| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:42:28 AM |
OMG, he has just text me and asked if i am ok. Is that out of concern for me or covering his back in case his wife finds out about me?
It doesn't matter what the reason is...
When you tell us that you've asked him not to text you... then tell us that he "wore you down", there's a problem...
Here's the solution...
When you finally actually do get enough of this situation, stop reading his texts... It's really that simple...
when people are all caught up in the grip of something, they don't make sense.
Accept that and everything else gets uncomplicated. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:58:00 AM | | this is just another reason NOT to date someone who is separated. like i've always said, they have unfinished business and unresolved issues. you can't jump into one relationship when the old one isn't finished. you need closure. wondering why only twice a month? i mean are you happy with that? i don't think i would be. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:18:39 AM | | Just because they are legally seperated...Does not mean they are not living together...So, he does not want to upset the wife! Get her suspicious..on his caring ons...Oh, he wants her back!...Just does not know how to do it... Dump the guy...You may experience a bigger hurt down the road...then you have already! | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:26:13 AM | | OP if a man wants you in his life you'd be in it. Why would you want to be in a 3some, this man, his wife and you? Trust me when I tell you that nothing good will come of this. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:34:59 AM | | It's quite obvious he is not over is wife or perhaps he is getting back. My advice to you is forget this man no matter how much you liked him. There are other men out there who can treat you with respect and the attention that you deserve. Don't put yourself in a dramatic relationship where he isn't exactly sure what he wants. It would only cause you pain. forget this man don't sit around trying to figure out whats going on with him and why he didn't wanted to see you the next day. just move on. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:41:56 AM | | From now on I say anyone who dates anyone who's separated should sit with the person's spouse and be introduced first before proceeding. If you can actually do that, then maybe you have a chance... | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 9:51:43 AM | He's married and that alone should have been a red flag....
I would say in most cases this is right ...but in the rare case there are complications to divorce ... I would require a blunt explanation from someone separated along with proof before I would date them
actually the cases I am referring to and there may be others ..if your spouse just leaves and cannot be found it is almost impossible to get a divorce ...in some states or places ...but most of these reasons belong to women | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:07:21 AM | Probably because he's still with the wife and just now put some thought into what happens if he gets caught.
I don't date at all unless they are divorced...seperated isn't good enough. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:09:31 AM | | Don't ever date someone who is still married or separated . Period. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:41:50 AM | Don't ever date someone who is still married or separated . Period.
AMEN to that!! smartest words i've heard in a long time. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:45:27 AM | Separated = STILL MARRIED.
You should never have gone there...you have no one to blame but yourself. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:50:48 AM | Lies married men tell:
It's been over for years
I don't want her
We never sleep together/don't have sex
I'm only staying for the kids
My wife doesn't understand me, but you do
My wife is ill. I can't leave her until she's better.
My wife doesn't care if I date someone else
I am getting divorced as soon as I can, but I have to wait for the right time.
I love you more than anyone else I've ever loved.
I'm confused
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Don't leave me - you're all I've got. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:52:38 AM | You see each other 2x a month? Does he live far away? If not, you should be seriously thinking why he only saw you 2x a month.
You're 40 yrs old, what is with the texting? No offense but texting is for teenagers.
A man who's separated is not looking for a long term relationship. He77, he's not out of the one he's already in.
If you're just looking for fun, he's the guy for you. Yeah, I'm blunt and to the point. Stop wasting your time thinking about him. You deserve better!! | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 10:56:02 AM | I have on occasions asked him not to text me as i thought he wasnt ready for a relationship, but he always wears me down and insists he does want to see me. I really appreciate all your thoughts and advise. I suppose what i really want to hear is that he will want me, but dont think that will happen.
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His wanting to see you, doesn't mean he wants a RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. He may want you for sex, is that what you want?
You want advise, lose this guy. Just remember what he does with you, he DOES TO YOU. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:02:10 AM | | I think it will work out. Here was in undertainty stage for awile. You see he already texted you. I think the ball will keep rolling and yes he will get adivorce sooner or later and may be all be yours. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:16:34 AM | All the good advice is going into a black hole here, the OP loves the drama, is totally excited about the drama and is getting off on all the fish here being drawn into the drama. I'm not buying any of it.
And yet more of generalizing all separated people into lying, cheating scumbags, yep, total drama-fest.  Boohoohoo You date wacko-doodles and what do you expect to get? Single, never been married, divorced, separated, widowed....what does it matter when you are dating psychos?  | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:23:22 AM | I think it will work out. Here was in undertainty stage for awile. You see he already texted you. I think the ball will keep rolling and yes he will get adivorce sooner or later and may be all be yours.
ummm...yeah right, and they will all live happily ever after. what the hell have you been smoking??
p.s. what is *undertainty*?? i don't believe i've ever heard that word before. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 11:29:35 AM | | Run as fast as you can because hes using you.His ex controls his weak lil mind and doesnt have a pair to be man enough to move on with his life.Dont settle or except this type of behaviour.Drama all the way around and you think you could actually have a good relationship with this menyun?Lil adive,only date if they have been divorced for at least 5 yrs and their wives dont control them.:) | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:02:33 PM | Dear OP,
Oh boy I feel for you my dear. The heart wants what it wants. However, if you can just look at him as a lover and nothing more, you will be okay. Otherwise, it's better to just walk away. He will try to get you back, he will. Just walk away. If you go back to him make sure you are not going to give it your all because you will end up with a broken heart. That is from my own experience.
I thought I was way too smart to get tangled up in a threesome situation with a man who I fell in love with but he lives with his ex. They don't sleep together but they are still emotionally invested in one another. I have changed my expectations, that's all! He's now my lover. I am still reclaiming my heart. Good luck sister. Don't put much stake on his silly little texts right now okay?  | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:23:47 PM | First, that man doesn't live with his wife and the post says it very clear. He has been in a separation process for quite a while that makes me to believe that soon the divorce will be final (kids are not involved). It was HIM who left his wife. Of course he may feel some guilt toward his ex wife and it is normal.
Of course as many men and women he didn't rus into relationship but decided to go step by step. In this position for a while things may look rather casual but can progress further. Maybe bringing home a divorce certificate will help him to progress rapidly with his new romantic interest.
I do not see any big drama here at all.
to Day.....
"""""""And yet more of generalizing all separated people into lying, cheating scumbags, yep, total drama-fest. Boohoohoo You date wacko-doodles and what do you expect to get? Single, never been married, divorced, separated, widowed....what does it matter when you are dating psychos? """"
I do not see this guy as a psycho at all. What makes you think so or assume that OP dates psychos in general.
Is that the reason why so many women stay single because if the scenario is not that desirable you suggest put the beraks on it wight away and move one? Many relationship do not start great from the beginning, there some past issues and exes but quite a few work fine eventually. Even if it takes some time.
Below post....
He will be done with her when the divorce will be finl. It doesn't mean that he spends romantci time with his wife, still sleeps with her and etc.
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:30:04 PM | Minimally, he is not 'done' with her.
You can do what you want with that information, however keep in mind - he will do what HE will do with it as well. Likely what the two of you do with it will be different. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:32:18 PM | There have been many threads on why you should or should not date
a separated person...I guess this thread is just an example of why you
shouldn't?
I don't see any drama either...it's just a matter of someone believing what
someone else said and then given reason not to trust him.
Usually there is some sort of reason why they can't be divorced...and most
of the time (generally speaking of course...not everyone is the same..I add
to chase off the wolves who will jump on me) it's not a good one.
When there is a good reason...I can understand that person's desire to get on
with their life even though they have unfinished business...but I don't understand
why they don't understand why some people might not want to do it.
The thing is...if a person lies to you and lets you down...isn't that enough reason
to get rid of them? Forget whether they're married, separated, widowed or divorced.
I don't think the OP or anyone dates psychos intentionally...most people on here
are seriously treading the waters and learning as they go.
PS...I like the idea of meeting the said "separated" spouse...I think that
would eliminate all problems!
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:36:28 PM | to Day.....
"""""""And yet more of generalizing all separated people into lying, cheating scumbags, yep, total drama-fest. Boohoohoo You date wacko-doodles and what do you expect to get? Single, never been married, divorced, separated, widowed....what does it matter when you are dating psychos? """"
yes they are lying scumbags, at least the ones i've met have been so forgive me if i don't want to date separated men. i met a few who told me they were divorced when that wasn't the case at all. later i found out they were in fact STILL legally married, just separated. it would be great if people could just be honest but unfortunately most feel the need to lie and be deceptive. why are you defending them anyway?? were you still married when you started dating? | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 12:50:01 PM | No I wasn't still married when started dating. I am married and not dating anyone. I am sure there would be some men who will say they are divorced but indeed only separated. I guess for those cases we have some basic background check softwares.
The post indicates clearly that her man told her that he was separated and never made any claims that he is divorced. Nothing in her post indicates to me that he was lying. I think he was upfront with stuff. I am not sure why to assume that he still lives wih his ex even if she said he didn't or other stuff.
I am not defending men who need to lie but I do not think her fella lied about his separation status. I know a lot of people sho started dating that eventually lasted or gave start to a new relationship from the separaion stage. It is not that diffisult especially if there was no major drama, and you left someone rather they broke up with you and no kids involved. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/6/2009 1:13:40 PM | Run, run away and don't look back girl... lol Guys like these spell nothing but ''TROUBLE''. They are all the same, and you deserve better than a seperated guy who hasn't filed a ''proper divorce''. The reason he probably did this is because he's scared, or has been lying to you about it... But if he's scared which is prob a low percentage of the reason; he may be scared of going through it again... But it's highly doubted on my part. so.... RUUUNNNN | |
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