| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/1/2009 12:51:52 PM | | I don't. I've never met the right person yet, and I can always tell after about 3 dates if it's going to go anywhere, on my side at least. I don't drag things on. I know my way's not the best way, but I find that it allows the other person to move on too, to find something that might be better for him. It's the least I can do. He's looking for the same things I am, and if he's not doing it for me, then I'm likely not doing it for him. It sounds so brash, but it really is like that. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:21:07 PM | The only thing that I actually want for a guy is for him to not waste his time. I'm not going to go about and expect him to waste mine, and have him sink the emotional effort into me to find out eventually that it was never going to go anywhere. It's always about respect, treating others as you would like to be treated, with kindness, in a direct and forward manner. That kind of behaviour builds a strong relationship, be it a friendship, or something more.
So I think you ought to tell her, just out of respect for her. It may be completely devastating, who knows. I don't think there's any accurate way to predict the outcome in this case. You have to do the noble thing, and see where it goes from there. You can't rely on anyone to do the right thing FOR you. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:25:53 PM | | Umm Yes its wrong!! if you dont have feelings for her then you need to tell her. some females just dont get the lil hints..your a grown man, you need to be an adult an tell her. put it this way, what if you had a daughter..and she came up to you and told you she was in that situation..what would you do?? would you want someone to play with her feelings? this is a no brainer!!!! | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:52:43 PM | | If you know you don't love someone,do them and yourself a favor and tell them. I got married and realizided that I wasn't in-love with him. And it just made matters worse. He didn't love me either. Well not the way two people should love each other when they are married. needless to say our marriage only lasted 1 1/2 years. We should of just stayed friends. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:05:29 PM | Are you sure OP that she wants more than sex from you in the first place? She may know it's not going anywhere and be happy about that - I'd see what her feelings about the whole thing were first.
Men tend to assume that women are emotionally attached and want the whole thing, but that's not always the case. She may even be dating others and not telling you as it's not relevant to your situation. Just a thought.
If you do find out she thinks this is a serious thing and she's attached and really into you I'd tell her ASAP that's not the case so she can find someone who's on the same page as she is. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:01:55 AM | You need to have a conversation with her. Let her know that you don't want to be in an exclusive relationship with her. Explain somehow the relationship has turned to sexual for you. She will either be crushed or let you know she wants to be your F-buddy!
I would hope that if I were dating someone they would break up with me vs keep dating me/sleeping with me. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:04:42 AM | LOVE .... It's such a subjective term ... Does she have money? Does she own a pub?
These are the important questions that you need to ask yourself BEFORE you ask if you love her.
Tell the Sisterhood I was just kidding. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:10:15 AM | Don't worry about half my posts ... it's my evil twin.
Consider whether wasting someone elses life is something you will be happy with remembering. I got married to a fine woman after living with her for three years when I was 22. I didn't want to get married. I was waiting for her to get sick of me and move on. In the end I wasted 6 years of her life and mine.
The easy way out is not always the best way. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:38:26 AM | | All depends how she feels. If she is in love with you and wants that back, I think you should do the decent thing and end it, because you're depriving her of finding that with someone else. For the record, I don't get that goose bump thing in my relationship either, so I'm beginning to question that too. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:38:35 AM | | gopensgo, what I don't get is why you started dating your girlfiend in the first place, if you didn't really feel anything for her. I just don't get it.....there are lots of girls out there ....why are you wasting her time? I think you're being very selfish, or maybe you're just immature, as you sound like you're almost blaming her for your lack of desire. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:28:36 AM | Is "love" what she's looking for w/ you?
And I think you need to get a more realistic definition of what Love actually IS,IMHO
It appears that neither of you have been sitting down and discussing where things are going.
Maybe you should try that first and THEN if things don't.."better"...then let her go and move on w/ your life.... | |
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| Well...blow me over.....
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:54:04 AM | Ah so, Outmind, you advise this man to muck about with this girls feelings for a year or so to see if his apathy somehow magically disappears? I call that ridiculous and irresponsible advice.
In a year, this woman will be becoming more and more attached,.. and you think its okay to dump someone after a whole year together and say 'I dont feel the way i should about you, and never did'?
waste a whole year of this womans time and emotions?
For shame.
OP,.. Let her go now. i hate this sort of apthy and using someone.
I dont think shes ignorng your hints just because she likes the sex,.. I think she has deeper feelings for you than you think, and shes hoping you may get to feel the same. Truthfully, it aint gonna happen is it.
You know it wont.
That sort of feeling doesnt take ages to appear, even for men. Im glad Outmind was lucky enough to have a woman that stuck around till he suddenly felt it one year and one month into things,.. but when you start off indifferent, or just blah, about someone, it usually doesnt blossom into love.
Do her a favour, OP, be an honourable man, have some integrity, and tell this woman now its not happening for you, before you let this go on any longer.
What you're doing isnt fair on her or you. Time wasting for both of you, and convenient sex.
That sucks
...I actually agree with each and every word...which means you had better revisit you thought process because I am sure that scares you as much as it scares me....LOL.
That said, I think you could / should go a little lighter on "Outmind" He DID communicate his feelings...and she chose to stick around. It is not his / my responsibility to dump someone who doesn't want to be dumped after I've communicated transparently my feelings. | |
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| Well...blow me over.....
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:32:15 PM |
That said, I think you could / should go a little lighter on "Outmind" He DID communicate his feelings...and she chose to stick around. It is not his / my responsibility to dump someone who doesn't want to be dumped after I've communicated transparently my feelings. I agree with this as well.. However; by "communicated transparently my feelings" you mean anything other than open and honest verbal communication.. I don't agree. Sometimes people are blinded by their feelings for another and cannot see through ambiguousness. (or subtle hints) | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:47:28 PM | | Oh NOOOO ... keep it going until she is pregnant and then you can have another reason to end it .. I feel it is going to go from bad to worse unless you get off your selfish duff and alter it .. sometimes pain is the best way to move position to become who you need to be.. do what you know is right for you and you will never treat you wrong.. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:50:34 PM | ^^^^ Good point! She is verrrrrrry young.
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:05:08 PM | Make a decision. Either let her go NOW, or decide to continue and give her all the love you can.
Yes I believe loving someone is a decision. The "goosebumps" etc are just in the beginning, I don't know anybody who feels that way 5-10 years down the line. I think people EXPECT a relationship to be all ice cream and lollipops forever.
It doesn't work that way.
If you care about her, if her well-being is one of your priorities in life, then make the decision to be with her forever.
If you can't make that committment to her in your own heart, then let her go now so she can find a committed man. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:33:28 PM | | Do you think every single person out there is in a relationship because they are in love? Or every single person out there is looking for love, all love, and nothing but love? She knows you don't love. Love doesn't hide. If it will make you feel any better, tell her. You might be surprised with the answer. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:33:50 PM | | I think you should be more forthcoming with the 'I know I don't love you, so, I think you should move on,' shpiel. I had to hear it for several moments before the actions blatantly coincided with the words before it suddenly sunk in...I'm down with loving the sex and all, but if you know damned well that you don't care if that person lives or dies between trysts, you owe it to her to inform her of the truth. Wouldn't you appreciate it before too much were invested? Love, Titus Breast | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:04:28 PM | | In answer to your last question, yes, it is wrong for you to continue to see her. I don't think you can honestly say that you are, "nice, respecful and treat her very well" if you're just using her for sex until someone better comes along. Do the right thing and give her the freedom to find someone who loves and appreciates her. There really is no issue here. | |
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| is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:46:52 PM | | Aside from the sex or love-- If you do not return the same feelings for her that she has for you, you're going to hurt her terribly. She probably knows that you don't love her, but believe me, she is waiting for you to "FINALLY" fall in love with her. Girls do this-- You need to end it for good or make a commitment to her- All you are doing now is stringing her along and that's horrible for her, especially since she is so much younger. She might end up jaded. | |
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