| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:49:35 PM | I will generally only send a couple messages before I ask to move our conversation to IM or phone, however if we haven't had our first date within a week of the first message I will give up on you because I will think that you are not interested.
after all I am here to find dates and not a penpal | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:06:32 PM | Most sites say that it is best to meet up as soon as possible. For me I think its how the correspondence feels and the distance between the two parties.
I have actually met a couple of guys after only one email, while others it has been a several emails and phone calls later.
Pretty much I let the guy drive the meeting time. I always prefer and follow the guidelines for a public meeting place away from his or my home. To me it doesnt matter how comfortable you feel with the person during emails and phone calls, its just safer to not take chances.
I have found that some men who just keep on emailing and seem not to take the hints about meeting seem to all of a sudden drop off the face of the earth when you start pushing for a meet as they had been promising. You know those guys with a big agenda and around an hour or more from where you live. Hey a couple of them I've even offered to drive the whole distance. Maybe that could sound pushy, but when you have been emailing for a couple of months with several phone calls in between then it seems that a meet up would be appropriate. | |
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| Yes meet asap...
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:49:35 PM | You should try breathing deeply when these feelings creep up on you... As your reply isn't relevant to my statements, you are clearly having conversations in your head that don't involve me. For some reason, I'm pissing you off, and your anger is coming out in your pixels responding to me. I will say that you do try to do a decent job in projecting though. Anyway, I'm done reading about or responding to your anger. MC | |
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| Well that is good to know....
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:16:46 PM | Anyway, I'm done reading about or responding to your anger.
...because the fact that you managed to see "anger" in my post two iterations ago where I AGREED WITH YOU says that you are losing what seems like a very tenuous grip on reality....I mean seriously, anyone who seems to think...
{quote]your anger is coming out in your pixels responding to me
...that the pixels on her computer screen are speaking to her should be concerned.
For some reason, I'm pissing you off,
People make this mistake a lot when in your position.
No...you are AMUSING me....just because ANGER and AMUSE begin with the same letter doesn't make them the same thing.
I mean, what else am I to do but laugh at a person who sees a threat in someone who agrees with her position?
And you think *I* hear voices??  | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 7/8/2009 3:22:13 AM | It is not weird. However, when you do not bother to exchange a few messages and a couple of phone calls first it is an indication that, The Attraction Was Purely Physical(Rod Stewart).
Writing beautiful letters is a talent; one that I deeply appreciate. So, for me, this internet method of connection with another affords me the opportunity of being able to enjoy that aspect of a man. Not many have this flair but when I have been the recipient of such lovely offerings I cherish these messages. Also, when followed by lengthy phone calls that leave us both wishing we do not want them to end it is indicative of mutual attraction. It is as though I already know the person by the time we meet.
Yet, it is still a matter of chemistry; now we get the sight, scent and visual. If this does not set off sparks…… | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:07:52 AM | A woman on another site once asked to meet me after only two emails. Especially since I had barely written anything in those two emails, I thought that was rather bizarre, and God knows our 1 1/2 dates were bizarre to the hilt. She was the third of three consecutive dates that I've dubbed "The Unholy Trinity" for how crazy they drove me over a total of only 6 dates (note that we are talking 3 dates with one of them, and 1 1/2 dates each with the other two. What's a half date, you ask? One that ends in the middle... and you don't even realize that it has ended until sometime afterward. Which is not entirely terribly unusual on date #1, but for it to happen twice in a row on date #2...?)
As I said in another post last night, I once had a 3-year+ email relationship with a woman before meeting her -- and it's not like she lived in Alaska. She lived an hour away the entire time. I've had others make it to 1 year without ever having a meeting. Many women seem to like my emails, but not necessarily the thought of dating me. Which I suppose would be all right, if I was told this as soon as they figured this out. I try to limit my pre-meeting email relationships to a month now before forcing the issue, but it doesn't always work out. In fact, it's not working out right now -- a POF woman has been emailing me fairly consistently for 6 months (we've also texted and talked on the phone) and I still can't get her to physically meet me, though she lives only 10-15 miles away (and actually pretty close to where I work now). I would definitely suggest avoiding getting into these kinds of traps with some sort of strict several week limit, but I suspect I'm the only person this happens to. The sooner the better, really, because you definitely don't want to get attached to someone in emails and finally meet them and be really disappointed for a variety of reasons (which has happened with me on the other end several times -- that is, she thought I was going to be more like my emails; I can't say it's really happened the other way around, because either I was very happy with who I met, or I knew it was a mistake meeting them before I met them... like the second 1 1/2 date girl). | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:30:08 PM | Isn't meeting people, dating prospects primarily, pretty much the main point of most online personal ad sites?
Given reasonable logistics, why not casually meet for coffee , or at a bookstore, a local entertainment event( inexpensive and of general interest to other people as well) ?
But I do have to comment, that this site stands head and shoulders ABOVE any other I've been at, as far as men who want to endlessly email /talk on the phone and NOT meet in person. Or who start right out questioning/finding fault,so that no meeting ever occurs. I'm not saying that being willing to meet quickly makes a guy a blue ribbon choice or rules out the possibility of a skunk in the woodpile, but at least a face to face meeting is someplace to START if there's anything worth starting, no?
Cindy O | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:49:50 AM | man, grow some gonads. what's the big deal? online? meeting at a coffee joint? meeting where ever?
you give power over you to those who have no power. i'll tell you what to do since you don't know what to do with yourself. Enlist in the Marine Corps and specifically ask for the MOS of 0311.
You'll learn what needs to become of you then. You'll learn to be a man after your tour. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:03:46 AM | | The truth is that most women on here will never meet anyone. They are all afraid, just read the forums for awhile. They want to spend years getting up the courage to meet someone, and then in ten seconds they decide that there is no "Chemistry" and want to leave. Don't take this place real serious, have fun in the forums of check out of few of the hot women, but then find a real girl in the real world. My experience here is that most of the women do not match their pictures, (ten years older, and 100 lbs heavier), and they are not who they say they are. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:38:46 AM |
I am fairly new to the whole online dating thing. I registered on this a while back but never really utilized it. I didn't even know there were forums on here. ahahaha
As the thread title reads, is it weird? I am really bad at trying to get out what I'm trying to say in writing and really prefer to just meet up and decide whether there is any chemistry or not.
In my opinion, no, meeting face to face is fine. How long it takes before it's OK to do so depends on how things are going and the people involved. I have known some people, however, that would rather meet early and that dislike waiting.
There are a few rules, however, and even if the other person doesn't mention them they should be followed.
* Always meet in a public place. This is not negotiable. It does not have to be crowded, but someplace offering an 'out' to either party should one turn out to be a psycho is a must. This is a safety issue.
* Conversation is great, and should be desirable, but in the case of single mothers, you should never pry about their children. Asking about and showing interest in the child(ren) is good, they will be part of the relationship and I would hope you look forward to that in some way, but if the other person is closed-lipped the first few meetings, let it go. Just don't let it go for too long.
* Work out finances early on. There seems to be a lot of issues with one person taking advantage of the other, opinions being formed based on who's 'cheap' or who has what preference and being up front can save a lot of trouble. Be tactful about it, however.
* Be yourself. Pretending to be someone else will almost always come back to bite you. Be up front about what you want, too. If it's supposed to be a serious LTR, or a short fling, don't lead each other on. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:39:16 AM | No it's not weird to ask someone to meet after a couple of emails. Heck I'm willing to meet people after the first if there's mutual interest.
I dislike extensive online chatting because of three main things:
1) You don't have the person's full attention
2) You still haven't verified if they're actually attractive
3) You won't have much to talk about if you burn up all of your normal conversation starters via e-mails/IMs, unless you both have crappy memories and it all sounds new the second time around 
Long-term e-mailing may SEEM like you "know" the person, but there's no substitute for real-time face-to-face interaction, and until you experience that, all you have is a pen-pal.  | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:26:28 AM | My thought is that the endless email cycle is counterproductive. It's something like the studies about the traditional job interview process compared with simply drawing names at random. The studies showed that you get slightly better matches with the random process.
What is the big deal about meeting for coffee or a drink somewhere? I do that with clients in my business all the time. If someone is interested in my services I meet them face to face often over coffee. If we aren't on the same page, I leave cordially. All I'm out is some travel time and a couple of bucks for coffee ($tarbuck$)
I feel the same way about online dating. You can email, then call, then eventually meet. I doubt that will give any better results than an email, a phone call and then meeting for coffee or a drink (I prefer coffee as it is a far more neutral territory than a bar).
To be honest, I was a little surprised that so many people seem to want to go with a two month email, month of phone and then maybe meet scenario. I think that a fear of rejection might be driving some of that. I usually won't meet for dinner first because I don't want to spend almost $200 on a dinner to find out that the person is not remotely like their pictures and can't acheive anything resembling an intelligent conversation. I have done dinner first based on phone calls and so far I've been fortunate.
I've also gotten the sense that some of the women seem to think that beginning to exchange emails is the same as "going steady" back in the old high school days. Sorry but even a couple of dinner dates does not lead to exclusivity in my opinion much less exchanging emails. (Of course, if the physical relationship gets to a certain point or your conversations are indicating mutual exclusivity that is a different situation).
I find the 'exchanging emails = exclusive' thing a bit odd because I regularly exchange bantering emails with friends, family and clients. That is friendship or 'getting to know you' not a relationship.
One final thought for the guys, a Marine posted a few posts back with some good advice.
anyway, enough rambling here. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:43:44 AM | | Understand, I am not for longterm email relationships prior to meeting. I just want to make that clear. I've found myself trapped in several years-long ones, but that's not the same thing as espousing such a philosophy. My own personal experiences suggest nothing good can come from that. The quicker you meet someone, the quicker you both can move on to something else, either a REAL relationship or other people. I really believe my long email experiences are a major exception to the rule -- most people would lose patience with those situations within a month or two, and well you probably should. | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:29:21 AM | I recently read this awesome quote on a smart user's profile:
"I think a lot of people over-complicate this whole online dating process.
If you contact me -
1) I'll look at your picture(s) I'll either think I could possibly kiss this person or no-way-in-hell.
2) I'll then read your profile and rate you on my sliding PC vs PP Scale (Potentially Compatible vs Potentially Psycho)
3) I'll write you back a brief message and offer you my phone # so that we can chat.
4) You actually called me and if during the conversation we laughed and had a good time, I'll ask to meet you in person.
5) After meeting and having lunch we could
a) extend the date
b) make a 2nd date or
c) go on with our lives as if nothing happened... the search continues." | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:11:07 PM | No, it is not at all weird to want to meet someone after exchanging only a few e-mail's. Quite honestly, it's my preferred method of meeting a woman, i personally don't see any point in waiting to meet someone, it,s all about chemistry, so why waste time in finding out if there is a connection between the both of you. Worst case scenario, if you don't click,you probably just made a friend, and we can all use more friends... Don't waste any time, go out there and enjoy... | |
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| is it weird to ask someone to meet up after a couple of emails?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:12:26 PM | | I don't like to waste my time and typing messages and talking on the phone for two months is wasting my time. I've had great 4 hour conversations on the phone for weeks on end and think finally I got someone that likes me and then we meet and it's over. I want the meet over in a week so I don't spend a month or more talking on the phone only to find out I am not her type. | |
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) that pc appy that types as you talk and OP as many said nothing is weird anymore, just use your own personal boundaries and a comfort level that is good for you because everyone is different and lovable in our own ways 
