| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:43:53 PM | 1. Most who are separated and haven't been divorced yet aren't prepared for the finalization of the divorce, tho they think up until that point that they are far from over it. Most are on an emotional roller coaster that doesn't end until well after the papers are signed...and dragging some new person through that is a selfish thing to want to do.
2. Most can just as easily find a single/divorced person and spare themselves the possible drama of someone who's not done with their situation yet (and sometimes aren't until they are divorced quite a while).
3. Separation is supposed to be a time where you either decide you want to go through with the divorce, a time where you reflect on what happened and take time to learn from it, or both. Since most separations are relatively short (and yes, most can go a year or longer without having to be paired off with someone), there should be no reason why anyone has to rush into another serious thing.
4. Most who have lived with someone a long time tend to want to find someone quick to avoid being alone, when they should be enjoying the space and alone time. The fact that someone who's just been in a long term live in situation would want to immediately get into another one is in itself a red flag.
5. Specifically, a lot of people (seems more men than women) are not legally "separated" and so women tend to be leary of men who claim the status. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:41:21 AM | | Just my two cents, but is everyone aware of HOW MUCH a divorce can cost? I tried using my legal benefits through work and still can't afford it yet. My ex has not lived in my home for almost 2 years now. We are definitely not getting back together. No offense to anyone, but I really don't think that the fact that I'm stuck in this situation should mean that I have to stay alone to "sort through my emotions" and what not until I'm actually divorced. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, you will just sit here all day and piss about how no one is perfect. Guess what? No one is perfect. Now that you know that, move on and find someone who can make you smile...even if they have a little bit of baggage to deal with still. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:45:31 AM | ^^^I admit it depends where you live. However in most cases a mutual divorce with no contesting should be pretty cheap. The only time it gets expensive is if one person doens't agree with the divorce, or the couple has assets and/or custody involved and can't come to an agreement who should get what. If all that's going on, then it's not a simple situation and should be resolved before starting a whole new thing.
I didn't make up the reason why a separation is what it is, it's a legal fact. If you don't agree with it, talk to the courts and tell THEM you don't see why dating is a problem. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:20:46 PM | I will never date anyone again with unfinished business, nor do I expect anyone other than me to support me or my children. What someone 'got' out of a divorce is no business of mine.
Surely OP you are not accusing men of thinking like gold diggers????  | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 12:19:55 AM | I guess it all boils down to personal preference. If a woman doesn't want to date me because I'm separated but not divorced, that's up to her.
I've been separated for more than two years, but getting a divorce, simply put, just hasn't been a priority. I'm not holding onto anything. I'm not getting back together with my ex-wife (okay, she's technically not my ex-wife, but you know what I mean) and there is no residual baggage to be resolved, ie. custody, division of assets. My ex is in a relationship with someone else and I sincerely wish her nothing but the best. I know she wishes the same for me. Our kids, by the way, are absolutely fine with the way things are (they even "friended" their mom's boyfriend on Facebook!).
I'm happy to answer questions about my "separated" status, but I'm not looking to bend someone's ear about it either. I've moved on and I'm looking toward the future, hopefully with a new partner at my side. I'd like to get married again if it's in the cards, in which case I will certainly clear the path for that to happen. Right now, though, it's not a priority. If a woman chooses not to pursue a relationship or even the possibility of a relationship with me over that, again, that's her choice and I respect that. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:32:06 AM | Why do people who have not finished the business of thier last relationship think they deserve to start a new one? That is the question.
People run from one relationship to the next nowadays...and expect others to fall in line with thier ways. I dont. Finish up, then move on. I never would have expected a decent man to want to live with me or set up a home with me while I was still legally married, and I dont understand why others have those expectations.
The men who I have chatted here with, who were seperated, had not even moved completely out of the marital home yet. They were crashing on some friends sofa. They had no new routines built with thier children, but are on POF looking for long term...makes me laugh.
Its one thing to be going thru a divorce and to meet someone inadvertantly and develop feelings etc...its another entirely to have an ad up, seriously seeking a mate while going thru this, and getting pissed when women are not chasing you down for dates. It says you have your priorities mixed up, and are focussing on things you should not be. If you are going thru a divorce, especially where children are involved, Id think you should be focussing on rebuilding new routines with the kids and making a new homelife that is good for your future with them...while learning how to co parent under different roofs. This is very difficult, and who wants a new person in that mix anyways? I know I could not have dealt with all that, and I was not the same person when we finally divorced, so any man who I would have been involved with would not have ended up with the same person he started dating while I was still going thru all that. It would not have been fair to a decent man, and I knew that. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 6:56:08 AM | Woman Separated Vs Man being Separated
Woman -
She will have sex with her ex but she dont try or go after these acts.
Only when hes being serious and nice to her she will do so..
Or only if he gets her all nice and 
Man -
He calls her all the time, checks up on her to see if shes having sex with
anyone new so maybe he can pursue trying to have sex with his ex.
When hes been he will call her and show up time to time to
have sex..
eh, am i wrong? | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:45:14 AM | Speaking from experience!
As soon as the "seperated" wife finds out he's dating someone else, she wants him back!!  | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:51:20 AM | sirthinkalot typed...
A vast amount of, primarily, women on these forums have stated they will not date people listed as "separated" . Instead they will only date "divorced".
The reason I only want to date divorced men is that I've been through the separation phase versus the divorced phase and there is a different mindset. Separation still involves decisions, conflict, drama, etc. etc. until the divorce is finalized. Even in the most cordial divorces (which mine was), decisions regarding the divorce can be stressful. I don't want to relive that through someone else (no offense). For me, I don't believe separated is code for married and just looking for a lil' sumpthin' sumpthin', but I do beleive any unresolved relationship situation carries more stress than those that are resolved. Of course, that's not true for everyone because for some [men and women] the drama only gets worse after divorce, but that's another topic for different thread. [chuckle] | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:00:42 AM | daisy dharma typed...
but is everyone aware of HOW MUCH a divorce can cost?
Mine was $1500 (in the Chicago area, so you know I'm not in a cheap area), which my ex and I split the cost and he wasn't represented by legal counsel, we just used my lawyer. We agreed on the terms of the divorce and filed. You can draw up the papers yourself and file them if you agree with your estranged hubby on the terms of the divorce. There is plenty of software out there that you can use. The filing fee is generally $200 to $400, with maybe another $50 to $100 for a quit claim deed if you own a home and one of you is buying out the other. I actually thought about going the no-lawyer route and filing myself, but then, the cost ($750 plus $50 for a quit claim deed) was reasonable enough that I didn't want to bother with it. I actually know someone who did draw up her own papers and file them. Her divorce was less than $400. I was amazed.
Good luck to you, daisy. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:06:25 AM | Divorce takes a lot of time!!!! I'd date someone separated, even after my separation becomes final.. Separation can mean many things, all that matters is if the person is mentally ready to move on and that can be discovered through communication. Some people may not be able to afford the divorce at the time, some may be waiting for the final paper work to be processed. Some may have the former spouse fall off the planet thus making it very difficult to get the final paperwork done. There are so many reasons for this that seem over looked because of someone's preference, maybe insecurity who knows? If someone isn't interested in me due to a technicality of a separation I don't care it's not my loss at that point at all. Especially if they don't ask me what it means.
Even if I was divorced I would still date someone separated. I don't care what the man loses lol it's the person that matters not what they have. every scenario is different, but for me, all that would matter is if he was emotionally and mentally divorced and wanted to move on with his life much like i am ready to move on with mine. | |
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| Women VS Men separated status
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:07:24 AM | Divorce maybe expensive, but if you're not happy and want out of the situation, I don't think the cost of happiness is too expensive! For certain individuals that price can be a weeks salary or maybe for some a couple months salary, is that really too much if you really want out of the situation?  | |
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