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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:21:24 AM | | oblivion77 ok, why does it bother you so much that they ask, that they care about you and ask? Why does the word woman bother you so much when it is only you attaching it to women that chose their own path. Women's rights, that has the word women in it. I see nothing negative there. Women is what you are even if you don't emotionally want to accept you aren't a child any more. It seems like you are combative, are you fighting with yourself? Honestly I think there is something big time bothering you like, maybe those things you say you don't want you really do? | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:24:51 PM | | It is rare that someone will just assume that of me, but maybe it's because I have just been out of a marriage for 2 years now. I think most women that have not been previously married are looking to settle down by their 30s but then again they are few and far between. I hope that most women in a similar position as I have learned some lessons and are going to make wiser choices this time around, not wanting to jump into anything just for the sake of settling down again. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:34:19 PM | Now that I've spent more time looking around these forums, I see what it's all about, really.
I thought the subject of a thread was what would be discussed.
But I've been hugely surprised by the number of people who feel free to make sweeping statements and judgements about people they know absolutely nothing about. It’s kind of disturbing, actually.
For those people who actually had something relevant to say to this thread (Ssongbird, UrbanFlavor, DemonDingleBerry, Lineitup, EvilLolli, StatlerandWalkdorf, Sun Devil 92, Ravyndancer1, Goodewitch etc) regardless of whether I liked it or not, thank you.
I posted this to hear other people's experiences with this subject (like the people above) not to gather uninformed, worthless opinions of my own personality or character. Anyone else know that old saying about opinions?
I think some people actually want to start arguments. Unfortunately, I can't help being nasty back to anyone who makes ignorant comments about me, because they absolutely deserve it at that point. But it would never even occur to me to make personally directed, negative comments at someone who was simply asking for info on a topic.
If you disagree with something I’ve said, by all means, say so.
But all this nasty, personally directed mouthing-off just goes to show some people will use any opportunity to hear themselves talk, or snipe at other people, all while having nothing worthwhile to say about the actual topic. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:48:28 PM | People are not trying to "make sweeping statements and judgments" about you; rather, they are trying to explain something that is meant to help- but it seems that you are taking it as a personal slight, and then responding in kind.
The concern over the "girl" term is that it is rather unhealthy to remain stuck in a past stage of one's life beyond its natural course. I am a fellow 1970s baby; and it is plain to see that we have passed girlhood quite a while ago. Time marches on. It is harmful to cling to the developmental past, and it holds you back unnecessarily in a lot of ways. We are far better served by owning our adulthood. If there is something troubling you about the term "woman", are you willing to ask yourself why that might be?
Please do not respond to this post with another flame; people are only trying to help you a little bit. Best wishes. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:12:54 PM | hold on here...you're the one asking for feedback, so you can't just slam the people who provide their thoughts that you don't happen to like. that's what this forum is about......getting people's thoughts on the questions posed, not obtaining responses that boost your ego by agreeing in kind.
obviously this word, "women", does have serious implications for you for such a reaction. maybe that's what you need to be exploring....... | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 3:36:16 PM |
Second - is it true that most girls over 30 are interested in these things, and I'm the weird one? This is in your OP. If others question you about you, you asked the question, it is about you. I have asked you a couple questions and you ignore them, so I know that I am hitting a raw nerve or the nail on the head. Facing who and what you are is never a bad thing.
I can tell you what I see, I see a beautiful woman that has had fabulous opportunities to explore but doesn't see that those that have chosen to raise children and stay home aren't just as happy with their lives. I see a woman that asked a question because she is in doubt about her choices in life. That is part of living, learning and growing as a human, question who and what we are.
Enjoy your journey and good luck. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:32:07 PM | sorry for being late for such a lively discussion, but i'd like to ad my two cents...
everybody should be on their own schedule, not one that "society" or their family sets for them. however, biology plays a huge part in that schedule, especially for women. while advances in medicine have increased longevity and fertility, there is something to be said for being able to be active with your children. i'm nearly 40 and have serious concerns about being able to teach my children (if and when i have some) to throw and catch and shoot hoops. kinda hard to do that when you're in your 50's or 60's. "settling down" is a personal decision, but it should also be as selfless as it is selfish. when you're ready, but also with the understanding of how you expect your family life to progress. while nobody knows the future, planning for it is always a smart move.
p.s. i stopped dating girls in high school (thank goodness). as i stated before, i'm nearly 40 and am often mistaken for someone in his 20's, but not for my looks, for my spirit. i wouldn't go back to being a boy for anything in the world, i love the knowledge and experience that 39 years have given me. women, with all their faults and shortcomings and fantasies unfulfilled, have a lifetime of love and understanding that girls can only hope to achieve. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:43:58 PM | oblivion, the other things that come to mind are:
1) I know what you mean by the expectations side of being older than 30 - us guys have ones as well. For example, it was sure fun to try to explain to my mother that I was NOT gay just because I was still single or in a serious relationship once I was 30. (Talk about awkward ...) Yep, society puts in front of us goals that they expect us to meet. I'm sure now in my neighborhood some of my neighbors think that I'm trying to lead the life of either (a) Leisuresuit Larry or (b) the life of Michael Jackson since I'm a single man over the age of 40 in a neighborhood of married couples with children. Actually, I'm going to lift the worlds of Michael Jackson: "I don't let everyone into my life since it leads to interest ..." ;-)
2) Actually, part of me deciding to get married for my first marriage was that I thought to myself, "Hmmm ... I'm 31 and I better start settling down ..." Now, a divorce after a nine year marriage later, there were stressful times, but I would never take it back. Why do I bring this up? You mentioned that the "woman" in your life don't seem to be happy overall. Have you ever asked them directly? I know with my parents once I was older than thirty, these were the conversations they always enjoyed. In fact, before he passed away a few months ago, I loved talking with dad about being a divorced man since we both got divorced at the same time of our lives.
3) I know that it is a pain that society (mainly friends and family) want us to think and go a certain direction, but I think at the heart of the matter is that they bring it up because they just want us to be happy. I noticed in your profile that you are non-religious, so I feel comfortable bringing this up with you: my biggest pet peeve at work is when someone brings up religion. I feel like saying, "You know, if I really wanted to go to your church, I'd be there on Sunday ... please stop trying to save me ..." However, I just remember that it is something that brings great happiness in their life, and thus they are just trying to share the experience with me.
4) In a way, keep in mind that my answers are from somewhat of a rebel - I've always lived my life walking in through the out door. Thus, when they shout their "comments of conformity" I now just smile and do my own thing. From your profile, you strike me as someone with the same mindset.
Whatever you decide, I wish for you the best. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:20:52 PM | OP, yes I've had similar experiences. Yes it's the norm for girls (and guys) over 30 to be married I suppose, however the fact is that I'm not, and it can be a bit intrusive when people, especially people you don't know very well, or see very often, ask "Why". I mean does it really matter why? It seems like asking a single person why they're still single, is a manipulative way of putting the askee on the defensive. It's not a very considerate question, in my opinion. No one should have to explain (defend) to someone they don't know very well "Why" they're living the lifestyle they're living, especially when it may be quite a personal situation.
For instance I'm sure people would know better than to ask someone "Why are you, a black person, married to a white person (or vice-versa)?" Or, "Why are you gay?" Those lifestyles are also not 'the norm' or what we most often see, but is it really anyone's business "Why" they've made the life choices they've made? No. It's their own business.
Next time some married person asks that you could give them a taste of their own medicine and ask why they and their spouse chose to settle for each other, or was that the best either could get? | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:27:32 PM | Without deviation from the norm,progress is not possible - Frank Zappa
Why does it matter?
You don't need to question or care what others think about your choices plus you're doing the planet a HUGE favour[about that later] .They are yours and do not need to be justified.
I totally identify with why you don't like using the word "woman". I HATE when people call me "Sir". The thoughts conjure many of the same things for me.The thoughts of predetermined roles based on gender, bother me. Hhow about team work and what fits best ,not what society or the "masses" think you should do.
Almost gives me shivers, thinking about it cause I find that thinking primitive .Not to offend anyone but I even find it intellectually primitive to ask people why they are not married or have kids if they are over 30 or 40 for that matter or ask them why they are not like them. The dummest and brightest are in the minority ,so their thoughts and actions are likely to differ cause of this.
Make sense doesnt it?
Do we all dress the same,look the same or act the same?
NO!!!
Has anyone ever thought of how many disfunctional people and kids are out there?
Some people are more selective,and in doing so, have avoided the mistake others have made when choosing a partner. We should find an amazing friend that we cant keep are hands off, not find someone who we cant keep are hands off ,that might become a good friend.,unless that all you want.
In my opinion,there should be a full psycological test as well as a parenting skills assessment done before anyone should be allowed to have kids, although extremely unlikely to ever occur.
I could go on like a duracell commercial but I will keep it as short as I can,sort of!!
Also........Unless you're rich or have no passions ,interest,hobbies and live a simple and sedentary lifestyle ,parenting is very taxing and leaves no balance considering there is only 24hrs in a day,leaving very little "ME" time.
Life is short isn't it?
Lots of people find joy in parenting and other don't.
Nor should you ever love your kids more than your wife or husband.If you do,you should never have married.
Why is not choosing to be a parent weird? ( I will get to this in a moment but having kids NOW and for many yrs to come SHOULD be considered a CRIME).
I had a solution to balancing parenthood and "me" time but unfortunately ,it doesn't work, as the sun would rise and set at completely different times.But if we take 4hr off the 7th day of the week and add it to the other 6 ,we would end up with 28hrs day and 6 day wks.We work 10 hr days instead of 8 but only work 4 days a wk,still have 2 day weekends but have an extra 2 hours of free time per day and have an extra 4 on weekends.
I definately don't agree that nobody deserve the type of love and devotion you used to give when you were younger.That kind of love would be best used now VS your younger days.Your much more likely to find someone who would not only appreciate it and want it but also reciprocate.
I was never showered with love and affection from my parent and I dont remember them ever telling me they love me but I have no problem saying it and are very effectionate and definately intense,so it just shows that we evolve differently.
but no kissing or foreplay!?!?!?! C'mon! Are you kidding me? I guess you're one of the 25% of girls/women who can have orgasm through intercourse alone or you have never been with someone who loves to and is very good at creating female body convulsions using his tongue.
Im glad you didn't respond to my email cause I would have been gone after the first night together.Let's just say I get very hungry and have a HUGE appetite.
Although I crave the introverted intensity of a scorpio,I need affection mixed with your attitude. I LOVE fiesty.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the comment you make about teaching kids HOW to THINK not WHAT to think.
That's HUGE and good for you.Shows you have the guts to do what's right.The right side of the brain needs some exercise too. We need to be tought how to create and think for ourselves not be a bunch of repeaters, who do as they are told without thinking of the implications of their actions.
Google George Carlin's " Life is worth losing and "religion is bullshit" You'll laugh your ass off and he makes you think.Brilliant man.
Making babies.Should it be a crime? If critical thinking is used and we understand how irresponsible and primitive we are.ABSOLUTELY!!!!
I like to use the analogy of the horse who has that thing on his head that stops him from seeing to the side. No perifial[probably spelled wrong]. Most humans dont,cant,wont or are unable to see the BIG picture. Even some that do see it,cant or wont accept it.
Fear of change and/or the unknown stops them.
There are FAR to many of us on this planet taking up fewer and fewer resources to the point of the eventual starvation of large amounts of people.Billions!!! not millions.
simple arithmatics will tell you this but why doesn't anyone talk about this?
Cause it's a lot easier to blame someone or something else. We have evolve very little in many thousands of yr.We would like to believe we have but that belief isn't based on the understanding of things ,it based on ignorance and technological advances but we are no less primitive or barbaric .
If you try to heat a small bathroom with a single block heater, it will warm quikly but try heating a whole house with just one.
A large pizza is a lot for most but try sharing it will a party of 20.
We buy things we dont need with money we dont have.
Many of us eat enough food for 4 people everyday. Isn't that irresposible considering all the people already Starving and the extra pollution created.
What about having more than 1 car cause it's convenient?
What about virtually everything we do, with very very few exceptions, having an implication on the health of the planet?
Why do few of us think of these things?
What are the options?
We either do something about it,or nature will.It always has.
In my opinion,no matter how crazy and sick as it may seem,we need to cull a LARGE number of people and instill a no child policy for 5 yrs until the pop is reduced to no more than 2 billion while virtually elimanating the use of fossel fuel.
Have a child. We will euthanize him or her
Who do we eliminate?
The ones who produce too many babies,eat too much and who have an obvious disregard for their actions,buy and use too many unneccessary things and have no use in society other than taking.
People also need to realise that the more people on the planet, the poorer we are.
What would you prefer? my scenario or mass starvation or loved ones?
Just a thought
Thanks for your time
Jim | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:48:31 PM | I'm not much for the whole settling down and kids thing myself. I don't feel like thats what everyone's assuming about me, but I am pretty blunt and throw it right out there. Settling down is something to come, if it does, after years of seeing each other. I'd probably run like hell if someone popped the question. And children, hmm, not my bag. I am proud to say I have made it all the way to 30 without ever changing a diaper. Thats just gross. I'm tragically disinterested in children. When people talk about their kids I feel like its me talking about my cat. No one wants to hear about Princess.
Anyway, if you're weird, I am too. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:48:36 PM | This thread is clear evidence that some young folks refuse to take the advice of people much older and wiser. Nothing ever changes, most of us were the same when we were young.
spottyjackson that's a fabulous face-lift (no one looks that good at 50) poser. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:56:22 PM | When people talk about their kids I feel like its me talking about my cat. No one wants to hear about Princess.
LOL ... there are times at work where I want to talk about my four cats when they are talking about their children ...
And I do have to agree with the comment about spottyjackson ... | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:26:11 PM | ^^^LOL I have gone a step further and done the "cat pics" to equal or out do their "kid pics". (HINT: They stop showing you their latest kid pics if you show them shaved cat[four-legged kind] pics)
Oh and leave a woman alone, if she had a face-lift good for her. Honestly, if a woman takes care of herself she is damned, if she doesn't the same applies. And yes, cosmetic surgery counts as taking care of yourself. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:35:57 PM | | Oh, I hope it didn't come across the wrong way ... I think she looks great! (ie. With her having only 9 favorites, the first thought that crossed my mind was that I seriously have to question if there are any straight men left in Burbank, California ... :-) ...) | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:41:22 PM |
I have gone a step further and done the "cat pics" to equal or out do their "kid pics".
haha good idea evillolli I don't have any pets but i think I'll start bringing in pictures of my houseplants:
"...and this is my PeaceLily, just a day before Easter. Look at how shiny her leaves are getting...." | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:01:27 PM |  And some people say I am not really evil. LOL Nothing like a dose of their own medicine. Don't forget the "proud grandma" pic when your spider plant sprouts a new offshoot. Heck give them names, all "grandkids" have names.
"This one is Bobbi Jane. Look how big she is after only 3 weeks on the vine!" | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:29:33 AM | | Me, I've already "settled down" and I'm back up again. And I'm still in my mid 30's. And I've already had 2 kids, and dont fancy the diapers thing again. So, I'm free as a bird, as is anyone who goes out with me. And I'll be moving out of state, the moment my youngest turns 18, but not til then. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:14:42 AM | | I never thought that. Now I know where to go to get kids. The local nursery, of course. Hide your kids, quick! I'm out on the loose. Spider plant kids sound fun. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:33:14 AM |
I've been getting more than a few messages on this site, and similar comments in 'real life' on a certain theme ever since I turned 30 ...
Probably hoping that your biological clock was kicking in, and that you were desperate enough to consider them now, just a guy looking for a edge. You know, it was only a matter of time until the guys learned of this biological clock issue and tried to capitalise on it.
Thirty. Oh man, I wish I could remember the year I turned thirty. 30-35 are a blur to me. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:12:13 AM | ok passionate gent, i so happen to NOT have had any face lift thank you very much! but i will take your comment as a compliment, how'se that? :-)
i just turned 50 in may, so would i pass for 49??
reality is, when i was in my 20's, i looked like a kid and i hated it immensly. those 'older & wiser' kept telling me that once i aged, i would then greatly appreciate that i look so much younger. you're right, i didn't listen to them, but of course, they were right and i am very happy to have retained my youthful looks! and that's not without a life of some serious partying in my young years (hey, i was a teen in the 70's, in rural ohio, what else r u gonna do??), combined with loads of sunbathing, and all those things they advise people not to do to help keep their looks. guess i just got lucky, and got some good genes! | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:34:23 AM |
So I have two questions
First - other girls over 30 - do people assume this is true of you too?
Second - is it true that most girls over 30 are interested in these things, and I'm the weird one?
I turned 30 this year and my answer to your questions are:
First - other girls over 30 - do people assume this is true of you too?
Yes, I get that from time to time. I just tell them "I have enough on my plate right now". I'm keeping my options open b/c the future - plan it out as much as we'd like -- but in terms of "finding the one & settling down" is never a thing of certainty.
Second - is it true that most girls over 30 are interested in these things, and I'm the weird one?
Well, if you are the "weird one" then that makes the two of us!  ..... Realistcally I am aware that as a woman, there is the biological clock factor involved if I plan on having a brood of my own. Yet I've come to the realization that that may perhaps not be the pinnacle of life for me. What equates as "fulfillment" for some may not always be the same for others. .... If only more ppl realized that and respected the fact that happiness is subjective. | |
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| Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:53:03 AM | thank you evil lolli! (love the pen name by the way!)
living in l.a., one has many avenues for cosmetic surgery, but you also get many opportunities to see women who have undergone same, and the tight-face look they come away with. that is enough to turn-off anyone from having the surgery. not that i have a damn thing against cosmetic surgery, believe me, once the sagging chicken neck sets in, i'll be the first in line! so, believe me or not, makes no difference. | |
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