| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 12:41:44 AM | If you find someone you're interested in, go for it. You have some wild ideas about being divorced and rebounding, it reminds me of being in HS back in the 80s.
Not too terribly long ago, there was a thread on this forum that discussed whether or not people would get into a relationship with a divorcing or newly divorced person. The general consensus was that most of us would cut a wide swath around anyone who hadn't yet had time to work through the issues inherent in the divorce process. Of course, there were exceptions but they were few and far between. Many of us well remember what we went through in the initial stages of divorce and we know that there is often as much emotional upheaval as there is practical and financial. High school kids and young adults are the ones who tend to run forward into situations they don't fully comprehend and we see them on here in record numbers wondering what the hell happened.
Don't misunderstand- I'm not saying you should go for it now, you had your chance. Dork. You had it, skipped it. Cope.
Hmmm... Who's the dork? The guy who stops to think about where a woman is at before he runs at her or the guy who is so obsessed with his own needs, he stops at nothing to get what he wants?? Hmm???
If you left her alone when she needed you, you absolutely deserve to have missed out. M
Oh man... If he "left her alone when she needed him"?? Are you saying that he shouldn't have used his head or considered that there was a good chance she needed some time to get well beyond her divorce before he tried to date her??? Or that he should have run as soon as she crooked her finger in his direction???
Sheesh...  | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:14:08 AM | I'm with the carpe diem posters, OP.
Yes, you were mature about it. You thought you did the right thing. So, are you feeling better? Nope.
How can anyone possibly know if they will have a long-term relationship with someone before they've even started dating?
All the boxes can be ticked and it still might not work out.
If the attraction was strong and she was giving you signals, I can't imagine why you didn't go for it. It sounds like she'd been divorced for a while. Did you use this rebound thing as an excuse to chicken out? | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:47:55 AM | | Wait. I have a "rule" about this - I don't want to become involved with anyone until he has finished unpacking his baggage from his LAST journey. You did the right thing, and chances are she'll become available again...at which point you'll have to wait again, until she's finished unpacking from THAT journey. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:14:26 AM | | Really depends on the person and how she feels after the relationship. After my first marriage failed I met a guy and had a good three yr relationship with him. After my second marriage failed I dated a couple guys who really never stood a chance cause I wasn't ready. I appreciated them and the dates but knew there was not anything long term coming from them. | |
|
| |
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:37:51 AM | Stop dwelling on this crap. You missed the opportunity, you didn't miss it. WHO CARES. Do not feel sorry for yourself about this woman. The reality of your problem is not what you did wrong, but what you continue to do wrong. Relationships are a two way street. You do not know which one is going to work and which one is not. So what you need to do is hit on more women. Who cares if they are separated, divorced, have children, little pet Chihuahua dressed in pink named Pedro, go and try to meet them, try to see if there's chemistry and go out with them. If you dwell on the one that you missed, that is all you will be doing in life...dwelling.
So start doing. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:58:32 AM | you are guilty of 'over thinking' rather than going with what your body was telling you.....
you missed an opportunity because you 'out thought' yourself......Live & learn
however, she is probably not done dating & most likely will not stay with whomever she is with currently so all is not lost........
Next, go with your feelings & do what you must to try to make it happen....if the timing is wrong or it doesn't work out, then move on......their are millions of women in the sea so don't despair..... | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:40:22 AM | | You have idea what you missed out on. It could have been BAD news. I'd stay in the friend zone, talk to her here and there. It's unlikely she will marry her current BF. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:01:21 PM | | Relationships are all about compromise, but you have to be able to like the person enough to begin with before you start selling your soul. It should be give and take...and alot of lust to start....then as time passes, you are willing to overlook things that seemed important to you in the past,. thats called unconditional love | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:42:42 PM | | gees another guy emotionally invested in his past.. hmmm what are you on here for .. a girlfriend to enrich your life or .. someone to use til "the one" is available.. be emotionally present in your life and your loving or get out and work on it .. as a guy unable to give of himself to another woman is deluding what could be great and misrepresenting his penis as available... it ain't pretty but reality is what it is .. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:18:24 PM | sunlight, outmind, Pirates,
Thank you for your kind words.
Just a quick update.
Well, I can now say that all is lost. I fired off an email to her just to make sure I tell her how I feel, sort of, sensing that she's taking her current relationship up another notch.
Didn't know they just came back from a week vacation together.
I received a reply from her, 3 days later, a 1 sentence reply that says she's not interested in a relationship with me.
Well, that's that. Not much more to say.
I guess the carpe diem camp is right on this one or I was just a fool misreading the signs.
Yea I could/should have taken advanntage of her back then right? go ahead and laugh folks!! It's really funny. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:34:29 AM | OP a lot of first relationships that come about after a divorce are just practice...getting back into the swing of dating.
Be polite. Let her know that you are a friend and don't bother her about dating you. Wait till she is free. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:54:15 AM | dardika,
Did I miss something? what is there to wait for?
She just said she's not interested in a relationship with me. 1 cold sentence she replied. | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 9:26:11 AM |
What would you do? Go for it and risk getting burned later?
Or wait for the right opportunity and possibly miss out on the joy of being with this person and just miss out on life?
I normally will not agree to begin a relationship with a man until I know for certain he's dealt with and coped with his last marriage/relationship.
Too often I've dated men, not knowing when his previous relationship ended, only to discover that my dating him was what ended it. I don't feel this makes for a great relationship - when I'm the means for him to escape something bad or ugly just to have something new and shiny. Not cool.
But, if there was someone I was attracted to, and he was divorced recently, I probably would not "miss" the opportunity. I believe I would attempt to be some sort of friend to him, to approach him on some level, get to know him casually and without any pressure for more.
I prefer that relationships be slow and very long to develop into what will be....so to befriend him for a period of time, before discussing or communicating that my interest is more?
Plus, there's the potential that my interest is misdirected and in truth I didn't really know him, and once I did know him casually as a friend, I find I am not all that into him.
To the OP, I think it's likely that you have made the "idea" and "fantasy" of her having been the perfect mate for you who got away is probably MORE of the reality of the situation. Do not allow yourself to miss out on another opportunity while you're obsessing and mourning this one.
| |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:47:16 PM | We do in life what we feel is the right thing to do if only so we can get up in the morning and look at ourselves in the mirror. Whats ifs are just that. You can't say that it would have come out good or bad but you instictivly knew it was not going be good for you.
There is so much good advice in this thread I really can't contribute that much to you but I will say this . You are a good person in that you put someone elses happiness before your own . I hope your are well blessed with someone in your life that you deserve because of this.
 | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:00:26 PM | Oh I don’t know, I was a rebound once long ago, but I went into it knowing that, and knowing it may not last because of that.
But I thought she was worth the risk, and we had a great run for the year it did last.
And I had no regrets because at least we gave it a shot, on the other hand, had I not gone for it I would probably think back and regret it today, and wonder if perhaps she was the one that got away.
 | |
|
| What Would You Do?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:01:31 PM | | If/When my boyfriend and I break up, I'm going to tattoo the words, "BEWARE REBOUNDING" on my forehead. I'm hoping that will make potential dates avoid me altogether lol. | |
|
Home
login 
