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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:51:14 AM | "The day I can found a strong, yet sensible, intelligent yet who knows how to be crazy, Feminine without be a Barbie princess, confident without been arrogant, who can be independent and a teamplayer at the same time, one that is educated yet can put her nose down and enjoy simple things, who take care of herself without high maintenance or obsession s, who know what and when (and the list goes on..balanced in a word):
Ill cross the world if I have to, marry her on the spot and keep her at my side until the end of time."
well, you almost had me there, but since I wouldn't consider myself a 'team player' it's not to be - lol | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:54:20 AM | but I find most men seem to pass me by
Most likely has nothing to do with your level of intelligence...... IMO.......probably has more to do with you having three children.
Sure " some " men may be intimidated by your level of intelligence but my best educated guess would be most are passing you by for more simplistic and basic reasons like your personality, or lack of, general attitude, your three children, physical appearance, etc. etc.
OP...you are assuming it has something to do with your level of intelligence....... but it can be everything else about you but that.
Peace | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:01:40 AM |
Does an intelligent woman intimidate you?
OP -- Not at all. Not in the least. Intelligent women are hot.
However, Post #25 said it all when they mentioned the "I'm hot and I know it" mentality which can also go on to say "I'm intelligent and I know it". The smart ones that like to try and beat you over the head with their smarts. A constant barrage of big words used out of context, and musings that would make Einstein fall asleep...and rash arguments disguised as "debates" that she just has to win to prove her intellect.
Yea, I've dated them before. BORING. YAWN.
Next.
If they're intellectual and know it, but don't make attempts to drum you over the skull with it, then it's all good. If they don't seek the validation for their intellect it's all good. If they get "in your face" about it all the time, then she'll find herself out on the curb with the rest of the trash.
A quiet intellect is like the sexiest thing I can imagine.
JMO. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:25:08 AM |
There is nothing more repulsive than "the really beautiful girl who knows it."
Why? I've always been curious to know why some men have such a hard time with women who actually have a positive self-image? I am not such a woman but I am still curious about it. This is interesting to me. Repulsed even! Strong word! Is it because such a woman isn't dating YOU? Or is there something more insidious going on with people who have high self-images?
If you're really smart that is awesome however if you can't bring yourself back down to reality and everything must always be a measurement of who's grey matter is bigger than I don't want anything to do with you.
What is this reality of which you speak? Umm...okay. Seriously? Is it more real to be dumb or simpleminded or s-p-e-l-l it out for people? I don't get this attitude. Sounds like mediocrity. It truly does. If someone isn't "reaching down to a level that is comfortable for you" how does that make them less?
With a lot of intelligence often comes a lot of judgement,
You mean the sort of judgment like you are exercising over intelligent folks?
while these people may think they're intelligent because some test told them they were
Sigh...someone was answering those online IQ tests again huh?
to me a measure of intelligence includes a large dose of humility and the ability to refrain from making stead fast conclusions to quickly and never about something as dynamic as a human being.
Your post just kept getting funnier and funnier the more I read. Can anyone sing "ironyyyyyyy!" Humility and intelligence have NO correlation. There are many intelligent and humble people and there are many less intelligent and humble people. One inflicting this trait on a whole set of individuals based on your test scores lacks a little humility on your part doesn't it? Hmmm...
And steadfast is ONE word. I say this humbly.
After all, I do believe the best answer to any questions anyone can pose is one that can be changed easily.
And you would know what the best is for all of us. Yup...you're humble. So humble. So, if I understand this last statement correctly (wouldn't want to assume I actually DO know what you meant...although I do) you believe that the flexibility of being able to go wishy washy on one's opinion validates intelligence? WTF batman!
Most intelligent people don't leave room to manuever after they've formed an opinion as they are sooo sure they're 100% right because after all, they're always right, right?
I'm figuring most "intelligent" people are comfortable drawing their own conclusions based on information that has some integrity. You know, not the wishy-washy type of information like others opinions but rather based on information they have accumulated or experienced over time. Novel idea.
You just managed to refer to intelligent people as fundamentally arrogant. You are mistaken. Arrogance comes in all shapes and sizes. It even fits well on humble people who claim that they know what is best for intelligent people . | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:39:42 AM |
Why? I've always been curious to know why some men have such a hard time with women who actually have a positive self-image? I am not such a woman but I am still curious about it. This is interesting to me. Repulsed even! Strong word! Is it because such a woman isn't dating YOU? Or is there something more insidious going on with people who have high self-images?
It’s not a repulsion against women who are pretty and know it necessarily. There’s something to be said about a person being confident and or realistic about their physical attractiveness.
It’s a repulsion against women who are beautiful, know it, let it go their heads, then thumb their noses at anyone who they deem not on par with them in terms of status. Just spend 10 minutes in downtown Atlanta or Buckhead, Georgia on a Friday night and you’ll see what “we” are talking about. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:52:13 AM | why should I have any reason to feel intimidated?
Because men over a certain age were taught that men are smarter than women and that's the way it's supposed to be and a lot of them believe it. A woman who they feel disproves that theory makes them very uncomfortable.
If you read between the lines here there are lots of men who believe intelligence is a rare find in a woman.
Thankfully not all men feel this way but enough that it still shows up frequently.
Y'all know that so why even ask. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:54:59 AM |
It’s not a repulsion against women who are pretty and know it necessarily. There’s something to be said about a person being confident and or realistic about their physical attractiveness.
It’s a repulsion against women who are beautiful, know it, let it go their heads, then thumb their noses at anyone who they deem not on par with them in terms of status. Just spend 10 minutes in downtown Atlanta or Buckhead, Georgia on a Friday night and you’ll see what “we” are talking about.
Okay, let's use this premise for a hypothetical situation.
Let's say you have a daughter. As a maturing young woman who is quite beautiful, you naturally tend to want what is best for her in attracting a suitable mate. Along comes her new BF up the drive on a motorcycle. As he approaches you at the door, he utters "Yo...sup?" When asking at what time you can expect her to be back he quickly responds with, "Duuude...I'll have her back when were done..."
Is HE on par? IF not, why?
Who gets to decide? YOU? You get to decide that SHE (the beautiful and knows-it girl) that SHE is having way too high standards?
Hmm...this is becoming more and more interesting.
I still see this as a very grandiose statement to make and definitely a little self-inflating on the part of the offended men. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:01:59 AM | To me, intelligence is a subjective matter; it doesn't intimidate me at all. However, I will find that a lot of people who see themselves as intelligent can also very condescending, which is a turn off.The human brain can only hold so much information; it's physically impossible for anyone to know everything. Everyone has different priorities, views and interests which both shape and are shaped by how they think.
Also, just because someone says, "hey baby" to you, doesn't mean he doesn't have a lot of knowledge about the things that constitute intelligence in yourself. Hell, I would even say that for every bit of knowledge he lacks in social courtesy, he makes up for in other subjects. Are you talking to these people and finding out for yourself if they are intelligent or are you just judging them on a poor opening line? | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:12:29 AM | No, I find it gives a broader range of things to chat about, and an increased likelihood of a chortle due to some overly erudite crack.
But no what I've found more often than not is that women with any 'modicum of intelligence' have chips on their shoulders. I'm not saying you do, OP, only in my experience. As such, they have this urge, this need, to display it to the world.
But erudition only enthralls me so far: without experience, or even emotional/spiritual intelligence She is nothing more than a book, one that usually has a chip on Her shoulder.
I believe, too, that women when rejected by men always say they've intimidated the men. It's possible, but speaking for myself, and a few other fellows I know, this is not the case. As stated- in every single case the woman was too self-centered and constantly looking for the next ego boost. I'm not going to recite Omar Khayyam back and forth all day with someone, I don't really care what someones IQ is, and telling me jokes about non-mensa members gets old, as does all of my examples.
It's one thing to be intelligent, but without some life experience to back it up you're just a book, and even still, without some emotional control over yourself you may develop the now-cliched 'chip' on your shoulder which is a huge turn-off. It is nice to be able to have a discussion, as they may come up, over something other than the latest reality TV show, or the next flavor of Doritos, and witty conversation can occur even with the lowest topics of discussion. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:26:31 AM | Intelligence is an attractive trait not a factor of intimidation as far as I am concerned. Truth be told, I don’t care how physically attractive a woman may be; if she can’t participate in an intelligent conversation with me – I’m out.
Never! It turns me On! I love My Women that are Educated Opinionated and Character! And especially when they can stand on their own Two feet and need No man to fend for them
The day I can found a strong, yet sensible, intelligent yet who knows how to be crazy, Feminine without be a Barbie princess, confident without been arrogant, who can be independent and a teamplayer at the same time, one that is educated yet can put her nose down and enjoy simple things, who take care of herself without high maintenance or obsession s, who know what and when (and the list goes on..balanced in a word)
Tell me again why men like you three live so faraway?
took the words right out of my mouth lol
EDIT: Robert, sorry to hear you were abused pretty bad over your grades; kids can be cruel can't they? I hope they didn't crack any ribs group stomping you. I'm really sorry you were subjected to that... | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:50:16 AM | Intelligence is relative.
So called intelligent people used to intimidate me, but they don't anymore.
Over the years I've discovered that there are smart people, and there are smart a$$es!
You see a smart a$$ is someone who thinks they know everything, and someone who is truly smart; intelligent, knows they don't know everything. I like those people the best!
If you use your intelligence to intimidate, you are a smart a$$!
If you use your intelligence to humiliate, you are a smart a$$!
If you use your intelligence to learn something new, you are smart!
If you use your intelligence to grow from within, you are even smarter!
I learn something new every day, and I like that! | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:10:08 PM | Actually, Irish, it seems that a LOT of guys don't read the profile first. I have had waaaay too many responses from guys that obviously have NOT read it, or perhaps cannot read at all!?
And, for some reason, it seems that some men think that sexual advances without even meeting are going to turn you on! Seriously!!  I don't know.... maybe it works sometimes. Personally, I think it's just a wee bit on the pathetic side, and rather distasteful. 
I've been thinking about putting a skill testing question at the end of my profile that they have to answer if they contact me, otherwise "delete."
JMHO  | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:19:52 PM | You DO know that "modicum" means only a little bit? So you just said you only have a small amount of intelligence, which to me means you are *not* intelligent.
LOL maybe THIS is why you only wanted to hear from men, not snarky women. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:19:53 PM |
Okay, let's use this premise for a hypothetical situation.
Let's say you have a daughter. As a maturing young woman who is quite beautiful, you naturally tend to want what is best for her in attracting a suitable mate. Along comes her new BF up the drive on a motorcycle. As he approaches you at the door, he utters "Yo...sup?" When asking at what time you can expect her to be back he quickly responds with, "Duuude...I'll have her back when were done..."
Is HE on par? IF not, why?
Who gets to decide? YOU? You get to decide that SHE (the beautiful and knows-it girl) that SHE is having way too high standards?
Hmm...this is becoming more and more interesting.
I still see this as a very grandiose statement to make and definitely a little self-inflating on the part of the offended men.
You're missing the point my dear.
Here's a hypothetical to explain:
A very attractive woman is out and about on a Friday night... she's approached by an average guy. He politely says hello and introduces himself. She’ not interested and politely informs of such… maybe she uses the ole “I’m flatted, but I’m seeing someone.”
A very attractive woman is out and about on a Friday night… she’s approached by an average guy. He politely says hello and introduces himself. She laughs at him and tells him to “get lost loser, I’m way out your league.”
They’re both well aware that they’re attractive. The first lady in my example hasn’t let it go to her head, while the second has and as such has turned into a narcissistic b***h. It isn’t my first example that we are repulsed by, it’s the second.
I understand that attractive women get sick and tired of being approached at every turn of the corner, as I am sure you’ve experience yourself far too many times. And, yes I understand that a lot of attractive women put up an air of “leave me the hell alone” due to being sick of it. But, that doesn’t give her license to treat people like shit because she feels entitled. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:03:36 PM |
I understand that attractive women get sick and tired of being approached at every turn of the corner, as I am sure you’ve experience yourself far too many times. And, yes I understand that a lot of attractive women put up an air of “leave me the hell alone” due to being sick of it. But, that doesn’t give her license to treat people like shit because she feels entitled.
I am often talking to many beautiful women and quite a few seem to tell me the opisate is the result.
I know a few that are quite beautiful and mention that many guys will not even bother talking to them. Online that is not so much the case but in person just in the day to day routine of life they have told me quite often they get lots of men looking at them but very few actully coming up to them and talking to them.
I rarely have that trouble. I see things this way...
If you don't talk to them then you can not have a chance of things becoming something more. Well that would result in them not becoming a part of your life.
Ok now this senerio ...
You just walk up and start talking to them or make them laugh smile and/or let their ridged guard down a bit. What is the worst thing that can happen?
Many cases the worst that can happen is they would say the get lost line so that end result is that they would not be a part of your life... same end result as the first senerio of not talking to them. However, If you do talk to them then you have a 50/50 chance of things progressing further.
To me that is a no brainer. one way the end result is assured and the other way you have pretty good odds at at least having a conversation.
just my opinions | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:07:02 PM |
You DO know that "modicum" means only a little bit? So you just said you only have a small amount of intelligence, which to me means you are *not* intelligent.
Tell me 'this isn't how we do it in Philly', I'll ask what you mean and why it matters.
Sorry, I'm just reminded of Diane Keaton in Manhattan when I read your line there. hehe | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:30:50 PM |
Why? I've always been curious to know why some men have such a hard time with women who actually have a positive self-image?
Miss Comtemplative.... has nothing to do with positive self image. It is about being humble and modest as opposed to the opposite of being humble and modest.
There is something very, very refreshing about a person ( man or woman) who holds a certain amount of modesty about themself while still being confident and possessing a positive self image.
I think what the poster was attempting to convey was if one is quite intelligent or quite attractive in appearance there is no reason nor will it be necessary what so ever to tell or remind people that they are in fact quite intelligent or quite attractive.....because it will be painfully obvious that they are in fact just that.....
Peace | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:42:54 PM | Love intelligent women, and I stress that in my profile.
I am annoyed by those who feel like it's necessary to tell me they are intelligent, since the intelligence ought to be self-evident.
Intelligence is only self evident to other smart people. An idiot won't recognize genius if it hit him in the face. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:44:12 PM | it depends on how you define intelligent. Booksmarts, or regurgitating common thinking is juvenile, and a sense of humility and awe is always needed as balance.
There is a rich tapestry of knowledge one can define as their own, so being able to hold one's own in a debate, instead of sensing innuendo, rules-of-the-game etc isn't necessarily admirable.
That said, I will take an intelligent person over someone who basically sticks their head in the sand anyday.
(my first post ever, BTW) | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:55:36 PM | Well, Irish Eyes 43, I am not a man but I am an intelligent woman. I have both an MD and a PhD. Either intelligence has not deterred the men who have contacted me, or the men who have contacted me don't know how to read (or fail to do so).
Seriously, from day one here on POF, I have had plenty of attention from the male persuasion, and a significant portion of these men were attracted to the combination of physical appearance and intelligence, as well as sense of humor. From my experience a confident man will be attracted to intelligence, not put off by it.
Where I am from there is a thing among women known as a triple threat, beauty, personality and intelligence. It is a highly sought after combination.
My current beau would probably put my intelligence as one of the main reasons he found me so attractive. Intelligence will not be a turn on for some men, but for many men it is near the top of the list. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:20:02 PM | | interesting comment, what... because women under a certain age have been taught that all men are stupid and interested in only one thing. same attitude. the really smart women that i've met don't have to brag about it. i've found that the women who brag the most have real problems when they're proved wrong. they can't accept the fact that a man knows more than they do about a subject. the yelling soon starts and sex cards are thrown around like peanuts. all the slanted media coverage can't hide the real facts, that men still make most of the new discoveries and inventions. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:41:51 PM | Men say they want an intelligent women and some can handle one and some can't.
I actually had a personals ad one time saying I had a genius IQ and was looking for a man who liked smart women. What responded were a lot of narcissistic men who thought they were smart but didn't seem that way to me.
I have had men think I was egotistical and being a show off simply because I am smart.
My intelligence comes through when I like to talk about science in an educated way. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 2:43:46 PM | Irish Eyes, intelligence is subjective. Everyone likes to believe they are smart and/or intelligent. Truth is, everyone is intelligent in the world they know and what they keep to themselves. Outside of that, where your personal walls of comfort and knowledge don't exist, a person's intellect gets challenged daily.
Nevertheless, intelligence is sexy, attractive, and powerful, as long as it's not overbearing or used to reinforce ones own delusional status. I've met many people that make it their priority to let others know that they are smart and everyone else is not.
But in my opinion what seems to force men to overlook you, at least the decent and smart ones, is your restrictions and demands. You love your children and they are the world to you. There is nothing wrong with that, except there's no room for a new romantic interest. He will automatically be considered last in everything you do. You focus on your education a lot, which shows great self-respect and motivation, but also points out that a romantic interest will never fully qualify for your attention. Third, you purposely advertise that the romantic interest has to understand that your time is precious and he has to respect that. There is no balance, you distinctly point out that whatever guy you are trying to attract, will not be taken seriously because your life and whatever is within your domain comes first. His needs, his worth, his time will never sufficiently gain your attention and time. That's being pompous and selfish. Then there is the statement in your last paragraph "YOU should be a gentleman. I like my doors opened, bags carried, and help with my coat" cries you're looking for a pack mule that can hold doors open rather than a man with his own motivations and salt, that can bring something of himself to the table.
Lastly, the religious connotation. Many men are frightened away by someone that wants to preach religious beliefs and scriptures, and use it as a model on how to operate in life and relationships. Religion is a guide, not a rule.
Sorry Irish Eyes, I personally wouldn't date you, let alone converse with you. There's way too many obstacles to overcome. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:17:34 PM | | Yeah sure Id like meet an intelligent girl as I get bored with women who cant keep up in conversation or you have keep explaining things to. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:28:24 PM | Each of the women that I have fallen for is educated and intelligent.
I would like to think that these women would go for me. It would validate my worldview. | |
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