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Thread: whats his problem????

m_church

Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 26
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whats his problem???? Posted: 7/3/2009 6:37:11 PM
I can undertand his reluctance... he has enough on his plate if he's being honest that avoiding more drama etc... may be what he needs... And he may believe that meeting the kids too early is an issue... I never was that way, but I know guys who think that way...

!JIMMYJAMES!

Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 27
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whats his problem???? Posted: 7/3/2009 10:12:12 PM
I'm recently out of a relationship with a woman that had two kids ages 8(boy) and 6(girl). It was a month before she would allow her children to meet me. Then I was introduced briefly before a date. Hello, goodbye. This progressed to picking up or dropping off the kids from care together before/after a date. Her mother somewhere in this time asked them if they liked me. The girl said "Yea, he brought us cookies." and the boy "he's cool." It was three months before we went out with the kids. Four months in I spent Easter with her family. We posed for a photo during which the boy clung to me and said "This is great, we're a happy family." I don’t know if she heard that but it struck me. He wanted me to be his dad. Throughout our relationship she was worried about the kids getting too attached to me. Six months in she wanted to let me go. I'm kind of tired of women wanting me to find something better. Anyhow we still talk every now and then. The kids ask her about me...where I am...if they can see me. It is hard to answer you question without knowing how old your children are. You should never subject your children to being around a strange man for hours on first introduction. The first extended time together should be a fun activity for the kids where you happened to bring him along. I believe kids 5-10 yrs need to readily accept your boyfriend or you should stop seeing him and find a more suitable dad. Kids that are 10 or older are probably going to resist any man at least a month of extended visits.

warmhanded

Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 28
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whats his problem???? Posted: 7/4/2009 6:37:10 AM
It's only been a couple of months, not even. If in two months you're dating another guy are going to expect hime to meet your kids too. What about the next guy? Then the one after that? It took four months with my last long time girlfriend before I meet her daughter. She wanted to make sure we would be together for a long time before we met. She didn't want her daughter meeting "a parade" of men. Are you exclusive, have you had that talk? He's still going through a divorce. Do you want to teach your kids it's okay to date someone who is still legally married? Wait until it's finalized at least.

*Sanscheyle*

Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 29

whats his problem???? Posted: 7/4/2009 6:55:23 AM
he sees his 3 boys, as and when he can That sentence right there tells me this man may be harboring guilt about not being able to see his own children that much and meeting yours might be adding to his guilt, especially if he's thinking about a future with you. If so, then your kids come as a package deal and maybe he can't handle that right now. I would simply communicate to him how much it's bothering you that he doesn't seem to want to meet your kids and then make your own decision. Any guy that I date I go on and on and on about my animals just to gage his reaction. If he avoids coming over or makes jokes about how lovely my cats would look on a piece of China with an apple stuck in their mouths , then I'm quite sure I won't be seeing his carcass again any time soon. Also, you haven't been dating that long as it is. Some women won't even let a man meet their children until after 6 months or so. It just sounds to me like he isn't that interested in having anything to do with the rest of what makes up who you are. Think about that. Sans

rl0vely

Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 30

whats his problem???? Posted: 7/4/2009 8:46:21 AM
im glad i saw this post because the issue has been coming up recently and it boggles my mind. i have 3 boys and i DO NOT combine my dating life with my family life. iv been asked by a men to come hang out.. watch movies.. have dinner.. whathave you at my house. im really strict on this rule. the way i see it is im living with my children not they with me. iv gotten waaay too much flack because i dnt wnt mr. new guy to meet my kids. im trying to teach my boys the ideal of what a woman is.. all too soon they will learn tht this is not true. and its not going to b me tht proves tht all a women wants is a man.. :) yes, no doubt it sends up red flags when i dnt want a man in my home on the 1st, 2nd, 10th date.. but to be perfectly frank, if i cnt get across my honesty and desire to b in a healthy relationship with JUST me then i have no prob moving on. im trying to find a mate.. not a father for my children.

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