| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/25/2009 1:00:58 PM | Being a single parent I find people who think like the one who messaged the OP to be idiots. Some people really should not even open their mouths.
Why even bother messaging someone; just to go on some stupid rant about something they obviously know nothing about?
Keep your chin up OP. Fortunately the views expressed by the moron who messaged you are not shared by the majority of men on here. Once you hit late twenties, early thirties and up in age; good luck finding someone who does not have kids. They are in the minority. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:20:41 AM | | welcome to my world, I'm a single mun of 4 kids and proud to be.. Men ask me if I'm looking for a dad, or do I have money , But In my profile I state that Iam looking for someone for me and a friend for my kids.. I'am judged because I'm a single mum, so I find that men dont always look at the me that Iam and judge me as a mum, which I feel they dont have a right to.. I may have kids but I also have a heart and do know how to fall in love, and treat a man , we singles mum have the right to have true love too.. People just dont understand that.. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/27/2009 11:20:46 AM | I have never had an issue with single mothers in that regard. I do find that unfortunatly though that about 2/3's of the ones I have ever met thought they had enough time to devote to developing a relationship but in reality didn't.
It's a shame really, some were very nice and sincere about it but have to make so many sacrifices in their personal lives when raising children on their own. Kudo's to them and if I had an opportunity to have my children with me all the time I would also as they are the joy of my life. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:22:14 AM | | Single mothers are women just like any other kind of women. It's pretty simple. Unfortunately, there will always be people out there with prejudices, but the best policy is to just ignore them and move on. No misguided prejudice is ever changed overnight, so to speak. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:41:26 PM | My I
Sounds like all the reasons you posted about women getting pregnant without getting married are all negative. Marriage and having a child are 2 different things, one has nothing to do with the other. Marriage is when 2 people want to spend the rest of their lives together (with or without children) and having a child is when you want to give of yourself to someone that came from you.
Marriage is a tough call, trying to find that someone you want to wake up to for the next 60yrs, damn tough call. Having kids, well, when the time clock is ticking for a woman you have to make that decision and kids usually grow up and move out by 20, so its only a 20yr commitment, or so.
Im a single mother myself and yeah, I married but for the wrong reasons, thinking I can change someone I had no business trying to change. Now Im divorced and have my 3 kids to raise, no regrets with my decision. I didn't do this to get welfare, never been on it, I didn't do this to trap a guy for life, Id rather slice my wrists thank you very much and I didn't do it because I was needy and greedy either.
I make good money, live on my own with the kids and don't have to depend on anyone. I know alot of single moms that must struggle because they made a mistake or choice. Now, where is the critisism towards the dead beat fathers? or towards the idiots that paint all single mom's with the same brush?
Kutos to all the single mom's out there (and single dad's). The experience will make you stronger, wiser and more independent. Women are made strong, we have the power and courage to do the right thing by our children. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/29/2009 7:49:41 PM | I don't understand why someone would message you just to be rude, if he is not into people with kids then he/she should shut their mouths and live and let live. Another typical case of a divorced person blaming everyone except themselves for the demise of their nuclear family.
That being said although I dont have a problem going out with someone with kids at all, I do know my role is not to be parent to them but at least a role model as someone who respects themselves and others. Especially their mom.
I think you are probably looking for what any single person here is looking for whether that is love, relationship, sexy time(borat reference) or all of the above. I think too many men and women are guilted by family, friends, society and their kids that somehow even though they are not married anymore that somehow if they go on a date it must be to look for another spouse or they aren's supposed to be having fun. pretty f**king twisted i think
I just say this because my parents got divorced 30 years ago and were the perfect example of what not to be in post-divorce dating game, which is pretty much the stereotypes that have been stated here
I will add that one thing I don't like about divorced or split up people. The constant blaming and bashing of the former partner and portraying them as the most evil vile thing in the world. In most relationships it took 2 to tango. It also gives lets say me the new guy the impression of like "geez if we break up what the hell vile bs is she spew about me to everyone"
Thats another reason why formerly married/common law people especially with kids have a stigma, its the dummies out their who spew poison about the former partner while putting themselves up as a saint | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/29/2009 8:19:54 PM | Unfortunately there are not just deadbeat fathers out there. Mothers can be just as bad ( both non custodial and custodial) and unfortunately do not make an effort to push them towards self suffciency. Obviously there are many that cannot do that for varying reasons but unfortunately there are many that just abuse the system.
Why would someone want to go to work to bring in the same amount of money when they can just sit at home and between government funding and support payments not even leave the house. The courts have been found to be still biased in many ways towards supporting the women in family court with a "Men have responsibilities , women have rights attitude" in many cases. Ontario is one of the ones lagging behind in this respect. Please don't take this in the wrong light I am not women bashing just stating that the court system is not applied equally in Family Court by any means. in many cases. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/29/2009 10:42:04 PM | I'm 43. I expect that women my age have children. I have seen some looking for handouts or 'help'. It's not pretty, but I know it is not the norm.
Single moms have my utmost respect. It is a job that I cannot fathom.
I understand I will have to take a back seat to the kids from time to time, as long as it isn't every time. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:30:05 AM | [ I don't think it's so much maturity as it is intelligence when it comes to taking care of children, I hate to say this but especially with people my age. I see some people who just need to be smacked for being such piss poor parents, they are usually white trash though who live at the bottom rung of society, they can't damn well control their kids cause they are so god damn stupid. I guess thats what happens when the mother is a fat lazy **** and the father is a retarded slob who thinks he is a gangster, real great parenting skills ]
[Maybe parenting should be mandatory in highschool for all teenagers since it is evident that some people can't be responsible with their kids. ]
Rofl. Where you been its not only the poor having piss poor kids look at Paris hilton or half the kids in Hollywood are either in rehab or jail . Your funny open your eyes I see kids in jeapardy every day. Rich kids on drugs poor kids starving to death middle class kids commiting suicide or heaven forbid shooting up there schools its not the bottom thats the problem we all are the problem there human beings but we treat them like objects warehouse them and give them way more responsibility than we can honestly think they can handle. We have baby's making babies with no support sturctures no sex education in schools no parenting being done at home. Who cares about stopping the violence stop the stupidity and the violence will take care of itself. oops sorry got a lil carried away on my soap box there.
Intelligence is a factor I relent on that but common sense is a bigger factor IMO. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are perceived on this site
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:55:34 AM | The person who originally messaged the OP and went on that rant is clearly someone who was not breast fed by his mother and is projecting some serious transference on the young lady who happens to have a kid because he probably dated such a single mother and after this relationship ended due to him being a complete f@$#ing moron, he developed an immature and generalist attitude towards single mothers because he is inadequate and left wanting.
Fret not for in the future he will be a withered old man in a dark depressing dingy apartment with a Hungrymans dinner aloft a cheap plastic TV tray screaming and cursing at the 33rd season of the Bachelor because yet another person has found a deep sense of happiness with another human being and it is too much for this lonely sob.
Don't blame guys, yourself or your baby for 1 persons mean ill witted attempts at making you feel insignificant because the world is full of them and 5-10-20 years from now they will still be miserable but you OP will be richer than they will ever be because you have a beautiful child that will love you forever and that is the most important thing.
This is KAM300 signing off to all the beautiful, remarkable and sexy single mothers out there.  | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:46:22 AM |
Sounds like all the reasons you posted about women getting pregnant without getting married are all negative. Marriage and having a child are 2 different things, one has nothing to do with the other. Marriage is when 2 people want to spend the rest of their lives together (with or without children) and having a child is when you want to give of yourself to someone that came from you.
Marriage wasn't supposed to be separated from having and raising children. The fact that it is for some people is a sad thing. It is also a class thing, More* undereducated, lower income people separate marriage from children than educated, wealthier people.
*Please note I did not say ALL or EVERY PERSON. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:15:55 AM | Well I have to say its refreshing to see some of the responses that are coming in here. It amazes me to see how many people chasing a fairy tale that is archaic and very difficult to sustain in an increasingly fast paced world. I too came from a family where separation and divorce occurred, thankfully they had the wisdom to part, however they lacked the tools to do it well. As a result I'm on a course correction that prevents me from succumbing to these sweeping generalizations - the meme of separation, divorce, single parenthood has to start evolving because it is the reality, that has been reflected in our culture, that long-term multiple decades long relationships are not as easy to sustain because everything and everyone is changing faster than the generations previous to us.
I've made the choice not to hop on to the blame bandwagon and I am much happier for it. As another single mom said above, I am really proud to be able to take care of my own life and I'm looking for someone who is doing the same thing for themselves. To imply that I might have needs that exceed their willingness or ability or desire to meet makes me wonder exactly what is on their "to do" list in terms of finding a relationship. Regardless of whether I had kids or not, I am genuinely looking for an equal partnership, preferably with someone as independent and self sufficient as I am with lots of interests. My kids don't come into this picture for some time and should be seen like anyone would see anyone blood related, sibling, cousin, aunt etc of the person they're dating.
I know many people in my state of life who are living civilized arrangements that are genuinely filled with respect and compassion and above all human. My real life experience shows me that the "jerry springer" projections are decreasing, but it really triggers me when I see it online which is why I chimed in on this thread to begin with.
I'd rather not be ashamed that I'm a single mom if that's ok with some of you with such curious ideas about what separation and divorce is "supposed to be lol :) I'll never forget in the early days when we discussed it with our children, the first day at school and telling their friends. We knew of a family that had a very bad experience and got very dramatic and yes, it was sad, but that was their choice, a choice we consciously did not make (as do many others). So, one of the kids from this family said..."that's ok, I'll tell you all about what it's like and what court is like and custody stuff etc. etc. ....and we're like.... "nooooooooooo please don't listen to them :) it's not going to be like that with us, you'll see,"... and it never was. It is definitely sad when it happens which is why, I feel more and more people are doing it smart and not "falling for" what some of you here seem so insistent on making anyone believe it has to be.
When you separate it better be because it's the solution and not the sentence...'cause that would suck if it wasn't. In my case it was very much the solution and that's all that matters IMHO. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:34:36 PM |
My I
Sounds like all the reasons you posted about women getting pregnant without getting married are all negative
Feel free to point out where I said that. It's possible you are misreading what I said.
Marriage and having a child are 2 different things, one has nothing to do with the other.
I'm aware of that.
Im a single mother myself and yeah, I married but for the wrong reasons, thinking I can change someone I had no business trying to change.
^^^ This is more reflective of what I was attempting to say. Some people do things for the wrong reasons and then, when it fails, they sometimes try to exact revenge on someone they shouldn't be vengeful at.
Is it his fault your plan failed?
Now, where is the critisism towards the dead beat fathers? or towards the idiots that paint all single mom's with the same brush?
^^^ That is also what I am talking about. The topic is about perceptions of moms on a dating site... you choose to change the topic to deadbeat dads. That's a behaviour men expect from some moms.... hence the reason they shy away. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/1/2009 10:01:36 PM |
Well I have to say its refreshing to see some of the responses that are coming in here. It amazes me to see how many people chasing a fairy tale that is archaic and very difficult to sustain in an increasingly fast paced world. I too came from a family where separation and divorce occurred, thankfully they had the wisdom to part, however they lacked the tools to do it well. As a result I'm on a course correction that prevents me from succumbing to these sweeping generalizations - the meme of separation, divorce, single parenthood has to start evolving because it is the reality, that has been reflected in our culture, that long-term multiple decades long relationships are not as easy to sustain because everything and everyone is changing faster than the generations previous to us.
Four decades of research consistently show that over all and in general, children are suffering from the prevalence of divorce. On average, children raised in intact 2 parent families outperform children raised in single parent families in many aspects, such as school performance, among others.
I've made the choice not to hop on to the blame bandwagon and I am much happier for it. As another single mom said above, I am really proud to be able to take care of my own life
I don't know about Canada, but in America many single mothers, especially never-married mothers who had their first child while still in their teens, are barely making enough money to raise their children above the poverty level.
and I'm looking for someone who is doing the same thing for themselves. To imply that I might have needs that exceed their willingness or ability or desire to meet makes me wonder exactly what is on their "to do" list in terms of finding a relationship. Regardless of whether I had kids or not, I am genuinely looking for an equal partnership, preferably with someone as independent and self sufficient as I am with lots of interests. My kids don't come into this picture for some time and should be seen like anyone would see anyone blood related, sibling, cousin, aunt etc of the person they're dating.
I know many people in my state of life who are living civilized arrangements that are genuinely filled with respect and compassion and above all human. My real life experience shows me that the "jerry springer" projections are decreasing, but it really triggers me when I see it online which is why I chimed in on this thread to begin with.
I'd rather not be ashamed that I'm a single mom if that's ok with some of you with such curious ideas about what separation and divorce is "supposed to be lol :)
Why would a divorced person feel ashamed? At least you had your children while you were married, which at least gave them the advantage of living with both of their parents under the same roof. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/3/2009 2:14:08 PM | I think guys that have issues about single mom going out while the child/children are at there dads house is just showing how immature those guys are. (it could be they still have issues from there own broken relationships.) and cant handle reality when it comes to this situation.
Personally I have no issues with single moms, we all people and life is how it is.
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:12:41 PM | Oh - My - God!
did you actually just say what I think I just read?!?
"Marriage wasn't supposed to be separated from having and raising children. The fact that it is for some people is a sad thing. It is also a class thing, More* undereducated, lower income people separate marriage from children than educated, wealthier people"
I'm a single mother By Choice, and I come from a family who are extreme slaves to your so-called "class thing" - they all have money coming out their yin-yangs and the pursuit of even MORE money dominates their whole existence.... what a waste!
So if your inference is that education & wealth implies Marriage Acceptable, then perhaps you should also equate that with Mergers & Acquisitions
Seems to me like you need to jump aboard the reality train girl - oh and by the way?
Have an enema while you're at it, because it sounds like your brain has become lodged somewhere God didn't intend it  | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/4/2009 11:57:52 AM |
did you actually just say what I think I just read?!?
"Marriage wasn't supposed to be separated from having and raising children. The fact that it is for some people is a sad thing. It is also a class thing, More* undereducated, lower income people separate marriage from children than educated, wealthier people"
I'm a single mother By Choice, and I come from a family who are extreme slaves to your so-called "class thing" - they all have money coming out their yin-yangs and the pursuit of even MORE money dominates their whole existence.... what a waste!
So if your inference is that education & wealth implies Marriage Acceptable, then perhaps you should also equate that with
You left out an important piece of my post. Here it is in context, the part YOU left out is in bold:
"Marriage wasn't supposed to be separated from having and raising children. The fact that it is for some people is a sad thing. It is also a class thing, More* undereducated, lower income people separate marriage from children than educated, wealthier people.
*Please note I did not say ALL or EVERY PERSON."
Now maybe you will see I never said ALL people who separate marriage and raising children are undereducated, lower income people. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:49:34 PM | Ok I mis-read something on someones post so I changed it, but to the guy who messaged you that looking for a replacement daddy is a complete moron! Why would he even message you with that comment in first place what a jerk. Just don't get some people.
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:34:48 PM | | I hear you on being young and wanting your own life, but what makes you think you'd be giving that up if you dated a single mother? If you want your own life, stay single because most girls (single or not) want to be apart of your life and vice versa. And just because you date a single mother, doesn't mean you'll instantly become a dad. I think you're writing some really great women and potential romances off on a technicality. | |
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| Single Mothers and how we are preceived on this site
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:39:34 AM | | Single mom's should be called superstars.....we can make the bacon, fry it up in the pan, coordiante any schedule with or without shift changes....bartend, cook, waitress and hostess. Operate a gas mower, mediate with professionals, run a home and raise amazing kids.....look fantastic.....be on time....get our priorities straight...and have fun doin it! Thats on a bad day......if a guy can't apprectiate our superior qualities....I say we say.....NEXXXXXXT! lol | |
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