| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:37:32 AM | Giroditalia, I suppose there is no way that I can say this without sounding rude or offensive, but you exemplify some of the things that I, as a female, find silly or offensive in men on dating sites. Since you asked, I am going to give you MY OPINION.
I am out of a 24-year marriage, age 60, very athletic, in excellent condition, have been on the site since March, and my target age is 48 to 58.
I fit in your age range (except I lack the athletic prowess you require), but I don't bother with older men who only want women below their own age. If you don't want 60 or even 63 year old women, WHY would a 58 year old woman want you? Why shouldn't she target ages 56 and below as do you? Why would a 48 year old woman be interested in you?
But I have heard, haven't seen it, where many younger women are dating/marrying older men: if those guys have no problem, why should you?
I looked at your profile: there is nothing to distinguish you from a plethora of other 60 year old fit men. You exhibit no wit and no personality on your profile.
Regardless, it seems all of the decent looking women in the above age range have scads of men to choose from.
If those "decent looking" women have scads of men from which to choose, why shouldn't they choose those that they find "decent looking"? And what qualifies as "decent looking"? That is a vague adjective that really describes nothing.
Lately my emails with women have been coming to screeching halts, the women actually disappear on me. I just had two proposed meets this week rebuffed with vague excuses given regarding plans to travel.
If this many women are rebuffing you, it isn't because of them: it is because of you! You are approaching them in the wrong way.
There just seems to be tremendous intolerance for a man making the slightest error, and I think that's because there's a line of men behind me waiting their turn. It wouldn't be so if the ratios were reversed.
I understand that you would like to be in the catbird's seat and be able to pick and choose your women, but that isn't how the online dating scene goes, is it?
Obviously the women had what they thought were better offers from other guys. But who are all these men targeting all of the older woman, and what do the older women think they are getting from these guys, that they have decided they can't get, or don't want, from me?
They didn't THINK they had better offers, they had them. OR maybe they had no better offers than yours and decided that rather than associating with someone who didn't suit them, they would rather keep looking or be alone.
The "what can they get from other guys" question can only be answered by those women who turned you down, but obviously, there's something the other guys are "giving." Perhaps you lack personality, perhaps you are boring, who knows?
By the way, most of my meets have been with women over 50. I have not seen anyone younger.
Perhaps you should try women your age. Perhaps women 58 and under are seeing guys in their 20s.
Your post sounds whiny and peevish and the "nice guy" forums are filled with similar posts from other men.
So another thing I have learned on POF: men AND women are sometimes unable to take good, hard examinations of themselves and find what is lacking in themselves that doesn't attract or keep members of the opposite sex. If a person is getting turned down, especially after meeting, is everyone else wrong? It is a natural tendency for humans to blame the other person, and that is consistently shown in these forums.
Just a thought.
Edit: I took another look at your profile, you say:
****UPDATE JULY 2009****Why am I getting so many views and contacts from women listing "a few extra pounds"? Stop wasting your time and mine. I am not going to contact you if you are anything other than thin or athletically built. If you are thin or athletically built, then I don't care how old you are. It's that simple, really!
****Special Note****If you have chosen "Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex" as one of your mail settings, I will not be able to contact you. I emailed some members at the "intimate" site when I initially opened my profile, so the flag on my profile cannot be removed. Easiest way for me to be able to contact you then, is for you to list me as a favorite. That action seems to lift the email ban. Thank you.
Regardless that you extend an invitation to the thin and athletic women, the first paragraph sounds elitist and rude. Why are you complaining about fat women LOOKING at your profile? Geez.
And what is it? Do you care about age or don't you? Make up your mind.
As for the intimate encounter aspect, maybe you shouldn't have been seeking an intimate encounter, eh? | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:05:54 AM | Now that's downright scary.
I wouldn't say scary, but it is rather curious.
Your "scary" comment is insulting, derogatory, and as is most of your profile, indictative of a dude who's a real ass.
You're typical of what women tell me about on first dates when they say there are a bunch of losers out there.
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:16:30 PM | | ...that not everyone is who they say they are- you really have to meet them in person or even talk over the phone to get a sense of what they ' really want' or who they are...although i must admit that some guys are honest and sincere so good for them!! i also think one needs an immeasurable amount of patience too.. it really, reeeeaaaallllly takes time to meet the right match. so don't give up!! | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:34:01 PM | .
That the Forums are a great diversion and even the rudest and cattiest can be fun to play with. 
And that there are lots of awesome people here. I've met some great people, many of whom are now new friends on and off POF.
And that it's a great place for someone like me who is looking for a secret friendship/affair to find someone on the QT.
Not so sure it would be the place I would choose if I were single and looking.
 
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:05:59 PM | | I have learned that if you respond to e-mails you help others feel special and hopeful. I have also learned that if you don't click just be honest. The best thing about internet dating is you can delete and accept new incoming mail. Be picky you have a right! | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:45:15 PM |
Now that's downright scary.
I wouldn't say scary, but it is rather curious.
Your "scary" comment is insulting, derogatory, and as is most of your profile, indictative of a dude who's a real ass.
You're typical of what women tell me about on first dates when they say there are a bunch of losers out there.
idoc steve, although you and I don't always agree in the forums, thanks for the remark about the "insulting, derogatory" comment that is indicative of that poster's profile. I see I am not the only one who formed that opinion.
My detractor will be glad to know that my number has dropped to 214.
As to why so many people have me on their lists, it's easy: I pay them a buck a week to keep me there. I shell out quite a bit each month. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 3:08:55 PM | I agree with you OP. You should be you and if that means putting out then that's just what happened. He was there too and yet SHE didn't ignore HIM. She was stronger and willing to work through fears and some of the not so nice feelings. Just because some men are not strong of character, doesn't mean she should be ignored and berated by the public.
I get stung every time I date off this site. I learned to go through the stages of loss in a day or two. I learned to remember the other shoe always drops. Not good lessons, still I get hurt pretty badly. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:56:58 PM |
idoc steve, although you and I don't always agree in the forums, thanks for the remark about the "insulting, derogatory" comment that is indicative of that poster's profile. I see I am not the only one who formed that opinion.
My detractor will be glad to know that my number has dropped to 214.
Hey I'll favorite you if you favorite me! LOL just kidding..mostly | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:35:41 PM | How dare you come on this forum and state publicly that you have read my profile (why mine, to the exclusion of everyone else's?) and that it is "indicative of a dude who is an ass"?
Just who in hell do you think you are, calling me an "ass"? How does your mind wrap itself around a public attack upon a man fourteen years your senior who, prior to your public attack upon him, had done nothing to injure you in any way?
Further, you have the effrontery to offer additional moral support to another female poster on this thread who has also taken it upon herself to gratuitously tear my posting apart, target my profile, and even myself, for an unsolicited and vicarious hatefest?
These attacks on my posting, my profile and my person are gratuitous, uncalled for, and completely beyond the scope of the question posed by the thread. Nothing anywhere gives you grounds to question, or second-guess, what my online dating experiences have been, to the exclusion of everyone else's.
Yours is bigoted, targeted, hateful speech, directed by the two of you against one specific individual. I will not speculate as to the genesis of your bigotry. Yet I notice none of the other contributors are troubled by these attacks, least of all the OP who has not been heard from or seen.
You had better start reining it in and exercising some restraint. For unless a public apology is forthcoming, you are likely to find yourselves as defendants in a libel and slander proceeding. There is a record here. I am advising you both to desist in these public attacks.
If you think two minds or even twenty minds represent a majority opinion on POF just because they play the same sado-masochistic games and agree with one another on who the victim shall be, you are both in for a very rude awakening. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:07:22 PM | I got this computer partly at the urging of a woman I knew, who had just brought back her internet sweetheart from Amsterdam.
I soon learned, I had no idea what I was trying to do! On an inspiration, I googled "pick up women", and discovered the world of dating gurus and pickup artists. It's good to see that David Deangelo's articles are included right here, now. He was the first one I learned about, and his words are often copied verbatim by other PUAs.
This was knowledge and insight that I had sought when I was in my twenties, but it simply didn't exist. Too many people brush this stuff off, but the fact is, if we could teach it starting in the 8th grade, we'd see far fewer issues later on. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:22:34 PM | I have learned that the forums are addictive and men I am the most attracted to and compatible with live 5 hours away or in another province.
That people like to chat alot but run screaming in the other direction when you want to meet.
I've learned to be patient and just relax until the right one comes along and enjoy the ride. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:12:54 AM | Only meet for tea/coffee/drinks at a public place for the first time, that way if her (or his) never-ending monotone astounds you, the escape is easy. :-)
Women with only one photo on their profile scare me (especially if it shows only their face), those without any photo annoy me.
Individuals with their IQ in triple digits are never in a dire need to literally advertise being sarcastic or witty or funny. Gulp.
Be *very* skeptical about girls (or guys) who keep tooting their horn about how often they workout. Those who regularly workout don't usually care to advertise about it since their photos tell the tale.. but the rookies (read: *trying* to get in shape) LOVE to keep yapping about their workout every five minutes!
Boo hoo. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:03:08 AM | Learned? Amongst other things..
- Knowing what you want and being able to express that in words is the best way to attract people who are likely to be interesting to you.
- People might skip over key parts in your profile choosing only see those points they want to see. (Like the guy who told me on the phone, the day before our arranged meet & greet, 'I voted for Bush twice and think he's doing a good job.' and when I mentioned my left-leaning ways, 'It doesn't really matter to me so I figured it wouldn't matter to you either.' or the one who thought I might like to have a friend with benefits until I met someone actually compatible.)
- Not everyone takes the time to put together a profile that actually describes themselves and quite a few don't truly know who they are or what they want. Shouldn't mean they're not worth taking a look at though articulate does seem to have it's advantages here.
- People generally select the 'looking for long-term' option no matter what they're really looking for.
- There are many positive, interesting, worth getting to know people in this pond. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:28:42 AM | That you should take things in stride and not take things from the get go so serious. Just because there was chem online, it doesnt necessarily come off the screen so easily. YEmails are very limiting. You are already dismissing alot of what you dont want from just a reply or non-reply based on photos or profiles.
I had a fun conversation last night with a guy I met from Craigslist, of all places. Talked until 1 am. The conversation stalled initially, but then took off as he kept it lighthearted. I almost rushed him off the phone because it just felt awkward. I dont have a huge expectation for him. We may or may not meet this afternoon. But I know if he can make me laugh on the phone, I dont think he is too far off from his offline persona.
I think he and I will be pleasantly surprised when the time comes for the offline Meet. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:42:29 AM | From some of my experiences from online dating, I've learned that some people think that it's easier to just replace someone than to actually try to make it work. It's so much easier when the tough gets going to click on a new profile.
From dating in general, I've realized that if only one person is putting in the effort to make the relationship work, it isn't going to go anywhere. If you are the one making all the effort, move on, the other person apparently doesn't think the relationship is worth it. | |
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| What lessons have you learned from online dating?
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:49:44 AM | | giroditalia: They read your profile, as did I, to get a better handle on what kind of person would make statements like you made in this public forum. Most likely dozens of people in this forum have done the same thing. Why shouldn't they? You opened yourself up to comment and criticism when you exposed your rather odd and seemingly insensitive thought and behaviour patterns. It doesn't matter if you are fourteen or twenty years their senior; age doesn't make you right, nor does it make you immune to criticism. It can make you crochety and hard to get along with, though, and sometimes even senile. I'm twelve years your senior, and I agree with their assessments. By your age standards, I guess that makes me right, and by extension, them also. Have a nice day. | |
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