| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/15/2009 3:03:04 AM | I know this post is coming late but I think you are missing the point of what they are all saying. Whether they are of one race or biracial it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter outside of your family. Having a loving home is what is most important.
But I guess to understand truly then look at the many asian children that are brought up by white parents. The ones that have a successful relationship within their home are the ones that embrace their differences as well as the similarities. In your situation a child does not have to look like you to bond with you. You can't look at what people may think about your background. If they are going to judge you it will happen whether you are in a mixed marriage or not. That means they are idiots.
My boss has three kids. Two girls one boy. Adopted. All black. The boy was adopted older. She and her ex husband are white. These kids don't have issues. They are great kids and have loving parents. I'm sure they won't care if she dated someone white, asian or anything else.
My child is biracial. Her father is asian and I am black latino. She does not look black at all. It could be that I am in a relationship with someone who is white. She wouldn't look like me or them. But guess what... she will be loved and what we look like and our background won't matter. Just remember that. | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:17:05 PM | | The only way to teach tolerance is to live it.....................no matter what the issues are....we either perpetuate situations,or we orvercome them......your choice | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:37:04 PM | Shihku7, here is a variation on the theme:
My children are biracial and as such, have my dominant features: dark curly hair and dark eyes. Their mother remarried a man of the Caucasian Persuasion and now they have a little boy: blond hair and blue eyes, like his father. My girls see his appearance as a novelty, but they accept him completely and unconditionally.
They even thought that I would be the new baby's step-dad and that when they come to my house, the new baby would come with them. I had to chuckle and explain to them that it doesn't work like that. lol.
I believe that parents put more of an emphasis on racial and gender expectation than children. Hell... the children learn how to act and respond from their parents. I would not worry about the children, I would worry about your own comfort level instead. | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:25:56 AM | I think having a step-parent of another race is such a bonus to children. What better way to teach tolerance, acceptance, equality and love than having an example of it in their own home?
My three children are all caucasian. I am marrying a black man (born and raised in West Africa.) My kids are 11, 8 and 6. They are all fine with it. We plan to have 2 more children, so we will have a family with a white mum, black dad, 3 white children and 2 black children. I think the biggest issue may come when the new baby arrives and looks so much different from the older kids, but by then they will be 13, 10 and 8 and I don't anticipate any problems. The funny thing about race is that once you fall in love with someone, you don't see it anymore. I won't look at my future children and think of them as black, and I don't think my existing children will either. He will be my son, and their little brother.
We are preparing, and talk endlessly about interracial marriage and raising bi-racial children. You'll notice in the above paragraph I said I will have black children - not bi-racial. That's because I know that where we live they will be considered black, and I see nothing wrong with a child identifying as being black yet having a white mother.
Right now my kids think it's so cool that their future step-dad doesn't have to wear sun-screen. (my kids are the pale and freckled!) | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:29:35 AM | | how could teaching the child not to be racist , to be accepting of other races other than their own, that all people are part of the human race and thats all that really matters, ever be seen as a "major problem" or "awkward", unless the kids bio-father is a total racist and passing those opinions onto the child, i dont see any forseeable problems so long as the mom is opened to dating outside her own racial background. | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:09:52 PM | | I wouldn't allow the race of anyone to deter you from dating a good person. If that relationship had flourished into a marriage neither you, your wife, or your stepchild would care about race it would be about love. | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:58:25 PM | I understand your concern, I have to admit that I do think about it too. My daughter is bi-racial. Its funny because although I am black, she looks more white. I have people come up to me all the time and ask if she is mine.
I was in a serious relationship with a Puerto Rican man and we would get various comments when we were out with her things such as "she looks like both of you" or "where did she get those green eyes?" Sometimes we'd tell the truth, other times we would say it comes from my great grandfather's side..LOL. Recently I was dating a dark skinned African American man and I did think wow if we got married there is no way we could pull this one off. But in the grand scheme of things its really so insignificant. As long as you and your partner and the children are happy why should you care what anyone else thinks? | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/17/2009 9:39:55 AM | Hi shihku,
it's really funny that you should post this. My son is black and Korean. His father and I have split, but his father is still very much an active part of my son's life.
Looking on here for other Asian men to date, (or even simply to develop a friendship to see if we're even compatible) has been like mission impossible. Personally, I don't see where there would be a problem if the woman isn't looking for a father figure for her son (which would be my case). Even if she was, as long as both adults are willing to educate the child on his/her culture, and how to appreciate the culture of the person she's dating, there should be no problem. | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/17/2009 9:24:58 PM | Hello,
I am a white girl with two white siblings We had a black stepfather and in 1971 there were more issues with it than now. YES there will be issues but being a good man/step father is what makes it work. I don't remember anyone of us using race as a fighting tool. I think it brought us closer because other people didn't understand at the time. Love conquers all.........
Now parenting......that is another battle all by itself.  | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:08:39 AM | OP, since you asked for opinions from kids I can tell you what my stepson has said and done. When he met his wife about twelve years ago and she met me, she assumed that his father was dark-skinned because my stepson definitely has the olive complexion common to many Hispanics. She was then shocked to meet his dad, who is fairly light complected because she realized I was NOT his biological mother.
Because of the way we behaved toward one another, because we didn't behave as if we had a step-relationship, she thought I was his bio mom.
OP, you obviously have an issue with this, there have been plenty of posts to dispel you of this notion and yet you cling to our not understanding things when although we are not our children, we are certainly familiar with the life they lead.
How kids turn out is a crap shoot. Some with no apparent problems, two parents that stay married, at least moderately happy and are the same color, religious background, etc. may wind up totally screwed up because at some point they are people and make their own choices. Another child that seems to have oodles of strikes against them, poverty, broken home, biracial child (if one chooses to see this as a potential liability), step-parent of a different race, learning disabilities, will succeed.
Be realistic with yourself, YOU have a problem with this. Your concern with the Chinese thing, would you think twice about teaching your children about it? Why does someone need to be biologically attached to the cultural background for you to want to share it with them? And if you get involved with any children in a long-term relationship they become your children too and if you aren't capable of thinking that way your problem isn't the race, it is that you shouldn't date women with children. To a degree, my kids have learned more about their Hispanic heritage from me than their father, a bit ironic when I don't know as much as I should about my ethnic heritage. | |
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| Interracial dating & single parents
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:36:52 PM | | Shihku7, what exactly is your fear? That the white kid is not going to like you? That's almost to be expected. The kid may not like you because you're messing with his mom - being a different race/culture is just icing on the cake as far as s/he's concerned. Your best ally in this will be the woman herself. She has to bring her child around to accept this relationship. It's not going to be easy | |
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