| it is NOT weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:09:29 AM | It really depends on the individual, and maybe a bit on your approach. I never had a lot of use for guys who seemed to want to exchange endless e-mails, but never got around to making an actual in-person date. And I wasn't just sitting back, waiting for them to ask, either. At some point, I'd be, "hey, how about a coffee on Saturday?" Most weren't game, apparently.
Some of the best POF dates I had were those that came after we exchanged just enough e-mails to set up an in-person date. We saw we had some common interests, and didn't see any reason to not have a conversation in real life.
I'm also not overly paranoid about my personal safety. If I'm meeting someone new in a public place in broad daylight, exactly where and how will he murder me with his axe? He didn't have my address or anything other than an easily changed and relatively untrackable e-mail address or cell phone number. If someone is too scared to meet in person, they have no business meeting anyone online, either.
If things are going well on the first few e-mails, I don't see why anyone would be offended by an invitation for a casual meet-up over coffee or drinks. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:17:33 AM | It's fine to ask for a meetup, but the woman has to feel comfortable with you. I like to discover more about a guy and what he is looking for on this site. A couple emails might be enough if they cover enough ground to let me know he is earnest and stable and we'd be somewhat compatible.
I wrote back and forth a few times with a guy on POF and asked to meet him because I thought he sounded great. Then he said I was rushing it and disappeared. If figured either he was involved in some kind of deception that he didn't want revealed or he was more into playing at meeting someone than actually meeting.
That's the risk you take. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:19:19 AM | As others have written here - it really depends on the person.
I personally like to meet as soon as possible, if we both have interest. That way you know if there's chemistry and can the spend time getting to know each other better.
Years ago, I met a number of men on line and spent a lot of time emailing and talking on the phone, only to find out that there wasn't any real chemistry there once we met. I also learned again that most men aren't interested in being 'just' friends and don't really want to stay in touch if there wasn't going to be any romantic dating potential. So, then it's like losing a friend, after you've built up this friendship long-distance.
So, now I believe in just going ahead and meeting and letting the chips fall where they may. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:20:13 AM | | After a couple of emails, if you & the other is really interested-without much doubt, exchange phone numbers. If the conversation is still appealing, then yes, meet. It's the only way to really seal the deal of curiousity, while dating on line. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:30:18 AM | | if a guy is serious about getting to know me he should take the initiative and ask me for a meeting after a couple of emails. i feel that the sooner u meet, the better. you can tell from a meeting if there is any interest. no time wasted. :D | |
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| it is NOT weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:40:04 AM | I'm with James3Paris.
My thoughts are: This site is for getting you to meet people in real life. Unless you're just looking for an email buddy. You can IM and email people from now until the end of time and while a woman may be more comfortable and feel she has more control over who is approaching her I think it's just an ILLUSION of control. Yes, things are slowed down but other than that can you really know someone if you haven't sat and spent time with them? Text/email/IM has no context with strangers. Did I just write something funny? Lastly, people are more inclined to lie when they're not standing in front of you. I guess phone steps up the anty but my take is it should be used to set up the first date if you haven't already done that via regular email.
Notably, I'm an optimist and always expect my date and I to have a good time. That's been the case whether we were a good fit or not. :-) I think the key is to find a place or thing to do that both of you would've enjoyed independently. Like, if you both like wine, go to a wine bar and now you've got wine to talk about. Or a new restaurant, hiking, whatever. But I digress.
Orbit79 (duuuuude)- All that being said. If someone doesn't want to meet In Real Life as soon as you do then let it go. At some point you're just going to get frustrated because you'll feel like you're playing a game you don't want to play. Hence this post, right? What's the point of that? I'm not saying anyone's wrong but it's just easier if you find someone who's on your wavelength as far as the first meet. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:03:55 AM | Nope, not weird at all. I wouldn't worry about those that think it is because they likely aren't going to be a good personality match anyway.
I tend to get on best with people who are open to it right away. I've had plenty of men freak out at the idea of meeting after a couple of emails. They are concerned with personal safety (which, I'm sorry,cracks me right up regardless of which gender says it) or some such other reasoning that is their prerogative. I don't try to change their mind and really see no reason to continue contact because, as I said, it's a personality conflict.
I also don't use chat IM programs. When someone asks I usually respond with, "I'm much better in person and the phone. If you would like to progress to either let me know."
It can be confusing because pretty much every individual you meet will navigate it differently. Just communicate what you are good with and I'm sure the others will let you know what they are good with. It's a bonus and a good sign when that matches up. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:05:45 AM | | If you ask her out too soon....she's likely to respond with "would like to get to know you better"....so what are you losing....I've lost interest in guys that never get around to asking....so take a chance and put it out there. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:12:59 PM | | I think it is weird if they do not WANT TO meet after a couple of emails. Or at least move to the phone. Shows lack of confidence and conviction to me and I generally cut them loose pretty quickly. I did not come to this sight to type or to look for pen pals. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:29:49 PM |
is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Is anything "weird" anymore? Some meet quick, some don't. I finally got carpel tunnel and decided to simply exchange one email, meet and call it quits. It saves me the physical pain of aching wrists/numb fingers and the result is inevitably the same: NOT HAPPENING!! JMO  | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:34:55 PM | It's my opinion that alot depends upon your age, and where you live.
I'm not a big fan of meeting without knowing more about someone than can be learned in a few quick emails.
The internet is not a totally safe environment.
People are NOT always as they appear.
You can't assume that it's a safe place or the people are all honest and decent and mean you no harm.
That being said - if you're relatively comfortable with the person you're meeting, if the emails have shared the information you feel is necessary - and you can meet easily in a convenient place? Then there's really no reason to wait. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 2:43:55 PM | I used t odate people very quickly after a message or two but found the dates usually went very badly.
Something fundamental was usually wrong like they smoked, were alcoholics or had kids that didnt want a man in mums life.
I now take time to get to know someone enough that those problems dont occurr.
At the end of the day a date ends up one of two ways, a rejection or it goes ok.
Not getting to know people first increases the chances of an unnecasary rejection.
After all, there is no hurry to meet the wrong person ! | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 3:50:59 PM | | Whats the purpose of delay...? Lets go forward with the task at hand.......We are on here to meet people....If you get a bad vibe dont meet and certainly dont continue to do the endless email thingy.I say the sooner the better...If you think they should meet you after a couple of emails and they dont want to .....simply go to the next fishy.Life is too short................It`s only a meeting.......... | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:04:58 PM | | I'd have to say that it depends on how well you click with the person - 1st through email, then 2nd on the phone. Intuition plays a big part, too. I was corrected by a man once and told that for the guys, it's a gut feeling, not intuition! | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:23:32 PM | | I think it depends on how comfortable a person is with meeting right away. I am not one to drag it out but sometimes it hasn't got as much to do with meeting a guy as not ready to meet any guy. Sometime your life gets in the way and this can be a escape or at least for me yet not ready to date. So sending a few emails is all you are up to. It may not be you per sae... | |
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| No...
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:32:03 PM |
Did you mean to say that I am....
...I meant exactly what I said, and then gave examples.
You should try breathing deeply when these feelings creep up on you... | |
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Tye_01
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Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 46 | |
| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:46:34 PM | | From my experience I feel more comfortable to send a few emails and then exchange numbers. Then talk on the phone for a few days about meaniningful things. Not just say hi and bye to check up on each other. Thats not getting to know each other. AND then by the middle of the week if the chemistry is right, then make plans to meet. I feel so uncomfortable when i am pressured to hang out.. thats not cool at all! It is actually a turn off. Just let eveything flow within that first week of talking and then make plans for the weekend. What is the rush? Anyway, thats my style and thats how I narrow down weirdos..lol! | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 5:50:26 PM | | It depends on how you want to handle it. I've been on POF since December and I talk to a fair amount of guys, so far, only five of them have stuck with my weeding out process and spoken to me by phone or met me in person. Keep in mind, that I'm fairly selective. I like using email to determine if I want to have further contact with a person. I observe a great deal just from how someone talks to me. I respond to intelligent, open-minded, out of the box thinkers. I met my first guy after only three emails and I'm still friends with him even though he found someone else local to RI to be with. I'm not into the long distance dating although my online friends can live anywhere. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:24:36 PM | "I like to to meet right away. I find I wasted too much time on the phone with someone and then I meet them and there is nothing there. It's all about chemistry!"
I agree with the above statement. Meet asap. E-mails and IM's are no substitute for real world exchanges. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:10:20 PM | anyone that can't go out for a cup of coffee after a good interrogation online.. isn't asking the right questions.. statements say alot about who someone is.. vague is not a datee... error by omission is not a datee.. anyway body language is the most critical method of seeing who someone really is.. and yeah coffee early is a good idea.. I have met up at the local pub.. some women who have profiles on this site who have been here for three years and only met up for coffee a few times.. at that rate .. they should find a partner in their next life sometime...
Coffee is a good way to observe body language and if you are not ready to meet someone then how do you go outside and see the planet.. I am single when I am out .. and single when I am at home.. never ever .. miss the opprotunity to find .. your partner anywhere.... hmm the universe can't help if you don't allow it .. | |
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