| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:17:10 AM | | You're hanging on because nothing better than this guy showed up. There's slim pickins out there! So you rationalize to yourself, well he's better than nothing and you let him take advantage of you. You need to really think if he really is better than nothing. Do you really need the roller-coaster ride with this guy? Do you really like yourself while you're letting him make a fool out of you? Follow your gut instinct. That will be the right answer. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:26:53 AM | Why do you think that it is SO important to get to know the person FIRST.
Guys are quite easy read...when he meets you, listen carefully what he says.if everything seems to turn into sex as he speaks-you are there for his bootycall .
Sometimes we women are too desperate to fall in love and we refuse to listen and really take the guy what he is worth.You know what-the guys are well aware of this!
they can pretty much tell if a girl is desperate.sorry | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:47:05 AM | SELF ESTEEM ISSUES.
This is why. You don't think you can do better/deserve better/want to invest the time to find better.
Sex NEVER works as a lure to get/keep men. It should augment a relationship not be the sole reason for one. Hoping a guy will feel something or grow his feelings because you spread your legs is the wrong approach and never works. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:30:12 AM | | Women and men both do this. I believe the lesson to be learned here is to learn how to release attachment. People are too attached to things cars,cloths,and people. People are not possessions until this is fully learned you will keep doing stuff like this. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:51:30 AM | Akimbo!!! I am shocked! Where did that peace-lovin' hippie go? 
NMBS no more bullShIt
I like that one!
Of course we love sex! I prefer to wallow in it within a loving relationship...
The conumdrum is...How does one get the whole deal?
Most of us women love sex and some think that their lust for the man will lead to a relationship if they show him how much he makes their knees go to jello. I mean, isn't that everyman's fantasy is to have a woman lust after them?
No??? Yes??? .....
Then what is the answer to the big question? What makes one man stay and work at establishing a relationship after sex and other men drift off and become "unavailable".
I am lucky, I have one that wants very much to stay. I don't what I did that is much different than what other women do. I didn't have sex with him right away because I wanted to see if he was right for me....even though the mutual desire was there.
That took 3 months. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:58:49 AM | I think some people are more comfortable in a detached relationship -- one-sided, long distance, extra-marital, etc -- because they really don't want to be IN a relationship. This is a happy medium for them to get what they want without giving what they are unable.
No one does what they don't want to do. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:09:54 AM |
So, knowing all this, why do I still hold on? Why am I not just telling him not to contact me anymore? Why do I keeping hoping that he will see how lucky he would be to have me, knowing that if he hasn't seen it already, he's not going to?
Because like you I can't get him out of my head. It's been going for 2 yrs. Still working on the past tense part. I've stopped initiating contact and turned down last couple requests to meet. I can't play the game on his terms anymore. Which leads me to always wonder how guys can do it for that length of time with one person and not get any kind of attachment. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:10:05 AM |
Why do we hang on to someone that we know in our heart really doesn't want us? You know the guy. The one who only contacts you once in awhile. The one who talks about the girl that he really fell for, but then dumped him for someone else. The one that you are just pretty darn sure is only out for a booty call, even though he says he's looking for more.
Oh, he might be looking for more, but just not with you. If he was, you would hear from him nearly every day. YOU would be the girl that he is falling hard for, and any other girl before you would just be a distant memory. He would take you out to dinner or a movie, not just invite you over to his place. He wouldn't give you an excuse about being busy, as the reason for not getting in touch with you, because if he really wanted to be with you, he would make the time.
So, knowing all this, why do I still hold on? Why am I not just telling him not to contact me anymore? Why do I keeping hoping that he will see how lucky he would be to have me, knowing that if he hasn't seen it already, he's not going to?
Why am I being so damn weak?
You're really not going to like the answer.
It's because most women have an idea that by doing this to a man (not calling, holding out on meeting and sex, etc.) will engender respect from him. So when the tables are turned, she increases her respect for him.
I told you that you wouldn't like it. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:33:23 AM | Honestly, we can all sit here and commiserate over the lousy jerks we pick and then don't want to give up, probably because we empower them with our need and beliefes that we can make them change and want us - wrong.
Deep down only you can trully answer this - you have to figure out what it is in life that you want for yourself. If this daily ritual you seem to find yourself in makes you happy then go for it. But, you appear to be horribly unhappy and disappointed with the expectations you set for him and for yourself.
You are not happy, honey. He is not making you happy, bottom line. Move on and let the experience show you what it is you don't want in you life and in a man. Half the battle is won cuz you can see that he is definitely not the one and that gives you a checklist to checkoff the rest of the creeps out there that are just like him. I assure you the cons of this relationship will outweigh the pros. You deserve better, not just from a man but from yourself! Go for it girl and be the one to dump him!!! | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:40:20 AM | Bottom line, people can't stand to be alone. If you're ok with being single you won't fear it - therefore you won't hold on to anyone you're having less fun with than being alone.
If you enjoy hanging out with yourself, you'll be a lot pickier about who gets to join you... | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:46:30 AM | | Picky is good. We shouldn't settle for just anyone!!! As for being alone - in reality we can be very alone and lonely if we find ourselves in a relationship that is onesided. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:04:42 AM | Im speaking for myself, im not one of those women that do this, if the man does not want me, I move on, yes it is hard but it's tragic being with one that does not want you; that is like blocking out the one you truly deserve and is right for you. No not me.  | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:39:48 AM | Akimbo!!! I am shocked! Where did that peace-lovin' hippie go?
NMBS no more bullShIt
I like that one!
The conumdrum is...How does one get the whole deal?
Most of us women love sex and some think that their lust for the man will lead to a relationship if they show him how much he makes their knees go to jello. I mean, isn't that everyman's fantasy is to have a woman lust after them?
No??? Yes??? .....
I'm still here...I wasn't aware I'm a peace lovin' Hippie...hahaha
but, what did I say that didn't make sense? Don't be shocked Daisy....I'm not trying to be 'not nice'...rather just say what comes to mind...it's not like I didn't think it out for a minit or two..sheeeeesh.
It is NOT everymans fantasy to have a woman lust after them. NO No No. Sometimes I use hyperbole to illustrate that kind of stuff. Women dangle the sex carrot thing, and think that some guys can't see how they confuse that with love and intimacy, that's all. Hell , I hold out longer than any woman I know lately....I swear. Does that make me a wimp? I don't know, just askin'? People want too much from ya too soon, that's my story, and I'm gonna have to stick with it for now because....well, it's my story..and, it's historically proven by now.
The ones that are vacant and unsure or unavailable, uncommunicative after sex....are just walled up and damaged, stone hearts and vague ideas of many things, not just Love and relationship.....Men and women Both.
Or, (some men) they are just in it for the sex release....but you women know that. C;mon.
I really think this thread got off track...and it's a no brainer to see how....the OP kept popping back in talkin' 'bout how she just misses the sex. Yeah, it's a boring topic....sex and how much meaning we ascribe to it...but what the HelI....it's number one in the ratings....so I join in now and again, even If I don't have a freaking clue of what I'm talkin' about....haha...OK?
regards
Kimbo | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:55:26 AM |
So, knowing all this, why do I still hold on? Why am I not just telling him not to contact me anymore? Why do I keeping hoping that he will see how lucky he would be to have me, knowing that if he hasn't seen it already, he's not going to?
You still hold on because you believe this is the best you can do. You gotta work on yourself, Girl! Make a list of everything you want in a relationship and then work on becoming those things yourself. Like attracts like...it's the Law of Attraction.
When you settle for the crumbs from someone elses table, you're going to go hungry.... | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:10:00 PM |
If you enjoy hanging out with yourself, you'll be a lot pickier about who gets to join you...
Man oh man those are some powerful words.  | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:13:44 PM | Kimbo...I was just teasin'
The "Hold Out"...ahhhh..yes!
If a man holds out and doesn't get sexual with her right from the get go, she immediately feels she's not sexy enough and gets overtly sexual to compensate.....practically jumps him. If he still doesn't respond to her siren call, then he's automatically labelled gay....or has low libido.
If a woman holds out, she's got a golden veevajay, or she's a golddigger, or she's a tease, or she's playing games...
I say...just do what feels right for you....and that means RIGHT for you. If it feels wrong, then listen to yourself. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:22:43 PM | I think some people are more comfortable in a detached relationship -- one-sided, long distance, extra-marital, etc -- because they really don't want to be IN a relationship. This is a happy medium for them to get what they want without giving what they are unable.
More of a true statement than ya know, people, good for you J.
I often refer to this as the non relationship relationship. And, in my relationship 'research', ahem ..I think I'm finding that most relationships are this...or a variation on this theme to some degree. Whatever floats your boat, tis true.
well, ya can always count on J4Ever to say it like it is. Thanks, girl, it's always good to hear the bottom line. refreshing.
Kimbo
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 5:35:37 PM | It's all about self confidence. As soon as you come to the realization that you are worth more than what he takes you for then you will leave.
Focus on you. There are obviously esteem issues to deal with. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:19:40 PM |
It's all about self confidence. As soon as you come to the realization that you are worth more than what he takes you for then you will leave.
Focus on you. There are obviously esteem issues to deal with.
I totally agree... self confidence would give you a different perspective on those situations you are talking about. You would meet the guy, because you want it and not because he wants it and he might feel used. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:25:19 PM | | Thank goodness the op isn't doing anything stupid like getting pregnant. Many women do this in an attempt to hold on to the man. It's an act of futility, because it never works, but that doesn't stop women from trying it, unfortunately. | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:28:55 PM | I say let him go. Replace His time with time for Others you are interested in. You dont need to wait around for him. He showed you something wonderful and it stuck. That's ok. Keep that in mind as something good to watch out for and if it doesn't outweigh the bad points (ignoring you, only calling you for booty calls, whatever the case may be), it's time to cut out the drama and start enjoying your life.
Dont worry about giving those other guys attention either. Give yourself attention. The right one will work harder to get your attention to show you he can make you feel loved and cared for...becuase he will genuinely Do those things.
Best of Luck.  | |
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| Why do we women do this to ourselves?
Posted: 7/10/2009 6:18:31 AM | So you worried about losing the sex?
Well, a relationship mostly based on sex is doomed. Don't you think you can get a guy with the sex being equally good but there is also a nice, solid relationship. Perhaps, a solid emotional, spiritual connection and you won't be left worrying about everything.
If you feel entitled to more, take a chance & go find a real man that will do more than the sex. Stop complaining to people on the internet & make a positive change in your life. You know what you need to do. Go do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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