|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:46:07 AM |
And for all of us who are now no longer married who have been there and done that, we should already know how to just say, "Yeah... ok, you're right. You don't need a man. You're the bestest in the whole world," and forget about trying to reason with her.
Which very simply translates to, "Whew!....Dodged a bullet with that one..." | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:05:39 AM | I received an email from someone with no picture... so like I normally do, I inquired as to why (not asking him to send one, just want to know the reason behind it) Anyway, he responds that it's not like he's desperate to meet anyone and he's fine with just taking his time... in other words, he didn't answer my question and appears to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder.
And I would say the "chip on the shoulder" is the thing that often comes across when someone states "I don't need a man (woman)" –rather than seeing them as an independent, happy person. | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:46:33 AM | | I guess I don't know any of these chip on the shoulder/shout it from the roof top women. Also, the online way of communicating does not allow us to see the other person as an independent, happy person before erroneous assumptions are made from reading a profile or misunderstanding someone's response. Which goes with the terrority as far as communicating through words only. If I receive a response from a man asking ( or usually telling) me why I have not been married is because I am blah blah blah (always negative things), or because I am one of those independent feminists that ALL men hate, it just weeds out the good guys from the men who have a chip on their shoulders about women. | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:49:01 AM | Sometimes it IS just semantics, this debate between want/need. When you poke around at what people mean by it you sometimes realize they are in the need is physiological camp (air, water, food and the like) or in the "not needy" camp. (Gotta watch out for the "not needy" camp - sometimes they are denying their neediness but it's there, just repressed or hidden or mislabeled because everyone knows 'neediness' is a bad thing).
The ones you have to look out for, as far as I can tell, are the ones who are emotionally unavailable or distant. Even once in a relationship, they do not scootch over to make room for you. They're still pretty much 'one man bands' whether they are in relationship or not.
Someone earlier said relationships start with attraction, and that is true. That's the "who" you choose to move into a relationship with. I think the need/want bit is revealing of how they'll be in relationship with you; their philosophy, if you will, on how people relate within a loving relationship. | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:52:12 AM |
I guess I don't know any of these chip on the shoulder/shout it from the roof top women. Also, the online way of communicating does not allow us to see the other person as an independent, happy person before erroneous assumptions are made from reading a profile or misunderstanding someone's response. Which goes with the terrority as far as communicating through words only.
I agree with this too. In most cases I have seen it, it's the answer to a question someone was asking - not an unsolicited ambush on people who weren't asking. I agree if someone tells you this out of left field, or is so insistent on making it clear that it's obvious it's an issue - steer clear.
Most women are answering a question, or posting a disclaimer in a place where they are asked to describe themselves telling men they aren't expected to be taken care of. If you are insulted by a human being that takes care of themselves, I understand the annoyance. Outside of that I don't see the big deal.
I'd personally rather show than tell - so someone who gets to know me will find out thru my actions and over time where I stand on it. I don't feel the need to announce it...it's obvious soon enough. | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:35:21 PM | It's not about a woman just being single, it's about the women in particular who feel the need to staunchly inform the world that they do not need a man. They can't find mountains or rooftops high enough, nor amplifiers or speakers loud enough, nor crowds large enough to get that message across.
Well, I'm sure that there are people of BOTH genders, for whom their single state is a bit of a sore spot.These would be the ones making a clarion call about not needing a partner. What was that ol' Will Shakespeare said about somebody doth protest too much?
All I know is that I've survived 8 yrs(and I wasn't looking for all of them) without having an ongoing male partner to rely on.At the times I was seeing someone, I was pretty careful to avoid even the appearance of dating to get a man's help with the practicalities of my life. And I think that I have done , and continue, to thrive. I think I've clearly DEMONSTRATED that I don't "need" a man.
But I also don't need to trumpet that from the roof tops. I don't get a lot of nosy questions or people wondering aloud in my presence about my currently unattached status...anyone that does ask, I just shrug my shoulders and chuckle.
Cindy O | |
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 5:27:06 PM | I don't think there is such a thing as a woman who doesn't need a man. Today I tried to think what the world would be like without men. I was in a pickle today, sort of a tragic comedy, one that would rival the Pink Panter, and I was calling every man in my cellphone directory.....
"Help!" Not one of them was available.
How much nicer to have a man around when there is a refrigerator or a piano to move, or an acre to mow or a porch to be mended...or strong arms to hold you.
I smell good, but nothing like a man...I like that "man" smell. Men are adorable and have this equipment which I do not have. I really like this equipment.
And a man can add a totally different perspective on an issue. They don't think like we do. I love men. I could make it without one but I'd much rather have one in my life. | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 5:43:23 PM |
Men are adorable and have this equipment which I do not have. I really like this equipment.
Sweetie, you can buy all that stuff at Home Depot,including an "appliance dolly"....oh wait, you weren't talking about that kind of equipment. LOL. I'm very much inclined to agree with you.
I love men. I could make it without one but I'd much rather have one in my life.
Yeah, me too. But I'm not going to give myself ulcers worrying about it. If someone wants to think that as some negative " I don't need a man", statement, well, it's a free country, people can think anything they want.
Cindy O | |
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:16:24 PM | I am so guilty of being one of these women, even posted it on my profile, maybe I am scaring some of you off! lmao
I cannot speak for all women, but I will say what I mean by what I said, I am doing awesome taking care of my own needs. I own a nice home, have an awesome job, own a cool truck and even have some land. I am doing great financially and do not need a man for his money. BUT, I will admit I do need one for those manly jobs I just cannot get done (I did remodel my kitchen myself, but admit I had to hire a man to use the saw cause sharp power tools scare me, which is also why I will not use my chainsaw even though I have limbs that need cutting after the big ice storm). Also, needing one for those lonely nights I am sitting on my deck drinking wine and wondering why the heck I cannot find a man to share all I have with. I am very traditional, I will let a man dominate because this is how my father raised me (by himself I have to add), but I am doing fine right now as far as having to have one in my life to survive. I think most women (not all) who say this are like me, trying to show we are independent but deep down we really do need a man, it sucks being single!  lol | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:26:24 PM | I personaly feel I don't need a man to do things for me but I do feel I need a man to make me feel wanted and valued in that relatinship.
Some men maybe comfortable showing their needs by making physcial contributions but what about being her friend, paying attention to her moods and knowing the right time to give a hug, always being there for her and never letting her forget that she has all that she wants and needs right there beside her. And theres nothing wrong with letting her know that you need her as well.
I once told a man I didn't need him. Turned out I needed his attention and I needed him to stand beside me not infront of or behind me. Those needs I can't do without!!
I guess what i'm saying is everybody needs something. If you look hard enough you will find what it is she needs. You have to decide if the hunt is worth it  | |
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:46:57 PM | I'm sure a woman can be happy anyway she chooses to be happy, but I view relationships like a team sport. A kind of "us against the world."
I guess one could play tennis against a wall; play football with their dog; go fishing alone; hell, you can have sex alone if you want to, but when someone else is there to share in the acomplishments and joy, it just makes it a little better. In addition, it helps when another is there to help through the hard times - kinda lightens the burden, a bit.
It just seems to me that if you wanna play a team sport, you need another player.
I truely believe that human nature drives us to be a team player. To realize that nature would make any individual happy/ier.
just a few thoughts | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:52:49 PM |
At the times I was seeing someone, I was pretty careful to avoid even the appearance of dating to get a man's help with the practicalities of my life.
And while you were busy trying to avoid giving off that appearance, did you ever stop to focus on actually loving and caring? | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:55:40 PM |
Wouldn't just GETTING a man be easier than comping up w/ all of these convoluted reasons as to why you don't have one,ladies?
Is this a trick question, or something? He11 yeah, "just GETTING a man" would be easier. Perhaps you will be content just being 'a' man...I'd rather be 'the' man...for 'the' woman (not just 'a' woman).
~ds~ | |
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:09:05 PM | msg1.
To answer the subjectq: No.
What all people need is happiness. What a single female of heterosexual inclination wants is a man to be happy with, and in equal measure with "being happy about how that man loves me back".
Simply put if that basic need isn't there, what therin is the point?
As for getting first and not giving, that has no gender OP. If that notion is at the core of a persons ethos, then it is no wonder as to why their life is an atrocity of selfishness in all they are. And to all whom they would use to their ends. Under the poor garb of a "relationship" of one kind or another.
9to9 | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/14/2009 9:23:21 PM |
The ones you have to look out for, as far as I can tell, are the ones who are emotionally unavailable or distant. Even once in a relationship, they do not scootch over to make room for you.
I agree, however I have found that people sometimes expect everyone to become their best friend and bare their soul in no time at all. I've found that different people take a different amount of time to know. The deeper layers are not going to come out in a few weeks and for some even a few months. I think this is based on the whole "romanticism" we see in the movies.
Some men were overly "open", while some were more guarded. I've learned to try not to push too much, people will bare themselves when they feel comfortable (of course there is a time limit, but I'm speaking in a small amount of time here - less than 6 months of constant dating). | |
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:36:11 AM | Wouldn't just GETTING a man be easier than comping up w/ all of these convoluted reasons as to why you don't have one,ladies?
But we don't want 'a' man, we want 'the' man...the one with whom both our lives will be enriched. There might be considerably more than just one candidate,we aren't talking about dreaming the impossible dream or looking for a needle in a haystack here. But it isn't a matter of accepting a man we feel nothing special for, or a man whose "attraction" to us seems motivated more by a need for an enabler or source of support.
And while you were busy trying to avoid giving off that appearance, did you ever stop to focus on actually loving and caring?
Well, since I wasn't looking for anything BUT mutual loving and caring, what else would there have been to focus on? But notice I mentioned dating/seeing someone, NOT being in a relationship. Thus far the dating/involvement/seeing someone/short term relationships/FwBs have not blossomed into the caliber of mutual emotion needed to sustain a healthy longterm relationship. This is not something that is anybody's FAULT, I don't feel like I've been misused or wronged. But I'm not one to try and FORCE something to be more than it's meant to be, I don't do clingy, I don't do guilt trips, and I've learned to spot a wrong deal from a long way off. Nor will I stay in a situation that makes me uncomfortable or damages my sense of honor,or my self esteem.
So, I for one, at the moment do not have a man, I'm not particularly busting my ass to find one,if it's meant to happen it WILL happen. I'm just showing up(which is about 90% of being sucessful in any endeavor). In the times that I've been unattached, I've learned to cope with day to day life without having to manufacture a "romantic relationship' with a man in order to have a bugkiller and jar opener on hand. As far as social/interpersonal involvement, I have a variety of friends, groups and activities. Would I LIKE to have a special man sharing life with me? Of course I would, but it has to be special, and my life is not a dysfunctional shambles without one.
Cindy O
| |
|
| |
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:04:17 PM | I posted:
Wouldn't just GETTING a man be easier than comping up w/ all of these convoluted reasons as to why you don't have one,ladies?
You replied:
But we don't want 'a' man, we want 'the' man...the one with whom both our lives will be enriched. There might be considerably more than just one candidate,we aren't talking about dreaming the impossible dream or looking for a needle in a haystack here. But it isn't a matter of accepting a man we feel nothing special for, or a man whose "attraction" to us seems motivated more by a need for an enabler or source of support.
No offense...but if you had found "THE MAN" in the past...unless he passed away..you really didn't find "THE MAN",did you?
And honestly,if people look at a relationship that they were in that the SO died more closely, it probably wasn't as happy as memories make it to be.
If women are happy wanting and waiting for "THE MAN" to come along, then that is their right.
However, your life is finite.
Sitting alone waiting for something from a movie or a romance novel to happen is,IMHO, squandering the only thing that you have of value... which is your own life.
And I'm sure that this will bring the old "I won't settle" statement from somebody.It's always amusing that people who won't "settle" seem to forget that somebody is very likely "settling" for them.
Like I stated earlier,it would be easier to live your life to best of your ability WITH somebody than it would be to make endless excuses of why being alone is better. | |
|
| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/15/2009 1:00:00 PM |
No offense...but if you had found "THE MAN" in the past...unless he passed away..you really didn't find "THE MAN",did you?
Actually, that IS exactly what happened. We had been together for 27 years, married for nearly 25.
And honestly,if people look at a relationship that they were in that the SO died more closely, it probably wasn't as happy as memories make it to be.
Ah, now the real deal begins to surface. A bitter man who can't get a date, blaming everyone else for his lack of sucess.
Like I stated earlier,it would be easier to live your life to best of your ability WITH somebody than it would be to make endless excuses of why being alone is better.
No one is saying alone is "better". They are simply saying they will no longer jump thru hoops, try be someone/something they are not, pretend to be a "damsel in distress" just to be with a man that they do not feel a deep love for.
This much I will grant you, there are women who've let themselves in for a lot of misuse and hurt, THOSE are the ones who are TRUMPETING that they "don't need a man." In their way, they are just as effed up in the head as the men who think that possessing a Y chromosome and (supposedly) a penis, means he should be able to go on the internet and get a woman "just like that"(snaps fingers).
I'm not saying that being alone is "better". I'm just saying that it indpendence/autonomy/privacy DO have their good points, and being alone is NOT a stigma, failing, or impairment to living well. Would I LIKE to find the man, with whom I could grow a mutual need for one another? Of course I would, but I'm not going to put myself in a tailspin because it hasn't happened yet. If it WERE truly necessary to have a man in order to survive and have a good life, I expect I'd have died or gone into a catatonic depression by now. But neither of those things have happened. So I think I'd be safe to say I don't NEED a man to have a happy life. I do believe that I could have an enhancement of that happy life with the right guy, but that's not something I can "make" happen by taking up with just anything male that happens to approach me.
Cindy O | |
|
|
| Page 14 of 19
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 |
|
Home
login 
