| your responses make me sick!
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:14:06 PM | Wow, OP, I bet you wish you NEVER wrote this thread!
If you think online dating sucks, what do you think about online forums?
Obviously his behavior triggered you, and you're abandonment issues came up -- it's nothing to feel bad or ashamed of -- we all have our issues and they all come up in the context of relationships; that's how we know we have them (although some people like to act like they don't  )
Take this opportunity to look at yourself and address some of your issues.
IMO, texting and quick meets allow people to form "insti-macy" relationships (instant intimacy) that don't have any real substance, and people who have abandonment/rejection issues are primary candidates for that type of reaction. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:59:16 PM | | no, people on line dating tend to lie about themselves more. It isn't the same as meeting them somewhere eles. But you meet alot of good people and some others that you can do without. I met some good friends and an ex-husband on this site. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:12:10 PM |
I met some good friends and an ex-husband on this site.
Not surprising, because there are lots of exhusbands on internet dating sites.
I'm going to be one myself as soon as I can get this trial over and done with. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:17:36 PM | If a guy is interested, he will call. This is absolutely correct.
Considering you have only talked for 2 weeks and met once I think it would wise to scale back on how much you invest into talking and a first meet. You were still at a point of getting to know each other, not starting a relationship. While it would have been courteous for him to tell you he wasn't interested, or at least not as interested as you, he wasn't obligated to do so.
He didn't contact you after your date. I don't consider the after date text as a sign of interest but more a still included in the first meet thing. You sent a text. He didn't respond. From there, I would assume he was disinterested and not give him another thought. If he responded much later, I would likely think his interest level wasn't the same as mine and wish him well on his search.
No one you have met once should have the power to hurt you. Ask yourself why you would allow a complete and total stranger to hurt you? Save all that emotion and feelings to give to the guy that does call you, who does follow up and make plans, who does continue to date you. The building of those emotions and feelings should be in direct relation to how much time you have actually spent face to face.
The email was over the top. You wanted him to validate that you are a person worth responding to. He had already determined you weren't or he would have. From there, it sounds like game playing on both your parts. You couldn't "win him back" as he was never yours to begin with.
Once we converse outside of email, I never go back to it. I call or text. If 2 attempts to contact have been ignored then I assume disinterest on their part. There is no reason to take it personally, be hurt or think it is anything other than two people who didn't click.
It's only confusing and a headache if you allow it to be.
Take a few deep breaths and reevaluate your approach to dating. Good luck in the future. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:21:58 PM |
I'm sorry that you felt you met someone you could be really interested in and it didn't pan out, but really, 8 more texts after he said he wasn't interested only confirmed to him you're too needy and obsessive for his comfort level.
Relationships aren't instantaneous. You should know that at your age.
Relationships aren't instantaneous UNLESS the relationship is one of purely a sexual nature.
silly rabbit.
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 2:35:12 PM | Hey, it sucks, he was a bit of a jerk, but honestly, it's just a CLASSIC situation. It shouldn't be emotionally damaging, just general frustration about the "dating scene".
Lesson to learn: DON'T talk for 2 weeks until meeting!
It makes the meeting process some huge spotlight moment, where in the end, if it doesn't work out, you'll feel unnecessarily hurt. And if they ACT like they're interested, but don't call, etc., and beat around the bush (playing games), it's going to piss you off more than it should for someone you just met.
Next time, don't be pen-paling people. Have a bit of convo via email, maybe 1 phone call, and meet as soon as you're mutually free. Don't have expectations about things, and especially for a girl, it's easy. By default, ball's in his court. If he calls you or texts you within a few days, he's interested, if he's not, he won't. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 3:29:47 PM | | OP : I would like to highly recommend that you get the unlimited text messaging option on your cell phone plan before your next date. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:19:07 PM | | I suggest after a first date that you were somehow made to think went well, and you feel you'd like to go on a second but have not received a call or message from the person of interest within the time period of your liking; maybe a few days to a week? I would suggest you make ONE text AND ONE phone call... If they don't respond to your text and don't answer your phone call, then do not attempt to contact them again. No matter what! Wait, move on or start looking again. | |
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RMH_84
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Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 35 | |
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:27:26 PM | | it does make you seem like a bit of a nut.... and what's wrong with you're phone - call him for crying out loud! | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:34:32 PM | The OP said she sent him 8 texts until she went to bed at 2am. Then she got right up again and sent him 3 MORE!! Holy cow....
OP...can you spell "needy".....
~~weeone~~ | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:35:32 PM | Your message is too long and complicated. You may have triggered a cling alert or a complicated alert with your date. Just a thought.
I looked over your profile and you look like an absolute doll.
One thing that alerts me is that it's possible you have a negative outlook. The following quote from your profile shows the forum activity you are engaging in.
................
On line Dating makes me sick
I've had a terrible headache this morning. A guy from another site dumped me last night th...
How do you know you won't hear from him/her again?
It depends how often the guy calls you before your first date. If he used to call you ever...
Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
I don't like cheap guys. Men should pay on the first date/meeting especially if they are t...
NEED SOME ANSWERS
OP, if your girlfriend think her bf is gay I think he has a strap-on that's the sex toy, ...
what if it doesn't work out?
In my experience, if I felt that it isn't working, like we have nothing in common and ther...
................
It appears that the statement "I don't like cheap guys. Men should pay on the first date/meeting..." came from you.
Some guys may not find that a sign of enlightenment. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 4:57:36 PM | | Its this simple, for women, if he's into you, he'll call right away, no excuses, for the men, if she's into you, she won't have a bunch of excuses that she's busy. Whichever, never run after anyone, especially those you just met, makes you very desperate and also makes you feel like a fool, and no one wants that. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:01:13 PM | http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
This is not a sarcastic post. The contents of that site are specific, targeted ways to improve your coping skills. It might be wise to take a break from dating and work on your troubles first. Best wishes. Take care. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:49:26 PM |  blah blah blah, what?
He text me, I text him blah blah, my email, blah blah. WTF? We're rude because your post is boring and whiny!!! | |
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vosche
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Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/1/2009 9:27:49 PM | dont you just love it when someone uses you to emotionally defend themselves the way this guy has done at your expense...
you were absolutely right in calling him on his rudeness. the sad thing is your messages are still prolly floating around in cyberspace..ignored and lonely..intentionally unviewed...because he was getting off on the mindfuk fun he was having...
dont waste one more tear or crestfallen sigh on this one..he's not even worth THAT | |
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| your responses make me sick!
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:32:20 AM | | Maybe the OP did like the guy a lot, even if it was just one date. But yes OP you did look needy etc. As if you would text that many times! | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:24:40 AM |
because he was getting off on the mindfuk fun he was having...
Hmmmm OK well I don't think the OP is even reading this anymore but.....I think she mind Fvcked herself.
First of all she said the guy rarely called her before they met which to me sounds like a bit of disinterest to begin with BUT the problem lies in the fact that she assumed that once they went out he would start paying more attention to her. Obviously that was the wrong thing to assume.
Furthermore, why would you allow yourself to get that emotionally invested & wrapped up with someone who you went out with ONE time & who rarely called?
I looked at OPs posting history, on one of the threads she listed all of the dating sights she had been on, was currently on etc... Ummm the list was pretty long & some of the sights I had never heard of. That, along with this thread & many of the others makes it clear that OP is desperate for something, anything, any kind of relationship. No one wants a desperate person , no one wants to be clung to at the slightest show of interest.
JMO | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:30:46 PM |  .................................... All I can add to this thread is; OH MY MY MY Never realized this thread existed........Buy the book......He's just not that into you!!!!!! NEXT one please | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:36:16 PM | | Wow! I can see why he left....you went way off the deep end on that one....let the man breathe! You scared him away and number two he wasnt that interested. Third why are you guys texting each other and not just picking up the phone to talk? Back up a little bit, quit being so clingy and quit making more out of the issue than it really is. If he didnt call , so what, find something else to do... | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:07:52 PM | | I didn't even finish reading your whole entire post. If a guy is interested he will make sure he will call you first thing the next day after the date. He will make sure the next date is still on because he doesn't want you to get snached away by someone else. It's just my experience that when a guy is interested he will stay in touch as much as possible just to make sure he is still in the game with you. You don't have to call. He will call if he is interested. This has nothing to do with being old fashioned, it's just a fact. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:25:45 PM | | well i can certainly relate as i also got dumped via text message once. it sucked and the man was obviously a coward but it does happen. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:54:43 PM |
WTF? We're rude because your post is boring and whiny!!!
No, it's because that's how you choose to respond. Don't blame the OP for that. | |
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| On line Dating makes me sick
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:03:01 AM | | One New Yorker to another. I hear your pain but, he just did not have the same feelings about the date that you did. It seems that you should take a break from on-line dating, it is not like meeting people in person. You do seem very needy & that you should work on. Why do you want someone that doesn't want you back. | |
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