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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:32:21 PM |
I think there is enough immaturity on the part of men and women that the mystery of why nice guys/gals finish last is really not a mystery at all.
There are just not enough mature individuals to go around, and each has his or her own set of qualities they offer/seek, making a match difficult.
OKAY OKAY OKAY come on, here. A lot of these posts seem like bitter rants. It's equal, you know. There are just as many frustrated women out there, too! Dating is hard, it's challenging, and I think unrealistic expectations (hell, expectations period) and emotional immaturity play a large part in this. Which is why I'm responding to robertslovequests' reasonable post, here.
We're all not fire breathing b's, you know. Some of us desireable women are busy working on their own business projects, etc. Relationships are as much about timing as anything else, I've found. The point is not to get bitter and start passing judgements. And I've certainly never 'traded up,' 'kept a collection' or would describe my completely honest (and up front/candid) approach as a 'charade'. | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:37:52 PM | Irish Eyes 43 on 7/3/2009 7:00:06 PM
Well, thank you for that fine welcome, Danz! :) Certainly the best correspondence I've shared with anyone on POF! lol And how you doin' back!??!! lol
Absolutely my pleasure.
The forums just may be my answer to a stale dating life, thanks to you! lol
Hmm, where have many of us heard that before?
Oh, and "it's that blessed" what???
Maria xo
It's that blessed 
You're more than welcome, Maria. | |
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DB1357
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Joined: 5/26/2009
Msg: 29 | |
| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:39:01 PM | | Personally I think you have it wrong. I do not think that Women get borred with being in Love, and then leave. I have been trying to stay in my relationship for 8 1/2 years. I have had to struggle with my husbands alcoholism, unfaithfulness, lies etc.. However I still manage to try to hold the relationship together, sometimes feeling defeated and useless. I am still committed to trying to nurture a long term relationship. When I am finally through with being married to a man who acts singe, and always coming in last behind the bars, boys nights out, poker nights and his commitment to his friends, then people like you will label me bored with the relationship, my husband will tell lies about why I left, and this type of labeling will continue. | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:03:18 PM | UNless a womens flat out ugly. Any women that truely wants a decent guy already has one for the most part. Its like the badboy thing I've been on that topic too, none of them think "Will this prick become a good father/husband? most are too wacked out to even think logically about men..
I'm kinda thinking the same way though, I'm in college now, so I might just do my best to forget about them... | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:05:25 PM |
They only want to stay around when it's exciting, and as soon as the passion dies down they want to move on to the next thing, each time ACTING as if they are interested in long term, but unable to actually follow through when they "get bored".
I think you have answered your own question here, OP.
Don't be boring.  | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:27:42 PM |
What do the rest of you guys think?
I think you are somewhat wrong.
Personally, I think most people have no idea what a long term relationship means. They only want to stay around when it's fulfilling their idea of how happy they think it's supposed to make them. As soon as they realize it isn't as joyful as they've built up (or told) that it's supposed to be, then there must be something wrong, and wrong is bad. So go for something "good" because that would make them "good".
Each time ACTING as if they are interested in long term, but unable to actually follow through when they don't immediately get the idealized "happiness." Even though they've shallowly adopted a list of attributes and qualities that are supposed to equate relationship, to get to happiness, and look for specific shallow traits in others. Thinking they are absolutes, and as long as those specific attributes are there, then the rest should follow along.
IOW people look for something that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...so it must be a duck. Not a ex con in a Halloween costume pretending. | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:41:14 PM | what OP, are you for real????{{{{{and as soon as the passion dies down they want to move on to the next thing, each time ACTING as if they are interested in long term, but unable to actually follow through when they "get bored". }}}}}}
What is the use of beating a dead horse?
IMO, most guys come off like the end all be all, the nice guy, but can only hold onto the facade for so long. Then the real guy comes through. He really isnt interested in my interests, we really have nothing in common. He becomes the selfish, shallow man he always was.
You would like to think this is HER fault??????? OK, yeah, right. He lacked the follow through he promised, and she gets to be the biotch. Einstein in the making.
Maybe you need to grow up, face reality, or maybe date more? | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:55:37 PM |
Personally, I think most women have no idea what a long term relationship means. They only want to stay around when it's exciting, and as soon as the passion dies down they want to move on to the next thing, each time ACTING as if they are interested in long term, but unable to actually follow through when they "get bored".
^^^How many relationships are you actually citing here? Has there really been enough that you can see a pattern that justifies your premise?
Most women on here still list superficial things for interests and superficial qualities in men they are looking for (looks, height, dancing ability, etc..), and couldn't care less about whether a guy would be a good father or husband.
^^^any initial getting together is not about sussing up the good father/husband qualities..it's about determining physical attraction. Citing what is physically attractive...is first and not shallow. Of course their will be some superfluous stuff rolled up there too...but you will live with a person too...not just in a context of spouse/parents. The woman has to be attracted to a man first. Out of the men that they are attracted women will then drill down to those qualities. Think about how you would go about a search for a woman...are you really going to be interested in being with a woman strictly b/c of her expressed ability to be a wife/mother and to share your values...or is it honestly going to be about what turns your crank?
One other thing...in the process of dating even with the intent for long term, if something isn't working it's best to move on. With women in their 30's who may be looking for children, if dating is revealing some type of disconnect between you and the woman on some aspect...moving along from her perspective might be best. Even if a future family wasn't in the plans...if you know that something is right...doesn't it make sense to you to move on? | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:09:09 PM |
tbuddha, your in colo? me too! I should have known !! GO BRONCOS !!
The youmger ones are guided by oprah, and look up to Britney speers (Enough said)
The older ones are just now discovering ,all thats left in societys junkyard, are what they just unloaded.
Hang in there, soon the govt. will take care of your "emotional " needs as well !!
FINALLY!!! A bail out for those of us who've taken care of our own finances..!! Now that's change I can understand.. | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:13:09 PM | i hate all the posts about some women being ugly.
and then complaints about not being able to find a 'decent' woman.
most of you are looking for some slim young girl then get offended when they turn you down.
If what you say is true then you would give a woman with a bad picture a chance to get her personality across. not judge her immediately by a bad photo.
i never get messages from the 'posers' but I’m not bothered. if they don’t want to know me then i can live with that. I know I’m a decent woman with lots of love to give and I’m not ashamed of what i look like.
I suppose what I'm saying is give 'everyone' a chance, or you might just miss something important.
(this goes for women too! )  | |
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| LOL
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:16:44 PM |
who knew leo tolstoy was still alive and looking for love?
Good one... | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:18:55 PM | If what you say is true then you would give a woman with a bad picture a chance to get her personality across.
Now why would I waste my time doing that?
Edit: you have a very pretty face. With some dedication you could be the slim/pretty one turning all the guys down. Just a thought... | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:22:42 PM | OP
If you really think that way, I would advise you to look into teachers. For the most part they are good prospects. And like some other poster mentioned, church is a very good place.
Maybe you could date an older woman for sometime, take it easy and then be happy and trust me, you will find many girls chasing you....hopefully at least a few would be the old school type of girl.
Older women tend to be very soothing and pleasing. I find same in older men. (lol)
Best of luck to you. | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:25:15 PM | forum101: "He really isnt interested in my interests, we really have nothing in common. He becomes the selfish, shallow man he always was."
Have you ever been interested in his interests? For a successful relationship, it has to go both ways. If you have tried and he hasn't reciprocated, you have a valid complaint.
You know, choosing to date someone based on at least a few common interests would avoid the situation you are describing - and then you wouldn't have to resort to calling a man selfish because he didn't pay attention to your interests. I thought that's why POF has a profile section for mentioning interests and hobbies. Personally, I take a pass on all profiles in which the major interests listed don't match at least one of mine. I won't go on a date, or even a meet, and fake compatibility where none exists. | |
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| What do I think?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:29:03 PM | I think you are short, young, immature, self absorbed, probably an under achiever (noticed you didn't finish university and you aren't exactly holding down a rocket science type job), and based on your whining, a slacker, because you are expecting the thing you want in life (in this case a certain type of woman) to fall into your lap. You are also fit and good looking, and on first blush, probably mildly above average in intelligence.
In other words...you are a 60th percentile guy who thinks he is entitled do an 85th percentile woman....because you aren't a 50th percentile guy.
I WISH I was as young, fit and good looking as you are (but I'll keep my 5' 10", thank you very much...that seems to be the cut off between "short" and "not"). If I had what you have going for you, I'd STAY knee deep in 75th to 90th percentile booty.
The problem kid is you have no game, and you aren't very interesting. Smart women see right through the whole "I'm a contrarian aren't I interesting" thing...they out grew it in University when they realized they wanted to finish and get on with their lives, so they stop wasting on hot slacker guy and starting hanging out with hot driven goal oriented guys.
My suggestion is you lower your expectations and go back to banging the young hot stupid chicks that you used to probably have some success with, and learn to not let it bother you that they are so ready, willing and able to trade you in for the next new hot model when it comes out. This is easier than the alternative, which would be to grow the fcuk up already.
Exactly what made you think the woman you are looking for is interested in an overgrown teenager? | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:31:23 PM | you have a very pretty face. With some dedication you could be the slim/pretty one turning all the guys down. Just a thought...
lol! I was just thinking the same thing about you too when i went to take a look at your photo!! Great minds think alike! (obviously edit it for you to turn down all the 'girls' unless fellas are your 'thing'  )
and the comment also wasnt focused on you! It was meant for the men who really do want to find someone to love :) | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:39:30 PM |
Each gender is useless to the other. No one should date or have sex. Procreating should stop. Libidos seem to dwindle...but of course it's not because the other sex just can't turn on the one their with. It MUST be the other person's fault at all times. Take no responsibility for anything you do. Always blame the other gender.
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:45:59 PM | It only works if he isnt pretending to be someone he isnt. Yes he liked this, that and the other, according to what was in my profile.
He's had never been to a museum, had no clue of the interests, I was into, though he agreed to it all the the beginning.
No, I wasnt interested in his interest. I wasnt into killing animals for sport, but he didnt have that upfront either. I have a strong aversion to guns, he didnt. Things that important to him, should have been upfront.
He faked the compatibility. Not me. | |
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| What do I think?
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:55:00 PM | ^^^ emlamNsea-
Y'know, that's why I like to post in the forum - to hear you say how you really feel. You got a lot of anger towards a guy you've never met and know nothing about. Racist much? | |
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| What do I think?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:27:21 PM | | WOW! The gender bashing in this forum is phenominal. Lets face it--we have all been burned badly and it has made us a little pesimistic and much more cautious than we would like to be.Relationships are made by both sides!!!! A constant work in progress. And I know I am guilty of this one. LADIES- if we are interested in him--that means we except him for who he is now! NOT who we think he can be.GUYS- if you are interested in me, then look at me and who I am. Dont expect me to conform to who you think I should be, or conform to your standards. Simply treat me like a lady. Caution is a good thing-but we cant let it control our every thought. Waiting for the bomb to drop. As for the young man who began this post-GROW UP!!! You are a pesimist of the most dangerous sort. If you are so down on this country and what it has to offer---then run for state assembly or congress. Make your voice be heard where it counts. Otherwise you are nothing more than a "soap box preacher". You need to learn the difference between dating and politics. No woman is gonna come running with what you are offering. Lighten up | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:58:02 PM |
I've NEVER met a half way desireable woman who didn't ALREADY have a man in her life.
I have, on numerous occasions, which is hardly the point.
Bitter rants, like many in this thread, serve no positive purpose. Complaining about the opposite sex, as if it were a monolith, rather than millions of very different people, is purely dysfunctional.
If you don't like your results, you have two choices. Either change something about yourself, or something you're doint, which are things that you can do. Or else blame "all women", which serves no purpose. If you're really discouraged, or unsuccessful in meeting women, then go ahead and give up.
This total focus on "long term", to me, seems pointless. No one can know an unknowable future. All "long term" really is, is a whole lot of good "todays" strung together. To focus on what might happen tomorrow, instead of just meeting someone attractive and compatible "today", seems odd to me. Pointless too.
Women, like men, are often between relationships, because relationships don't always last. There is a constant influx of newly "ready" people, women and men, who find that its not as easy to meet compatible others in the real world, as it was back in high school. Online is one venue that works for many. If it doesn't work for you, OP, so be it, but its not the medium, or "all women". It's you. | |
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| Where are the decent women looking for long term at?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:29:54 PM | Can you say pot calling the kettle black here? I mean as in a pan not that sh*t you have to smoke to remain patient in life or whatever it is you were b*tching about in your profile.You say most women on here list superficial things...blah blah blah looks height etc. but then I wasted some time reading your profile and didnt you say IF YOUR FAT DONT WRITE ME?
Pot black tbudda
Glad you gave up.There is nothing wrong with devoting time to your business.After reading your profile,I hope your business grows so you can be sucessful in something.
Because with your attitude-you will be alone forever.And for the love of humanity-wait you have none-DONT HAVE KIDS! But you look like a gay man so it shouldnt be a problem for you.
Allow me to sum it up-Decent guys are sometimes taken,sometimes gay OR the worst of all sometimes LIBERALS. I'll take mine single, swinging right and not a pickle puffer.
But this one is for you there Jack.Thats short for jackass.
Go ahead talk about me all you want shortie,I wont be following your whining topic. | |
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