| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:35:59 PM | I have had men think I was egotistical and being a show off simply because I am smart.
My intelligence comes through when I like to talk about science in an educated way.
THIS is precisely the thing that I find very annoying. Maybe it's the area I'm from or maybe it's just the men's mentality around such things, but I've been called a "know-it-all" a "smartass" and so many other derogatory terms that I find the very idea of discussing intellect annoying.
If I share an interesting (at least I find it interesting ) tidbit of information and usually have something to add to most conversations I'm engaged in, I don't see where that means I'm a "know-it-all" and I do find it very insulting to have someone say as much. The only persons who have been rude enough to do so have been very insecure women or men who need to dominate and have the upper intellectual hand (the most annoying types of all) who just don't have any use for the information I'm sharing. If I am in error, I gladly welcome any corrections that I can verify to be true. After all, I appreciate the integrity of great conversational content and the last thing I want is to be ignorant about something.
I think the "beautiful and knows it" woman is the contrary of what most men would assume. Any female or person for that matter who would dare call someone a loser for approaching them has serious self-esteem issues and while they may appear pretty on the outside, their insides wreak of feelings of inadequacy. While I have seen some men come on in such a disgusting display...I can see why some men get shot down so harshly...they are just so inappropriate and insult to no end.
I am not a person who considers herself "beautiful" but I think I'm reasonably attractive and it's always nice to get such compliments but if I'm telling a guy to bug off it's because he was rude. Now IF that guy just happens to see ME as beautiful, is it fair to assume he'll refer to me as one of these "b*tches?" I would have to say that his assumption is very flawed.
And seriously, how many women ACTUALLY have the nerve to say "I'm way out of your league buddy!" Come on! I haven't ever known a woman to do this...ever.
Nothing like using really inflated versions of an idea to illustrate a point. And I didn't miss the point...I just took it from a different angle. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:57:17 PM |
I get bored with women who cant keep up in conversation or you have keep explaining things to.
I happen to like explaining my point of view on subjects... I tend to call them conversations and if done right with the right person they get recipricated with their point of view which allows me further understanding about how they think and of course if their words made sense then may even change the way I think about the subject being discussed.
And seriously, how many women ACTUALLY have the nerve to say "I'm way out of your league buddy!"
I have had a few say this to me. Granted they had no clue who i was or anything about me as a person and based the comment on simply where I was or what I was wearing for clothes.
One I even used those words that she was out of my league but it was just a missuse of the correct words at the time. I was meaning something completely different but it just came out that way instead. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 4:52:18 PM |
Now IF that guy just happens to see ME as beautiful, is it fair to assume he'll refer to me as one of these "b*tches?"
So what if he does? What if he walked away thinking you were the greatest person in the world? What difference would it make? If your efforts to rid yourself of his presence in your life are effective, neither perception really matters now does it? | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:30:28 PM | "I actually had a personals ad one time saying I had a genius IQ and was looking for a man who liked smart women."
I'm putting out a personals ad looking for a woman with a little bit of humility. Glowing appraisals usually sound better from someone else. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 5:33:30 PM | I am not a person who considers herself "beautiful" but I think I'm reasonably attractive and it's always nice to get such compliments but if I'm telling a guy to bug off it's because he was rude. Now IF that guy just happens to see ME as beautiful, is it fair to assume he'll refer to me as one of these "b*tches?" I would have to say that his assumption is very flawed.
If he is being rude to you, then yes, you have every right to tell him to 'bug off' as sternly as you like. And, no, in that case it does not make a B.
I'm not convinced you're getting my point here. Again, as I've said before... there is nothing wrong with a woman who's confident in her looks - I'll add by saying - beautiful or not. It's when the line is crossed and she allows her good looks to go to her head and because of such treats people like garbage... people she deems unworthy to so much as even look her way. And, YES, there are many of them out there.
And seriously, how many women ACTUALLY have the nerve to say "I'm way out of your league buddy!" Come on! I haven't ever known a woman to do this...ever
Despite the poster who told us about what it happened to him, personally. I'll add a little evidence to this case. I was at the gym a few months ago. Woman comes in and hops on the treadmill about two or three down from me. Beautiful woman, stunning actually. Most of the men walking by couldn't help but take second and third looks. So anyway, up walks this guy. A little shorter, slight spare tire going on... but obviously wasn't afriad to say hello. He walked up (and no, before you say it he wasn't interupting her work out - she wasn't exactly breaking a sweat if you know what I mean) to her - at this time I knew what was coming so I turned my iPod down to listen in - said hello and introduced himself. She actually laughed, looked at him and said (and I quote) "you've got be kidding, right?" To this he just walked away.
About 45 minutes later (yes I really do run that long) I see her chatting it up with one of the "pretty boys" - these are the types that spend more time looking at them selves in the wall mirrors than actually working out - I am sure you have them in Canada too. Before she left she wrote - what I could only assume was her number - on a sheet of paper and give it to him...
So, yes, down here in the US is it quite common. Not sure if you've ever had the fortune to visit or not, but if you haven't, the next time you are down here in a major city - check it out - pay attention - you'll see it. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:48:06 PM | OP:
Does an intelligent woman intimidate you?
No, because a truely intelligent woman (or man) realizes that intelligence is relative. An Aborigine might be considered ignorant in New York city. At the same time, a Wall Street tycoon would seem ignorant dropped into the Australian bush.
IMO, a truely intelligent person doesn't equate intelligence to human value. Anything we possess today could disappear tomorrow.
Therefore, a truely intelligent person doesn't feel a need to hold their intellect over anothers head (pun intended). Instead, because they're greatful for a gift that could vanish in a heartbeat, they instill humility into their persona, as a result they aren't intimidating.
IMO, the same can be said for a truely beautiful person.
just a few thoughts | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:00:57 PM | | No, not at all. In fact, I love a woman with their own intelligent opinions that can actually defend their position on various subjects. Somebody who is opinionated is a plus in my book. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:15:32 PM | The phrase “S/he’s hot and s/he knows it” is reserved for those who see themselves as better than someone else, above of other people’s league, and believes in leagues in general. It does not have anything to do with the many men and women out there who have a positive self image, which is healthy and desirable. Relating that phrase to intelligent people confines it to those intelligent people who think they’re better than others because of their “superior” intellect.
I was not generalizing and I am not passing judgment on all intelligent people. I am commenting on why some people may be “intimidated” by others who believe they are very intelligent. That is after all the questions of the thread and to take my comments and apply them beyond that type of person is to take me out of context. I do not like to be taken out of context :p My previous statements are possible reasons for those that think they “intimidate” others with their intelligence. I personally do not believe it is intimidation and more likely to be the other person being put off and simply not wanting to be around this type of person who might have an overbearing intellect.
Ever since I took a bunch of IQ tests in my early twenties I refuse to believe they are a good measure of intelligence. I believe all they are is a measure of how well you test. I took multiple IQ tests online and written. In no particular order my scores varied from border-line moron to genius. If IQ tests were a truly quantitative measurement of someone’s intelligence all of those tests should have been in a much smaller range.
Very intelligent people including most geniuses are genius or intelligent in a very specific area. If you are the type who seems to intimidate others with your intelligence is it because you are constantly bringing out the smartest you possible and focusing conversation, activities, and other relations on the specific area that you excel in. People can tire and bore of that very quickly and missing those social cues can lead them to not wanting to be around you. Such as correcting someone’s spelling on an informal communication. Using spelling errors to insinuate that someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about since they’re not intelligent enough to spell every word correctly is nitpicky and a precursor to the type of overbearing intelligence that put’s other people off, or as some like to call it, intimidates. Had I been writing a formal essay, letter, or memo then I would have proof read, corrected spelling, grammar, and organizational structure. Had my posts been riddled with constant spelling errors that your average fifth grader wouldn’t make I would have admitted a lack of intelligence on my part.
The best answer is one that can be changed easily and that is not wishy washy. It is the ability to realize that none of us are omnipotent hence none of us has all the facts when making a decision. This is why in science conclusions are often called theories for many years after they have been proven based on information that has a lot of integrity. A theory does not become a law until it has been proven independently over and over again by many unbiased individuals. Even when someone’s conclusion has been determined to be a law by the scientific community it is not unheard of for that law to be broken and a new more complete one to take its place. This is why we seek out second medical opinions, why we have appeals courts, these very intelligent judges and doctors are expressing their very informed opinions of medical science or the law. If they can be wrong in their opinion than why shouldn’t I believe that my opinion could be wrong or why couldn’t your opinion be wrong?
I do not hide my intelligence I just don’t wear it like the clothes on my back. It is there if you care to take a look. It is who I am and if nobody else is like that than at least I’m different as I have a huge fear of being normal. There have been situations in my life where I have allowed my intelligence to dominate interactions with others. Often what follows is silence, nobody wants to add anything, nobody wants to say anything. In the context of dating this is not conducive of a good date. Being a very strong introvert, after I have dominated anything in such an outward way I spend the rest of the night being very quiet which has allowed me to hear what others have thought when they think I’m not listening or within ear shot. They rarely have anything bad to say about me and mostly what is heard is some variation of “that went right over my head”. This is why I like to tone down the intelligence most of the time and come down to the reality that when you are (for example) more intelligent than 95% of the population, 95% of the people who you are socializing with may not be interested in your how intelligent you are and just want to have fun without having to think too hard. Save the debates over quantum mechanics and socioeconomic divisions for your colleagues or those friends you have that are actually interested.
46&2 | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:50:09 PM | | Id say men need to want to find a smart women, because she can teach you a thing or two so Id like the chance to date a smart, driven women. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:55:49 PM |
Does an intelligent woman intimidate you?
Hell no.
But....that still don't mean squat...
I'm older
That's still not a deal breaker. I still attract women 10 years younger, but am drawn to women my age or older. Always have been.
I don't hide the fact that I have a modicum of intelligence, but I find most men seem to pass me by.
You needn't hide it. But it might be the way you display it.....or that you seem to happen upon men who feel inferior around you and your accomplishments. That's not gender specific. It happens to guys as well. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:10:07 PM |
Only when it means I am going to have to prove my intelligence and therefore work that much harder in order to sleep with her or use her. And more than likely she's going to be able to use that intelligence to see through the crap I am flinging her way.
Ha! I do love an honest man! 
Most men aren't intimidated by intelligence, unless they can't keep up, but it's certainly not the first thing they are looking for. If you pass in the looks and personality departments then most would find intelligence to be a welcome bonus and not a turn off.
coming over and pleasing you like no man have ever done for you for hours just spoil you tell you have had your fill
Not that there's anything wrong with that, after you get to know him, but at least the guy showed you who he was upfront and that's probably all he's got to offer.
The man who mentioned the kids thing could be onto something.
I've been guilty myself of passing on a man once I've found out he's got a whole litter.
I understand your frustration and wading through tons of crap can be demoralizing but those guys are actually making it easier for you to weed out the bad apples.
Hopefully there is still something good left over once you've finished deleting!
I'm not intimidated by intelligent people. I am annoyed by those who feel like it's necessary to tell me they are intelligent, since the intelligence ought to be self-evident.
Agreed.
Intelligence is a major turn on but if you need a neon sign to promote it then it becomes much less attractive.
Traditionally, men play the role of being rational and women play the role of being moral;
Why can't we BOTH play those roles?
I don't see them as being gender specific at all.
And why would responding to logic make me, or any other woman, any less feminine or cold-hearted?
If you use your intelligence to intimidate, you are a smart a$$!
If you use your intelligence to humiliate, you are a smart a$$!
If you use your intelligence to learn something new, you are smart!
If you use your intelligence to grow from within, you are even smarter!
I like to use my intelligence to tease and I have been called a smart a$$ plenty but I've never thought of it as a bad thing! ;)
You just walk up and start talking to them or make them laugh smile and/or let their ridged guard down a bit. What is the worst thing that can happen?
That's the best way to approach a woman, in my opinion, because if a guy can make me laugh then he's halfway there.
Then there is the statement in your last paragraph "YOU should be a gentleman. I like my doors opened, bags carried, and help with my coat" cries you're looking for a pack mule that can hold doors open rather than a man with his own motivations and salt, that can bring something of himself to the table.
Good manners are a huge turn on but not if you have to enforce them.
- at this time I knew what was coming so I turned my iPod down to listen in -
That totally tickled my funny bone! Just couldn't resist the carnage, could you? ;)
And he's right. It does happen...even here in Canada...and it's just plain rude.
No, because a truely intelligent woman (or man) realizes that intelligence is relative. An Aborigine might be considered ignorant in New York city. At the same time, a Wall Street tycoon would seem ignorant dropped into the Australian bush.
That's very true. My accountant has pointed out to me that he could never do my job (to make me feel better) and it does make sense.
People are smart in different ways but as long as you're not constantly shoving it in their faces it wont be a problem. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:44:53 PM | I am not intimidated by an intelligent woman, but rather I embrace it. That is one thing that I look for in a woman.
If he says nothing more creative than "hey baby, wanna go out some time" then you should thank him for only wasting your time long enough to read the sentence rather than wasting more of your time.
Then again I must qualify this. If a woman or a man is arrogant, then that is a different story.
Happy spawning everyone.
Colin.
PS. This is my first post on POF forum.
If anyone see's my profile, yes I know it sucks. I mean to change it.  | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:16:39 AM | A woman with classic intelligence is a big turn on! By classic intelligence I mean she is more intelligent than the substance she reads. She formulates her own theories and conclusions, she can read people, and wears a business dress.. ouch. One that carries a great conversation, knows good wine, knows how to shut me up at times lol...
The biggest crush I have ever had was on a nutritionist. She was 10 years older, amazing to look at, very, very intelligent, and had a gigantic amount knowledge. I was always in awe of her and she know it lol. Didn't have a chance tho, especially since she only liked older guys.
So intimidating might be a yes.... but i'm far more intimidated by a 23 year old playa bitcx only looking to play games... why? because she'll reject my intelligence lol. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:01:21 AM | actually i find that a woman who is able to carry on an intelligent conversation a very attractive quality. I'm not trying to demean anyone in any way but some of the ladies around my age still seem to be of the teen mentality of party party party or the ever so famous cinderella dreams, so i find it extremely refreshing to talk to someone who makes me think and doesnt have their head in the clouds.
HOWEVER a person in general who uses their intelligence as a means of making someone feel inferior is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:27:46 AM | Absolutely not for this kid. Intelligence/wit/ deliver/humility--or lack of/humor....& more all facets that comprise INTELLECT. Hail noo--i AiN't SmArtt.
A master however, of understatement. Battle of wits? Um mmmm My Language. Assume not an unarmed person.
ALL GOOD------FUN .
QUESTION/COMMENT--WEBMASTER PLEASE CONTACT---------NAVIGATION OF FORUMS RESEMBLES ICE AGE.
NEW FORUM SOON: "THE SNOB LIST" AND THE NOMINEES ARE.............IN NO FU ING ORDER, NOR SHOULD BOTTOM DWELLERS BE SO PRIVELEGED................... | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:36:33 AM | ANY SOURCE: THOSE WHO HAVE LITTLE EGO/PRIDE/CONFIDENCE/SELF-ESTEEM HURT. AND THUS IN ORDER TO FEEL JUST "A LITTLE BIT BIGGER FOR AWHILE" WILL PUT DOWN OTHERS. THE HIGHER THEY FEEL THE POSITION OF THE ONE THEY CUT--THE BIGGER THE 'HIGH' OF 10' TALL & BULLETPROOF.
MISERABLE PEOPLE. I HAVE MY OWN WAY OF CUTTING THEIR LEGS OUT FROM UNDER THEM ON THEIR ATTEMPTS, IF!! IT BOTHERS ME--------"MIND/WIT--ONLY" ALL GOOD.
ROLL WITH IT----------------SUCH FUN TO SEE SUCH 'SQUIRM'
CHILD'S PLAY............ | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:41:01 AM | Intelligent women, a lot of people like to skim over the top and take a quick look and judge people. Even outside a relationship I like to find what makes a person in a one on one environment where they don't feel the need to "try" and fit in. I have known several men and women who are extremely intelligent but act completely different just to fit in until you have them alone and they can drop the act and be serious. Women (not all of you!) often act silly, or klutzy, just so men do approach them more often, they present that "easy" target and the more men approach the healthier their self-esteem.
We all want friends and companions, and we don't get to design them, so we take them as they are if we get along, or move along if it doesn't. I think most intelligent people can adapt to an extent to try to fit a little better in most situations. Therefore, you may meet someone of intelligence, but at the wrong time or place and meet them when they are going wild for once.
As for fear or intimidation, if you get that notion quite often, maybe look at how you are putting yourself out there, from speech, to dress, and even body language. Throwing collegiate level vocabulary around makes some people back off, I live in the deep south I have a long list of words I can't say without having to fire off a definition nearly every time. So in the end I learned most of the time to kind of dumb down so people do not think I'm that guy using big words just trying to sound smart.
As for the women I am attracted to, yes they have to be intelligent, but, not so aware of the fact that they feel the need to never relax and goof off or look like a goof ball. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:58:56 AM | How do you show your intelligence?
I know this is a very broad generalization but think of it like the word test where you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Intelligence = Condescending
Strong = Domineering
I like intelligent strong women but have ran into women who described themself that way and were more of the condescending and domineering type.
If they are passing you by then it may be the way you describe your self. Just saying that you are intelligent might be hitting a mental cue that turns that person off.
I hope that makes sense and that it helps. | |
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*Aris*
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Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 121 | |
| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:13:50 AM | to accidentally in love: to get my point across, all I was suggesting is traditionally there is gender roles that have been taught, think of the way you were raised and how that influences your current views. When I was talking to my feminist friend I was asking for her views on the traditional roles that I was less certain of and she gave the rational response telling me the truth, that, that is traditionally the way men and women behave. The example I was giving her was historic, like in the eighteenth century business men would gather into meetings and have a painting of a women on the wall as a reminder to make conscientous decisions. The gender gap was that to be rational is not always moral and to be moral is not always rational. This is a time when women were not allowed to vote nor included in post secondary education. Obviously history has changed and women are much more libreated but she was saying that even today there is sentiment for old fashioned values, though she obviously disagreed with it. However I've met plenty of women who are content acting lady like and have no interest in voting or politics, etc - thier not interested in changing history or challenging set ways.
Can men and women break from traditional values? yes I think so. Also consider can men and women follow traditional values? yes I think so too. | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:58:24 AM |
However I've met plenty of women who are content acting lady like and have no interest in voting or politics, etc - thier not interested in changing history or challenging set ways.
I think maybe this is a quote that I might be misunderstanding; because if I read it, a person can not be ladylike and want to vote or be interested in politics and current events.
I wholeheartedly believe a woman can be ladylike and still very much be conscious of her surroundings in the world and want to make a difference.
Feminism is equated with feminaziism. The m asculine, aggressive, in your face assertment of rights.
and a non feminist is a passive, submissive creature that sits back and lets the world happen, and takes what the men dole out to her gratefully; as the old fashioned creature she is.
these are both incredibly extreme.
the modern woman is a little of both. She is not aggressive, nor is she passive. She is assertive; in that she is not a doormat.
She is involved in current events, because they take shape around her and affect her and her family and colleagues; why would she be disinterested?
The one is a wallflower, the other is a pariah. Most women aren't either extreme. They are somewhere a blend of both of those. the horror stories that keep getting bandied about in the "generalizations" are extremes, of which both genders have some.
But a woman who can successfully navigate in her own in life, think for herself and take care of herself, support herself and her loved ones; love being a mother and a woman, but still have that compassion, integrity, love of beauty and gentleness, while still having strength, fortitude, a comfort with involvement and an awareness of the world around her, and her place in shaping it. This is not "not needing a man" this is her not being dependent on a man. That is hugely different.
The extremes are passe. The current have adapted in this new millennium.
at least imvho | |
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| A question for you serious-minded men...
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:56:26 PM | Intelligent women are great!
Older women... not so much, but that's just me.
So, yeah, I hate to say it, but I'd pass up a seasoned intelligent woman for a younger hotter girl who wasn't as bright.
But don't worry, that doesn't mean we can't be friends. | |
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