed. Namaste, Ginny . | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:59:26 AM |
A good example; I am an athieist. I respect other people's beliefs and don't discuss mine as a general rule because there are religeous people who feel that my atheism is somehow an attack and damger to them. I don't believe Christian values are the exclusive perview of the avowed.
A good example; I am a christian. I respect other people's beliefs and don't discuss mine as a general rule because there are non religious people who feel that my religion is somehow an attack and danger to them. I don't believe lack of Christian values are the exclusive preview of the avowed.
Ginny we are polar opposite ..yet we are so much alike ...your affirmation of your lack of religion is my exact affirmation of my religion ...all i did is correct the spelling...sorry i could not resist ...its easy to see Genny you have the same spelling problem as I do you reverse the order of letters in a word ...i just have a great spell checker
and i am the one that said..walk in their moccasins before you judge
you see there are religious people that stand on the principal ..do not judge ...and there are religious people that believe that others are doing the best they can under their circumstance ... and there are religious people that dont push their beliefs on others .....and there are religious people that want to be friends with all kinds of people ..yes even atheist
sorry you brought in religion like it had anything to do with this topic | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:19:34 AM | I can understand. I wouldn't date a woman who has a cheating history. Of course, you never know. I have zero tolerance for it, because I do not do it. It happened to me once and I left. Personally, as I wrote in another post, surverys show that 6 in 10 people cheat on their significant other. It is either the sign of the times or it is just normal human nature--the "grass is greener" thing.
**This post is not directed at anyone. It is just my opinion. Some people from another post took my comments personally. My posting are not against anyone, but they only come from my personal experiences and knowledge. ** | |
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:34:58 AM | .
Deerdog1, I like that we can be opposites and still converse in a civil manner. Truely an unusually enlightened view. It would be nice to see more of it.
Ginny we are polar opposite ..yet we are so much alike ...your affirmation of your lack of religion is my exact affirmation of my religion ...all i did is correct the spelling...sorry i could not resist ...its easy to see Genny you have the same spelling problem as I do you reverse the order of letters in a word ...i just have a great spell checker Giggle, I know. I'm dyslexic. There's no spell checker here.
P.S. I did mean perview; but probably spelling it wrong. The usage is possibly archaic; meaning "area of interest."
and i am the one that said..walk in their moccasins before you judge
you see there are religious people that stand on the principal ..do not judge ...and there are religious people that believe that others are doing the best they can under their circumstance ... and there are religious people that dont push their beliefs on others .....and there are religious people that want to be friends with all kinds of people ..yes even atheist I'm glad to hear that. I have encountered precious few, myself, but it is encouraging to hear you say it.
sorry you brought in religion like it had anything to do with this topic
I made it a point of saying that I respect everyone's beliefs, as did you. I meant no disrespect in using that example. I happen to come from a family where being judgmental and religeous go hand in hand. Unfortunately, that has colored my experiences. It might, indeed, have been better if I had found another example.
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| Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:04:29 AM | I made it a point of saying that I respect everyone's beliefs, as did you. I meant no disrespect in using that example. I happen to come from a family where being judgmental and religeous go hand in hand. Unfortunately, that has colored my experiences. It might, indeed, have been better if I had found another example.
Genny friend ... no disrespect was taken... I came from a family where being Christian and caring for but not judging others go hand in hand ...honestly we were very liberal and believed ones faith and beliefs were a personal mater ... before coming to the forums I never knew of people pushing their religion or lack of on others ..my parrents took me to church until I was 13 and was old enough to be left alone then they gave me the choice of whether i wanted to go ..in my opinion both are just wrong ..i was brought up to never tell a person how they should live ( unless they were hurting others ) if a person sees how I live and ask about my beliefs then by all means share them with him /her ...I list myself as non religious ..because in a dating forum my beliefs dont mater ..and after all Im just looking for conversation and friends ..so religion is not important
but I will say since coming here ...the non religious are just as pushy and intolerant as the religious both sides condemning the other
and how its this on topic ..well if i had been raised in your moccasins.. i may well have been an atheist also ... if I had been in your shoes i might cheat too..i will say that it would be better if you did not feel you had to cheat ..but i will not judge you..you have not wronged me ...I have been cheated on and felt wronged ..but all is forgiven I refuse to learn how to hate ...and I admit that my immaturity played a part in why my ex cheated
disclaimer;; when I say my ex cheated i am refering to my first marriage ...to my knowledge my current wife has not cheated ...we were divorced a few years back and both of us had other sex partners .. but we have both been faithful while married and after we got back together | |
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