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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:19:02 PM | @Severin78:
^^^^^^^^^^
You said it best!!!!!! Most often, a woman might become a tad bit irritated but not to the point that she makes life impossible. PMS causes me to have a fatigue so bad that it is felt down into the flesh......makes me crave sweets.
@pirateheaven:
You are too much. lol. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:16:35 PM | | get your hormones checked more than likely it is being caused by an imbalance.. eat right . exercise regularly and regulate your hormones and you won't have pms symptoms .. the brain will serve you well if you serve it well... | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:37:43 PM | I'm not going to say that PMS isn't a very real thing for some women, having never had the displeasure of experiencing these wide swings which are spoken of, however, I dare say that, yes, there are any number of women out there with bad attitudes that do like to use PMS as an excuse for poor behaviour, the majority of whom have absolutely no clue at what time of the month their hormones are fluctuating but will use it as an excuse anyway. Those however, suffer from a different form of PMS - Permanently Miserable Shrew.
And, yes, men do suffer from fluctuations as well which can make them overly aggressive or depressed, especially as they age and lose testosterone levels. The famous mid-life crises that men get teased about is more often due to a loss of testosterone which can cause any number of problems for them. So, if women expect men to understand their hormonal fluctuations and make allowances for them, the reverse should be given consideration as well. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:20:24 PM | Lol. today is just one of those days.
Maybe i am a ****? maybe im not? who knows...cause i certainly dont, and ive never actually been called a **** before : ) maybe grumpster or D-bag but never a ****. (maybe im just overly honest or blunt) *shrug*
SO How about them red sox???? lol jk
Im in a rather good mood today : ) | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:27:04 PM | its not even that im really a jerk, it really just seems that i get emotional, and that i feel unloved and that they dont want to be with me, and then i just end it.
Honestly, I think women use this too much as a "crutch" to get away with bad behavior. Yes, our hormones get affected by PMS and that can lead to mood swings, but mood swings this severe sound more like more then one issue.
It could be that your emotions get much more sensitive during PMS, but if you're truly worried about it, find a good OB-GYN. Birth control can help, but so can changing your diet. Drinking, smoking, and a diet high in fatty, greasy, etc, foods can mess with your blood sugar, and along with hormone levels.
If your hormones, pancreas and kidneys are already more sensitive, you may experience more severe blood sugar spikes, or hormone spikes during your periods, and that can really irritate mood for women. Exercise is also extremely important for regulating your sugar and hormone levels. If you're feeling irritable, instead of snapping at someone you're dating, count to ten, and then go for a walk or a run. Or get something (healthy) to eat. I can get super irritable if I've gone too many hours without eating.
If changing your diet and exercising more don't help, then see a an OB-GYN and see if there's something they can do to help. You could also see an endocrinologist (they deal with the kidneys, pancreas, thyroid, all the glands that produce hormones, etc) and get yourself tested for diabetes. Some adults actually have type II diabetes but don't even know it because their symptoms are not noticeable all the time. Severe swings in sugar levels, can cause mood swings. There are also OB-GYN's that are called reproductive endocrinologists.
I have a condition called PCOS disorder. It's little mini cysts all over my ovaries and when I still had my uterus, my hormones were always messed up every month during my period. My PMS was horrible (from the pain), and needless to say, I could be more irritable during that time of the month. But I don't have a uterus anymore so that helped things a lot. Less hormones going crazy.
If changing your diet, or seeing a doctor doesn't help, you could always look into a good therapist. They can help you manage stress better so that you can also handle the hormone swings better. I've also heard that yoga is wonderful for PMS. Very relaxing.
Clean up your diet, clean up your lungs (if you smoke), stop drinking (if you do), start exercising, and get a second opinion from a good OB-GYN if you don't like the one you have.
Trust me, all these things, can help. More then you know.
Good luck hon. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:05:38 PM | It's tough being a woman.
Yes, hormonal changes can affect us in ways we wish they wouldn't. When I was younger and married, I started noticing a pattern to some fights I was having with my husband. He'd do something I didn't care for and I'd say something about it. He'd react. We'd end up getting into a fight. And then I'd start my period.
After this happened for the third time in a row I saw the pattern. Was he being a jerk or was I oversensitive because of hormones? I decided that the next time I was getting close to expecting my period, if he did anything that bugged me I'd wait 24 hours to tell him. After all, none of this was actually urgent. So I did that. Guess what? The fights decreased dramatically.
It doesn't mean that sometimes there weren't valid issues to be resolved. Most of the time, though, they were mere annoyances that really I could have let pass. The times that there really was something that needed to be discussed, I was able to wait until I was in a state where I wouldn't get so easily emotional.
It's really worth looking at this. On one hand, people sometimes want to dismiss us because of hormones when we need to be taken seriously. On the other hand, we owe it to ourselves not to let our hormones create havoc in our lives. If people around you are telling you that there's a problem, there's a reason they are telling you this.
Hormones are powerful. We can't control them and we can't control how we feel. It seems very real at the time. However, we can control how we respond. We can make a decision to not give in to being cranky, not take it out on the people around us when we don't feel so good. We can make a decision to talk to a trusted friend when we're feeling out of whack.
Or you can just bash the guy over the head with a frying pan and move on to the next. The decision is yours. Pass the chocolate - I like mine with nuts. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:28:54 PM | I never suffered PMS until fairly recently, so I used to wonder WTF women were talking about with the irritability, or the backache, or the fatigue, or the feeling like crying for nothing. Around the time I turned 40 I began to experience terrible PMS, but I must say, the worst I want to do is curl up in bed with my heating pad and be left the hell alone. Unfortunately, when you live with a family, people take that stuff personally......lol. I feel anti social, and in a fair amount of pain, but I do not feel like I have lost control of who I am or what I say or do. I might be a little "short" in my dealings with people, but again, I feel like crap and just want to be left alone. NO, I do not go on angry rampages, but on the other hand, it isn't a good time to sit down and have a serious discussion about money, or chores, or how we should get a pool table in the bedroom.
If a man is truly loving and caring, and a woman is really trying hard NOT to let those hormonal emotions get the best of her, and in many cases being PROACTIVE about her symptoms, what is wrong with being a little sensitive? I mean, men, what exactly do you have to LOSE by caring about your woman's feelings and being a little patient for a couple of days...instead of making snide or belittling remarks, just show that you care. Most good partners do that kind of thing all the time. It's a win/win proposition to show love and concern for your partner when she/he is not at her/his best.
If you're telling us that women never use PMS as an excuse for bad behavior then it begs the question- where have you been for, well, all of my life, and I'm sure many many years prior to that?
It's a shame that that has been your experience. It is not a universal experience, however. I never had fights or arguments with my ex that were spurred by PMS because I never had that problem until recently.
Just because you are out of date is no reason to insult others with your moot points and educating us on PMS, again moot, as you are still in completely ignorance or disbelief of social norms for the past 30 years.
How can a fifty-one year old woman be out of date or uninformed about what has been going on in her own body for decades? I would think she is in an excellent position to have an informed opinion, as am I, BTW.
It also shows a distinct lack of compassion and understanding on your part to downplay male hormonal shifts
I don't know anything at all about what men go through hormonally, although I'd be open minded to learn about it, especially if my partner suffered from hormonal issues. I don't think you have exactly gone about teaching us in the most effective way. All due respect, you come across as more than a little contentious ....not the best way to open listeners' ears.
Before blasting men, in general, and giving us an irrelevant lesson on PMS, maybe you should, with all your 51 years, do a little research on the "other side", as men have catered for generations to women in understanding, now perhaps it should be your turn to return the favor.
I think the men that were blasted were generally giving the impression that they did not believe that PSM is real, or that they believe it is real, but have zero sympathy for anyone who might suffer from it. Or, they believe that PMS is a bad thing, but NOTHING compared to what men go through. I'm not sure what response a man would expect when advancing those views.
The lesson on PMS is far from irrelevant, as the thread is ABOUT PMS. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:38:20 PM | never found this to be an issue, then again I don't suffer w/ it...try getting estroven it's all natural product found in the drug store and it should help you w/ your severe pms or speak to your gyno about it....
could be you're also at that 3 month mark so you feel you know enough about the other person to know if you want the relationship to continue or not and just happens at that time of the month it's easier for you to make that decision and follow through with it... | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:02:58 PM | Evening Primrose Oil and as other posters said - supporting your health is a good thing. The pill doesn't always alleviate PMS, it can have a list of side effects as long as your arm. There used to be a fabulous anti-PMS supplement out years ago that has since been taken off the market, it had considerable quantities of Vit B in it. Consider some Chinese herbals as a few thousand years of knowledge certainly has the beat on much of Western medicine.
In a notebook - chart your moods, your worries, expectations etc. Record keeping helps you sort out the chaff from reality.
Make a personal promise to never, discuss things when you yourself know you are not feeling calm and clear. Train yourself in positive behavioural patterns, lashing out at someone becomes a more entrenched habit, the more that you give in to it.
Make it an everyday habit to assert yourself and discuss your problems when they are small and manageable.
Make a funny poster (mine was the lost in space robot flinging his arms saying 'Warning") just put it on the fridge. Educate your man - that the poster means you need tea, hugs, affection and extra rest, and that this is a good time for 'yes dear'.
Educate him that this is not the time to discuss problems. He only wants to know 'what to do' to avoid the bad stuff - allow both of you to escape as needed.
As I noted on a work calendar one time - male bosses very much have their 28 day cycles too...
Guys discuss the PMS issue with your other half, be her shining knight when she feels like she has just had a cold bucket of water tipped on her head from nowhere. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:32:43 PM | Princess of magic, I loved your response to Severin! He needed his inflated ego deflated 
OP, I used to suffer from horrible PMS (may have been PMDD), so I can relate to how you feel. Don't pay any attention to the little boys who have posted attempting to make us women feel guilty for being women. We are women, we get periods and PMS so men need to deal with that! We are human and I will NEVER apologize or feel guilty for being a woman! Men always seem to be looking for the perfect, flawless woman, sorry boys she doesn't exist! Men have days too where they are cranky and irritable oh but us women aren't supposed to be. Whatever!
Op, you may wish to speak to your fam doctor (if you haven't already). The Mirena iud can stop periods and lessen PMS and PMDD (trust me on that), but it should be inserted by a gyne. Consuming soy products also helps lessen the symptoms of PMS, which, yes boys, is VERY real. Sometimes there are medical conditions such as endo and PCOS which will make a woman's cycle and her PMDD or PMS horrible.
OP, NEVER apologize to anyone for being a woman! Keep your head up high and proud! | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:18:09 PM | Ok, i'm sitting here laughing my head off, not at you, but in sympathy with you. You are not the only one. PMS is a very real syndrome that many people do not fully understand. It can be very frustrating for those of us that suffer from it, and i think more women do than don't, but perhaps to varying degrees. Mine varies, but there are times when i seem to get very ummm...lets just say irrational and then WHAM, my period hits, and i'm thinking OOOOOH..THAT's why i was feeling that way. It's like i'm standing outside myself and seeing me act all moody etc, and not being able to stop it, and not understanding why i'm doing it. Yes, it's hard on people around you, but yes, it's hard on you too. Try researching some dietary changes, getting a little more exercise around that time of the month..i think also, something about upping vitamin B complexes helps, but i'd double check with the doc. But most of all, give yourself a break...you aren't going crazy, even though it may feel like it at times.
For guys dating women who go through PMS, DO NOT blame every little arguement on PMS...there is no better way than getting yourself in trouble than by doing this. Believe it or not, just because we don't agree with something you said or did, doesn't mean we are PMS'ing...maybe you're just doing something wrong LOL.
For those of us who get PMS, be careful not to use it as an excuse for everything as well. It can be an easy thing to do. I think sometimes we develop little patterns of excusing our mistakes when relationships fail, instead of facing what the real problem might be. Not saying to the poster of this thread that you are doing that...it's just a side note :) | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:31:48 PM | Princess of magic, I don't understand how you can make an argument about her not being made to feel guilty about being born a woman yet you directly belittle men and attempt to make them feel guilty about being born as men.
Yes, we don't know what it feels like to be women but you don't know what it's like to be a man either. We have hormones too, some of us learn to control them and some of us don't. My only point was that, regardless of how real it is, a woman shouldn't use PMS as an excuse for poor behavior. When you have women blaming psychological, emotional or physical abusiveness on their hormones, it becomes unacceptable. Would you ever pardon spousal abuse towards women based a man's testosterone level? I doubt it; yet many women seem to feel PMS is a perfectly legitimate excuse to abuse their husbands.
Please, drop the feminist double standard, no one here is looking to make women feel guilty about being born women. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:16:48 PM | roninvince, women menstruate and get PMDD and PMS, it's natural, healthy, and NORMAL. Any man refusing to accept that should not be in a relationship. It's been medically proven that women are way more hormal than men are and it's been proven that women can control situations much better than a man could (we have children, men don't). So what women get their periods, get cranky, food cravings, bloated, tired, it's human.
Regarding domestic violence, statistics show that many, many more men abuse women than the other way around. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:56:00 PM | The statistics also show that men are a lot less likely to report domestic abuse and that the numbers are a lot closer to 50/50 if anything. In any case, yes women do menstruate, that was never put in question; what I said was that women shouldn't use PMS as an excuse for poor behavior.
http://www.acfc.org/site/PageServer?pagename=octobers_dv_awareness | |
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Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:34:04 PM | 'women menstruate and get PMDD and PMS, it's natural, healthy, and NORMAL'
No news flash there.
'Any man refusing to accept that should not be in a relationship'.
Do ALL women get PMS? If so I guess I have to change my profile if I am to follow your rules.
'It's been medically proven that women are way more hormal than men are and it's been proven that women can control situations much better than a man could'
Now this is where the bus seems to driving in two directions....you can't say that you can 'control' yourself 'much better' than men' AND still expect us to cut a week of slack for flare ups/outrageous accusations and arguments, after all women are 'better' than men at controlling their emotions?
'(we have children, men don't)'.
I didn't know that, thanks!
'So what women get their periods, get cranky, food cravings, bloated, tired, it's human.'
BUT, as you said....'it's been proven that women can control situations much better than a man could'
'Regarding domestic violence, statistics show that many, many more men abuse women than the other way around'.
Try visiting this site and read some stats that may surprise you about how much under reporting goes on AND who is the one who admits to starting the argument and pushing the envelope.......
http://www.batteredmen.com/ and concerning your idea that waaaay more men batter women than the other way around you should pay particular attention to....
http://www.batteredmen.com/brithor.htm | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:28:50 PM | I can't believe some of the guys here. 'See a therapist' ' Anything excuse to rationalize rude behaviour'? It's no wonder some of you men have been divorced 2 or 3 times with such draconian notions as this. PMS is NOT imaginary, it doesn't just exist as an excuse to bash men as some seem to think. This is some very real and serious stuff here. One girlfriend of mine had to have surgery for this twice, and still the intense pain and other ailments never went away. As one woman stated earlier, yes, for some women sex does help ease the symptoms of PMS. Where did some of these people get the idea that relationships were all cake? You take the woman - to take ALL that comes with her. You can bash at me all day long if you like, but I do understand this problem more than most men. At least I've bothered to understand the women that I've cared for and what is happening to them. So bash away, say I'm just trying to garner favor from the women here, but I'll know different and that's all good with me.  | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:52:38 AM | | Well RogueSaint, what makes you think that you are any more qualified to understand this problem more than most men? I definitely do bother to understand women and I am a lot more sympathetic than you give me credit for. Physically there is no doubt that PMS is real, I was merely putting into question some of the psychological aspects of it; the placebo effect isn't really something that I just made up. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:06:08 PM | Well RogueSaint, what makes you think that you are any more qualified to understand this problem more than most men?
Rogue Saint has a few years on you, roninvince (no offense intended,RS!). He also has some actual experiences with the women in his life who suffered from this very real problem. I am sure you are a very nice young man, but you need to learn to give some credit to age and experience when it is due. Do you think you know more than your parents? Or do you think they might just have learned a thing or two over time? Obvs, you are free to disagree with anyone at all, but it is a mark of immaturity to suggest that a person with a lot more relevant life experience is in no position to disagree with you.
His experience? See below....
I was in a LTR with a woman with the same problem. We were even engaged and we stuck in out for 3 years. I genuinely felt bad for her. As the only male growing up in an estrogen dominated household, it was nothing new or scary of confusing to me. Oh I could be as supportive as humanly possible, but there where times when the best thing to do (we agreed) was for me to go to my house for the night. It took TONS of communication to work out, but we did. The end of the relationship, oddly enough, had nothing to do with her going predatory 5 days a month.
One girlfriend of mine had to have surgery for this twice, and still the intense pain and other ailments never went away. As one woman stated earlier, yes, for some women sex does help ease the symptoms of PMS. Where did some of these people get the idea that relationships were all cake? You take the woman - to take ALL that comes with her. You can bash at me all day long if you like, but I do understand this problem more than most men. At least I've bothered to understand the women that I've cared for and what is happening to them. So bash away, say I'm just trying to garner favor from the women here, but I'll know different and that's all good with me. | |
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| PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships....
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:51:18 PM | Well Marianne, no, with the amount of resources and research available today, I don't think that age or even personal experience is the absolute determinant for knowledge on any subject. If I have to choose between the word of a stranger with very subjective personal experience or the hard data provided by professionals and research, I'm going with the latter. In any case, we are now getting off topic.
To tashrawr, this is very unfortunate news. I can only hope that this knowledge will now help you better identify and control this condition that has probably been a very difficult and negative agent in your life. | |
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