| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:13:30 AM |
However it can cut things short if one or the other thinks they are unreasonable etc.. but that is what should happen and it just will happen faster.
The 'truth in communication' will always shorten the trip and lengthen the journey which imo, so much more pleasurable when it's all good between to healthy and loving adults. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:21:43 AM | Karma said:Well I usually wait too long but that is just me because I want to take things slow.
However I think if you do not have the same goals and you wait too long than the disappointment is bigger when you actually do find out the truth and you are definitely not on the same page.
To give you an example say you see this person 5 times over the course of a month and you think you have a lot in common it's not intimate but you are have a good time than all of a sudden you bring up the "subject", being what you would eventually like to have in your life.......and then you find out that this person is suffering from post traumatic married toooooo long stress and only plans on sampling every menu in town until he has no need left to do so.
Exactly what I am getting at here.. You understood it perfectly well.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:33:16 AM | "moraima said if we can't make ourselves happy no one else will be able to.
This has absolutely nothing to do with happiness. It has more to do with what you want in a relationship.."
I think you missed my point which was that need to meet our own needs. Others can't meet our needs for us. All this looking for someone to fix us just doesn't work. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:39:36 AM | Name, Rank, Serial Number...that's all you get! I'm not confessing anything!
I wasn't there, I swear. I have an alibi! | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:40:15 AM | Gold star post Moraima...indeed expecting another adult to parent your needs is on the page of child funtion in a adult body.....bang on the nail!!!
if i was looking for a large child to mentor than that might be attractive.....roar
when adults can't validate therir own value and constantly drain the partners energy is not equal turf...there must be balance of both people dealing their own esteem and meeting up in energy after both are whole and complete.
yup bang on!!! learning to curb your expectations is a boundry in self is not the other persons fault you let your enthusasuim go to hell in a hand basket... | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:54:44 AM | | I believe in being upfront about your needs and wants. There's nothing worse than assuming you're on the same page with your partner, or taking your partner's needs & wants for granted. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:04:44 AM | suecat said: I believe in being upfront about your needs and wants. There's nothing worse than assuming you're on the same page with your partner, or taking your partner's needs & wants for granted.
Lot of assumptions can be made if it is not discussed.. I would certainly want to know my partners needs and wants in a relationship.. likewise he should know mine.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:57:48 AM | "I would certainly want to know my partners needs and wants in a relationship.. likewise he should know mine."
What are you considering needs OP? | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:00:42 AM | I personally dont think its the number of dates, its when you begin to feel a stir that says there might be something going on here. its at that time you have to open the lines of communication and see if the direction you are going is the same.  | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:03:38 AM | Moriama,
That he is looking for the same thing I am for starters. A one on one relationship that is loving and giving.
Let's face it he could be looking just to date a variety or women and has no interest in anything other than that. Which is fine but we would not be looking for the same thing..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:06:18 AM | *just jin* said: The 'truth in communication' will always shorten the trip and lengthen the journey which imo, so much more pleasurable when it's all good between to healthy and loving adults.
In fact it can draw them much closer if they are both know they are at least looking the same thing.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:09:17 PM | Message:
I believe in being upfront about your needs and wants. There's nothing worse than assuming you're on the same page with your partner, or taking your partner's needs & wants for granted.
Yes, but some of us are slower then others! !smile~
Seriously, if that's the case then,it's time for" the talk" to clear the air and
or move on if each other directions and goals can not be intertwined
in harmony and love.
imo, 2 people,on the same page seem to be better prepared and in turn complement each other.
And hopefully the unknown is seldom experience when it comes to that as both are on the same team. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:10:55 PM | ""That he is looking for the same thing I am for starters. A one on one relationship that is loving and giving.
Let's face it he could be looking just to date a variety or women and has no interest in anything other than that. Which is fine but we would not be looking for the same thing.."
Surely you would find out that much about the other person before you said yes to the first date. I know I would. I don't pretend to offer more than I am willing to, and expect the same from the other person.
I don't consider that a need in a relationship. I consider it finding out if the person is of interest to me to date at all, or I am wasting there time and mine.
I am not into the drama zone of confessing anything. Confessing I save for a priest.
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:15:08 PM | OP, we all have the similar needs and most of that should be addressed in your profile.
Kinky type of needs can be adressed later but most of us do have them whether we choose to admit them or not. For some they become less important as time passes but for others they are paramount. You can usually get a good idea with general talk if the relationship has any chance of coming together. We are all unique in one way or another and that can be a good thing because it opens us up to pleasures we may have never even thought of. Open the mind and your heart will be opened too! | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:22:16 PM | Moriaima said:Surely you would find out that much about the other person before you said yes to the first date.
First off do not put a whole conditions on meeting someone other than knowing a bit of personal background information about them that I can verify.. Information such as their real name, what they do for a living etc..home land line etc.
There is a reason I do not put it on my profile. I do not mind going on a date or even two to ask those questions. I will ask it in a very casual way.
I also do not want to eliminate those that enjoy some like activities..Cause even if not a match for a relationship we might just enjoy these other things..
I find if you lay out you wants and needs on a profile.. There are those that unfortunately will read what you write and say they are all that plus? So to that end I do not do it.
I prefer not to show my hand unfortunately I already did it here on this subject.. But it will eventually hit the back burner and only so much of your history is displayed.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:22:28 PM | Okay, I think I can now relate to some of what the OP is saying.
I've often thought that I would love to spend some years traveling in an RV around the US, Canada and maybe even into Mexico. There aren't many people out there with that "dream". If it was something I was adamant about, I would put it in my profile.
Maybe their "need" is to live 1/2 the year in the south and 1/2 in the north. Okay, that could be something I would consider. Someone else might "need" to live on top of a mountain hours from civilization. Nope, couldn't do that, uh uh, sorry.
Some of my dreams can be compromised. Some can be dropped if the right person comes along.
But, as I said before, it really comes down to finding someone who will love and accept me in the way I "need" and I will do the same for them. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:25:52 PM | santa said:OP, we all have the similar needs and most of that should be addressed in your profile.
Hi Santa please read my recent response as to why I choose not to list it on my profile.. I just recently wrote it..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:34:32 PM | star said: Some of my dreams can be compromised. Some can be dropped if the right person comes along.
Many things will be negotiable while others may not..and some may well go by the wayside.
I most likely only have a list of 3 that are not negotiable.. Monogamy, cats and here comes the biggie oh dear yes food.. lol
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:00:01 PM |
I most likely only have a list of 3 that are not negotiable.. Monogamy, cats and here comes the biggie oh dear yes food.. lol
I love your list and a clear explained for those who are still confused with needs vs needy with is NOT the case here.
mora said:
Surely you would find out that much about the other person before you said yes to the first date. I know I would.
I don't consider that a need in a relationship. I consider it finding out if the person is of interest to me to date at all, or I am wasting there time and mine.
Now if I've been here for so long as you[2005] I guess you would have know how the process works here.
Now Cats is a newbie here and is in the learning process,please cut her some courtesy. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:04:40 PM | OHH, see the more you write OP, the more I see what you were getting at. Non-negotiables: Monogamy is a definite.
Guess some of us more "dense" people needed to have an example or two. Thanks!! | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/6/2009 7:49:38 PM | "Now if I've been here for so long as you[2005] I guess you would have know how the process works here.
Now Cats is a newbie here and is in the learning process,please cut her some courtesy."
My way of cutting people courtesy is to let them know what I have learned.
ps. I have been in datingland since 1994.
pps Cats are you new to datingland? Your posts don't sound like you are. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:31:25 AM | moraima said: Cats are you new to datingland? Your posts don't sound like you are.
I dated a bit in 2003 and and 2004 . I certainly did not know very much back then having lived a pretty secluded life for 14 years previous to that. However I learned a whole lot in those two years and the years following, even though I did not date.. I am a pretty quick study when I want to know about something I go to people with much experience to share it with me. Which is exactly what I did..
So I chose a woman that was over 60 at the time.. Her profile was very impressive and she had this Joie De Vivre attitude and had dated for many many years. She became a very good friend and mentor.. lol
Now I live in a city where I meet people on daily basis.. Get to see a whole lot more than what I saw living in a secluded forest on a mountain top.. 
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:42:24 AM | I don't think I would want to be hit with a list of someone's needs before we even met. Sounds too much like "rules" and would indicate an inflexible, less-tolerant and controlling individual.
I think it best to allow things to unfold naturally and over time as you discover each other's goals, dreams and desires. | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:29:56 AM | janet said: I don't think I would want to be hit with a list of someone's needs before we even met.
You ever wonder how match makers work? They want to know your must haves as well as any things you consider not negotiable.
Obvious my list would rule for starters would rule out those that do not believe in monogamy, and those that are allergic to cats for starters.
As far as goals dreams and desires those will unfold naturally..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Confessing Your Needs
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:13:39 AM | Yeah, third date is probably a nice round number.
Maybe not "confessing your needs" as in "I need a blowjob" or whatever, but confessing how you feel ABOUT THEM. | |
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