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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/18/2009 12:23:08 PM |
They have a profile on here don't they? Why are they putting any effort into something if they don't need (ie: value) it?
Well, because they do value it. No matter whether they admit it openly or not.
So let's substitue "value" for "want versus need", in order to get to the crux of the issue.
ah...
this is semantics 102.
I am happy; I am complete; but I DO value the idea of sharing time or, more than that, a relationship; with another at some point.
I admit that openly. Do I need it? Nope. Do I want it ultimately? Yep. do I value what could be shared, exchanged and given between me and another, if or when I end up getting into a real, multi dimensional relationship?
Absolutely.
I am built for a relationship; but I am happy single too. So need and value are still different words in my vocabulary. I would be happy if I go forever by myself; but I would be happiER if I don't. I place great value on being fully open and intimate with another human being; but if I don't for whatever reason, it's all still good. Preference is for the value; but happiness is not dependent on it.
imvho
(and lol on the final comment...) | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/19/2009 5:30:31 AM |
Want... Need... Just different ways of disguising something much deeper and more complex than a lot of us can truly determine.
And what is deep 'something' which seemingly cannot be denied deep within us that constantly pushes us to seek it...this want/need? For some...it seems almost against their will that they satisfy it.
There is strength in numbers
That seems to work for most species...and from what I understood for much of humankind. Subscribing greatly to over-thinking, so many here toss the legitimacy of that fact aside to argue that real strength seems to be in autonomy....in "1". I've spent a lot of time being "1"...and to me, nothing is more unnatural.
fa que, good points. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:52:00 AM | Lord,what a freakin' mess this thread has become.Trainwreck, anybody?
"they found him in the wreck with his hand on the throttle
he'd been scalded to death by the steam"
(Wreck of Ol' 97)
My opinion;
Most women who write or speak a 'disclaimer' stating they don't NEED a man are simply trying to convey that they are not in a drama filled life teetering on the brink of economic/social/emotional/practical disaster, and looking for a man to save them. I'm sure that most men who disclaim need of a woman are trying to convey that they are NOT seeking a cook/housekeeper/nurse...or, more rarely(but still noteworthy) a woman to provide HIM with food, shelter,transportation in exchange for an escort to social&entertainment events(on her dime)sex, and some hlfhearted, half assed "help" with minor household and automotive repairs.
THAT IS WHAT I TRULY BELIEVE MOST PEOPLE MEAN WHEN THEY DENY "NEEDING" A 'SIGNIFICANT OTHER' RELATIONSHIP.
That said, I believe that this thread, given that it was started specifically in reference to "women who don't need men", is pointing out a fairly common inaccurate presumption made by BOTH genders...
That signing up to one or more "online dating sites" whether paid or free, will open up a veritable "treasure trove" of the opposite gender seeking dating&relationships, and that 'finding someone to be with" should be easier than falling off a log. When this turns out to be not the case, the average person, regardless of gender, becomes anything from mildly pissed, to just short of foaming-at-the-mouth rage. Some get past this, some don't.
With a tip of the hat to our friends here who currently HAVE a SO relationship, and hand at THIS site for the fora, most men and women who sign up for online dating sites ARE looking to find that someone SPECIAL(and that IS the key word here,"special!"). Many seem to have the mindset that the internet and the bars are the only viable options for meeting available members of the opposite sex,or at least the most expedient. It would be my educated guess that anyone whose profile states that they don't "need" a man(or woman) is simply trying to convey that they are not looking,in women's case,for a provider/protector/handyman/father figure for minor children. And in mens' profiles, such a disclaimer simply means that he's not looking for a cook/housekeeper/nurse, OR a sugar momma.
For those who are not having the expected quick SUCCESS in making a connection, welcome to the club. Calm down. The internet dating sites should only be PART of how you go about meeting potential dating/relationship prospects. And unless YOU are willing to form a relationship with the first available person that approaches you, regardless of whether you feel one iota of attraction/interest
or your suspicions that you are about to get used for ulterior motives ...don't be blamestorming.
Cindy O | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:08:49 AM | I as a human need to give and recieve love, and I do.
Friends, family, animals ect.
I don't need a man to be happy or to live, but loving one and being loved in return would be a fantastic side dish in my life.
Music would sound better, food taste better, the scary times not so scary and the good times would be better.
I am not afraid to say I have needs or wants.
Wanting is a symptom of some needs you know.
Needs/wants, yeah I have them.
It will take a very special one, because I am special.
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:52:49 PM | Gee! An attractive woman who doesn't need a man is the kind of woman I'd love to find. I make a decent living, for me, but I sure don't make enough to keep a woman in designer jeans and a growing collection of shoes and purses.
I think a woman who doesn't need a man is more likely to be looking for a relationship based on love and mutual attraction than a woman who feels she needs a man. A woman who needs a man is looking for someone to support her, and will forgo a loving man for a man who may not be especially loving but who is rich. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:14:00 AM | What I have noticed about this thread in particular is that it seems that some men and some women are not using their "listening ears" to actually listen to what the other sex is saying on this topic.
As a woman, I must admit that the whole feminism thing is foreign to me but I find it interesting that it is often thrown into discussions like this by some men in a kind of blaming way for the ills of male/female relationships today. I can't speak intelligently about feminism except for what I feel as a woman...the movement itself...I don't know that much about. ~wonders if I should feel badly for that since apparently many of the rights I have today are in thanks to them~ | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:33:27 AM |
honestly, I only keep posting in this thread because I like exchanging ideas, but for the record, I'd rather gouge my eyes out than have this much dialogue with a woman in real life over this whole "I don't need a man", BS.
I'm with you on that. Honestly, most of the threads on here have been done to death and the solutions are the bloody same. I've used these forums to my advantage and changed my dating style. Frankly, I read what many men and women post and it's obvious they will never change and are not even interested in reading these forums to actually learn.
I admit I grow weary of hearing both men and women complain about each other and behaviours that are taught, conditioned and aren't going to go away. Why can't we just accept this or at least try to understand?
I'd like someone to start a thread about "what I've learned from the opposite sex from the POF forums and how I've applied it to my dating life". | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:39:58 AM | Wild heart:
Excellent post (#462).
I agree. I actually like to read about how people feel and sometimes am appalled at the closeminded way that some people look at things. .. but then I can learn from that...I can learn NOT to be close minded. And no...men and woman shouldn't complain about each other, we should listen to each other. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:27:59 AM | Wildheart: Actually, I did post a thread addressing this very thing....
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12559004.aspx
But, it went about a page and a half and stopped...it was in off topic though because I didn't know where else to put it...
I, myself have changed some things after reading the forums..though sometimes it becomes confusing when there are two schools of thought, and no clear majority....still, the forums have had some infuence on myself and how my dating style has evolved...
Personally, I also wish there was more effort to understand where all sides are coming from on all issues...and that some things are ingrained...no matter how reasonable an intellectual argument is presented...
And it does confuse me when people aren't willing to adapt to acheive their ultimate goal...like when a guy , for instance, in ask a guy asks women a question..and then argues with the answers ( and vice versa)..do they want to know what works or not? If 80% or more of women ( or men)say the same thing...it's logical to asume that one should at least take note?
On this topic...the message from men seems to be clear that using that terminology turns them off...seems an easy thing to avoid? | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/21/2009 1:44:25 PM | Good golly, Miss Molly! This is a trainwreck of a thread, indeed! I don't know how the OP is defining the term "need" in this instance. Most women today don't need a man for financial support; we can do it for ourselves. I'd think most men would be jumping for joy that they aren't being loved for the size of their bank accounts or the number of credit cards in their wallets, but for themselves and other attributes.
Seems to me, after reading - or wading through - this whole mess, when women tried to explain what they needed a man for and what they didn't, they were assailed by other posters as being bitter, in denial, arrogant, fat and lesbians (can't figure that one out!). It appears they were saying they'll be in a relationship for the right reasons, not to bleed some guy dry.
Interesting that the posters who were the nastiest have "christian" or another religon on their profiles, but are just downright rude and insulting to others who don't share their viewpoints. It's also interesting that a couple of those posters have been married and divorced two and three times. That speaks of making some bad choices for partners. It's fine to want to be a couple, but are you going to latch on to the first warm body who smiles at you? Perhaps those posters who were so quick to cast asperions on women who don't feel that urge to be part of a couple merely for the sake of being one should examine their motives for being in relationships. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/21/2009 2:34:48 PM |
Personally, I also wish there was more effort to understand where all sides are coming from on all issues...and that some things are ingrained...no matter how reasonable an intellectual argument is presented...
True enough and even when I don't understand some behaviours that men seem to have, I just shrug and say "it's a man thing". I don't feel I need to worry about these minor things because once you fall in lust/love with someone, most of the stuff we complain about on here doesn't even come into play :D
Interesting that the posters who were the nastiest have "christian" or another religon on their profiles, but are just downright rude and insulting to others who don't share their viewpoints.
While I don't want to be rude, but I've seen the same thing. In fact, I've seen a lack of empathy or understanding for other posters making mistakes. I'm not one to hide my mistakes and actually think that those that admit them publicly on here do indeed have courage. | |
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| Flawed Logic
Posted: 7/31/2009 10:51:20 PM |
NEEDING is not the opposite of "doesn't care". The women I know who espouse the attitude you are alluding to don't NEED a man in their life, but are very open to the RIGHT man being there, and in fact they WANT to meet that man.-EmlamNsea
Very well stated, and I agree. It is also important to remember that when one has the NEED to be a helper of a person who is NEEDY, that leads into a co-dependant relationship. These relationships tend to leave a lot of hard feelings because it takes a lot out of a person to be the "sole" supporter in a relationship.
He IS a NEEDY man, one who wants to be the helper in the relationship. I hope he realizes and listens to what I have stated. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/31/2009 11:10:05 PM |
If a woman dates men who earn more than they do...then they're gold diggers....if they date men who earn less...then they're too "independent". LOL! good Lord is there any hope??? LOL!
Too funny. Another impossible conundrum.
Lines up equally with.... if you sleep with him too soon you're a whore and if you wait too long you're a****tease. Bear in mind there could be only one date between these two extremes.
Anyway I digress.
Yes there is HOPE. WHAT ELSE IS THERE??????????  | |
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