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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:48:41 AM | if i have made an appointment for a certain time i try my darndest to keep it.
things can happen, delayed, caught in traffic etc., but as most people carry mobile phones it is easy to call or send a message to explain why you are going to be late.
it's called common courtesy,
never goes astray! | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:19:13 AM | | I don't post a lot in the forums but this is a topic I feel strongly about. It seems more and more people are doing this and I have ended relationships & friendships over It. As one poster stated I was raised to Keep my word, So was I And it seems to me more & more people I meet are just wishy washy. Seems as if character is a thing of the past | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:39:18 AM | Molly msg 21
if they AREN'T purposefully being RUDE ... what ARE they being?! accidentally rude?
Perhaps I'm wrong in my definition of rude, but I thought there needed to be intent included in the action to warrant that application. Yes, there are some people who are purposefully late and I agree those are rude people whom I try not to associate with. But I'm talking about the friends and relatives that I know are just unable to keep track of time adequately to be on time. Once you get to know them it is usually easy for those of us who are gifted with a strong sense of time to compensate for them by adding in their tardiness factor.
That "friend" who shows up five hours late or the next day is not who I am talking about... he just doesn't care about you and is wrapped up in his own narcissistic behavior. I'm talking about people who are anywhere from 5 minutes to about an hour late for most things. I've never met anyone chronically challenged that had such a poor concept of time that they were more than an hour late. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:16:34 AM |
Perhaps I'm wrong in my definition of rude, but I thought there needed to be intent included in the action to warrant that application. But I'm talking about the friends and relatives that I know are just unable to keep track of time adequately to be on time.
I have friends and relatives that fall into this category as well... I love and accept them in spite of their tardiness, BUT I don't buy into the notion that they CAN'T be on time. There are many reasons people are chronically late having to do with their personality and it is not a characteristic I would choose to have in a mate.
I like to know I can trust and depend on someone. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:44:20 AM | | ever notice that the people who just can't seem to be on time for get-togethers can make it to work on time, every day? yes, it's true that brain issues is often a cause of perpetual tardiness, but it's the enabling of others that allows it to be a problem. making everybody else wait for their "grand entrance" is a big ego boost for these people. they love the fact that they're the center of attention. it's "oh good, now that x is here we can finally start" not 'we started without you" that allows this bad behavior to continue, | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:02:59 AM | IMHO, the punctuality issue is secondary to the doing what you say issue.
One of the biggest drawbacks of online dating (and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say this) is that a sizable number of people on here have no intentions of honoring commitments they've either made or agreed to.
That lack of personal responsibility is annoying at the least and somewhat infuriating at the most,especially when you've wasted time and money waiting on a perosn that's has insecurity, anti-social personality disorders or is just plain f*cked up, for want of a better term.
Or some combination of the three.
Honestly,if somebody agrees to meet or states that they will call...and then does not...I give out one pass (if we are just meeting) and MAYBE two if we've been seeing one another for an extended period.
After that, then they are playing games...or wasting time.
And since I primarily date women in my age group or older,it's obvious that things aren't going to change any time soon.
If you aren't interested...or don't want to do something...JUST SAY THAT.
Everything else is immaturity...
And who's looking for that? | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:46:08 PM |  i am a punctuality person as well. however not all the world holds such a high value on punctuality as we do. to say its rude means they have offended your values. to paint it as deliberate is quite probably just wrong. some folks just dont have a good grasp of time and move at their own pace. it has nothing to do with us. that said my ex mother in law was one of those people who could never get anywhere on time. eventually we figured out how to deal with it. just tell her to be at the meeting place an hour before we actually wanted to do what ever it was. she was always on time after that.  | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:31:26 PM | Raavis: "That 'friend' who shows up 5 hours late or the next day is not who I am talking about ... he just doesn't care about you and is wrapped up in his own narcissistic behavior."
ok ... this is what happens when people assume they "know" what another person is trying to convey ...
noooo ... he isn't narcissistic ... he DOES "care" about me ... he CAN'T be on time when he's bringing his entire family to visit ... because he has odd emotional issues that prevent him from being on time ... it's not unusual for him to spend hours locking the door to his house ... because there will be no one there to protect his house ...
and ... ODDLY ... he DOES always make it to work on time ... because there are other family members left behind to protect his valuables ...
it's interesting tho ... the way different people's minds work ... or don't ... I'm not saying I understand it ... but I think systems could go a long way to making it work more compatibly with others ... | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:55:18 PM | Since I am a person who tries to be on time, people who are continuously late really annoy me. Ever notice that it is habitual for these people and we all make jokes about it? I now tell my soninlaw a 1/2 hour earlier for anything. This man runs a company, brings in big business, but can't be on time for ANYTHING! I don't know how he does it. Anyway, I agree it is rude.
I've never been stood up but I can imagine how angry I would feel. Maybe it is how you approach the person? Do you make firm commitments or are you wishy washy about it?
Someone mentioned how this society seems to not care about following threw. I agree with that. I'm still amazed when I see people not RSVP for a formal function. Or people saying they are coming to a formal function and then not showing up. When I was growing up, that was unheard of. I've taught my kids not to do that to others and I hope they remember that always. I know they hate when it is done to them. It is all about manners and caring about others. We live in a very self centered society and I feel badly for my children's children. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:17:26 PM | When it comes to work, meetings, dates, friends, family, when I say I'm going to be there, I will be there by that time. The only exception I will make, if travelling you're dealing with a car accident, bad weather or illness, then I can understand to change or adjust my plans.
I don't like anyone being late, everyone time is important and to think anyone can make a person wait, it's rude & bad manners. I do speak up when people run late with me, I let them know that its one of my biggest pet peeves about a person behaviour. I have ended friendships with people I was getting to know, all due to their excuses, due to their poor time management skills.
I never make a promise that I can't keep, even when something comes up, I follow through with it. I follow it in my work & personal life and this makes anyone reliable, dependable and someone can keep their word. If you know that you don't want to do it, then don't make a promise, stand someone up, and think its just fine to not show up.
Remember how we like to be treated, it often comes around, be on time, since time is important to each one of us. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:32:08 PM | There's a passive-aggressive aspect to always keeping someone waiting too. Have you all noticed that the always tardy people also find other small ways to quietly gain the upper hand in situations rather than confronting them head-on? Being on-time to work but late to meet friends or family says to me, "I don't care that they'll be angry. They'll get over it." That's why it happens continually.
I've seen guys look at their cellphones ringing and say, "I'm not answering, she'll call back" or "She's calling to see when I'm coming home. I'll be home when I get there". The more subtle ones just look at the phone and continue talking. The above dialog is going on in their heads. It's the same for the rudeness of not RSVP'ing or not showing up. Those passive-aggressive a*holes don't want to give a reason for non-attendance that might make them look bad, and they figure they'll have time to think up an excuse before they see you again! Urrrrrrggggghhh!
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:47:00 PM | | It is tremendously rude and inconsiderate to not call when you say you are or to stand someone up and not call to give a reason. It is never okay to just leave someone sitting there waiting for you. I think most of us have been there, I know I have. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:32:10 AM | While I have been known to be late, due to the fact that I get extremely nervous when going anywhere, I do have the decency to call if I'm going to be more than 5 or 10 minutes late. And if my plans change, I would surely let the person know, and give a good reason, of course.
It's just plain inconsiderate not to, and really, you don't want to be with someone who does not consider other people's feelings.
As far as 'Not doing what you say", well, that is a form of lying, and sooner or later, when a person does this, you start to NOT believe anything they say, which does not make for a good relationship.
If a person does you this way, RUN! | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 10:42:41 AM | | OP - 2 extremely important qualities in a person. I'm always punctual & do what I say I will do and if something comes up [it would have to be an emergency], I would certainly explain the situation to the person. IMO - It's a matter of respect! | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 10:57:14 AM |
It isn't taught at home the way it once was.
I have to respectfully disagree with this as being late is something that I just really really dislike being. I have taught my kids that if you say your going to be somewhere at a specific time then be there, unforseen circumstances may prevent this but if it is a common occurence then that's just disrespectful.
My generation was still being taught it by their parents. (general statement there)
Your word was your word. Period.
And so it should be with all generations. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 10:58:50 AM | | Being punctual is just good manners. I know things come up like slow traffic. That said, I once was at a seminar where people were coming in late. Finally the speaker made the point that if he was offering 1 million dollars to people that were on time everyone would make it even if they had to sleep there overnight. The point being that it’s a matter of priorities. I think people that are late, choose to be late. I also think that how people behave in the small things will also be how they behave in the bigger things. I’d like to get a call if someone is going to be about 10-15 minutes late. I’ll wait for ½ an hour then I’m on to something else. If they don’t show at all their excuse better involve fire, flood, or blood. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:52:39 AM | Dear Friends,
With very little information other than the complaints in this thread about timelieness, one can safely assert that the majority of posters to this thread do no live in NY, Paris, London, and other such cities. My ex wife used to fume about three o'clock not meaning three thirty. This week, I kept, for the edification of all of us, a list of appointments for the last week. Most punctual was two minutes late, least, thirty one minutes.
Variance:
+/- two mintues, mean arrival time nine minutes late, average arrival time eight, modality eleven.
Now, no one did not show up for professional services except one person, who never even rang me. Since there is no way to account for this arithmetically, we shall leave it.
Why would anyone simply not show up and presume upon my admittedly sweet nature that I will not bill? (No, I did not bill for the time, as it seems cruel) Why is everyone late?
The prevalent answer here is that society has changed. From most points of view for the worst, most posters calling people rude, ignorant, unmannerly, and all sorts of bad things. Looking at the number of obligations, the traffic, the stress, and so on, it is amasing to me that anyone shows for appointments at all. I asked at a clinic where I am not involved, just off hand, and the receptionist said most people are about five to ten minutes late, her guess being about the same as my silly humourous attempt at statistics.
The point of this diatribe is that the majority of posters are more or less angry at something that is part of a rhythm issue that has changed, possibly forever. The days of regularity, in any sense, are gone. How many kids go to school, eat lunch, are dismissed at the same time every day? How many people work seven until three, or nine until five? The fact is, we are all juggling dozens of things every day, and there is almost no one I know whose schedule is simpler than this.
Think of the stress level of the average nurse in a small town hospital, with twelve patients. Code, medication, wound cleansing, and patient in bed xxx wants a glass of water. Hipa prevents nurse from saying "I am sorry Mr X, but I just had to handle a code, so your glass of water had to wait" , thus, everyone is pissed, patient yells at nurse, nurse cannot explain, the circle widens. How many of us spend our whole day like that? Personally, I need to call the teacher, neuropsych, my clients, mow the lawn, deal with the hockey coach, the financial aid person, &c, and being within half an hour of a scheduled social appointment is simply good luck. A real date, even from PoF, in the next five days is impossible, and, were it possible, presuming no emergencies, punctuality would depend upon honesty, to wit, saying "we can meet at around seven-ish." In other words, admitting tested reality.
I drive in to NY ears pinned to traffic radio, to save a few minutes at a bridge or tunnel approach. Okay, NYC, expected. How about here in the boonies? Not much different, to be sure. With the demise of factory work, two working parents balancing kids, work, their own CLE. CME, whatever, the need, even for professionals, to work extended hours(how many physcicians here get home before ten, and how many lawyers? Few, I would wager. ) we are living in a world without rhythm, at a pace that is unnatural. Even Walmart employees have irregular days and hours. When businesses are open nine until nine, or twenty four hours, who is going to have a regular shedule? We all live as were we ER physicians. Why is the drugstore open until nine? Because eight o'clock is when the legal secretary has time to shop. A store that shuts at five will be out of business in months. Anyone here really a housewife than can shop for her kids' clothes during the day? Not many, to be sure. The time of business operation means everyone works a shift either staggered or works a shift and a half, or part time. Nine to five? On what planet?
I am not sure why so many here have the ability to show up on time, meaning within a frame of fifteen minutes, either there is a higher than average proportion of people who live in small towns, working regular jobs, more OCD than average, older folks who can leave earlier because the phone will not ring with something that needs to be done stat, or any other statistical anomaly. I can only say that few of us living in the modern world of balancing kids, work, travel, and the other myriad things that our technological society has wrought are unlikely to enjoy the predictability of years of yore. Without rhythm, without predictability, prognosis, which is, after all what an appointment is, is too difficult to assign morality as a parameter of personality. People's lives are non-rhythmic, unpredictable, overly stressful, and without order of any kind. They should be punctual how?
That having been said, I am almost always on time, and almost always waiting for my clients.
Peace,
CdC | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:55:22 AM |
Why is it that people think you have nothing else to do but sit around waiting for thier call.
Hint do not wait around for someone to call or get yourself a cell phone.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:08:29 PM | Dear cat and friends,
Since the serious ban on cell phones and driving, people are now complaining about people not being available on their cell phones as needed, so one must now have a hands free set as well....
Most of my friends have blackberries and those earpieces than remind me of the Borg on the old star trek series - how long until we have a communications chip implanted?
By the way, it is not the handset that makes driving dangerous, it is the distraction from driving, so hands free talking, according to the AMA and NIHS both is no improvement. Which leads me to wonder about Mets fans listening to a live broadcast.......
-M | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:51:16 PM | This is a very good topic. Punctuality and doing what you said you will WHEN you said you will is a positive character trait and part of having good manners.
Everyone understands that occasionally one may run late, but to do so frequently is a sign of disrespect, in my opinion. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:18:59 PM | I am a very punctual person and don't like people being late no matter where I am.
My friends know that if we are to meet somewhere and they are not going to make it on time, they must call and let me know. I have a 20 min rule. 20 min after the appointed time and you are not there neither am I. I have walked out of Drs offices after not being seen within a reasonal time. My time is important too.
I really dislike people who say they are going to do something tomorrow and don't do it and offer no excuse. To me it is like given your word or promise that you are going to do something. If something comes up then say I could not do whatever because...
For me this is a deal breaker. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:37:32 PM | Chronic lateness is an insult to the person having to wait. I'm willing to bet that those people would not turn up an hour late at their dentist or physician or lawyer and expect that professional to inconvenience all his/her other appointments. That person would have to re-book the appointment. On a personal level, I allow someone 30 minutes (unless he/she phones to say he/she is delayed and gives me a good reason). Otherwise, after that period of time - I move on to some other activity. My time is just as important as the chronic latecomer and I absolutely will not tolerate their behaviour for any length of time. I've had some of those latecomers in my life from time to time and have heard every excuse in the book for them being late or not turning up at all. I came to realize that ALL of those people were selfish and didn't even stop to consider that maybe I could have been doing something else instead of waiting on them. This selfishness spilled over into other areas of their lives. It was all about THEM. That's the reason I've now adopted the 30-minute waiting period. No call within that time period - I'm not here when they finally get here. Some of them have even had the nerve to be incensed because I did not wait. Yeah, whatever.  | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:26:00 PM | | I think we can all relate. There is nothing worse than sitting around waiting for someone who was supposed to call at a certain time, or has made a date for a certain time. You don't know whether to go and do something else, or if they are delayed for some important reason. Now a days, there is no excuse. Most people have cell phones and know how to use them. | |
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| punctuality and doing what you say
Posted: 7/25/2009 6:27:00 PM | I am never on time, I am always early, way early , so that I'm not Late. No exceptions except for emergenicies. I don't mind that someone else is late, as I seem to be able to understand or excuse them as to why they feel it's okay to be late but I would never want to give that same feeling of inconsideration to someone else.
I want to meet someone who is as anxious to meet me as I am to meet them, and if they are that interested they will be early like me.  | |
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