| Going on '1st Dates'... Any tips and ideas..
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:36:46 AM | I thought both Zardoz451 and Cinsav had some good things to say...
Don't go overboard on the first date--for me, it makes it seem like there is some sort of expectation being set up, and will have the effect of making someone put their guard up.
When you meet someone for the first time that you've become acquainted with online, keep the first date to be casual...that being said, I've had first dates where someone took me to an opera or a fancy restaurant, and I've had coffee dates and even meeting in a park. It doesn't really affect the outcome of the situation. The goal is to meet this person and get a chance to know them. It is a good idea to save the really good stuff for later, because as Zardoz451 mentioned, men do have this tendency to go overboard in the beginning and then back off later. Beware of women who have unreasonably high expectations for a first date, ie.--"you must take me out to an expensive dinner on the first date".
As old-fashioned as it sounds, don't expect a kiss on the first date, but a hug is fine. This is one of those things that women are different on--some are uncomfortable with a hug, and after you've been on a few dates you'll learn to read body language well enough to figure it out.
Also, have a plan, but leave some room for flexibility too--meeting for a drink somewhere, but then if things go well, going for a walk in a park or something of that sort.
As far as post-date expectations--I don't really like to go by a bunch of arbitrary rules. I send a thank you text or email as soon as I can afterwards (although occasionally, my date has beat me to this!). Most of the time, I will go out with someone on at least a second date, unless there is some real reason not to, and in the thank you note, I will say that I'd like to see them again, and then leave it at that. After that, I feel like the ball is in their court. In most cases, that has led to a second date. I've had several experiences lately where I would have gone out with someone again, but then something odd happened that made me think it was just a bad idea--so, I would say, be aware that what happens between the first and second date is just as important as the actual dates.
Last thing, regarding what Cinsav said about rules for how long to message first and exchange numbers, etc...I am in agreement that these rules are ridiculous. Do what feels comfortable--if you exchange a couple of emails and want to meet someone, then just ask. I am leary of anything that seems like "games"...I don't like it when men toy and hint about going out for days before we actually meet. In my mind, I'm thinking--either you want to meet me or you don't, and if you don't, then don't waste my time.
Hope all of this is helpful! | |
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