| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:49:19 AM | No one is saying to "throw your v out there" and by this last post of yours.. you explain that you've become more enlightened to what does and doesn't work for you.
You may be intelligent in the book sense but you have no sense in how to choose a good man apparently.
I was married to a man for 30 years.. I was a virgin when I met him. (who never cheated or beat me) that doesn't give a gal much time to throw her v around ya know! And shock of all shocks.. we didn't wait..
"A one brained celled bed hopper" I could call someone who goes through marriages like you have the same thing only you were foolish enough to marry them .. but I don't and I won't. You've been married three times and It's quite possible you've had twice the sexual partners I have taking into consideration all the men you've had while single. plus the three you had while married
... Who said that anyone was throwing their v out there.. Have you not considered that there are women who are discriminate in who they'll bed even if they don't wait for months before doing so??.. You paint ALL People who don't believe in waiting eons to be intimate as being promiscuous and will go to bed with anyone who shows interest.. not the case. The fact that you've chosen three men to marry .. all of them wrong for you.. plus all the others that you've been with (and waited) means that odds are, you've had way more partners then I have, "sweetee." Which is your perogative and your right.. I don't care what you've done or how you do it but don't label all women just because you yourself at one time were the one with the low IQ and lacked self-esteem
Perhaps it's just your posting style and you didn't intend to come across as holier than thou.. ???? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:04:03 AM | YIKES! Tensions are definitely running high in this thread.
Men vs. Women
All in all this board/thread is filled by posts pointing out the differences in men and women in a combative nature. As a whole it's clear why so dating is so hard. So many preconceptions on how the other sex thinks, that when a good person comes along it may be easy to dismiss them. We all "know" these things about the opposite sex, why don't we accept them and find ways to work with each other. Some men are all about sex, some women are all about money... but it's rather unfair to paint individuals of either sex with that broad brush. When we do, we resign ourselves to a bitter life lived alone.
Ideological Differences....
Clearly there's a divide in the sex department. What works for some won't work for others. But it doesn't give anyone a right to make derogatory remarks about the other side of the spectrum. There is no reason to call each other sluts, tramps, prudes, ice queens, etc etc. There's no reason to make assumptions about either sides intellect, moral values, or any other quality for that matter. We all have different views on life, love, and sex.
There is no need to be disrespectful of each other just because we are of the opposite sex or of opposing viewpoints. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:27:07 AM | What you did wrong, as I am sure others will have already told you, is you slept with him, before establishing the relationship you really wanted with him. Introducing sex too soon in a "getting to know you" phase, ends the future you wanted.
You fell for him? Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you'll be able to see what you did wrong and prevent it when you fall next time.
And if it always happens to you dear? You may want to change how you're behaving with your men, it's not bringing you the ultimate goal you wish to accomplish. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:34:11 AM | Despite everyone claiming that we are so advanced, yet another thread proves us wrong.
There is only a small minority of men who won't drop a woman if she sleeps with him too soon. I've found those men to be the most sexually open too.
Men want women to change the way that they perceive men (as a provider, financial wise etc.) - funny how the majority of men haven't changed their outlook on sex though.
The old ways that were ingrained into us are still in play. Anybody who thinks that we are not a product of how we grew up is fooling themselves. Most people CANNOT and DO NOT want to change.
Most people that change do so because in the past they had something happen that forced them to change. Once we did so, other change became easy. Most of us are sheep. We all have great ideas, but in the end, we follow what we have learned. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:07:52 AM | I've said this before -- texting sucks for keeping a relationship going...
Yes, its fun but there's no tone, no body language, no looking into your eyes, no voice inflection -- if you're relying on texting to maintain a relationship, your relationships are not going to last long. Texting is too easy and hence cheap way to be in contact.
Get the next guy to call you after you've had sex. Meet him. Don't think that as long as you're getting texts that your relationship is good-- you cannot tell if it is!! But, you can with a phone call or having them right in front of you.
It happened to me recently-- once we knocked boots, e-mails and texts were misinterpreted on both sides, and became part of the end. You need more than electronic messages to keep da love alive baby... | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:10:39 AM |
There is only a small minority of men who won't drop a woman if she sleeps with him too soon.
What? Where are you getting this from? If sex doesn't occur on the 3rd-5th date, just look through old threads to confirm that number, most guys see it as a red flag, and move on.
Men want women to change the way that they perceive men (as a provider, financial wise etc.) - funny how the majority of men haven't changed their outlook on sex though.
What's mens' the current outlook on sex? No, seriously, what is it? I don't fully know my outlook on sex, let alone other guy's, but yet you do?
Also, as someone once said:
Sex, being an innate drive, is not so easily changed or negotiated. Compare it, if you will, to ones preference for food. It is difficult to change a person's food preference. It's far more complicated than just a matter of negotiation or compromise. (datingPosts9996713.aspx - 95 - dave1234)
Most of us are sheep. We all have great ideas, but in the end, we follow what we have learned.
There is a lot of truth to that. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:38:58 PM |
There is only a small minority of men who won't drop a woman if she sleeps with him too soon. I've found those men to be the most sexually open too. That would be in your own experience .. right? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:56:06 PM | ^^nope, not totally my experience - comes from the 4 years I've been on these forums reading thread after thread about women who sleep with men too early, get dropped, and then whine about it and the men that respond in these threads to the women.
I'm not going to go back and copy paste these responses, but I've seen man after man say that sleeping with someone too soon is a recipe for disaster. There are a few that pipe in about these situations becoming LTRs, but they are in the minority and I check their other threads to see their views on other topics. I also have a good memory.
Frankly, I don't care I'll go by my own schedule, but almost every day you can hear a woman wondering why a man no longer calls her after she slept with him on the 1-2 date.
It's as bad as the men who whine about money.
<div class='quote'>What's mens' the current outlook on sex? No, seriously, what is it?
Go do a thread seach, the majority of men on here believe that if a woman sleeps with them too soon, it means she is a sl*t. I've read it time and time again. It's not always a time issue, it's a time plus other factors involved.
What? Where are you getting this from? If sex doesn't occur on the 3rd-5th date, just look through old threads to confirm that number, most guys see it as a red flag, and move on.
Sorry no. It depends on the quality of those dates, the communication in between etc. 3-5 dates could occur over a long period of time or a very short period of time. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:07:16 PM |
nope, not totally my experience - comes from the 4 years I've been on these forums reading thread after thread about women who sleep with men too early, get dropped, and then whine about it and the men that respond in these threads to the women. ya know, misery loves company and that is why you read about the failed relationships and the successful one's are rarely heard of.
Frankly, I don't care I'll go by my own schedule, but almost every day you can hear a woman wondering why a man no longer calls her after she slept with him on the 1-2 date. Like I said.. they're looking for reason why they failed at what they did. People who are in remorse look for ways to raise themselves out of that pit and come in here hoping to get validation that it wasn't their fault..
Frankly, I don't care I'll go by my own schedule and that is IMO a very smart maneuver.. if whatever one does works then keep doing it. If it's repeated failure then mix it up a bit until you find what works for you.. but having regrets and remorse for doing somehing that at one time was enjoyable is just a receipe for being down all the time.
Go do a thread seach, the majority of men on here believe that if a woman sleeps with them too soon, it means she is a sl*t. I've read it time and time again. It's not always a time issue, it's a time plus other factors involved. has anyone ever started a thread about how they had sex early and how well it worked for them?? No, because, as I've said.. misery loves company and apparently the forums are full of miserable people who use sex as a comodity and worry about why things didn't work out.. which includes those who waited and those that didn't. It's the expectations one places on thier sexual partner that causes all the perfuffle.. not the act itself. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:09:56 PM | there are men that want the next notch in the belt and it is all a game and there are good men. some people just are schmucks | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:59:47 PM |
Frankly, I don't care I'll go by my own schedule, but almost every day you can hear a woman wondering why a man no longer calls her after she slept with him on the 1-2 date.
You think the reason such women don't get calls from men is because they gave it up to early? If it makes women feel better, and cope with the situation, then go ahead, use that excuse.
I talk to guys often and I hear the real reasons why they dump the woman they sleep with.
Go do a thread seach, the majority of men on here believe that if a woman sleeps with them too soon, it means she is a sl*t. I've read it time and time again. It's not always a time issue, it's a time plus other factors involved.
I did. I searched for "sluts", and the opinions are mixed at best.
Sorry no. It depends on the quality of those dates, the communication in between etc. 3-5 dates could occur over a long period of time or a very short period of time.
You are pointing out the obvious. I'm saying sex usually happens within 3 to 5 dates, and you saying that sex depends on the quality of those dates. Will you have sex with someone if you had 3-5 "bad dates" with them? Will you not move on after the 2, 3, 4 or 5th bad date? "Bad date(s)" usually imply "No sex". Which means, for any chance of sex occurring, one requires, at the very worst, a decent date. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:17:14 PM | | If it "always" happens, then you are going to have to change the way you are doing things. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:21:13 AM | | i hate to tell you this but nothing is for ever . another is this whole texting back and forth will run a realonship very quickly . what ever happened to simply just picking up the phone and calling somebody does any body ever do this any more at all ? trust me their girl you probally did nothing wrong at all some times us guys would rather just talk with you on the phone and try to work things out rather than texting or send emails back and fourth . | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:55:57 AM | | OP Deerdog makess ense, he always does.Sex is just thta, you sleep with him, its fun, thats it.Relationships start with friendship, not intimacy. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:01:12 AM | Let him fade! Quit blaming yourself for something he did
too! and never fall victim to the ridiculous anology ;
Men like a chase! Some men do- but that is due to their
own insecurity issues within themselves.
eg:Wanting what you can't have?
That is a game played by those who could never
be what is true and real!
and in turn they will never recieve what is
True and real.
Don't sell yourself short- proceed with caution
by not getting involved intimately until you are confident
that It truely is a good thing! | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:05:44 AM |
has anyone ever started a thread about how they had sex early and how well it worked for them??
Actually I've posted many times about couples that had sex early and how it worked. I know several personally.
The point is, many MEN are always posting that sex too early is a bad thing.
You think the reason such women don't get calls from men is because they gave it up to early? If it makes women feel better, and cope with the situation, then go ahead, use that excuse.
Don't debate it with me, debate it with all the men who tell women on here that sleeping with them too soon is not a good idea. Like I said, I know it can work sometime but whenever a woman whines about this, both men and women are there saying she "gave it up too soon". | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 4:18:37 AM |
He's a great guy and all...
maybe he simply wasn't as great as you thought? | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:57:41 AM | Because you gave him the nookie!!!!! You did not establish a real relationship before validating him as a real partner...texting does not a relationship make!!! Relationships take communication, committment, and compatibility, you had a guy sending you text messages for a while whenever he got bored, then you hooked up...now you decide you want him to be a boyfriend instead of a bootie call? Sorry, but you screwed this up.
===============================================================
last time i looked texting was a form of communication
last time i looked exchanging ideas no matter form it took was communication
why is it that when a women has sex with a mail she is assumed to be weak in judgment, and the guy a player? could it not be that what led them to the path of passion dissolved with time.
now i may be way off base here... but as sex is a strong factor in a relationship. could it also not be one of the determining factors in the ending of a relationship. ladies..now before you run to fetch the rope for my hanging.... have you ever meet someone... been interested in them....perused a relationship with them .... had sex with them... and then for some unexplained reason were not so into them as much?
now as a male that does not enjoy sex for the release alone. now i am not trying to sell myself as some saint. for i am as guilty as the next man, and am in a FWB situation.... and have been in love before... i can speak from both sides.
can we not just call it infatuation, leading to sex....never reaching love... without laying blame on the guy as a player. or degrading the woman as being weak or needy.
some things in life just work that way.... to believe that everyone is out for their own selflessness is harmful to ones growth.... to spread this hate is harmful to everyone! | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:14:43 AM |
he'd be chasing you
you women want equality, STOP EXPECTING GUYS TO CHASE YOU, you start chasing for a change.... | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:17:11 AM | | I know I do it because familiarity breeds contempt. Love, Titus | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:50:20 AM | There is only a small minority of men who won't drop a woman if she sleeps with him too soon. I've found those men to be the most sexually open too.
I will agree that men that dont view ..a woman who has sex early ..as a bad thing ...(on POF anyway) are the minority ..maybe not a small minority ...
and I agree that having this attitude in and of its self defines people as more sexually open
but the opposite stance ... the guys who do see a woman differently after they put out ...can only be defined as hypocritical.... if he sees her as any less for having sex ..then he is less for having sex ...if she is undesirable for putting out he is also ...if she is a slut he is too
If i sleep with you on the ___whatever date but he thinks it was too soon for you to put out ..it was to soon for me to put out ...when I meet a guy who refuses the sex then he has the moral ground for condemning her for offering ..if he takes it he is in the same moral boat as she is ..whatever he determines that to be
yes I am very sexually open but I just cannot perceive how anyone can ..have sex with a woman and think he is any better relationship material than she is
If a guy is a hypocrite in this regard ...and expects a woman to hold a higher standard than he requires of himself ...then is he relationship material any way ...will his double standard not manifest its self in other areas ...do you really want a guy who would condemn you for having sex with him ????...she is a slut because she had sex with me on the first date ...hello ..were you not there also ...did you not put out on the first date also ...if she is trash you are also ..plus you are a hypocrite ...little boys amaze me ...grow up ..if you demand a virtuous woman be a virtuous man ..otherwise see yourself for what you are... by your own definition you are garbage
I actually have more respect for the player /cad he was only there for the sex ..and wasnt staying any way ..but for the guys that argue that a woman is less for having sex ..but yet they dont hold themselves to the same standard ....I have no respect for ..and I think any woman who caters to this attitude is asking for it ...if you have to hold out to keep him he probably is not worth keeping ..his unrealistic views of how you should live will show in other ways | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:10:38 AM | So tell me OP what's the go with your profile? For starters you are Not Single, yet recently had it off with some random guy you met from the net who texted you like crazy until you slept with him.
Have you lost a lot of weight over the past week as you say you are thin? Mmmm I beg to differ on that one.
You are in your 30's and if you haven't figured out men yet then you have next to no hope of ever doing so.
I feel that I may have done something wrong, .....You slept with him.
It Always happens to you because you allow it to.
When you first meet a guy of course he is going to tell you everything you want to hear, it's all part of the luring. It's no secret that men think with the wrong head most of the time. That's what makes them so luv-able.....give in too soon and it's all over red rover.
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:26:56 AM | It's no secret that men think with the wrong head most of the time. That's what makes them so luv-able
Juliet
when are we going to stop excusing guys ..for this ...why should he require a woman to be responsible for controlling her hormones and his also ... guys can say no ..or maybe its to soon ...to say they were thinking with their penis is a cop out at best ... and to have sex and condemn her for doing exactly the same is ..stupid and egotistical and hypocritical
were I a woman this is one of the first questions I would ask a new guy ... at what point do you think it is ok for us to have sex ....and depending on his answer ... if the dweeb tried to get in my pants before that time ..i would kick him in the nuts and if we had sex on his time frame and he dumped me ...my only problem would be where to dump his body
i know this is extreme but guys do this because yall let them ... stop calling them players and start calling them sluts | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:45:56 AM | ^^^^^I believe that when you find 'The one' then sex becomes a part of the bonding.
When chemistry occurs and those feelings emerge there needs to be a common denominator ......emotions need to be felt with both the man and woman. One sided flings usually do not end up serious.
As women we are cautious and trust a little too much hoping that if this guy makes love to us then he will feel what we feel. It doesn't usually happen that way.
The first time I met my ex some 20 years ago there was an instant chemistry.
The circumstances could not have been worse. We met at a funeral. He was 23 and in a long term relationship, I was 31 with 3 children. Within the week he ended his long term relationship. Chemistry was in the air and as circumstances go we ended up being together for 10 years.
It doesn't happen often.
The sooner that woman/men realize that a person cannot change the feelings of the person they choose to sleep with then the sooner we can begin to understand each other. Because we choose to sleep with someone does not mean that they owe us anything. | |
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| Why does contact fade?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:05:02 AM | ^^^^^^^
Because we choose to sleep with someone does not mean that they owe us anything.
im sorry but I disagree ...when guys romance and seduce with the pretense that they have a relationship in the making ...then run when the deed is done ... are dishonest
when the couple sleep together and she changes the rules and immediately assumes something that has not been promised ..she has been dishonest
WE OWE EACH OTHER HONESTY
when two people meet at a bar and go home together ..shagg each others brains out with no promises...or someone meets someone on line for an intimate encounter ..making no promises ..thats honest ...when a guy says up front he is not ready for a relationship and she puts out in hopes of changing his mind ..she has been dishonest with herself...but when he comes on with the I want a long term and all the other games only to run after he scores ..thats dishonesty
WE OWE EACH OTHER HONESTY
men play games ...women play games ..and we all cry when we dont win our games by our rules
WHEN ALL WE OWE EACH OTHER IS HONESTY | |
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