| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:02:45 AM | OK, when you hook up with a man during this stage of his life, how much he cares about you or anything else doesn't matter because his brains are like scrambled eggs. He clings to you because his world is falling apart and you provide a compassionate ear and the sex is something he isn't complaining about. When he actually physically separates or divorce proceedings are finally underway, he becomes overwhelmed and dives right back into whatever pain he thought he worked through, in many cases doesn't want the woman but doesn't want to face the failure of the marriage.
Should you manage to keep this man in your life, things won't get any better than they are today, ever. He will again get depressed, distant, etc. when the divorce is final, often not wanting to date anybody for a year. If you should survive that, he will come out the other side and whether it is associating you with all that pain or whatever, he won't want you anymore.
It doesn't matter whether he is really concerned for you or wants to make sure you don't talk to his wife, what kind of person are you, one with self-respect and who can recognize that you walked into this with open eyes and made choices and is not the type of person to try to make someone else miserable because that is what he did to you. He isn't the man you thought he was, simple, and you walk away without the same degree of hurt you are heaping upon yourself now.
Now, if that is how you want to live for the next year or more, keep wondering why. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:44:10 AM | I'm sorry for the way I'm about to respond to you...but I make it a point to tell it like it is...no sugar coating it...
You 'texted' each other...and saw each other TWICE a month... and you call THAT a relationship?
I just read your age in your profile...and didn't go any further... At first I thought you might have been a young and naive girl...but WOMAN....YOU ARE 40 YEARS OLD!!!
WHEN are you gonna learn your lesson?
DUMP him, DO NOT text him back...and go on fishing...Good luck!!!!  | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:06:35 PM | This is a prime example of why I don't date separated men.
OP: I'm sorry to hear about this. He was probably enjoying the excitement/newness of a new woman/"relationship". However, he appears to be emotionally attached to the wife, and has since come down from "his cloud".
Start dating when you are ready.
Best,
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:27:50 PM | Why...because he's ONLY separated not divorced....you know what that means right? At any minute he could go back to her.... | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:25:24 PM | | I went out with woman who was separated right after my divorced never again. It was like going to the county fair riding the rides, I won't buy that ticket anymore. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 4:48:12 PM | Seperated in the dating dictionary means... Married but looking BOTH ways.
You can't really control your feelings about this guy but he's shown you that he either is confused as to what he wants or just wants a two way street to travel back and forth.
I'm sorry you fell into that trap but even the best of intentioned man or woman cannot say 100% that they are available unless they are single or legally divorced, with NO ex's hanging on for any reason. He has you on a string and pulls it now and then just to be sure that door is still open to him.
I wish you luck in finding someone free enough for your loyalty. Don't you think it's time to stop being... "the other woman"? There's no future in that, is there? | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:15:23 PM | I don't agree with all the people saying your problem was because the guy was ONLY separated. I was separated for years before I got around to getting divorced, but I was emotionally DONE with my marriage for years before we split up, so much so that I refused to even go to counseling. When I am done, I am done, and no piece of paper is necessary.
My ex, on the other hand, hits on me every time I see him. He has a girlfriend but has told me that he would drop her in an instant if I would take him back. It has been six years...he just isn't over it, for whatever reason. The piece of paper (divorce decree) does not seem to matter to him at all....
People are either over, or they are not. It has nothing to do with the stage of the legal proceedings.
As far as the OP goes, I have to question why you guys would only see each other twice a month? Unless you live a great distance away, that would make me quite suspicious that he was still living as husband and wife.
Also, if he is truly separated, why does he care if his wife knows about you?
Lots of people are so giddy with the initial freedom of a separation, they have a 'rebound' fling, or even lots of them. Sorry to say, it sounds like you are one of them, OP. Actions speak louder than words. If he wanted to be with you, he would find a way to make it happen. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 8:18:25 PM | | **** confusion. That is how a lot of people get messed up and caught up. If he is not able to be straight up with his wife, how the **** is he going to straight up with you. I am only going to say that you have Exhibit A and Exhibit B right in front of you, and if you can't "C" that, then you really need to be aware of the consequences of your decisions. Sorry, but this situation has no grey area for me. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:23:26 PM | | Trust me, OP...the sad reality is...even if the divorce is gonna be done tomorrow...he is still married!!!! I've made the mistake twice of dating someone who was "separated" and supposedly just about to be divorced. In one situation they ended up back together ....in another...the divorce got dragged out for over a year and I ended up being hauled into court to testify!!! Messy, ugly, awful, not worth it...too many unmarried men to be dating ones that aren't!!! That's my policy, but of course, my life is far from perfect...good luck! Sorry that you have had to go through this! I do think that a divorce is simply a confusing, emotional, guilt-ridden time for people and it's just not a time that is condusive to building a new relationship! | |
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| Exactly
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:28:59 PM |
First of all, you do not have a relationship if you are seeing him only twice a month. You are simply his fvck buddy.
People always want to make this about being "separated"...as though someone coming out of ANY relationship isn't capable of 2nd thoughts.
You see someone only twice a month? You don't have a relationship. How can you "relate" to someone you have spent a total of...what....18 days? 36 days? with over the course of nearly a year? Where is the shared life...experiences?
This isn't about separated people. This is about emotionally (or otherwise) unavailable people...and people who are too foolish to recognize it when they see it. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:35:21 PM | Knock, knock, knock......anything up there??? He's MARRIED.
This woman he thought enough to hunt, to lay with, to commit to, to create history with.....maybe, just maybe, he's just looking for a little easy on the side.
Don't be foolish enough to be his depository then his trash. His wife should be respected. She's invested herself in this man.
He is a weenie piece of shit right now. Leave him to sort things out and find a man who isn't married......there's a thought.... | |
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| Another "exactly"...
Posted: 7/8/2009 9:36:32 PM |
I don't agree with all the people saying your problem was because the guy was ONLY separated. I was separated for years before I got around to getting divorced, but I was emotionally DONE with my marriage for years before we split up, so much so that I refused to even go to counseling. When I am done, I am done, and no piece of paper is necessary.
Save for the "years before we split up" part, I am exactly there with you.
The piece of paper (divorce decree) does not seem to matter to him at all....
People are either over, or they are not. It has nothing to do with the stage of the legal proceedings.
Total agreement.
Methinks people like to blame the label "separated" instead of owning the fact that they got involved with someone who wasn't truly available, perhaps even when signs of this existed. That way they don't have to take any responsibility for their actions,judgment, decisions...and accordingly will not have to exercise any of the prudent judgment they failed to exercise in this instance...they just won't date someone who is "separated".
What will be the excuse then when THAT relationship goes south, as they virtually all do? Gotta have someone or something to blame... | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 10:48:24 PM | Another failed attempt at venture capitalism.
I think it is Obama's socialist agenda that foiled your plans.
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:09:01 PM | Why don’t you ask his wife? I’m sure she knows him inside out what a creep he is! Or better yet why not stay the hell away from married men until they are DIVORCED.
Then there is no confusion left for you to figure out!
No sympathy here sorry. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:37:46 AM | | At least you knew this joke-card's status before getting all involved! Be glad you're not the one who was told 'I've been divorced for three years', but was only just beginning the process in real life. Ugh! LIARS! Cheesed1cks catching themselves thinking they're PLAYERS! I hate **stards like that. They need to drop, STAT! Love, Titus | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:17:29 AM | ,go jerry go jerry . he's an arse , ditch | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:19:07 AM | A better question is WHY do grown people ask for opinions or advice if they dont realy give a crap what anyone has to say and in the end they do what they wanted to from the begining?
WASTE OF TIME.  | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:25:06 AM | | Bid farewell to that. Its not gonna happen. Your glory can only come from the ability to let go, so let go. Motivation will get you started but only you can keep it going. Don't chase them, replace them.... | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:57:24 AM | | He is either playing or is too guilt ridden to be emotionally available to you. either way it will be a whip saw for you. find someone committed to being available to you. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:32:18 AM | | This is precisely why I try to make it a point not to see separated men. Too much baggage, too many questions lingering. In fact, I prefer not to see a recently divorced man either, for the same reason. Give them a chance to unpack the baggage from their last journey before embarking on one with me...so I don't get tangled up in the confusion. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:42:03 AM | Saw separated for two years and never dated. had to work on helping the ex get her life in order first and on her own. Had the opertunity many times but just did not think it was fair to any other that I would get involved with. It is a moral and character issue for me. If you do not trust the character and moral issue of the individual ( married and separated individual ) then stay away becase the chances of you being happy and not hurt is grated that winning any lottery thru email. Have three friends and a separated niece that both me and my ex tried to tell this too and all got in trouble with three doing hard time in jail for poor choices.
trust the international email lotteries. they could be more fulfilling for you in the long run than trusting the separated individuals that can not take a stance one way or the other. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:50:15 AM | | Something happened that he's not telling you. He's leaving a piece out of the puzzle. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:56:57 AM | My ex, on the other hand, hits on me every time I see him. He has a girlfriend but has told me that he would drop her in an instant if I would take him back. Marianne 100That is always a part of the problem when one is involved in a relationship with someone who still has ties to an ex. Even if that person is "over the ex" there is still the possibility of a moment of weakness from pressure from the ex.
Again, seperated is only a half-azzed way of saying he/she isn't done with the ex and isn't completely free, emotionaly or otherwise. I know of a few people who have remarried the same person after divorce.
OP, everyone who's had past relationships brings a certain bit of baggage with them but you clearly have a relationship that is one sided. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/15/2009 4:29:13 PM | | it doesn't matter. he has baggage and he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. i would get out of that drama fest asap before u get hurt. he's just going to lead u on. if he wanted to leave his wife then he would do it already. i wouldn't even talk to him until i knew he was divorced and that i would see it on paper. stay away. u dont want to be the other women, or get hurt for that matter. | |
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| Why, why, why
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:41:34 PM | I tell ye why.
As post no 2 indicates hes seeing her, if not her a plethora of other options and you register via the value known as a modicum to him.
And the give way on the famished info you posted is clear to me.
This lot when they are at a loose end, or able too come on mega strong is only when there other half is not about, on a course, visiting relatives, in hospital or they looking after the kids.
:( | |
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