| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:02:47 AM |
You sound just like most women. Well, let me just say that it IS YOUR responsibility no matter who's house....PERIOD.
You did ASK about who's "responsibility" it is. You asked something like whether you should have been consulted/involved in a decision about what goes on in your wife's/ex-wive's/baby momma's house. Regardless of your marital status, if you are not a resident there, then from a legal standpoint the answer is "no."
And just like most women YOU think "running to court" to have the court intervene with you and your ex in raising your kid(s).
WHOA RIGHT THERE AND BACK THE F*** UP, YOU ASSUMPTIVE F***WIT!
My ex and I have joint custody and have co-parented quite successfully. We specifically had the referral of disagreements to arbitration deleted from the standard joint custody/parenting plan and agreed that whomever the children were residing with at any given time would have the final say. So, you don't what the f*** you are talking about cuz we definitely didn't go running to the courts and our daughters are now 18 and 20 years old.
BOTH PARENTS have to know what is being taught the other person's home in regard to "OUR".
To what purpose and end? If you don't like the faith being practiced (or lack thereof) or don't believe in evolution, it's not like you prevent the other parent from exposing the children to such relatively harmless information. And, speaking of courts, bringing such nonsense into a courtroom could get one cited for harrassment. And don't throw bigger issues like drugs and bringing strangers into the home for sex cuz we both know that's not what is being discussed here and I'm not including such issues in the "relatively harmless" pile.
Remember ladies, the KID(S) aren't just yours. Maybe, you should rethink the way you are currently raising kid(s) under that lax environment of daddy's home and mommy's home.
No wonder you don't still live with that wife you're not divorced from. You have major f***ing issues and I'm betting intermittent explosive disorder is one of em. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:30:08 AM | Dude let me tell you something. I am a father. If my son wants to have one of his friends come and stay so they can play games and have fun they he can. That does NOT make him a FAG. Get a grip and let kids be kids. I know you are going to jump on your high horse and make more comments about my post but I am not even going to waste any more of my time on your self rightious views.
I think the OP was talking about an 11 yr old boy having a female friend sleep over.
Nothing to do with homosexuality. I just said I wouldn't allow it because kids get curious and experiment. And I just wouldn't have that happen on my watch. If my son wants a friend sleep over that's fine but same sex only. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:37:33 AM | | ^^^^ And years from now if you learn your child is bi and there were things going on? | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:39:41 AM | | Co ed sleep overs are appropriate when the child is over 18 and has moved out of the house. An ex friend of mine let her girls have boyfriends sleep over from the time that they were 10/11 years old. (She also let them drink alc.) The result, her oldest had a baby when she was 15/16 years old, her youngest had a baby when she was 13. Frankly, I don't care how "innocent" the sleep over may seem, it shouldn't happen. Mom is in the wrong and I'd haul her ignorant behind into court over it. It shows a total lack of sound judgement on her part. Shame on her. Many times a parent will agree to these sleep over arrangements in an attempt to become the "cool" parent. I'd rather be the a-hole parent that puts my foot down and looks out for my kids best interest than the "cool" one who gets a finger pointed at them when the child is thrown abruptly into being a baby having a baby. It sounds like your ex has some serious moral issues and needs to get her head on straight. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:55:22 AM | "I don't want to hear another thing about how great single mom's are, because quite frankly the majority of them seem to have NO clue on how to raise kids(ESPECIALLY BOYS). I wonder why???"
Whoa.......Slow down A minute. There's single moms & single dads that condone this unethical immoral sleep over bull sh**. That doesn't mean we all do, and we all shouldn't be judged by the decisions that others of the same sex make. You don't hear me saying you have "no clue" because there are men out there who believe opposite sex sleep overs are okay. I personally think it wrong and that it will NEVER happen in my house. I don't care if it does make me a bit**. I look out for my kids' best interest, and try to raise them right. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:07:24 AM | :
"12 year old girls are getting pregnant in countries all around the world, America, Australia, the UK, etc.
It's beyond sick, and lack of supervision is part of the problem. Why put them in the situation to begin with?"
To futureshock:
I agree 100% with you. Parents are trying to be the cool parent, trying to be their kids' friend instead of mom/dad , and simply put- not supervising them at the same time. It's a horrible combination. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:10:34 PM | just out of curiosity what do all you "no co-ed sleepover parents" do when:
your 11/12/13/14 year old children go on class trips that involve both sexes being chaperoned by either other parents or teachers.....usually at a 1:5or6 ratio? these trips are common in the school system here, as well as with a lot of extra curricular activites/sports etc
you 11/12/13/14 year old child goes to a co-ed camp.....chaperoned by either adults you don't have a personal relationship with; and usually late teenage counselors?
do you consider that inappropriate? not let them participate? or let them go?
and if you let them go, then i'm curious as to why you think it's appropriate for your child to be chaperoned by strangers while in the company of the opposite gender, but not yourself, their other parent or someone their parent(s) know and trust.......really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2009 12:36:19 PM | | ^^^ Good luck with that. I'm still waiting for an answer to my "bi" question. LOL! | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:44:42 PM |
just out of curiosity what do all you "no co-ed sleepover parents" do when:
your 11/12/13/14 year old children go on class trips that involve both sexes being chaperoned by either other parents or teachers.....usually at a 1:5or6 ratio? these trips are common in the school system here, as well as with a lot of extra curricular activites/sports etc
you 11/12/13/14 year old child goes to a co-ed camp.....chaperoned by either adults you don't have a personal relationship with; and usually late teenage counselors?
do you consider that inappropriate? not let them participate? or let them go?
and if you let them go, then i'm curious as to why you think it's appropriate for your child to be chaperoned by strangers while in the company of the opposite gender, but not yourself, their other parent or someone their parent(s) know and trust.......really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
Are you comparing being out in broad daylight with lots of people to being alone in a dark bedroom in the middle of the night, just the boy and girl alone? | |
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Posted: 7/9/2009 12:52:04 PM | ^^^ I didn't know "co-ed camp" occurs only during daylight hours. Being an athiest you might know this but there's alotta unchristian behavior happening at church camps.   | |
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Posted: 7/9/2009 1:10:40 PM | Are you comparing being out in broad daylight with lots of people to being alone in a dark bedroom in the middle of the night, just the boy and girl alone?
no.....what i am saying is that there are many valid reasons that children of all ages should, can and do spend time with the the opposite gender, and not all can or should involve 24/7 monitoring by parents or adults.
all 4 of my children have attended class/school/camp sleepover trips that have involved both genders and have lasted anywhere from 3-20 days in length, at which time they undoubtedly slept.......i am quite sure it would have been dark, and although they would have had separate rooms/cabins/tents for the girls and boys, the number of children far outweighed the number of chaperones or counselors.
i'm also relatively certain that the chaperones/counselors did not stay awake 24/7 keeping their eyes trained on all the children at all times, any more than i or their father does.
and i'm also pretty sure that as much sex and fornication can take place during the day as during the night....if thats what they were really out to do.
i just personally see nothing wrong with children spending time together, regardless of gender if there is appropriate supervision in place...... | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:51:43 PM | ^^^ You're a back-pedaling, spineless mfer!
I comprehend what I read just fine. You launched a personal attack on me. No one else was addressed in that post. I didn't check your profile to learn your marital status cuz I couldn't care less what it is. You may be available, but you ain't consumable. And I don't give a fat rat's a** that you have a law degree. I've worked in the legal profession for 15 years AND been divorced enough times to probably get a law degree on experience alone if that was legally possible. I never said that the law distinguishes between parents. I said the law does not give one parent control over the happenings in the other's household. One can file motions regarding things they object to, but they can't effect change without the court... such as just barging into premises which are not one's legal domicile and doing/saying whatever one wants. It's called TRESPASSING or BREAKING AND ENTERING, Mr. Attorney!
And, yeah, my daughter did sleep with her bf in my house. Her father knows it, didn't approve, and there wasn't a d*** thing he could do about it without filing a petition with the court... and he didn't. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2009 3:40:14 PM | | Momof4, I was referring to what Sagman said in a previous post about boys don't do sleepovers unless they are fags. If that were the case wouldn't be correct to make an assumption that if girls do it then they are lesbians? I mean, they play with dolls, play dress-up, do each others hair and make-up? Come on now Sagman. As far as someone turning bi because they have friends sleep over. I don't think sleepovers have anything to do with that. If someone is onterested in both sexes then that will happen at anytime during the day or night. Whether there is a sleepover or not. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 2:35:53 AM | WindRoper, you're getting the two asshats mixed up. The OPie is separated, almost divorced, though he's been a member of PoF for about five years, and has an 11 year old, so this may count as the longest separation on the pond, lol! *He* is the one that wants to take the behavior to court. The other is a widower, and after this thread, I suspect will remain in that stance for a *real* long time.
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:19:49 AM | WT......F is going on around here?!?
Fucryingoutloud, co-ed sleepovers for any children, needless to say tweenage ones is strictly verboten period.
Boys having sleepovers being gay?!? Again, WTF?
PG13 movies? Choose your battles, they see worse than that at school. If you're that concerned about it, tell her or write her an email to have a record of your opinion.
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:23:45 PM | And, yeah, my daughter did sleep with her bf in my house. Her father knows it, didn't approve, and there wasn't a d*** thing he could do about it without filing a petition with the court... and he didn't.
Why did you allow that? Was she over 18 at the time? | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:15:43 PM | My rule has always been "no co-ed sleepovers period, end of discussion, full stop."
My daughter is welcome to have friends that are girls sleep over any night on which there is no school the next day (e.g. any time in the summer); I don't mind. But co-ed? No way, and ESPECIALLY not at 11.
A couple of my daughter's friends are ALREADY "doing it" at this age. Yes, she talks with me about that sort of thing.
Don't be naive. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 8:36:44 PM | y daughter is welcome to have friends that are girls sleep over any night on which there is no school the next day (e.g. any time in the summer); I don't mind. But co-ed? No way, and ESPECIALLY not at 11.
A couple of my daughter's friends are ALREADY "doing it" at this age. Yes, she talks with me about that sort of thing.
Don't be naive.
Do you mean some of your 11 year old daughter's friends, who are also 11, are having sex? Why are you allowing her to be friends with them? Did you tell their parents? I don't know what I would do, that is a tough situation. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2009 8:41:48 PM | | 11 year olds are not capable of " best judgment" they are prone to trying to get away with what they can. callin and checkin in is a good idea cause with the movie mom let him see might be an indicator ( and that he spends more time w/ dad and says he wants to) might put mom into a position of being a fun 'friend' rather than the parent. co-parenting is communicating values and ideals that you both will back each other up on and really is you both having the his best intrests at heart. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:29:48 PM |
Do you mean some of your 11 year old daughter's friends, who are also 11, are having sex? Why are you allowing her to be friends with them? Did you tell their parents? I don't know what I would do, that is a tough situation.
Yep, that's exactly what I mean.
How do you "stop someone from being friends" when they go to school with someone? Don't be silly - that never works; didn't when I was a kid and still doesn't.
As for their parents, well, you just don't understand what some kids deal with. Some kids have parents that just don't give a damn - unfortunately. | |
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Posted: 7/27/2009 8:15:13 PM | my son asked me today when he could have a girl sleep over. When he is married was the answer :)
Though my ex's daughter and my friends daughter have been known to spend the night from time to time | |
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Posted: 7/27/2009 9:14:59 PM | my step daughter is 15 and her best friend is a boy. I trust the step daughter and so does the ex. they met because the obys older sister takes them both to church wednesday and sunday. My ex has taken him to the ranch and other places on weekends. they do not get a lot of "alone time", but I think neither one of them really want alone time anyway. one sleeps on the couch, the other in a chair. the ex checks in on them periodically just so they know she is there.
If your ex keeps an eye on them there is nothing to worry about. I really do not see what the big deal is. Now is the time to teach him how to treat a lady and how to be appropriate. Not much chance of teaching him once the hormones kick in. | |
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Posted: 7/27/2009 10:47:56 PM | You must have been born with a very strict father by the sound of it. It would seem alot of you fustration comes from your childhood. Someone who is stuck in there past can never come out into the future seeing things and adapting. If your afraid of homosexuality it will not prevent someone from becoming sexually interested in the same sex. Everyone is open to there own ideal parenting but remember this........No matter how much you dictate, when your child grows up they will decide for themselves! Whether its to be gay, sleep with someone, manage their own childrens lives. All you can do is try to help them in there development.
As for when they become sexually interested in the oppisite sex or same, it all varies on the person. Some kids act on it right away at young ages as well some don't for a long time. I myself had a best friend who was a guy we had sleep overs all the time. I never had sex until I was 19 and it wasn't with him. In history these children will find out that in the past children where married off at the moment of thier first period.
Most children will not end up having sex close to home where there parents are. Its normally "mom or dad im sleeping over here, or im going to dinner with my friend." Some even do it at school now. Be aware if you keep them busy with things they like most of the time it will occupy there thoughts and sex won't cross there minds.
But as Ive stated above no matter what you want to happen its better to have them in an area where you can supervise then one you cannot. As for maturity some people never do grow up Ive seen 45 year olds who try acting like there 15 so no matter its all about life experiences.
As for shows all the kid has to do to get into a rated R show is find a friend or a friends broother or sister old enough to take them to the show. No matter how much you don't like it, it will happen if they really want to go. | |
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| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:28:07 AM |
Wind: "And, yeah, my daughter did sleep with her bf in my house. Her father knows it, didn't approve, and there wasn't a d*** thing he could do about it without filing a petition with the court... and he didn't."
Future: "Why did you allow that? Was she over 18 at the time? "
First, I'm sorry I missed your question, Future. Hopefully you will come across this.
She was not quite 18 at the time. The first night her bf stayed overnight in our home was the night my ex died in a car crash. I went straight to my MIL's house from work after receiving the call and I spent the night there. As you may recall, my daughters didn't have drivers licenses and the bf drove to our town to transport the girls to the MIL's house. He ran errands for us for the next several days while I made arrangements for cremation and a memorial service. As you can imagine, I just wasn't myself, our lives did not resemble normalcy (for us) at that point in time, and quite honestly it took awhile for me to pull myself out of the nose dive and just deal with day-to-day life again. Due to the extreme circumstances of that first time, I have no way of truly knowing whether I would have done things differently under different circumstances. It seems rather pointless to dwell on what-if's, especially as they relate to the past. If you had told me some years back that this is the parent/person I would be today and these are the choices I would make and things I would do I would have laughed in your face. | |
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Posted: 7/28/2009 11:48:01 AM | It depends really, without knowing the kids its a difficult call for anyone to make. From what I remember at school, most kids knew what sex was from around 10 onwards, even thought the internet was pretty primitive back then it still educated most of us! There were were a group of kids who would have "sleepovers" but nothing too sinister ever happened, just kissing. If it makes you feel any better no kid I knew between the ages of 10 and 14 at the school I went to had had sex, and if there are only two of them the peer pressure factor isn't there. Its obviously just speculation, but the whole thing sounds controlled enough that a"doctors and nurses" scenario shouldn't develop.
Why don't you talk to your son about it, obviously not directly, but just ask him what his relationship with the girl is, are they friends, is she his girlfriend? Ask him this stuff and make a joke about it, could turn into a father son bonding experience as opposed to something you worry about. | |
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