| I'm sorry...
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:04:05 PM |
could this be why everyone is "your ex"
...are you saying you don't have any ex's? Does your profile not say...divorced? Did playing the school girl role save your mariage?
I could say the reason you are on this website is because you don't put out by the third date, but that would be just as ignorant and asinine as what you just said...
if i went out with you knowing that there was some time clock that i had to sleep with you by, we wouldnt go out to begin with...
Now let's see....based on what you said before my post....and then my post...do you think I give a shit? Do you think my heart is breaking because some woman who likes to play school girl games doesn't want to go out with me?
Wait...I just realized...my feelings are supposed to be hurt.. | |
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| I swear....and every man I know agrees....
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:05:56 PM | emlamNsea
i was responding to his previous posts....at the end of the day people can sleep with whoever they want to sleep with, so make sure you know what someone is trying to say before you go off saying i called someone a tramp. i wasnt even referring to her. you can dissect my words all day long....i dont know of anyone who will say its healthy to sleep with a guy on the very first day you meet him and if you choose to do that with who you date then knock yourself out. it doesnt take a rocket scientist to wait a while and make sure you know the person before dropping your panties to someone who may ultimately give you a disease, leave you, or treat you like the average chick. i will continue to have my view the same way you will have yours. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:08:55 PM | If you wanted to have sex, great. Giving in is another thing. Fall away.
The reason why I would do that would be want. Yes, it's normal. Look for the unique. | |
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| I'm sorry...
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:10:22 PM | | i am happily divorced and i am proud to be a single mother of 3 children by my ex husband. but at least i wont have to worry about waking up crying because i slept with someone like you who makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and has no morals and sleeps with every chick you meet by the 3rd date. and trust me no one over here is concerned with you either...please dont flatter yourself. | |
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| Or...
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:14:47 PM |
i think everyone has had a one nite stand at some point in their life but if your smart and pick up quick, most men do bounce after a couple hits because they knew they werent interested in anything serious to begin with.
...it could be most of the men YOU pick.
How come this isn't about you and YOUR common experience? How come YOUR experience is anymore valid than MY experience of having never "bounced"? I am a man you know....
Im sure there are those love stories where it lasted after screwing the first night but thats rare.
And you know this because you have taken some sort of survey?
How do you know one outcome is anymore frequent than the other?
All i am saying is if you dont sleep with someone the first night you spare yourself the feeling of feeling used when he doesnt call you anymore...
This we can agree on...and if you are the sort of woman who is so fragile that having sex with someone you don't ultimately end up engaged to is tramatic for you, then it is best we don't date anyway.
Again...my rules work PERFECTLY for me...I connect with women who enjoy sex, who are really looking forward to having sex with me, and who aren't bunny boilers...who are able to say after a few months if something doesn't work out...hey...I had fun...good to know you. How well has it worked out? Well...like I said...all my relationship at length since my first marriage begin this way. seems to do a good job of determining compatibility.
Which is really the point...right? No one should ahve sex with anyone else until they are ready. THAT makes perfect sense...it should be an absolute rule.
What makes NO DAMN SENSE is playing silly as games that say "well...if I wait "X" amount of time, then that means he is serious about me".
No it doesn't...it means he is patient."Patient" and "serious" and not the same thing. It could also mean he is getting his ass elsewhere.
Show me a man who isn't one of particular religious or moral conviction who is waiting months for sex...and I will show you a man who is getting sex somewhere else. And I have just as much evidence to back this notion up as you do yours....no man who CAN get sex on the regular and HAS gotten sex on the regular is going to wait months for it, unless there are reasons that are internal to HIM...and having NOTHING to do with YOU. | |
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| I bet...
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:17:43 PM |
i am happily divorced
...he is too.
and trust me no one over here is concerned with you either...
Flatter myself? Like I'd think your interest would be a GOOD thing??? I think I established what I would think of your interest.
No...you flatter YOURSELF.... | |
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| I would agree 100%...
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:27:02 PM |
Anyone who puts out just because the guy says date 3 or I'm outta here is an idiot..
..and I wouldn't expect that.
I would never tell anyone "you have to have sex with me tonight or else it is over". That is ALSO a game...no different than the game some others like to play and that works so well for them...clearly.
What I am saying is that *I* make the decision that if we haven't been intimate by that point, we aren't on the same page. Like Verity said...you ladies think you know us...we know you too. Someone who needs more than a few dates to decide they want to have sex with me doesn't have the sort of passion FOR ME that I want in a woman...and they probably don't have the sort of healthy attitude about sex that I want in a woman. They (more than likely) think of sex as some gift they "give me", versus something we both enjoy. I don't want to date someone like that...because those sprt of women are really good at using sex as a weapon.
Thinking this way has lead to all the LTR I have had. No thing or body is perfect (I can't believe Madame Rocket Scientist actually said something as stupid as "maybe that is why they are your ex's"...let me go back to her profile and check that "school" section...) but, all of my LTRs have been happy and fulfilling, if not enduring for a millennium. This was probably do to COMPATIBILITY...which trumps anything else.... | |
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| I would agree 100%...
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:12:09 PM |
.and I wouldn't expect that. No.. and I didn't think you did. I was just pointing out the ridiculousness of the statement "any guy who expected .. tramp etc"
I am not trying to tell anyone to change what works for them.. I just get riled at the "sisters" who call anyone who doesn't believe that sex is as natural as two people make it, call others derogatory names and deny themselves pleasure in the hopes of garnering themeselves a relationship. (even when it means they discover later that holding out didn't beget them anymore time then those that don't wait.) Bottom line.. if what you're doing isn't working then try something else. Using Sex should'nt be (to get a relationship by witholding or by having it) It should only be used for the pleasure it brings each other. If all the other good stuff is there and both want it to then a relationship will form regardless of the timeframe. .. JMO
One has to know themselves and what does and doesn't work is all. | |
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| I would agree 100%...
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:40:21 PM |
Someone who needs more than a few dates to decide they want to have sex with me doesn't have the sort of passion FOR ME that I want in a woman...and they probably don't have the sort of healthy attitude about sex that I want in a woman. Healthy attitude about sex? Notice you said "sex", not "lovemaking". What do you consider a healthy attitude about sex? Sex on demand? If you have such passion, why are you separated? Did the passion go out???
all of my LTRs have been happy and fulfilling, if not enduring for a millennium. This was probably do to COMPATIBILITY...which trumps anything else....
Hmmm....why is a SEPARATED (read: MARRIED) man on POF? Ohhh yeah...just for the forums. Compatibility...is that supposed to be code for sex doesn't fix all relationship problems? | |
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| I would agree 100%...
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:45:59 PM |
Hmmm....why is a SEPARATED (read: MARRIED) man on POF? Ohhh yeah...just for the forums. Compatibility...is that supposed to be code for sex doesn't fix all relationship problems? I respectfully ask you What in gods name does this have to do with anything that has been discussed?
Everyone who is here is here because of a failed relationship. Marrying someone because they were not sexually COMPATIBLE is probably the number one reason why those that are still married and looking for "lovemaking" on the side are here.
"Separated" and no longer living together is married in the legal term only. POF admin agrees or they wouldn't have the option to pick "separated" and those who are separated would have to pick "married". | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:50:19 PM |
Or the fact that I gave into sex with him could be key?
God, I hope so. Just by asking the question, I can already tell
1) You don't like sex.
2) You are using sex to achieve your own agenda.
3) Your intentions aren't pure.
4) You don't really care about the guy, not in an honest, genuine, natural way.
If you think of sex as "giving into" it, you don't deserve the guy. For one, it shows that you are using sex as bait.
This always happens to me, does this happen to other ladies out there;
No kidding. I'm not surprised.
and is there a reason why men do this?
Yes. Some of us know your intentions aren't pure. You are willing to trade sex in exchange for a relationship - a shitty deal, and the wrong foundations for a long lasting relationship. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:53:18 PM | I believe the belt was wampum? Basically the guy ,ummmm, released the pressure built up over the time period before the explosion,lol.
Maybe he has to rebuild the pressure level,lol. But sometimes things look different after the event. Reality has set in , that's all it is. It could be worse.....you may be carrying Jr.
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| Responses....
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:59:17 PM | Healthy attitude about sex? Notice you said "sex", not "lovemaking".
Yes, yes I did. And?
What do you consider a healthy attitude about sex? Sex on demand?
Nope. I mean the ability to have and enjoy sex without hang ups such as "I feel used because he doesn't want to marry me" and other such bullshit. Or the ability to understand sex is not a bargaining chip....that it isn't something you hold onto until you get what you want.
If you have such passion, why are you separated?
Ok..I see I need to check someone profile to see exactly who I am dealing with here again....BRB
Masters Degree?? I am surprised to see an educated person say something so stupid.
Why are you single? Are you frigid? Do you have a distaste for sex?
See how stupid that sounded?
Would it be correct to say you have never been married? Accordingly then, not have much insight into the dynamics of marriage?
Hmmm....why is a SEPARATED (read: MARRIED) man on POF?
To find dates of course. You are aware this is a dating site...right? It is all explained in my profile....which you have clearly seen. I know you can read...you've demonstrated as much..so where is the confusion for you? That said...
Ohhh yeah...just for the forums.
...as a matter of fact, yes. Did you read the profile?
Compatibility...is that supposed to be code for sex doesn't fix all relationship problems?
I don't think it code for anything.
Here...let me help....
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compatibility
com·pat·i·ble
/k?m'pæt?b?l/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kuhm-pat-uh-buhl] Show IPA
Use compatibility in a Sentence
–adjective
1. capable of existing or living together in harmony: the most compatible married couple I know. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:19:14 PM | Its sex. Having sex with someone right off the bat indicates a low IQ, low self esteem, you're easy to get, the chase is over and the prey has been bagged.
No matter what anyone says to the contrary, most of the romance is in the chase. Once the chase is over, its called marriage and pretty much then it becomes a chore and a duty.
Why give away the essence of you to someone you barely know? Of course he isn't interested anymore, he got what he came for and now the conquest is hollow and all he can remember is getting his rocks off and that's that. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:27:25 PM |
Its sex. Having sex with someone right off the bat indicates a low IQ, low self esteem, you're easy to get, the chase is over and the prey has been bagged.
Low IQ! WTF? Do you have some statistics for that piece of wisdom?
I had sex with my ex husband on the first date. Neither of us have a " low IQ".
Oh, and I am not prey.....maybe he was?  | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:34:50 PM |
No... no... noooo.... just make sure that they invest a little something something BEFORE you invest a little something something!
But it still doesnt matter if he "invest a little something"..the fact of the matter is that he would still have lost the excitement or whatever the case may be..he most likely had already made up his mind that it was no longer exciting for him..so even if she waited for a month or longer..the same problem most likely would have happened | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:51:17 PM | It's really NOT just about the guy being done with the chase, or he is a player, or OP giving in to sex 'too soon'. And if it always happen to you, questions you need to ask your close friends or ex bfs (and not yourself!) are:
1. Are you fun/interesting/good communicator when you are not texting each other?
2. Are you too needy/Do you have interesting hobbies to keep you occupied?
3. Are you good in bed? (only your ex lovers can validate it and not yourself)
If sex is the only thing that the bonding/connection is all about (you've only been 'hanging out' for a short while, so technically you guys are not in a relationship), you can pretty much expect that the post-sex contact will fade if you aren't living up to his expectations in bed/outside of bed (whatever they are) and hold his interest. It's human nature and it applies to both male and female alike.
And no a guy will NEVER be overly busy for a woman who has his heart ...
OP the best of luck with your fishing, the next great guy is just around the corner of the pond.  | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:34:01 PM | | I have been in almost the same situation. But I have confronted him about it. His answer was... I'm not ready for a relationship. So I told him to move on. He continues to contact me even after I have deleted him, sent nasty emails to him ( and I mean nasty). I will no longer let him use me... You need to be strong and tell him where to go. Why do you think he is still on this site ? It is a dating site... And yes the guy that was doing this to me is in here to so ladies watch out. Internet dating has made it way to easy for the players.... | |
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| Responses....
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:19:52 PM |
Masters Degree?? I am surprised to see an educated person say something so stupid.
Why are you single? Are you frigid? Do you have a distaste for sex?
See how stupid that sounded?
Would it be correct to say you have never been married? Accordingly then, not have much insight into the dynamics of marriage?
Greetings, emlamnsea .... here are my stupid replies to your questions.
Why am I single? Yes, I am frigid. I choose not to have sex with someone I barely know (How is that for being stupid)? Yes, I have a distaste for having sex with someone I barely know. You are right...I am stupid for not having sex for the sake of having sex.
Yes, you are correct in saying that I have never been married. No, I do not have much insight into the dynamics of marriage. You have displayed to me how wrong I am about the dynamics of marriage. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:32:26 PM |
Its sex. Having sex with someone right off the bat indicates a low IQ, low self esteem, How "holier-than-thou!
You know, I'm really sorry, but I have a hard time hearing this from someone who in that past admits to having been married three times and one of your husbands was an abuser and the other was a chronic philanderer...(pardon me, my memory escapes me if this is one and the same guy)
Did waiting to have sex clue you into the type of men you chose??? Did it make you have the highest of high self worth??? Was your IQ altered to be higher than someone who didn't wait just becaue you waited??? Lets see *ponders* Apparently not! So unless you've risen above your previous mistakes and have somehow evolved to your present enlightenment, please refrain from painting with such a wide brush. | |
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| You aren't stupid...
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:43:15 PM |
I choose not to have sex with someone I barely know (How is that for being stupid)? Yes, I have a distaste for having sex with someone I barely know.
...for these things. You were stupid for trying to insinuate that my level of "passion" had anything to do with why I am separated.
You are right...I am stupid for not having sex for the sake of having sex.
That isn't stupid either, but I'd say that silly. Why not have sex for the sake of having sex? Why should there be anymore perquisites than mutual attraction, comfort level and respect?
I mean there are all sorts of nuances of course, but really, that I what I mean by wanting to avoid women whose perspective on sex differs than mine. The women I have been intimate in fact do have sex for the sake of having sex. Now...because it is an intimate act....most of them have only had sex when in a relationship. Because is typically something that two people share, most have only looked to share it with one person at a time. Pretty vanilla stuff.
Where they differed from the attitude being espoused by some here is that they didn't think there were pre conditions beyond attraction, comfort level and respect. They didn't for example, need promises made by me about the future...they realized that the future is unknown. They didn't need to be "in love", because attraction and affection proceed that emotion, and while love might be a requirement for some, love is relatively rare, and they liked sex too much to do without it until they found it.
Now some would like to label these women "tramps". I'd say they were enlighten. While it is true that some of my SOs have had their share of sexual partners, I was only the seventh person my last GF had slept with...and we had sex on the first date, after having spent a few weeks getting to know each other via the stand online methods, and then several hours having spent a day together. At that point she knew my name, where I lived, what I did for a living, my relationship status, and a host of other things she required in order to be comfortable having sex with me. She wasn't in love with me...that wasn't a requirement, and three weeks and one meeting aren't enough to foster love. But she knew what I was looking for, she knew how I felt about her, and she knew that she wanted to fcuk me. And for her, that was enough. And so an 18 month relationship began.
As Wishes Granted said....what exactly is it that you people think all these other games and requirements are getting you? I mean...if they worked...would you be here? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:55:17 PM | It sounds like you didn't spend much time actually in his physical presence before sleeping with him. I think texting and emailing is great, but it gives the ILLUSION of closeness when in fact it's pretty trivial.
From the vibe I'm getting from your thread starting post, you sound kind of "needy". What I mean is that you NEED somebody else to complete you or else you feel inadequate or something. I'm betting he sensed that too and sized you up as "an easy lay", and you have now fulfilled that purpose.
My suggestion to you is to not be in such a hurry next time. Go on several dates first. Go do an activity together, not just dinner every time. Go on group outtings with others. That will cement you as more than just a lay. He will see you as a partner. then you will both be on equal footing when you take the next step.
~Justin | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:46:13 PM | Girl I am tellin ya, have a talk before you have the sex.
Don't worry about him being scared off, you don't have to be intimidating. Best to have it when you are talking about STDS and safe sex (please tell me you weave this into conversation.. it's important) Ask about what his thoughts are on casual sex.
If your thoughts don't jive, you are not gonna be on the same page whether you do the deed or not.... so best to just smile at your new friend and keep checking out the scene with others. It's not worth the hell you are going through, so just keep moving with your self esteem intact.. you're worth it girl.
But if this is happening after, have a talk now. Ask him and don't be afraid. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:34:37 PM |
How "holier-than-thou!
You know, I'm really sorry, but I have a hard time hearing this from someone who in that past admits to having been married three times and one of your husbands was an abuser and the other was a chronic philanderer...(pardon me, my memory escapes me if this is one and the same guy)
Did waiting to have sex clue you into the type of men you chose??? Did it make you have the highest of high self worth??? Was your IQ altered to be higher than someone who didn't wait just becaue you waited??? Lets see *ponders* Apparently not! So unless you've risen above your previous mistakes and have somehow evolved to your present enlightenment, please refrain from painting with such a wide brush.
No, not holier than thou, probably just the opposite. I could probably teach the pros, but marriage has always been preferable to me than being a one brain celled bed hopper.
Who said I waited? Sometimes the best advice comes from someone who has been there and done that. You can think you know someone and/or think sex is just like a kiss, but you are co-joining and mingling with that person. Its more than a French kiss, sweetie.
Had I been more careful and valued myself more when I was your age, I might not be on a dating website with the likes of you...lol
I am very intelligent. That's a fact, but to throw out your "v" like its so much garbage for any horney dude who gives you the hairy eyeball, is just plain stupid. | |
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