|
|
|
|
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:15:43 PM | My rule has always been "no co-ed sleepovers period, end of discussion, full stop."
My daughter is welcome to have friends that are girls sleep over any night on which there is no school the next day (e.g. any time in the summer); I don't mind. But co-ed? No way, and ESPECIALLY not at 11.
A couple of my daughter's friends are ALREADY "doing it" at this age. Yes, she talks with me about that sort of thing.
Don't be naive. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:36:44 PM | y daughter is welcome to have friends that are girls sleep over any night on which there is no school the next day (e.g. any time in the summer); I don't mind. But co-ed? No way, and ESPECIALLY not at 11.
A couple of my daughter's friends are ALREADY "doing it" at this age. Yes, she talks with me about that sort of thing.
Don't be naive.
Do you mean some of your 11 year old daughter's friends, who are also 11, are having sex? Why are you allowing her to be friends with them? Did you tell their parents? I don't know what I would do, that is a tough situation. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:41:48 PM | | 11 year olds are not capable of " best judgment" they are prone to trying to get away with what they can. callin and checkin in is a good idea cause with the movie mom let him see might be an indicator ( and that he spends more time w/ dad and says he wants to) might put mom into a position of being a fun 'friend' rather than the parent. co-parenting is communicating values and ideals that you both will back each other up on and really is you both having the his best intrests at heart. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:29:48 PM |
Do you mean some of your 11 year old daughter's friends, who are also 11, are having sex? Why are you allowing her to be friends with them? Did you tell their parents? I don't know what I would do, that is a tough situation.
Yep, that's exactly what I mean.
How do you "stop someone from being friends" when they go to school with someone? Don't be silly - that never works; didn't when I was a kid and still doesn't.
As for their parents, well, you just don't understand what some kids deal with. Some kids have parents that just don't give a damn - unfortunately. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:15:13 PM | my son asked me today when he could have a girl sleep over. When he is married was the answer :)
Though my ex's daughter and my friends daughter have been known to spend the night from time to time | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/27/2009 9:14:59 PM | my step daughter is 15 and her best friend is a boy. I trust the step daughter and so does the ex. they met because the obys older sister takes them both to church wednesday and sunday. My ex has taken him to the ranch and other places on weekends. they do not get a lot of "alone time", but I think neither one of them really want alone time anyway. one sleeps on the couch, the other in a chair. the ex checks in on them periodically just so they know she is there.
If your ex keeps an eye on them there is nothing to worry about. I really do not see what the big deal is. Now is the time to teach him how to treat a lady and how to be appropriate. Not much chance of teaching him once the hormones kick in. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/27/2009 10:47:56 PM | You must have been born with a very strict father by the sound of it. It would seem alot of you fustration comes from your childhood. Someone who is stuck in there past can never come out into the future seeing things and adapting. If your afraid of homosexuality it will not prevent someone from becoming sexually interested in the same sex. Everyone is open to there own ideal parenting but remember this........No matter how much you dictate, when your child grows up they will decide for themselves! Whether its to be gay, sleep with someone, manage their own childrens lives. All you can do is try to help them in there development.
As for when they become sexually interested in the oppisite sex or same, it all varies on the person. Some kids act on it right away at young ages as well some don't for a long time. I myself had a best friend who was a guy we had sleep overs all the time. I never had sex until I was 19 and it wasn't with him. In history these children will find out that in the past children where married off at the moment of thier first period.
Most children will not end up having sex close to home where there parents are. Its normally "mom or dad im sleeping over here, or im going to dinner with my friend." Some even do it at school now. Be aware if you keep them busy with things they like most of the time it will occupy there thoughts and sex won't cross there minds.
But as Ive stated above no matter what you want to happen its better to have them in an area where you can supervise then one you cannot. As for maturity some people never do grow up Ive seen 45 year olds who try acting like there 15 so no matter its all about life experiences.
As for shows all the kid has to do to get into a rated R show is find a friend or a friends broother or sister old enough to take them to the show. No matter how much you don't like it, it will happen if they really want to go. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/28/2009 9:28:07 AM |
Wind: "And, yeah, my daughter did sleep with her bf in my house. Her father knows it, didn't approve, and there wasn't a d*** thing he could do about it without filing a petition with the court... and he didn't."
Future: "Why did you allow that? Was she over 18 at the time? "
First, I'm sorry I missed your question, Future. Hopefully you will come across this.
She was not quite 18 at the time. The first night her bf stayed overnight in our home was the night my ex died in a car crash. I went straight to my MIL's house from work after receiving the call and I spent the night there. As you may recall, my daughters didn't have drivers licenses and the bf drove to our town to transport the girls to the MIL's house. He ran errands for us for the next several days while I made arrangements for cremation and a memorial service. As you can imagine, I just wasn't myself, our lives did not resemble normalcy (for us) at that point in time, and quite honestly it took awhile for me to pull myself out of the nose dive and just deal with day-to-day life again. Due to the extreme circumstances of that first time, I have no way of truly knowing whether I would have done things differently under different circumstances. It seems rather pointless to dwell on what-if's, especially as they relate to the past. If you had told me some years back that this is the parent/person I would be today and these are the choices I would make and things I would do I would have laughed in your face. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/28/2009 11:48:01 AM | It depends really, without knowing the kids its a difficult call for anyone to make. From what I remember at school, most kids knew what sex was from around 10 onwards, even thought the internet was pretty primitive back then it still educated most of us! There were were a group of kids who would have "sleepovers" but nothing too sinister ever happened, just kissing. If it makes you feel any better no kid I knew between the ages of 10 and 14 at the school I went to had had sex, and if there are only two of them the peer pressure factor isn't there. Its obviously just speculation, but the whole thing sounds controlled enough that a"doctors and nurses" scenario shouldn't develop.
Why don't you talk to your son about it, obviously not directly, but just ask him what his relationship with the girl is, are they friends, is she his girlfriend? Ask him this stuff and make a joke about it, could turn into a father son bonding experience as opposed to something you worry about. | |
|
| Sleep Over...
Posted: 7/28/2009 11:48:15 AM | Not sure how I missed this thread and apologize, I'm not reading four pages.
My kids I think have wound up in odd situations because my daughter often had friends with younger brothers, so from the time he was too young to have allowed him to spend the night alone, he has with his older sister. My best friend's kids are in the same grades and mine and her kids have often spent the night here, so beyond what would have been considered "appropriate" for a co-ed sleepover, our two oldest have spent the night numerous times in my house although she has never been over there, just the boys. Here they will all crash in the living room or she may actually go to bed but they are like siblings. She has also had actual slumber parties since brother was middle school age and unless I make my boys vacate, there are boys in the house. I have another friend with a daughter my daughter's age, a son a year older than my son, and they have spent the night here as well, never really been a problem or seemed abnormal because the girls met in kindergarten.
Now, my younger son who is 10 wanted to spend the night at a girl's house, boys and girls were sleeping in different rooms. Two problems, I didn't know her parents and it was his girlfriend. I told him no. He was in tears, asked if I didn't trust him. I told him that the only way I could explain it was to that it was inappropriate because they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him he could stay over there an hour later than normal but he had to come home. He wasn't happy about it but he didn't give me shit when he came home.
I was appalled 15 years ago when we got custody of my stepson and I found out how many parents of 15 and 16-year-old kids allowed their son or daughter to have their girlfriend/boyfriend not only spend the night but sleep in their room with the door closed. Unfortunately many kids are sexually active by 11 or 12, you have to know your kid. If a sleepover where none of the kids were going together, that I knew the parents well and that they would be well supervised, I would base my decision on both the age of the kids and the kids involved.
With the OP's situation, I would be honest with him about your concerns and definitely start talking to him more about sex, etc. because the information they get in school at that age really doesn't prepare them one iota for how to handle things when the hormones start raging. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
