| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:32:05 AM | Any time this issue comes up, I actually have to stop and count them off in my head. Not because it's a large number, but because I don't think it's important enough to commit to memory. I never think about it.
I don't ask a partner unless the subject keeps coming up, in the form of her talking about former lovers, and seems like a lot to me. (And I'm general more interested in recent history than ancient.) I've found that women who are self-centered and selfish tend to sleep around a lot, and that women who have issues about their self-worth, also tend to feel that sex is the one thing they have to make people like them. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:22:25 AM |
Since when does having multiple sex partners equal low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem is often hand in hand with multiple sex partners.... do a google search...
Low self-esteem means :
1...They are more likely to give in to pressure to have sex... A person who is confident has no problem saying "No"...
2... They are more likely to have sex just to be 'liked'
3... They are more likely to have unsafe sex. Partner pressure to not use a condom etc...
4... They are more likely to not enjoy sex... even in a good relationship later on in life...
5... They are more likely to have sex thinking it equals love...
6... They are more likely to be 'needy' and desperate for affection... and will offer sex in exchange....
7... They are more likely to have sex for the wrong reasons...
8... They are more likely to have sex because they feel they hve no self-worth so what does it matter...
9... They are more likely to use sex as a tool to get or keep a relationship....
10. They are more likely to end up pregnant at an early age...
11. They are more likely to put up with physical, sexual or psychological abuse...
12. They are more likely to suffer from alcohol or drug abuse and sex while under the influence...
Self-esteem issues may not be the reason for a lot of partners, but it can just as easily be... it's important to know the difference... otherwise your new partner may be a lot more trouble than they're worth.... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:52:42 AM | | It never fails to amaze me how some people will resort to name calling just because they don’t agree with someone else’s opinion. I thought we were all adults here? To answer the question; at 18/19 I was on zero. It’s a very personal thing and one person’s ‘too many’ won’t be an issue for a different person. I think safe sex should be more of an issue than actual numbers… | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 11:55:58 AM | ... Increased partners is not a linear expansion in risk, it is an exponential increase...ie if you double the risk with each partner how long before the risk becomes too great...?
Since probabilities have values between 0 and 1, what you just said means that if you have two exposures, each with a 50-50 chance of infecting you, you will have a total probability of 1 - (1/2)^2 = 0.75 of being infected (the correct number) instead of (1/2) + (1/2) = 1.0. So, a linear increase would put your odds at 100% and with 3 exposures, your odds would 150%, which doesn't even make sense. The words you use as scare tactics actually imply the opposite of what you intend. (Do you know what linear and exponential mean?)
Low self-esteem is often hand in hand with multiple sex partners.... do a google search..
Correlation does not imply causation. Look in any statistics book. What does cause low self-esteem is treating people as if they were incapable of making a decision for themselves. You seem to think women are incapable of making such decisions on their own free will unless they are emotionally damaged. Your speculative, hollow disclaimer at the end doesn't negate your intent. sheeesh... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:01:55 PM | I stand by first comment.....
if you are worried about the number......you are insecure about something!
I'm 46 yrs old.....and my sexual past.......is mine. Whether I've had 4 partners or 40 partners, the only thing that is of your concern is if I'm a disease free.
this discussion isn't about being honest when asked "how many".......it is about someone caring how many that number is.
Especially when there is no "right" answer.
If someone replied they've only had 2 sexual partners........then it would be "assumed" they have issues with sex.
If someone replied they've had 20 partners......then would be considered promiscuous whores.
At my age........and for the number of years I have been single.......I could have only had 1 sex partner per year........and easily have a very high number.
How is that relevant to what is happening with a new man/woman in someone's life?
How does that help a man/woman interpret what type of person we are now?
What if someone had a bad year after a divorce.....and racked up a dozen partners......but only had sex twice in the 15 years after that?
There are way too many "life" variables to "judge" someone by a number.
As someone else stated.......as long as the number of partners they have while having sex with me is "1"......that's all I need to know.
And any man that is fixated on how many partners I've had......is not the type of man I can see myself staying with. In my experience, anyone that ask this type of question.....is going to be asking all kinds of other silly questions I don't care to deal with! | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:26:07 PM | | Men and women should never ask that question. It is personal, and none of your business. Plus, it is not relevant to the relationship. A person could of had 20 or more great monogamous relationships, and that would haveno bearing on them as a person. Just meant that the person may of had 20 relationships that did not go well. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:33:10 PM | As soon as you start counting your sexual partners, you are turning it into a game and sharing intimacy has lost it's significance.
Really... does it matter how many sexual partners you've had as long as you are disease free and able to respect the act of making love?
I think not... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:03:33 PM | | The overall number is irrelevant. We all search our way through life until we find the one to connect to. They found you the same way. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:05:43 PM |
I stand by first comment.....
if you are worried about the number......you are insecure about something!
Amen to that!
I never ask that question... the only question I care about is have you been tested and were the results A-OK. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:09:47 PM |
As soon as you start counting your sexual partners, you are turning it into a game and sharing intimacy has lost it's significance.
As soon as you cannot count your sexual partners, you have taken away their significance.... amd the intimacy you shared has lost it's value... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/8/2009 1:43:21 AM | Having too many partners could indicate that the person just can't be alone or that they may have sexual ADD and have to keep switching to the next shiny object that catches their eye.
I would be more concerned about the motivation and what that says about their sexual style. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/8/2009 2:07:41 AM | Alot of mixed veiws then. It seems that the thread has been split into 2.
"your number of previous partners is your own and nothing to be ashamed of"
and
"If the number is very excessive then there is most likely and underlying cause that has provoked this behaviour."
In my opinion both are very valid answers and have their merit. If my parter had been with a great many other people (not nessisarily more than me, cos i've not had that many partners) i do think it would bother me, but not to the point of ending the relationship over.
One very valid point i saw though was from M Church:
Actually the logic is not flawed... for a couple of reasons...
1... There is a reason they put 1 bullet in a gun to play Russian Roulette, and not 5 bullets... it's called "odds"... sure the one bullet CAN be under the hammer, but the odds are that it won't be... put 5 bullets in and you're pretty much certain to get it... the same thing applies to STD's... increased partners equals increased risk...
2... The same thing applies in long term partnerships. Sure the partner could cheat over that 20 year time frame, but the odds are still not as great as a partner who has been fcuking lots of different people regularly over a 20 year period...
3... Increased partners is not a linear expansion in risk, it is an exponential increase...ie if you double the risk with each partner how long before the risk becomes too great...?
I do think that this is very true and should be considered in this issue, is it enough to just say "i've never had an STD and i get check-ups every now and then" why risk it? It's not exactly a small deal is it? Everyone should be concious of their health and isn't the best way to just sleep with people you REALLY care about. Maybe have a 'only for those i love' rule?
 M-Bomb | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:49:33 AM | Sorry, I'm "old school" good girls don't sleep around. Nowadays, women sleep around as much as men. I'm okay with that if your DONE with having childre(if your a female). However, if you are younger and plan on having children some day...NO I would not want my partner to have been on the receiving end of multiple partners.
so tell me what is the difference between a woman having multiple sex partners before or after her child bearing years. also at your age should you really be thinking about having children?
as for men spreading the word.....i would hope by the time they reach sexual maturity they would also reach intellectual maturity ....... 
bytheway..... thanks for painting us all the same | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:56:01 AM | Low self-esteem is often hand in hand with multiple sex partners.... do a google search...
Low self-esteem means :
1...They are more likely to give in to pressure to have sex... A person who is confident has no problem saying "No"...
2... They are more likely to have sex just to be 'liked'
3... They are more likely to have unsafe sex. Partner pressure to not use a condom etc...
4... They are more likely to not enjoy sex... even in a good relationship later on in life...
5... They are more likely to have sex thinking it equals love...
6... They are more likely to be 'needy' and desperate for affection... and will offer sex in exchange....
7... They are more likely to have sex for the wrong reasons...
8... They are more likely to have sex because they feel they hve no self-worth so what does it matter...
9... They are more likely to use sex as a tool to get or keep a relationship....
10. They are more likely to end up pregnant at an early age...
11. They are more likely to put up with physical, sexual or psychological abuse...
12. They are more likely to suffer from alcohol or drug abuse and sex while under the influence...
============================================================
this is so general that the only weight it would hold in a debate would be to fill time. it would also be an indication that the speaker is lacking in objective direction, and is grasping to prove their point! | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:09:35 AM | It never fails to amaze me how some people will resort to name calling just because they don’t agree with someone else’s opinion. I thought we were all adults here? To answer the question; at 18/19 I was on zero. It’s a very personal thing and one person’s ‘too many’ won’t be an issue for a different person. I think safe sex should be more of an issue than actual numbers…
i am not sure who you are defending... but hell i'll chime in also
when i was i virgin.....i also did not have any sexual partners...nor was i sexually involved with anyone other than myself....  | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:56:44 AM | Now ,this is hyerpatheical, if the said person ;had bouts of skitzopfernia can or should those alleged sexual liasons(self inflicted or administered) be counted in the tally or ommited.cant spell for sh^t ,mabey tommorow?  | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:25:11 AM | | Depends on what your looking for. If you are in a point in your life where you are looking for just fun, go for it. However if your looking for someone special i would put the brakes on it. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 3:59:37 AM | | 5-10 partners before they find 'the one"?!?!? There is no 'the one', only 'the one you put up with'... I don't know how many people I've slept with, I really don't care. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:57:22 AM | | Why is this even an issue? Some go with only one and some hundreds. It's not for others to judge you, just yourself. If you are comfortable with the amount of partners you have had, then so be it. If you are not comfortable, then do something to change the future means that may come along. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:07:33 AM | "Hey! If it werent for all my experiences, you wouldnt have that shit-eating grin on your face right now!"
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:23:48 AM |
... I don't know how many people I've slept with, I really don't care.
this is excellent information for a potential partner to have before becoming a partner
People who do care - line up to the right, people who don't - line up to the left. To avoid hurt feelings, stay in your groups. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:59:27 AM |
I don't know how many people I've slept with, I really don't care
I think that attitude would bother me more than the number... if the people you're having sex with aren't important enough to remember then how is anybody going to ever consider sex with you as important or intimate? | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:40:58 AM | I think that attitude would bother me more than the number... if the people you're having sex with aren't important enough to remember then how is anybody going to ever consider sex with you as important or intimate? One again you've hit it right on the money m church.  If that is truly someones opinion then they really have no respect for themselves or for their 'partners'. How can you not care about every single person you've slept with, i just don't understand that at all. They should all be special and all mean something to you even if it's not for a very long time. M-Bomb | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:57:58 PM | The only number that should matter is how many people there sleeping with right NOW, in which case anymore then 1 is unacceptable :p
Your "sexual number" is a very poor way to gauge experience anyway.. the person who sleeps with 1 person 100s of times still has more experience then the person who sleeps with 50 1 time | |
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