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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:51:43 AM | Thanks Warmhanded. Maybe the problem is that common sense has become more rare these days.
For dating finances aren't that big a deal. For an LTR it's different, but that bridge gets crossed when it gets to that point. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:29:39 AM | | My last wife had financial problems, and during our marriage I cleared most of it up with the understanding that she cut up all of her credit cards. I denied her the adult responsibility of managing her affairs on this point, but thankfully the lesson for her took. She no longer buys stuff on credit, nor does she have any credit cards and is finally taking care of herself. In the future, I'm pretty much inclined to let my future mate attend to her own financial problems, like any adult should, while being the primary provider. If that future she can't get her financial affairs in order in that circumstance, I doubt the relationship will progress. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:34:26 AM | So, if this guy is going through a financial crisis and I know that he's normally doing fine, and I know that he is the type of person that will pull out of it again, then I can deal with it.
One doesn't know that when first meeting someone.
Most posters have said in other threads that they would not date someone who is in debt. I know plenty of relationships where one was in debt.
Money plays a huge part unfortunately. It really depends on how the individual looks at it, whether they have a plan for the future for this debt, but it's impossible to know this from a first few dates. Some people have car loans that are stopping them from using that 200-400 extra $ on something else.
FYI: Having good credit doesn't mean someone can't be in debt. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:44:12 AM | Humans before materials.
some of my close friends are surgeons and some are on welfare! They are all living, breathing, thinking, feeling human beings; so it means nothing!
Based on that philosophy and adapting it to an objective reality; my point of view on this matter is fairly simple and will never fall into that pit thus creating a form of financial or material rasicism, quantification, identification and categorization toward another human being.
I really, but really really do not care what people possess or do for a living as long as it is not a major burden, an obsession in all range of the spectrum, a compensation for a lack of personal worth or even a method of identification.
If someone is capable to stay honest, responsible, and provide for his or her own basic neccesities, the rest is of no importances or influence in reality; as the person is still whole and always capable to grow in any direction.
Material gain and possession are only acquisitions of a temporal nature and never, ever, reflect on the true worth of a human being; in certain cases it is even worst as "what you own sometimes ends to own you" (ask anyone with a mortgage for clarificattion on that one example, or think on how many millionaires today have started in their basement with absolutely nothing)
So the next time you see a peddler in the street: treat him or her as a human being and not as trash, and never envy someone who has more "material" possession or assets then you (reflection on greed...)
EDIT:
As gonesailing added to the point:
" should I date someone - casually his finances are none of my concern and are not in of my business. His income and monetary assetts also play no role in deciding to date him or to continue to date him." | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 7:51:35 AM | Are we talking about my finances?
"our" finances?
Or a potential dates finances?
My finances are very important. My exhusband was not fiscally responsible. It took me nearly 6 years post-divorce to straighten out my own financial situation due to the life he chose to live for us both.
Since the divorce I've been responsible 100% for the finances of my two sons and I. Including paying for all of their education, sport camps, school trips, college and weddings.
I run a very tight budget and because of that I'm comfortably well kept - on my own.
Should I date someone - casually his finances are none of my concern and are not in of my business. His income and monetary assetts also play no role in deciding to date him or to continue to date him.
If the relationship continues into something long term - my own personal assetts prior to the relationship are in a trust for both my sons. My income I am willing to share equally with my partner. I expect any of his assetts prior to the relationship to also be held secure for his children and from that time forward HIS income to be joint with mine in caring for "our" lifestyle together.
Rough times financially happen, and I am a generous person who is not opposed to helping others in times of need. Long term financially underwriting someone who is not competent I will not do. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:45:14 AM |
However, using credit responsibly allows you to be able to buy a newer car
I have a newer BMW but it is paid for and does not have any car loan on it. Using credit in that way that you discuss allows you to buy a car that you can not afford and as a result you get to pay more for that car than someone that paid cash to own it free and clear.
Many times just walking into the dealerships with cash in hand gets you a better price than if you require a loan, and then after the interest amounts you wind up paying even more. An example given before was to buy a $25,000 car you end up paying $32,000 for the same car, so how is that being a reward for having a good credit rating??
Your reward is to pay someone else more money for the same products than someone that saved their pennies and maybe went without luxury items until they saved up enough to buy the thing that they really wanted?
Credit rating does count!
It only counts if you wish to participate in their credit shuffling endevours.
Your credit score is your form of compensation for paying them interest fee's. It is the justification for the fact that you paid someone else for nothing. Think about it.
When you have all that you need and do not need to take loans out or put things on a credit card then you are not paying them. Since you are NOT paying them they then are not allowing you to use their money. When you do use their money they send out a notice to the other people with money letting them know that you used their money and paid them back with interest fee's of course.
Since you used someone elses money your score goes up but if you used your own damn money it does not. So you see... you are just BUYING a credit score. You are basically buying the ability for them to list you as a sucker that is willing to pay interest fee's for nothing more than sliding a number accross a ledger.
How is that way of life considered as someone being finacially responsable?
I see it as foolish, unwise, and even a bit reckless. Why is their money any better than your own money? so much so that you would be willing to use theirs instead of your own and pay them just to use it.
However, not having enough to pay your bills, buy food , keep the car going, etc. is bound to make you unhappy and add significant stress to your life.
If anything that is all the more reason to avoid those situations. miss a car payment or two and POOF no more car and your reward is then losing everything you have spent on the car up to that point and a punishment of a reduction of your credit score.
Miss a mortgage payment or two and POOF forclosed and now you are homeless with no car to get anywhere else to live.
Less stress?????? sounds like more stress to me than if you don't owe anyone anything. Sure you have to pay property taxes but if your only bills are your taxes and utilities that sounds like a whole lot less of a burden than having to worry constantly about chasing after the almighty dollar just so you can hand them over to someone else.
They get to sit back and watch you as you run around collecting all the dollars you can find to pass them over to them each month. As long as they keep you in servitude by holding those two numbers over your head one being your credit score and the other being your credit extended number they can be the one relaxing while you are the one busy tracking down dollars.
If your credit extended numbers start to become closer to zero then they turn up the heat and push, poke, and prode you into trading in your car or increasing your family size so that you need a bigger house so that you can again use their money and extend that cycle.
I was not directing any of this at you tug..... You just granted the statements that made it easy for me to use them as examples to express my opinions and point of view on the topic at hand.
Bottom line.... Use your OWN money. Yours is just as good as theirs is and if stress free living is the end goal by using your own money to buy the things that you want or need then it will be so much less stress than if you had to constantly had to chase after dollars just to hand them over to someone else
Just my opinions on the subject and also how I live my life. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 8:58:34 AM | | My last girlfriend took advantage of me financially, never paid her share. So similar behavior in someone I date would be a red flag. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:18:16 AM | | In general, you're going to find more women interested in their mate's financial prospects than the other way around. It's the provider protector thing; no matter what we do, we can't escape evolution. Men rarely care at all how much money a woman makes, as long as she doesn't spend all of ours; we generally support ourselves. A guy's primary concern is if he finds her physically attractive and have a pleasant personality. I think there's something in a woman's dna that makes her want to be sure a guy can support her and her kids should the necessity present itself, something a guy doesn't look for in a woman. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:30:21 AM | EvilLolli, I admired your concept about money and dating ,Kodus to you!!!!!!
You are not just a pretty face but with a sensible mind too.. And You are not a cold hearted Byotch in my book.
LOL, some people romantized love with out money, ohhh, how sweet they'd fall for a lovely wench living in a van, a broke and in debt as long as she is not shallow,blah,blah
 ... I bet they won't stay for long........ | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:39:10 AM | if someone is going to judge me on how much money I make then there out of here.
your financial situation should never be a requirement or even a consideration when dating or in relationship,how much money you make is no ones business but your own no matter the circumstances. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:44:28 AM |
LOL, some people romantized love with out money, ohhh, how sweet they'd fall for a lovely wench living in a van, a broke and in debt as long as she is not shallow,blah,blah
... I bet they won't stay for long.
I think lots of people did that in the 60s & lots of em claimed to be happy. I think that the more you have, the more afraid you become of losing it. The less you have, the less you have to worry about losing. I think when the Great Depression stared, the highest suicide rate wer the people who wer rich who thought they lost everything. The poor people who wer used to being poor survived in the best | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:44:47 AM | So yeah, I'd say money is more important than anything else on a guy's profile :p
^^^
Well I list my profession as CEO/General Motors. But I don't think anyone believes me.
Money only matters when you don't have it. Right? | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:12:15 AM | nickoo7,whatcha talkin about ???? We fish in this sea of free dating website Plentyof fish are barely making it to pay bills, or living paycheck to paycheck, it is funny that a person would say that they are rich ,hates Goldiggers , and women are looking for moneyed guys here in POF.. hahahha !
Sooooo Baby!!!!we are all in same sea of fish here , if some one would say they are rich ,why aren't they in some parties or exclusive single clubs in tuxs and gowns mingling with beautiful people ,instead of pounding their keyboard and staring to the monitor. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:36:00 AM | I married someone with no money and little income.
The three major relationships I have had since were
1)a woman who made twice as much as me yet had wrecked finances (due to her ex, she claimed)
2)a woman who makes what I make yet had wrecked finances plus utilities constantly being turned off(due to her ex, she claimed)
3)a woman who made less than me, but not minimum wage who declared bankruptcy while we were dating
All of the last three had multiple collection agencies always calling.
Even with that, I don't think less of people who have financial troubles. Job losses, medical bills, etc can ruin anybody.
But supporting my wife never reduced her desire to spend and never earned me any appreciation from her.
Now in my fifties, still working hard, I have no desire to pull the entire load of someone's finances along with my own. But for dating or being friends, of course finances don't matter. Long term requires a full discussion.
And I don't think a person is bad for feeling that way, male or female.
Most people who work and get by without financial nightmares are probably looking for someone in the same situation.
I always say this, I am not overtly religious, but I do thank God for being able to work and for having work. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:45:57 AM | | Money is somewhat important. I know I would prefer to date someone who is making some money, min wage or higher don't matter as long has A job... I would even accept someone is on leave of absence and in school and funds are limited or in a financial funk but can still pay for his own things. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:58:21 AM | Thanks Vanilli. Funny because I have had some tell me IRL that it makes me cold hearted or unsupportive. LOL Hey I support myself and encourage you to do the same. Like I said dating, hanging out, having fun-finances aren't that big a deal. If you are living w/ someone or about to be legally tied together-it does become a big deal. And yes, I have debt and juggle my bills some months. So the debt isn't the problem, it's how they handle their debt.
On a side note I find it interesting all the men that say a woman's finances aren't important, I wonder how many would be willing to be the financial support for a shared lifestyle in the long haul. I don't see too many executives picking their wives up from behind a McD's counter. Just saying....... | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:07:44 AM |
Would this bother you?
If I was already to the point that I definitely saw a future (and not just hoped or desired one) then I would already know why she was in the financial mess or "rough time." And I am still around to question it. So no, it would not bother me. It couldn't have. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone so far with her to have come to the point where I "definitely see a future" with her.
What would be your response to that?
Let her deal with her own financial issues. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about her and how she handles difficult situations. Try and offer assistance with anything but money. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:44:53 AM | EvilLolli, Thanks for the good advice ,we are on the same boat being labeled cold hearted ,unsupportive person..I work hard to support myself for a decent life, I don't want to be in a Mercy of a man for my bread and butter and a roof on top of my head,but it doesn't mean I won't share my life with him. When it comes to relationship even dates which not really a big deal, it should be shared and shared alike.
When a man takes me to dinner , I ordered the cheapest in the menu ,or suggest McD's hamburger ,thinking not to dent his wallet for he is supporting his kids and have bills to pay.
<div class="quote"> On a side note I find it interesting all the men that say a woman's finances aren't important, ( even the woman have kids ) I wonder how many would be willing to be financial support for a shared lifestyle in the long haul. I don't see too *many executives* picking their wives up from behind a McD's counter. Just saying....
this input is clear as a crystal.......... | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:48:33 AM |
I don't see too many executives picking their wives up from behind a McD's counter.
because they would go to jail for it. Most of the ones working at Mcd's are under age teens or retired ...um ....."age enhanced" folk  | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:49:53 AM |
Well I'm financially in the toilet, so yeah, he's going to have to be a good money maker. I've never had anyone pay my way in life so that would be cool, I could be one of these gold diggers that whiners are always crying about!
...and thinking about what we say before we say it counts too.
Wow. Just...wow.
This is a motherload to deconstruct. The diatribe one could go off on due to this would be amazing.
Alas I'm still stunned and shocked someone would say that, even if they meant to be 'funny' via their admission. Wow.
Wow. | |
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stts
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Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 47 | |
| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:50:19 AM |
Let her deal with her own financial issues. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about her and how she handles difficult situations. Try and offer assistance with anything but money.
Yup, I agree with this guy. If you find a great mate in a finacial mess, you dont need to automatically kick them to the curb, but it is a great way to learn more about how they operate.  | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:08:32 PM |
Ok guys and girls, How important are financial matters to you. If this guy/girl that you are going out with and things are clicking really good, you definitely see a future there except maybe they've gone through a very rough time financially. Would this bother you? What would be your response to that?
Now for the OPs question!
My view has always been that each party needs to hold their own. If they have debt- it's their debt. If they can't afford something, then something isn't had. But never should finances/materialism mingle with emotional contentment.
Not many people can keep these things separated. Society teaches lays out for us a plan on how a relationship is supposed to work, it even shows us what sorts of things we should consume, and how we should display our affection- by spending. So it's no wonder people mix the 2. One has nothing to do with the other. One has nothing to do with the other. One has nothing to do with the other.
I would keep it simple, straight, and just speak with the person about it. I'm not suggesting, mind you, that you shouldn't shower the person with gifts (if that's your bag), or go on expensive holidays (if that's your thing also), but that each person should be responsible for *only* their finances. Women I date have no business, no right, to worry over my money unless for some reason I leave them high/dry at a restaurant (presuming they're not taking me out anyway), and vice versa. It's tempting, I know, that if your partner has significant debt to want to help pay it off. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't you dare do it.
I've done it. 32K worth of it, which I paid over a period of ~4 years. She had entered our relationship with the debt (20K worth), and kept increasing it to the 32K. Mind you, I was aware of it, and when out with her tried to be mindful that she would use her credit/debt card rather than a credit cards. I did offer her advice on consolidating the debt and taking a minor credit hit. This person, despite having their debt wiped clean, continued to rack it up. I would no longer enable the person. When she figured out I would no longer "help" (as she put it, I ought to 'help' with her finances) pay her debt which I was not contributing to, and despite my over-the-top wiping of the slate earlier, she decided to find someone who would. We were so happy till that point, 3 years of solid happiness. Funny how happy people can be when money is removed.
Mind you- the She in question, at the time, made around $65K a year, and was still in her 20s. She left me for someone making ~$100K a year, who offered her the same credit advice (which she finally took), but showered her with gifts, vacations, etc so that she never had to spend her money. I'm no slouch financially, but I don't flaunt it, or waste it needlessly, and I never equate my money with emotion- society has us trained like dogs in a sense. A dog gets a treat from it's master and thinks 'love'/happiness. We get an expensive gift and think love/happiness. It's sad.
Basically she wanted the 'traditional' dream, but didn't realize it. She wanted to be taken care of in a material sense, rather than an emotional one.
Find out now, draw some lines in the sand with your partner, or don't be surprised if her financial issues overwhelm you. I learned to be up front- I don't care what they do for a living, or how they live. Their money is theirs, their debt is theirs. I want to spend my days with them, not their wallets. | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:08:50 PM | | To be very honest. If you seriously love someone help with good advice and help guide the person to a more stable way of looking at finances. It may take a third person like a financial counselor to help get things back on an even keel | |
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| How important is money?
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:29:10 PM | msg47: I have not read who posted this thread about* financially in the toilet...* She was joking ,she is brilliant about her lines because it is a* untruth as a jokes* the give away is * I've never had anyone pay my way in life,,, * I could be one of these gold digger that whiners are always crying about *
Severin78 you are buying it as a serious words of the OP.. Yep I have a sense of humor and it takes one to know one, and I bet my last cents that she got *you*
I contributed some serious posts (to learn ) and funny post to make some one out there chuckle, for life is too short not to laugh and laughter is good for our health.. src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_225.gif border=0> | |
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