| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/19/2009 3:48:54 PM | "Confidence is overrated"
I agree...I think its a plot by the ladies to make all of the guys with major deficiencies in looks to feel better
You get confidence by having the opposite sex find you attractive...Oh wait, I think I discovered a bit of a loop here | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/19/2009 4:04:45 PM | Confidence is overrated; I find humility to be a much more attractive trait.
there's a big difference between confidence and arrogance.
Believing things will go well without knowing is, to simply put it, delusion.
it's clear that the power of belief is something you have not yet learned to grasp and turn to your advantage.
believing things will go badly without knowing is infinitely worse.
here's another big difference: "goals" vs. "cherished outcomes".
there is absolutely NOTHING to be lost by believing things will go well.
if they don't, then the only way that can possibly be a major let-down to you is if you don't understand the difference between "goals" and "cherished outcomes". because of our own perceptual filters, the difference between goals and cherished outcomes can be real subtle and therefore easy to miss..... it requires a certain level of self-awareness that many people have not taken the time to cultivate & develop. and with self-awareness comes all kinds of real interesting stuff, like the kind of "belief" that is actually a creative force backed by enough raw power to alter the course of one's path through life according to your will, as opposed to mere "delusion".
"imagination is more important than knowledge". | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:02:08 PM | | So, cowgirl, is "confidence" then mainly a willingness to take risks? If so, why does no one say "a willingness to take risks is sexy"? | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:36:23 PM | Yes and no. I am a fairly confident person but I tend to be attracted to men who are not so confident. I think because men who are too confident act c0cky around women. That is my experience anyway.
In the end if you like the person and they like you it doesn't really matter about the confidence part. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:59:45 PM |
You get confidence by having the opposite sex find you attractive...Oh wait, I think I discovered a bit of a loop here
That's one way to get confidence. But if that's the only way you're trying to get it, then you've got bigger problems. One's self worth should never hinge on the approval of the opposite sex. You should have many other things in your life to be confident about. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:59:09 AM | The more beautiful a woman is the harder it is to have that confidence for most men to truly feel confident that such an extraordinay person could actually be attracted to them because these men know that such a woman could attract a better looking man with more to offer.
It's an insecurity based on fact, and that is why it's so difficult to build that confidence, you usually have to be a player in order to shield yourself emotionally from the pain of losing that woman for the above mentioned reasons and have enough strength to go on in the hopes that you find you as a man do indeed have great qualities that attract a beautiful woman who won't want to leave you for the next best thing. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:58:19 PM | They're just women. They're not big scary monsters. Just have fun with them. Don't take yourself too seriously. Worrying about whether or not someone else has more to offer is taking yourself WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too seriously.
Besides, what makes her so extraordinary? The fact that she's physically attractive? She didn't save anybody from a burning house. She didn't take a bullet for the president. She didn't discover the cure for cancer. She's just nice to look at. That's not really all that extraordinary when you think about it. It's just pleasant. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:04:06 PM | you find you as a man do indeed have great qualities that attract a beautiful woman who won't want to leave you for the next best thing.
why not have the confidence to go for and be satisfied with a woman who is a little bit less than a 10 in your book? after all, as already pointed out beauty is just something to look at. or would you rather be satisfied with pursuing the perverse dichotomy underlying your statement... i.e., your great qualities in pursuit of her fickle beauty.
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So, cowgirl, is "confidence" then mainly a willingness to take risks? If so, why does no one say "a willingness to take risks is sexy"?
i don't see it that way. some people take really dumb risks. they might be confident, but they are mostly stupid. meanwhile, although it does probably take some kind of confidence to take risks, being confident entails more than just taking risks, imo. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:29:02 PM | Hey, this is my first post here, so go easy on me...
But here's the thing... whether or not you have confidence, people have to choose whether or not to be involved with you.
I can walk like I'm alpha dog all night at a huge party and it makes absolutely no difference in who talks to me.
Beauty is fickle. I don't get it at all; I'm damn good looking and nobody'll speak a word to me.
The point is, there's something more to it than having game or being confident. The problem is figuring out just what your own personal x-factor is. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:48:36 PM | | To me, the question isn't whether confidence attracts or not. The most important thing is to have confidence in oneself. Confidence to me is the inate feeling inside of yourself that makes you walk away from any situation feeling good about yourself. In other words, its the old "its not whether you win or lose, its how you play the game". When you feel this confidence within yourself, you will develop this attitude that NO ONE, regardless how beautiful or sexy or in "demand" is better than you. Usually a confident person will attract or be attractive, maybe not to all but certainly will have his fair amount of opportunities. Beauty does fade but being confident will remain with you forever. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/22/2009 9:40:57 AM | GoodmanGreg:
"Usually a confident person will attract or be attractive, maybe not to all but certainly will have his fair amount of opportunities."
Ah, but who is to say what is a "fair" amount of opportunities? Circumstances(Luck, Chance, Fate, Kismet, call it what you will) provide some people with more opportunities than others. I've noticed that people who benefit from favorable circumstances tend to credit themselves somehow (I'm confident) and at the same time tell folks who haven't had the same luck that it's their own fault(You need to develop some confidence).
When we find someone unattractive it has to be some fault of theirs. Attributing it to a lack of confidence is a quasi-nonjudgmental( read BS) way of explaining our lack of attraction. It doesn't sound as shallow as some other criticisms.
Let's cut the BS in regard to confidence. Confidence is the result of experience, and positive experience is more likely to result in confidence than negative experience.
"Confidence" in this context is partly a euphemism for experience. People are reluctant to say "Experience is attractive". | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:18:10 AM | | hardwood69: I liked what I read. You make some excellent points. Same as everything else in life, Experience is the best teacher, and Experience cannot be accumulated without getting in the game, making mistakes and learning. Good Post! | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/22/2009 1:18:03 PM | confidence is being comfortable enough with yourself that you're world isn't going to come to a bitter, lonely end if you can't meet someone/get a date/get laid/get a relationship within "X" period of time.
confidence is attractive but it's not a guarantee. all you can do is create the opportunities and there are lots of ways to do that; you can't demand the outcome. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/22/2009 1:51:01 PM | Cowgirl,
With all due respect, I think what you've really said is that you have to be willing to take some social risks, but not be surprised or dismayed when you fail. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:13:48 AM | Back in the day when I was so shy that I was more of a watcher, a "let life pass me by" sort of person due to my extreme shyness, I was also very alone in the world. Sure, I had a few friends, but my social life was boring, to say the least!!
Now that I am no longer the fly on the wall, listening and watching rather than participating, I have a full life, and lots of friends. When I go out, I seem to draw people into conversation, without really even trying to do so. Whether I am on the bus, walking down the street, or at a dance, I never seem to be without company and someone to interact with. Life is much, much better as a confident, outgoing, though not arrogant person than it ever was when I was too shy to step out of my stifling comfort zone. Looking back it really wasn't all that comortable, but my thought at the time was that I was safer being an observer than a participant.
Boy, was I wrong!!!
And my new attitude is proof, at least to me, that confidence is very attractive!!! | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:51:13 AM | | Something I've noticed on the subject of confidence is that people misinterpret a willingness to be vulnerable for the sake of being understood, as a lack of confidence. Many times I've beared my soul, and in some cases that is taken as a sign that I either have no confidence in myself, or I'm desperate, or crazy, or just whatever... but none of those things apply. I'm very confident in who I am and in who I can be for someone; and it is through that confidence that I can allow myself to be vulnerable through showing what is in my heart. Many seem to define confidence more by the lack of any vulnerability, rather than the presence of it... but I think that in actuality, so few people have ever encountered true and genuine confidence that they aren't exactly sure how to recognize it. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:05:57 AM | I find the ones who go on and on about confidence have limited amounts of it.
I've never needed it from anyone.
It doesn't bother me one bit if a person doesn't have confidence. It just matters to me that they are trustworthy. I find it an overemphasized trait around these parts. | |
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| Confidence attracts..................
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:10:00 AM |
It doesn't bother me one bit if a person doesn't have confidence
Of course not because a guy without any confidence would never approach you. What you don't encounter doesn't bother you.  | |
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