| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/6/2005 9:06:45 PM | If I may insert a woman's viewpoint, both t d & h and sum1 have presented two different scenarios. For me, both acceptable, both that I could see myself in. We're talking sex, here, with adults well over the age of consent. I have found myself in many different sexual situations, for lack of a better term. I have been involved in one night stands or as t d & h says, can't pull up the post so if I misquote, understand but first night stands. If you have an attraction an interest beyond meeting at the American Legion for Bingo Night, chemistry, whatever, there is one one way to tell if you're sexually compatible with someone and as a WOMAN woohoo, that's just to do it. Questions answered then and there and as a Minister's daugther, well I won't go into the psychological ramifications of that, only because they're not relevant. I almost don't want to say this but...ugh, you're both right. The sexual tension of being "alone" and sexually frustrated, well begs an outlet, the batteries I buy are for the portable phone, all the remotes, you get the drift. When I was 19 and reading can't remember the name of the book but it was written by a former "hooker" but it was to get woman in touch with their sexual side of their being and to celebrate it and not be ashamed. Yes I had a battery operated buddy then. Once I experienced sex with a warm, naked hungry man beast, I threw it out. There is NO subsitute for the feel of a man's naked body, none.
Whew...sorry hard to stay on topic.....oh yes. Sex is a gift, religious or not I say God given, whatever or however you explain it, it has GOT to be one of the greatest things that we can ever experience. So, if you have two adults consenting to indulge in this most intimate and satisfying of earthly pleasures...well hey...got for it. I've been there myself and with not expectations with nothing other than freeing myself from societal norms, my strict religious upbringing, having a totally mutual sexual indulgence.
That said, deep breath..whew...memories, sorry, did that fulfill me, well yes and no. I'm seeing this is getting long...but I would prefer to have all the uninhibited and unleashed sexual pleasure with the idea that it WAS NOT a one night stand, but it's not always tha t way. Not planned not intended, but I have to confess, once or twice..yeah. I'd like to have the emotional involvement and feelings, that is by FAR my preference. And even if you do have an understanding that this is just sex FOR sex and to relieve a mutual extreme frustration, I'm not let down or disappointed if the emotional attachment isn't there. I may not have proven my point at all, but DAMN I relived some great memories, I did try to, maybe I just need to call it a night and go to bed.
But I understand and relate to both of you.
EDIT: Ekkkkk...wow long post, its' late...what can I say?
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/6/2005 9:26:54 PM | sick of 1 night stands... I even turned a girl down last week.
they,ve lost the fun and feeling of victory afterwards.
just sorta concentrating on right now | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/6/2005 9:30:02 PM | Bucsgirl, have you ever thought about being a writer? You do have the gift. Anyway if you ever write a book let me know so I can pick up a copy.
Bassplaayr | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/6/2005 9:38:14 PM | I think most guys that are afraid of commitment would definitely jump in bed rather than wait for the great relationship. Me personally, I am not a one night stand kind of guy, I would rather wait and let a relationship grow before I even talk about sex. I would not feel right just hopping into bed with someone for one night. I guess that was the way I was raised.  | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/6/2005 9:39:02 PM | Hey there Bucs, I am humbled by your skills in diplomacy 
The book you were referring to wasn't "Lady love your c u n t" was it? This is a book by a former porn star whose name I have forg.....Sparkle....Suzy Sparkes...Sprinkles... or something like that? Anyways, I don't really have much of an opinion about people who choose absitnence, I do have a serious problem with people who consider themselves to have the right to decide who is moral and who has values and then judge others who disagree....especially when they proudly declare that it is against their own religious teachings to judge another man since only God has that right?
I started out trying to be nice and I'm just stirring the damn pot again. Ooops.I'm a bit tired myself right now.
@skw...man! that's exactly the kind of crap I'm talking about! "I guess that's just the way I was raised"? WTF is that supposed to mean? That kind of underhanded insult and judgement really gets my goat! So you were raised by Ward and June Cleaver and the rest of us who have a different opinion were raised in trailer parks and taught to f u c k strangers?
"I guess that's just the way I was raised"! I take it you don't have many siblings then skw because two of mine were never very sociable or outgoing and were always the long-term committment type of people, both of them are married with children and very happy. One brother was a rotten SOB in his youth but joined the military, got his life in order and has been happily married now for nearly twenty years. I'm the baby and a black sheep, I'm single and I date casually. All four of us were raised in the same house by the same woman....so much for your theory.
It's about personal choices, you aren't any better than anyone else because you choose to wait and not have sex until you have built up some sort of connection with your partner first.
Some people believe that sex is a part of the process of building a loving relationship.
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/6/2005 10:43:05 PM | And here I was thinking you were married?
Does it really have to be an either/or situation? Do you believe that having sex too soon automatically means there is no hope for something long-lasting and loving developing? | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:19:37 AM | t d & h Can't remember the name of the book that's not it. It was written by a famous former hooker, I believe. It would have been on the best seller list, mid 70's. Anyway, it was a very sexually liberating book, you can't imagine, speaking of "way I was raised" by a conservative minister. I adored my parents, they were great people, but apparently afraid to sexually educate their kids, well I didn't pass THAT family heritage along. I've talked to all my (now grown) children openly about sex.
I don't know if that late night rambling post above as clear or not, but I meant that the one night stands I have been involved in were what you called first night stands. There WAS some emotional connection, at least I thought there was, and it was not my intention not to see the person again. Apparently I was either just used for sex or something happened, God only knows!! I'm sure I'm not the first woman this has happened to and won't be the last. Of course, age may have had something to do with it, as this was years ago. Not that it couldn't happen to me ever again, but hopefully I've learned a bit. | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:39:45 AM | To me, having one night stand and then trying to turn it into a relationship is a load of crap...it's based on sex and that isn't anything real or lasting.
To a man I liken it to the equivalent of (upon first meeting) grabbing the guy's pants by the waist and taking a quick peek , looking up at him and saying, "meh, I guess you'll do" for now. Test driving someone for sex to see if you want a relationship with them is pretty pathetic in my opinion. | |
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7times
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 60 | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:59:39 AM | "t d & h Can't remember the name of the book that's not it. It was written by a famous former hooker, I believe. It would have been on the best seller list, mid 70's."
I think that book was " The Happy Hooker" wasn't it ?
( I read it too, way back then....) | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 7:04:01 AM | i have done the one night stand thing a couple of times, recently, and it pretty much confirmed what i always thought of it.......shallow and superficial.
i much prefer to get to know a girl before sleeping with her, cos its the mental attraction and stimulation that is as much of a turn on as the physical side of things. relationships are much more gratifying on all levels. | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 7:16:25 AM | | montreal I'm pretty darned sure that was it!! Thanks! Xavier Hollander.... really interesting from what I can remember of it. Maybe I'll see if I can get my hands on a copy, of course then I'd have to get my hands on something else...hahaha..warm and breathing definitely NOT battery operated! Montreal, you're the greatest! Smooch! | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:50:33 AM | I don't understand why men (o.k. NOT ALL MEN) say that they want relationships, when you talk to them on the phone and in emails, they seem to be genuine and then when you go out with them, they are all over you. When you tell them no sex, they dont call you back.
So do you mean that you only want a relationship with a woman that will **** your brains out on the first date? If so, how good do you really think the relationship will be? | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:15:15 PM | I'm afraid I really don't get it. The way some people make it sound, sex is only for using and abusing someone while abstinence is the only path to true love? How wrong you are.
I appreciate that people have the right to make their own choices but suggesting others are pathetic for disagreeing isn't right.
I believe that sex is just another method of interacting and learning about a woman. Through sex we share intimacies and something more special and magical than the frantic benefits of sexual frustration. Perhaps some people believe that a lover is some sort of one-use disposable commodity but I don't see it that way. Whether you have sex earlier or later should have no bearing upon how you grow and develop as a loving couple...in fact, if anything sex will add to that. I completely disagree with the suggestion that having sex demeans the value of the other person such that they are only good for that first and only night of passion. Such ideas reveal more about the people who say them then they do about me or the women I've known.
I'm very sorry that you have been lied to and used and discarded the next day like a piece of garbage but that isn't how the whole world chooses to live their lives. As I see it, the benefits of a relationship that does not involve sex early on are completely available and attainable to a couple that has chosen to engage in sex. There is no reason whatsover that two people who have sex cannot talk, share secrets, engage in non-sexual activities, reveal their hopes and dreams to one another....some of you make it seem that once you've had sex all these loving aspects of a relationship are suddenly impossible?
Why is that? | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:36:20 PM | No thanks to either. I have too much respect for myself to jump in and out of bed with random partners. And I think relationships are evil ties that keep people from reaching their true potential in life.
So you are practicing celibacy?I used to practice celibacy until I got so good at it I didn't need to practice anymore. | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:42:33 PM | | I think the men and women who have "one nite stands" realize their desperation. I'm guilty, and I think the ladies I did it with were in a similar boat. Since they we didn't have any other love interests, this was a mindless substitute. Beggars cant be choosers. | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:45:06 PM | | Sex for the first time even if it's the 100th date is ok but it's the sex that comes in time between two caring people who take the time to learn what their partners likes and dislikes are that becomes great! When you truly feel for someone and do whatever is humanly possible to make the moment special or just mind blowing, you will never get that with a one night stand!! | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 2:13:30 PM | | it all has to do with EXPECTATIONS.........if both DO NOT lay down and agree on the groundrules for ANY MEETING/RELATIONSHIP and it goes all wrong, then " you get what you pay for"...........If you dont know what you're doing and something goes wrong, you only have yourself to blame........DO NOT ASSUME this person you're meeting/ chatting with/ e-mailing knows every nuance, little detail about who and what you are. TAKE OFF THOSE ROSE COLORED GLASSES. | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 2:41:06 PM | td & h DOn't know if I can answer that but I'll take a stab anyway. First off consider the topic one night stand OR relationship. It's kind of forcing you to choose one or the other. A lof of people are saying that of the two they PREFER a relationship and consider a one night stand either immoral or just a waste of time, whatever. It's really not an easy question to answer as it's ignoring everything in between. Which I think is what you're talking about. I don't think anyone is intentionally judging you for your preference, they're just stating what theirs is, but if that's how you feel, that's how you feel. Having sex earlier or later shouldn't destroy the chance for it to develop, but it does for some for whatever reason. Upbringing, religious teachings, background, experiences, any of that could factor in. If you're taught that sex is dirty or wrong or only for marriage or not taught anything about sex at all, you still have to make up your own mind about how you're gonna live your own life and how you will handle your sexual side of you. For me, having sex too early in the relationship gets me involved with someone that I may not have wanted to become that involved with, as I will only have sex with one person at a time. Again, that's just my choice. There are those who do use sex as a lure for whatever reason and then discard the person once they get what they're after. Obviously, unacceptable behavior, but it happens. I do solidly agree with you that sexual intimacy is another aspect of discovery about a person, and a way of interacting and sharing something with them. That does not exclude other aspects of getting to know them, once you have sex with someone that doesn't mean that when you're together all you do is screw each other's brains out every second. Sorry couldn't think of a more delicate way to say that. That sex is a prerequisite that leads to a relationship I don't think is always valid either. Sometimes you're just not sexually compatible, so you may not desire to continue a romantic relationship with that person. Doesn't mean you don't want to ever see or talk to them again but the relationship dynamics can be altered by sexual intimacy. Personally I cannot divorce my emotions from a sexual experience, and I don't ever care to. To me it's unnatural, but that doesn't mean that every sexual experience will lead to a long term relationship either. Having sex with someone is bound to change your feelings for them and how that works into everything else is not something set in stone. I think sometimes we just overthink it or overanalyze to the point of interferring with just enjoying the person we're with, enjoying sexual intimacy if we're having it and just letting things either develop or not develop. We want to know the future, we want to plan, and sometimes sure we want to have some control. But the human mind, heart and yes sexual being are something to be treasured and appreciated, not to be lead around or owned.
Whew...I gotta stop answering your questions!!! You make me think too much and my little beaner may get worn out! hahahaha | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 3:17:36 PM | | dominica i would definitely prefer a relationship that ended up with having great sex. it's a lot better in the bedroom with someone you truly love. another good way of expressing your love for your partner. | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 3:26:45 PM | I would like to date for awhile first, become friends during the dating process......then down the road maybe have a few good movies...dinner......a long drive...a long walk.....then see what happens after that.  | |
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| One Night stands or a relationship?
Posted: 7/7/2005 4:12:03 PM | i would love a relationship cause its more meaningful...one nite stands are just sex lust and then a go home kind of thing..i wasnt happy doing that...so its relationship for me... .... | |
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