| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 1:43:43 PM |
Sorry, I'm "old school" good girls don't sleep around. Nowadays, women sleep around as much as men. I'm okay with that if your DONE with having childre(if your a female). However, if you are younger and plan on having children some day...NO I would not want my partner to have been on the receiving end of multiple partners.
Why? What could happen? Let's say the woman had no std's. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 1:54:45 PM | | More than 1 for every 5 years! Call me insecure or whatever, but I don't want to date a woman who been around the block too many times! I should have married the virgin when I had the chance! | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:21:37 PM | I would like some feed back from the men. This my situation..I ran around alot when I was younger(teenager to early adult), but as an adult have had a very limited amount of sexual partners and have even been celibate a couple of years at a time. I am currently saving myself for a long term relationship before I sleep with someone again. Does my promiscuous past matter? Does it count that now I am saving myself for someone who is worth the wait?
This is the classic switch flipping that many women do. Although it is admirable that you do want to save yourself for a relationship now. I would place greater value on a woman that didn't go through the sl*t phase and then changed her attitude. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:26:05 PM |
This is the classic switch flipping that many women do. Although it is admirable that you do want to save yourself for a relationship now. I would place greater value on a woman that didn't go through the sl*t phase and then changed her attitude.
I agree that the slutting it up while younger counts just as much as any sex you had since you matured. You can never remove the taint. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:28:59 PM | | Well I'm a 19 year old and I have to say...anything in the two digit range is on the border of grossing me out... three digit range and I just might stay 5 feet away from you at all times. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 4:25:09 PM |
Well, I know the difference between making love and fvcking. I am not fvcking my boyfriend. Never have, and never will, for fvcking to me is a mindset. My current relationship knows the difference between making love and fvcking. Everyone knows the difference between making love with someone while you are involved in a relationship and casual sex.
Whether you fvcked them or made love to them you still had sex with them. It's no different. You still slapped naughty bits together and one or both of you had orgasms and exchanged fluids. Calling it what you will doesn't change what it was. You do exactly the same things with the people you fvcked that you do with the people you make love to.
You cannot wipe the experience from your mind and pretend it didnt happen when you meet the next person or the person you fall in love with. It will always be a part of you. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:16:42 PM |
You cannot wipe the experience from your mind and pretend it didnt happen when you meet the next person or the person you fall in love with. It will always be a part of you.
I never said I wipe the experience from my mind. I said, if it is one part of my life if I could undo, I would. As a more mature adult I wish I had made more discrimination while I was young.
There is something to be said, though, for learning and changing behavior.
By the same token, I don't think men and women should be held to different standards. If multiple casual partners while young is wrong for women, it is likewise wrong for men. Period. End of discussion.
I would hazard to say that many of the women on POF 25 and younger, who became sexually active in their teens have had more lifetime partners than I have at the age of 54. I didn't acknowledge dozens of casual partners, I admitted to a period of time where I engaged in casual sex.
Now, unless you have never had sex outside of a long term committed relationship, keep your judgement to yourself. And before you go judging , think about what Jesus said "He who is without sin cast the first stone."
I admitted the attitude I had was a mistake. I changed my ways. I am not proud of the choices I made, I make no excuses other than I got caught up in what a majority of my generation was doing at the time. I am not proud, but I am likewise not ashamed. I would never judge another for the choices they make, or made in the past. We each have to do what is best for us.
For those who think they are better than others for their sexual choices, here is another scripture for you, "Judge not lest ye be judged." | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:49:54 PM | | Well Im glad I won't be a virgin on my wedding night. I want that to be special and not hurt and make me bleed. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:23:51 PM |
What is important to me is that they have that out of their system, and they are interested in a romantic exclusive, monogamous realtionship with commitment and long range thinking.
This too is a big issue... for a lot of people, they don't get it out of their system... unless they have a real and compelling reason to do so... many people do not grow out of their past, or they slip back into old habits easily... look at the standard statement, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" I know a few women who were the proverbial town bike when they were teenagers... and over the years, they've gone through several marriages, multiple relationships, affairs, cheated... For some sadly, it's like an addiction or maybe just a manifestation of some self-destructive nature...
Others, they start to look for different things in life... they see that what may have been a good idea at one age may not be such a smart thing at an older wiser age... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:05:37 PM |
Others, they start to look for different things in life... they see that what may have been a good idea at one age may not be such a smart thing at an older wiser age...
Well that is my story. After some acting out in my early twenties, I became celibate for almost then years. Education became the focus, and realized, "if it feels good do it" was not my mantra anymore.
I met my husband after finishing my residency. Fell in love and was engaged in six weeks. First time we were intimate the light bulb went off and I knew what it was to make love with someone. It was the same "motions" as the casual sex, but with the love, it made all the difference in the world. I was faithful to him from the day we met until the day he died.
After making love to a man I loved, for 18 years, when I started dating again, I was not willing to go "backwards" to a time of casual sex. I waited til I met a man that I cared for, who had tender feelings for me too. We are friends and lovers and agree that for us making love beats casual sex hands down.
It has been over 25 years since my days of "casual sex". I won't go back. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:08:59 PM |
This is the classic switch flipping that many women do. Although it is admirable that you do want to save yourself for a relationship now. I would place greater value on a woman that didn't go through the sl*t phase and then changed her attitude.
Ok, well I got what I asked for and thank you for being honest. However, I am not ashamed of my past, it's just at this point it seems like alot of men are only looking for sex with no strings attached. I need some type of commitment because with sex I become emotionally attached to that person. So why give it up and then get hurt? To me, a slut is someone that can sleep around alot for their own personal satisfaction and have no emotional ties to those people, that has never been my case. I figure that if they are willing to wait, then they will become emotionally involved, then they are less likely to leave when I unleash my inner nymph.. I am looking for a boyfriend, not a one night stand. | |
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| Maybe a more important question would be...........
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:50:35 PM |
To me, a slut is someone that can sleep around alot for their own personal satisfaction and have no emotional ties to those people, that has never been my case.
You have just described every woman in a casual sex FB or FWB relationship as a slut. Im surprised no one has noticed. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:16:40 AM | OP, what's with the "keeping up with the jone's" thread.
such information should always remain a secret. if you disclose such information, then you're doing it for egotistical reasons...
i didn't look at your profile, but i'm now assuming your 18-19. with that information, because you're insecure, you're going to RAT to your friends and say, "hey bro, i have more then you so that makes me a man... ha ha ha".
to that, i will say, "i remember when i had my first beer. ha ha ha".
why don't you go enlist in the U.S. Marines or try to get into the Air Force Academy and see what life is really about before continuing your "i got laid more then you..." or "i drank more beers more then you.." games.
PUH-LEEEZE! | |
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laud64
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Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 91 | |
| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 3:14:31 AM | | I find it really bizarre that in 2009 we are still calling people slags, sluts, whores (traditionally derogatory terms for females) if they have x amount of sexual partners. What someone has done before me is quite honestly none of my flaming business. It is not a question I would ever ask of someone and I would seriously have to consider my future with them if they ever asked me. As long as I am clean and healthy then I don't see that they need to know anything more. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:18:31 AM | | If I told you how many women I've been with...........what are you gonna do with this information?? Is it gonna do you any good?? | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:10:09 AM |
why don't you go enlist in the U.S. Marines or try to get into the Air Force Academy and see what life is really about before continuing your "i got laid more then you..." or "i drank more beers more then you.." games.
i didn't look at your profile, but i'm now assuming your 18-19. with that information, because you're insecure,
Ummm there is more to life than the military... also the OP is in England... might be difficult to walk to a recruiting station for the US Marines... I believe he's also 21.... Oh well....
Ok... now just because someone doesn't want to be with someone who has had a lot of sex partners, how does that make him or her insecure? How do you know it's not a preference? I personally, don't like blondes... does that make me insecure? And even so, as one other person posted... so what's wrong with being insecure anyway...? If you cannot compete at the same level as someone else... does that make you insecure if you don't want to be bothered trying....? | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:04:54 AM | Interesting question. I've been a stage musician since age 17 I suppose some 30+ years. But I tend to go with military adage of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' But for the young lady who worried about knowing her lover had been with many partners and might not measure up, I understand your point, but just for myself, I'm in the moment and am not grading anyone. It's like the old interview George Burns did with Playboy: He was asked about sex and what was the worst sex he had ever had. He went on to describe it in some detail. The interviewer asked him how it was, and George answered 'Great!' It's all relative.  | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:42:31 PM | | Depends on your background, if you're a devout Christian many would probably be at zero at that time, but since most do fall into the pressure to do it, maybe like 0-3 by that age range, and from what I've heard from friends, that's kind of generous. But I'd like to think people do have some self control. Personally I'm 19 almost 20 and have been with one girl so yeah, people do have sex at that age, but there's no magic number, I'm sure you would get a range of 0-20 if you polled all people that age. It's really hard to tell. It used to bother me my girl was with another guy before me but due to a couple circumstances it doesn't really anymore...I don't like it but I've learned to accept it for many reasons. If you're looking to find out how many is an average to compare to someone, then stop....if it matters to you I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. One quote that really hit home for me too was "don't care that you wern't his/her first, just care you're their last!" If there is a problem, I wish you luck, if there's not, well then you got my 2 cents plus another dollar of advice. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:01:46 PM | I don't know that I really care about the number. I do think the reactions people have to their own concepts of acceptable and unacceptable sexuality are very interesting.
I remember a girl I went to college with crying one day because she had slept with 7 guys in her life, and in her own mind, she had just officially become a slut. I was a virgin until I was 19 and felt as if I were wearing a Scarlett V. I wanted to be rid of the label and felt that being a Virgin was a sign of being Unattractive and Unacceptable as opposed to being Pure.
I was faithful in an 11 year marriage and celibate for 3 years following. Not exactly the behavior of an out of control person. I liked sex when I was married. It was difficult not having "approved" sexual outlets when I was single. (Say what you want about electrical devices, they don't hold you when you sleep.)
It can be difficult to find a happy middle ground between celibate and slutty. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:02:32 PM | | well... the way I see it is. depending on age... over 10 is too much. I mean I lost my virginity at the age of 20. and I have only been with 6 people. but do you really want to be with someone who is about the same age as you and has slept with 30+ people. thats just disgusting. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:40:44 PM | | Over 10 is disgusting? Since it's all relative anyway, everyone is entitled to their opinion. But then I never did put much into the archaic Judeo-Christian regulations that try to govern whether I use my body as a carnival ride or not. Numbers are just numbers - nothing more, nothing less, and they don't carry a moral judgment with them. | |
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