| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:05:32 AM | Perhaps if we stopped pushing the early meet (two emails, one phone call, then meet), this wouldn't happen so much. It's happened to me once in the whole of my life -- thirty years ago, blind date. Unluckily for me, he changed his mind, showed up and became the worst date of my life, lol!
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:17:50 AM | Getting shot...now that's a classic. I guess my best was I was told years ago (this was before texting) that the woman I was set to go out with had to "wash dishes". Really?? Dishwasher broke down on you and just had that huge stack to deal with?
Bottom line is this....certainly legit emergencies do come up and only you can decide, based on that gut feeling, if it is truly an emergency. But having relatives dying off faster than followers of Jim Jones (sorry for the old reference....kool aid/Guyana...look it up) is probably not legit. However, if the person (male or female) doesn't have the basic common courtesy to at least call (not TEXT), then they are probably doing you a huge favor by revealing their true selves as the crazy psychos they are and you are much better off moving on. It does suck when you've invested time, shared info, etc....but wasting time on liars or folks who again do not show basic common courtesy should be a huge warning sign. If your BS meter is working and goes off, pay attention to it! I've never stood anyone up and even if I'm running late by a few minutes, will take the 30 seconds it takes to call the date. Texting the excuse is beyond lame. Sadly, these internet sites are populated by a lot of people with little to no moral compass. (or their compass just spins round and round) However, do not give up, there are legit people out there....just hard to find sometimes. Just my 2 cents. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:32:36 AM | The chance that someone stands me up is why I always have a plan B. I live by the 6 P's:
Prior
Planning
Prevents
Piss
Poor
Performance
These 6 P's are great for everything in life! | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:36:51 AM |
do the guys trot out the same old tosh too ?
Yep. Either a family member suddenly became ill (usually gravely ill) or they were in a car accident. It kinda puts you over a barrel, because if they are telling the truth they deserve sympathy and compassion, but I'm afraid I'm running out of those things after using so much on people who think it's ok to lie about it just because they didn't have the guts to call and cancel honestly. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:52:17 AM | you're wrong there mate,i'm never pushy in fact i'm often accused of being indifferent....perhaps that could be a reason,the women think I'm not that interested ,it's hard to judge isn't it ?
Well, one thing is certain. If you're getting cancelled, there is a lack of enthusiasm to meet you on the part of the person who cancels. Whether you cause it or not, you aren't noticing it.
Yep. Either a family member suddenly became ill (usually gravely ill) or they were in a car accident. It kinda puts you over a barrel, because if they are telling the truth they deserve sympathy and compassion,
It could also put them over a barrel when that sympathy causes you inquire about the details. My natural reaction to being told someone's family member is ill would be to ask what the illness is, how it's being treated, etc.
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:48:42 AM | Not a big deal to me; if someone flakes on the first date, I consider myself lucky [and a few bucks richer] and keep it moving.
There is NO second opportunity - PERIOD!
Whats that saying, when people show you WHO they are, BELIEVE THEM.  | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/9/2009 7:54:28 AM | I doubt it's just women that do this, but it's never happened to me. I have had people reschedule or whatever, but never with that excuse.
If someone cancels on me before I meet them tho - I don't really care. I'd rather they do that then not show or show and be miserable. I get to keep my time and use it on something more productive, so to me it's a win win. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/10/2009 1:00:02 PM | | womaninprogress, you're a lucky one then. I had one guy cancel on me four times in a row. I only "fell for it" once, the first time he told me he was in an accident. I inquired about his injuries, the damage to his car, etc etc etc...he had answers for me (though I realized that didn't necessarily make the whole thing true, he could have been fabricating the answers). The second time I think the plans were more tentative, and the poor thing got called out of the country for work....and just didn't have any opportunity to let me know. The third time he asked me for a date, I told him that I didn't appreciate sitting around waiting for someone who has a pattern of not showing up. He was extremely sorry, and said that he hates that too, but that he just got so preoccupied with other things he didn't have a chance to get in touch with me before the date was supposed to take place. He went on and on, so I agreed to the fourth date attempt, not planning on anything actually happening. And it didn't...and I didn't hear from him. Not until he contacted me to make ANOTHER date, with an email. I deleted it. I honestly don't know WHAT kind of game he's playing, but I'm not playing it any more. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/10/2009 4:31:08 PM | I remember an ex-boyfriend had problems being "available". While he was unavailable, he had plenty of time to block other men from contacting me and wouldn’t hear of me going out. However, there was always a reason we couldn’t meet. So on one of our last dates, I laid the following out:
There are
60 seconds in a minute
60 minutes in a hour
24 hours in a day
7 days in a week and about
30 days in a month.
You’re telling me that nowhere in that math is time for us?
He took a long drink and told me, “It sounds ridiculous when you say it that way.”
This is exactly my point.
People make time for the people that are important and/or matter to them. I’d send a polite inquiry to see how their family member fared, and move on when they fail to respond. This is their loss and not yours. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:04:21 PM | One time, and that should have been a red flag and maybe he did me a favor by being a shmuck. He couldn't be bothered to call and or text me that it was off yet he had time to be on here. Months later had the balls to tell me we hadn't set a definate day as if we did he would have gone on the date with me. BS! I left him a voicemail and a message on here the day of asking about the particulars but he took the coward's way out and when I called again he answered because he was on his way to the beach.
I got a little upset so he got mad, turned his phone off and poofed for a week or more.
That should have been a warning of what was still to come but I really liked the guy and gave him more chances. My stupidity but that's what I got for being trusting and naive.
If they do ot to you once, let it go, that means they didn't care as you thought they did, telling you what you want to hear for their own selfish reasons and in the grand scheme of things who cares what their reasons were, they bailed and you're probably better off.
Karma baby, karma!  | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:40:40 AM | Dating is stressful!!
Sometimes you get chatting online but you're not sure you want to meet. Then the bloke asks and you think "well i've got nothing to lose" so you agree..but you have other men asking for a date too or you may have a busy week and that would be your only night off from other stuff....so you change your mind. After all you've not met him yet, you don't know him and don't owe him anything. Easier to knock it on the head before its all started.....
However, bad excuses are lame, but they are still better than being stood up.
Don't take it personally. You don't know the woman so you've lost nothing. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:25:39 AM | It's happened to everyone. For some reason, I get the "last minute business trip" excuse a lot. The good thing is, now that I've figured out the drill, I don't wonder when I will hear from them again b/c I know I won't.
You can't put too much stock in things like this. People get nervous or maybe they were seeing other people and one got serious. It is ok! | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:21:16 PM | I honestly think being told that they aren't going to make it - is way better than a no show no call. Regardless of the reason.
Just be thankful you didn't waste more of your time, and focus on meeting up w/ new friends or other people. Value your time - and appreciate the communication even if it's saturated with lies or not. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:30:53 PM |
How many others here have arranged a date only to have it cancelled the day before or even an hour before with the same excuse that a family member has suddenly become ill ?
Ok, question: What is the date going to be? Meet at place for a drink or coffee? Maybe daytime is easier. Dinner is a big no-no for a first time meeting. Make it simple and quick. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:29:18 PM | One man stood me up, I called him and he answered the phone, then must have checked his caller ID cause he then hung up the phone. He emailed me a few hours later and told me that he had gotten robbed and beaten up in a certain bad neighborhood after his car broke down. Sounded fine when he answered the phone, and I know the neighborhood he was referring to..(He lives in a town 30 miles away, but I have a friend who lives in that neighborhood, and the average house cost 350K in that neighborhood, which is not a bad neighborhood house price for that town)
Another guy didn't really stand me up but said he was out of town cause his sister had a car accident. I had kept another email he had sent me about another sister who had a car accident a few months prior to this date, and can you believe it, it was almost the exact same email about the accident and her injuries. Too coincidental IMHO. I sent him an email saying I was sorry about his sister's accident and didn't another one of his sisters have an accident a few months earlier...strange how I never heard from him again....BUSTED. I used to take this kind of stuff as a personal affront thinking that men thought that I was too dumb to realize that they were lying, but I think liars are so wrapped up in their lies that they sometimes believe they are telling the truth, or have some form of mental/emotional illness. I talked to my friend who is the school psychologist where I work about him and she said he sounded like a piece of work and that if he had hung around I would have diagnosed him in few weeks. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:39:22 PM | | This seems to be where I am at. A dilemma because if I play it guarded and probe what this other person is looking for, that may turn women off. But if I just throw caution to the wind then I may have wasted time on a dead-end. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:40:05 PM | I'm seriously considering making up an epic excuse - possibly along the lines of an accident involving a woodchipper, long coat sleeves and a horrific, permanent, gender changing groin injury. May add in a donkey to pad it out a bit as well 
-G. | |
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| The same excuse time and time again
Posted: 7/16/2009 2:39:02 PM |
I'm seriously considering making up an epic excuse - possibly along the lines of an accident involving a woodchipper, long coat sleeves and a horrific, permanent, gender changing groin injury. May add in a donkey to pad it out a bit as well
now if someone made the effort to come out with an excuse that crazy, they'd get my upmost respect!! | |
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