| another name...
Posted: 10/6/2009 7:37:19 PM | another name would be controlled rape
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Controlled%20Rape&defid=4140240 | |
|
| RAPE IS NOT FANTASY
Posted: 10/6/2009 7:42:02 PM | No one has portrayed real rape as "not a big deal" in this thread. We are talking about the fantasy version.
I think you are really missing the point of my post. Making such things fantasy is a living adage of "be careful what you wish for". There is far too much real rape justified because of these kind of discussions. There are immature minds out there that read this stuff and do not distinguish so easily, just because that is what some women say that is what they want. This is nothing more then promotion of "No does not mean No" mentality.
As to what label to use for it, well it is a woman's fantasy. Perhaps you should ask women to come up with a consensus on any new name. The Japanese and a few other cultures have names for it, but I will leave that for you to research.
 | |
|
| RAPE IS NOT FANTASY
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:33:51 AM | as a man Im hesitant to a scenario like that.
my most recent ex and me played games like that... but there was complete trust.
I could never do it with someone I don't really know.
there would always be this thing in the back of my head, she'd actually go to the cops. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:57:03 AM | DONT DO IT
I don't care if you've known here a 1000 years, Dont do it. I cannot help but wonder how many guys are in prison because someone had a fantasy like that, lived it, then yelled rape. Walk a wide circle around anyone like that. How many women have I had that had that fantasy? ZERO | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:28:10 PM | | My simple male mind really can't comprehend this. We're told it's the most horrible crime imaginable, yet there are women that fantasize about this scenario on a regular basis and want their husbands and boyfriends to simulate it for them. I don't understand it. Most people don't fantasize about being robbed, beaten, murdered, or blackmailed, so why fantasize about being raped? The argument about being in control of your "victimization" doesn't make any sense. And why should men indulge women who want to act out these scenarios when we're accused by feminists of promoting a culture of rape and when it's so easy for a woman to send a man to prison with a false claim of sexual assault? | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:46:02 PM | I have 0 experience with fantasy rape. Though I have another fantasy that gets the same hateful comments (Ironically some of the pro-fantasy posters here were the ones making them!)
I will say this until I am blue in the face, or fingers? It is PERSONAL PREFERENCE! Why can't people get that through their thick skulls? Why must they try to change my preference to theirs? Why, when I don't change, am I insulted?
Those are all rhetorical questions, the I is meant to be you (the reader). Everyone can apply that sentence to them, or they are not human. Whether the preference is fantasy-rape, diapers, or vanilla ice cream, it is PERSONAL. That means it is yours, and yours alone. Others will have the same preferences, but to try to change ones who do not is wrong (IMO).
So, pretend to rape all you want! Eat as much ice cream as you want! Just don't try to tell me I have to pretend to be raped, or that I have to have vanilla, because that is against my...wait for it...
PERSONAL PREFERENCE
(Feel free to prove me wrong, since you made your claims first (that it is bad/wrong) we are going to need some evidence to support said claims. Till then it is just an opinion.) | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:57:51 PM |
I mean it's rape!! just can't get past it why would you want to fantasize about something so sick
Dude! It's fantasy and for some, a way for them to step out of their normally regimented lifes and have that control taken away from them. This isn't the type that involves some smelly, nasty dude in an alley but between two consenting adults who have a trusting relationship.
Coming from the woman's side: she took a huge risk in sharing with you. Talk about it with her, get the scene down as to what she wants done and then set the scene up, consentually. I'm assuming she really likes you and trusts you to share this aspect of her sexuality. Best advice: you two are consenting adults so figure it out together and communicate. Some men are afraid that if they enjoy the struggle and the role that something is wrong with them. Others might be afraid of unleashing that side of themselves. Take it one step at a time and good luck. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:54:22 PM | I had one like that years ago and I got to tell you it was fun at first but then I started to feel very violated  | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:39:44 PM |
Dude! It's fantasy and for some, a way for them to step out of their normally regimented lifes and have that control taken away from them. This isn't the type that involves some smelly, nasty dude in an alley but between two consenting adults who have a trusting relationship.
You know I do get the fact that some women greatly enjoy being pinned down strongly and ravaged. Being made to reach orgasm over and over again until they cannot take it anymore, but cannot stop it because their body wants one thing and their mind something else. Or simply the lust drive to be overpowered cavewoman style and not feel guilt or shame over having such a strong need for pleasure or release. Women having this kind of primal compulsion is not the problem.
My advice to women is do not seek primal sexuality from primates. That is where the real troubles for a woman will begin, yet that is the path women who want this will take. Don't deny it happens because I have witnessed it in bars over and over, where women make poor judgments and take home men who are single-syllabel knuckle draggers. When women promise these men something and then scream "rape" when they get something else -- surprise surprise, the society will view her mistake differently. I would rather see a woman confide in a male they can trust to not go overboard, then to end up another statistic just because their loins want something.
If there is one rule I have found to be true with this kind of belief it is that those who are try to control every aspect of their lives often want to be out of control in the bedroom. Those who feel their life has no control want to exert that control on force in the bedroom. This is often the basis of BDSM relationships too.
The implications and risks to men in this kind of situation cannot be understated. For a woman who admits to wanting to be treated this way there is also a risk, but no where near the risk or legal ramificatons that men face.
Just use some common sense ladies for cripes sake. Being out of control does not mean you can pass off responsibility or consequences for what you want. Don't become a victim.
| |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:08:20 PM |
The implications and risks to men in this kind of situation cannot be understated. For a woman who admits to wanting to be treated this way there is also a risk, but no where near the risk or legal ramificatons that men face.
I agree. But saying that, two people who have the same base needs fit one another. The thing I have learned is you have to go in small steps. A little rougher one time then back off a time or two then test that new limit. Find where each limit is and if one limit is too low - perhaps they aren't meant for one another sexually.
Sometimes I sound like a broken record but there are men who love rough sex and women who love rough sex too. Together they are perfect for one another and together able to share their whole beings. That isn't so if one partner craves intense, slam-bam-ty-ma'am and the other want softness and flowers and missionary all the time, once a week. In that case, one will feel victimized if the other finally lets loose with the intensity he/she feels.
I love to spank... and being a girl, I never will forget the time I did that and the man actually said, 'ow, that hurts'. Dude! To me, it was just nails into the butt, butt spanking fun with each thrust with an occasional 'giddee up' cowboy'. To him, it was being too rough. I learned that night that intensity levels have to match up too. If they match up, than a little spanking is incredible. If they don't, one can feel used and abused by something that is considered normal play to the other.
I'm not sure if I explained that in the right way. I just know that for some of us, we have to make sure the intensity levels match up too. That is often the hardest part. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:48:21 AM | I must say that rape is a different issue that having some rough sex, tying someone up and being the aggressor is not exactly rape. Rape is not about sex but about abuse and degradation of another against their will. If you have a sexual relationship then it isn't really rape is it? The emotional issue of against your will is missing and it is not sickening nor violent, maybe a little rough but NOT the same in the mind.
You can't play rape, it is something that many factors are in play not just submission of another or a fantasy
Pulling someone's hair back, playing a little rough, with their approval holding them down and role playing is something you both have FREE WILL , rape is not free will. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:42:40 PM | You can't play rape, it is something that many factors are in play not just submission of another or a fantasy
Pulling someone's hair back, playing a little rough, with their approval holding them down and role playing is something you both have FREE WILL , rape is not free will.
Yes that is true. But he isn't going to hurt his gf and I am quite certain that if she were to say stop, he would stop. That is sort of the nature with consensual play like this...as many of the others have already said. Gf has safe word and can say no at any point... and it sounds as though OP doesn't really want to do it. It isn't how he plays but is willing to try it, for her. But it is a fantasy of hers and he wants to give that to her. He came to us for advice and we are trying to give it to him.
But I do submit (double ententre here- heehee) that an incompatibility of sexual desires can and do cause the weaker partner to feel abused. How many men have had to hold back in thrusts for fear of scaring the chick with his intense emotions? I'm sure there are many stories out here from them men regarding this issue. I know because I usually find men who have had to hold back their whole lifes for fear of being labeled... *gasp*... rough.
saying this...I know there are men and women who make me look like childs play with my little quirks. That's ok. I seek compatibility. I want the man I am with to feel secure in knowing that regardless of how much intensity we both bring to the encounter, I am strong enough for what he can bring and he is strong enough for what I bring. If I can't handle his primal self, how will he ever be able to completely open up to me about other things. This isn't about control of the other person, but about allowing the other person to come out of their protective shell and be just a feeling being; sort of like allowing the other person to lose control and get completely in the moment. I know that sounds like gobbly gook...but think about it. In such a situation, the person on the receiving end is actually the one in control because at any moment, while his/her partner is emotionally and completely open as to who he/she is, they have the power to destroy the psyche.
Op gf took a chance in opening up to him about her desires. At any time, he could have told her how weird she is or how she isn't normal. He could destroy her. He doesn't though. He wants to validate her desires. He wants to figure out how to do it without losing apart of himself in the deal. Is that not what we all do when our partners need intimacy and we aren't in the mood? | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:49:32 PM |
Pulling someone's hair back, playing a little rough, with their approval holding them down and role playing is something you both have FREE WILL , rape is not free will.
That is why it is called fantasy rape.
When people dress up as teacher/student are they really a teacher and student?
It's really called pretending but since we are adults, we gave it a grown-up name. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:59:40 PM | When people dress up as teacher/student are they really a teacher and student?
Now this just depends on what the subject of the day is... heeheehee
My devious mind can think of many, many things that teacher/student can learn in such a scenario.
Sorry guys... couldn't help the snide comment above... it just was too easy of an opening to resist...  | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:15:00 PM | I feel like I am putting my head in the guillotine but here goes. I have this major fantasy about my lover, boyfriend whatever raping me. To have someone portray complete dominance like that.....whew k sorry had to take a breath there.....It would be an amazing adrenaline rush, to be caught off guard and pinned down, having his hands around my neck and fuc**** me widly....whoa boy
'Chev  | |
|
| Be careful what you wish for
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:47:43 AM | The underlying ethical problem with this kind of thing is that we expect men to fulfill one role in society, and then turn around and fantasize about men doing the complete opposite to satisfy a womans private whim.
While some will no doubt argue that this is "harmless fantasy" the fact and the aftermath of such things put into reality too often says otherwise. The problem is not that some women want the fantasy. The problem is the message it gives to young men and young women as to what is acceptable and what is not -- thus what they accept as a norm in the bedroom. Targeting that belief is exactly how some of these online predators are reeling in young women who lack the discretion to understand what they are getting into because of their own sexual curiosity.
An example of this is the porn culture that makes money from selling the fantasy or the fetish. While we know that there are young people being used to make this kind of stuff, the demand for it outweighs the ethical consideration for the victims. That is why the porn industry is not going away any time soon, and need more controls on it. But that will not happen either because of the manner in which our modern society consumes it.
Another example is that mentioned by an earlier poster. Namely that there is nothing to stop a woman from crying "rape" after the fantasy goes wrong, and then who is at fault? Well the courts are not going to do much of a job of separating fantasy whim from reality whim. Even if they did, the precedent set by such a decision would in all likelyhood legalize rape in certain circumstances. Exactly the kind of thing that predators want.
Some are going to accuse me of complicating what they see as an otherwise simple issue -- but it is not simple. As I stated before I have no problem with consenting adults doing such things in private of their own place, but I do believe a sober second voice on this particular topic is missing. There are other eyes that will see this that do not understand the consequences, and will see only the thrill.
Case in point I suspect, the last poster.
| |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/9/2009 12:46:24 PM | | do men have fantasy rape as often as women? or is there some statistical difference between them? i do not think there is anything different because of gender. fantasy rape is fantasy rape, regardless of who you are or whether you dream of as the rapist or victim. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:46:20 PM |
Oh lord- you guys realize he may have met the girl on PoF, or another site, and simply hasn't updated his account here?
Or even....heaven forbid....he's met someone and STILL wants to date other people. YIKES!!
Sexual role-play can be fun, and HOT. OP, your gf's fantasies look like pretty standard fodder to me.
Oh, you mean there might be OTHER choices than flat monogamy?! Wow. Imagine that.
*snicker* | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:45:02 PM | | There needs to be a new law where the woman signs a waiver if anything goes wrong and she cannot accuse of rape. I doubt it though. The laws are ****ed up as it is. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/11/2009 11:41:29 PM | | ^^^And during the fantasy rape if the woman happen's to get pregnant by accident, then we should also have the option of either staying, or walking away..lol | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/12/2009 2:52:48 AM | There has to be a mutual agreement in place for this to happen.
There have to be rules about how far to go.
People say it is 'role play' and it's pretend, but there is a fine line between pretend and real.
It takes a strong man to fulfill a woman's fantasy in this aspect. Why ??? Because most moron males wouldn't know when to draw the line.
Some wouldn't even hear you saying the 'safe word' or 'tapping out' - whatever you agree is your way out of the event.
And, if you do try this, don't do it on drugs, the outcomes are potentially worse and from a fantasy could come a fatality.
TRUST is the key word. Anyone that is half assed about looking after the other person, as opposed to themselves, is not equipped to play bedroom games, which are selfless and not selfish.
So little boys that are self righteous and self focussed should play the kiddie games, and keep away from grown up fantasies. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/12/2009 3:22:54 AM | All in all this thread is so damn disturbing...one person's misery is another's fantasy??? I'd hate to be a rape victim reading this thread.  | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/12/2009 3:35:41 AM | So little boys that are self righteous and self focussed should play the kiddie games, and keep away from grown up fantasies.
^^^ this relates to physical strength in particular in males, as in this area, generally they dominate over a woman anyway.
When you do not know the strength of your partner, and how much she can take, the force you exert could make or break the situation.
A strong man knows just how far to go, and when to pull back (pardon the pun) ... in order for the act to have been played out, but the scene not to go too far.
*gets of Soapbox* ... jeez I reckon I am gonna get bounced out of these forums and I only got started. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:59:27 AM |
There needs to be a new law where the woman signs a waiver if anything goes wrong and she cannot accuse of rape. I doubt it though. The laws are ****ed up as it is. It would be nice to protect men from the chance of a false rape charge, but the problem with this is that fantasy rape can turn into actual rape - all that has to happen is for a man to ignore the safe word and not stop when she feels is necessary. Which is why you can't just sign a waiver before hand and have everything be okay. | |
|
| FANTASY RAPE
Posted: 10/12/2009 12:03:52 PM | ^^^ exactly.
Problem is. Then you have a woman, whose trust has been breached, if she ever gets over it, and a man, that through ignorance, has chosen not to put her safety first.
Could you imagine how distressing it would be for the woman to have to even charge the man. All over a fantasy.
This is where you have to know and trust and plan.
And the man has to listen to her use of the safe word instead of slap her and tell her she is just being a pain in the *ss. | |
|
Home
login 
