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Posted: 7/8/2009 11:19:24 PM | | ^^^smart and funny as hell...go get em emlam! | |
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Posted: 7/8/2009 11:27:30 PM | | What I would want is to be valued in a relationship...I'm not sure the words "wanted" or "needed" correctly express being valued for who I am, the real and authentic me . | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/8/2009 11:48:35 PM | Honestly, If I said I need a man, that means that I am lifeless without the man. But if I said I WANT a man to share my life with him that means that is my goal ,devotion and my passion. I don't think a person should fall for others because s/he's needed for what ever reason financially or emotionally and that is not a good foundation for happiness,for there is a down side to that suppose s/he doesn't need you anymore???? ps msg27 -- if you are wanted then your worth is valued, but if you are needed ,you are okay as long as you do their bid.. my 2 cents | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 12:18:27 AM | This whole thread reminds me of an old Cheap Trick song..........
"I want you to want me..........I need you to need me"
I would say most of the women I have had significant relationships with probably didn't need or want me when I first met them. I could say the same about my perspective towards them. Only through time and interaction did the magic unfold and someone you did not think you needed or wanted suddenly became a very important part of your life. I don't think you just "find" this, it requiers much more than simply stumbling across a suitable mate. Timing and mood has much to do with first impressions and without a good first impression the chance of a second date and eternal bliss becomes much much slimmer. So my theory is that by being on the same wavelength and timing your interaction for when it's right for both parties, it is in fact highly likely to create mutual happiness! | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:08:28 AM | | I have to disagree with you, Timothy. Nobody should feel an impending sense of need for anyone and here's why: in the blink of an eye, or even at the age of 102, that very person may just be taken away from you for any reason in the world. You mention that a man who would enter into a relationship where he wasn't needed basically means that he either doesn't care if he can add anything to her life, aren't interested in giving before getting, and thus make piss poor relationship material. I firmly disagree with that because after watching my two best friends begin their celebration of life right in front of my eyes I grew to be understand life and all of it's intricacies a bit differently. I'm very appreciative of EVERY last thing a lady does for, with, and to me. I say certain things to build her up, to let her know that I'm right there if she needs me, etc. I just also believe firmly in her having a life that may feel the pain of a loss but wouldn't end just due to the fact that I keel over from a heart attack or a car wreck or a gun shot. Not all people are needy, and not being needy isn't a bad thing. It's called respects, common courtesies, and endearment! | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:43:52 AM | If you agree with philosophers, need is rooted in our desire - down to our basic desire to live.
Anyone who tells you that they do not need you are basically telling you that they don't want you. This same person will act as if they are at deaths door if they cannot be with the one they want. In essence, they feel they need that person to live.
Your problem is that you have not met the person who truly wants to be with you. Don't worry, we're all here for that very same reason. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 1:54:30 AM |
Many men need to be needed. At work. At home. We want to be making contributions that would be sorely missed if we were gone. We want to make a difference to those around us. Otherwise, what's the point?
When someone says they don't need something it doesn't mean they don't want it. They can simply survive (maybe even thrive) without.
I'm independent enough that no one can offer something I actually need to get by. My needs are satisfied. As a guy that is expected of me, but it is also something I have come to expect of the women I would consider dating. I want to be with someone because they want me, not because they need what I can do for them. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:58:00 AM | My best friend always said she does not want or need a man in her life any more. Came out of several bad relationships a few years back. All she ever ment was she is not ready for any relationship with another male until she can take care of herself and her son first and formost. What she needs in a male that will not place himself and others first and neglect her and take advantage of it. I gues I am proof in that she still calls me for help with somethings and a male pion of view whan dealling with others and her son. Always tried to preach not to go into any relationship until you can stand on your own and support ones self first. That way you go into one with a source of equality than one of dependancy.
Do not know if I an right or wrong but that is what i believe. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:38:56 AM | If there's a 'need' then there's a dependence and to some people that represents security in a relationship: "I'm the bread winner' so she won't run off." "I'm nicer/better/prettier/whatever, so he won't replace me." A relationship based on the security of 'feeling needed' is often based on external and controllable things:"As long as I will be able to offer X, he/she will stay with me.
Whereas a relationship based on want is more based on intangibles: The other person and their character traits/values/ beliefs. It requires people to be open and honest or else they will hide what it is that makes them wanted.
I also believe that being wanted is worth more than being needed, because it's voluntary. The other person doesn't need me and can walk away any time they want to. So, if they stay it's not because of something they need, but because they really want to spend time with me because of me. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:12:42 AM | I agree with another poster here about the word "need". A need is a requirement not a desire or a want.
If a woman needs a man to live she will always be with a man and thus will not be available for dating. This is because she will always have another man lined up before she leaves or gets dumped by the guy she is with due to her need.
A woman who can support herself financially and sustain her own life without the presence of a man makes her an "independent woman" by definition. If she was not independent, she would need a man to take care of her. So I don't really understand men who want to avoid an independent woman, as other posters who have commented. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:21:19 AM | | Yes I believe they will. It means they don't have to settle for what ever comes along. It means they have certain standards. If we find a man to be in a relationship with we will need them in out life. We are just not needy! There is a difference. Women say they don't care if they have a man in their life because of the quality of men left available. I'm sure many men think the same. If they man looks else where then I would say he is the one that will be missing out not the female. We don't settle for the ones that are left that don't add anything to our lives or are more interested in getting than giving. Remember we don't need a man and those type of men would not fit our standards! | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:27:09 AM | "Women say they don't care if they have a man in their life because of the quality of men left available."
I don't agree with that statement. There are some great men out there and there are some a**holes and many in between, just like women.
But what we mean by not needing a man, is that we're not dependant on a man to complete us or provide us with the necessary things to find happiness, but that we're happy now and that a relationship would just give us a different level of happiness - an added bonus. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:34:26 AM | I would think that a Man would prefer someone to want them rather than need them. I for one would hate a relationship based on dependency. I would like to think that my Partner can be sufficient with out me and was before me, that they do not need me to live their life.
I don't need a Man, I am self sufficient, I can take care of things myself. Yes, even some of those basic Do-it-yourself things, I have some tools somewhere. But, there are some things that only Men give you that makes me want a man. That's the companionship that you get when you are with someone. The things you can't get from your co-worker, friend, brother, mother, father, sister etc.. The things that a couple shares. Or for some people same gender. Those are the things that makes me want a Man. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:40:25 AM | .
IMO dependancy stems from the child in us. There's a big difference between wanting and needing. I want a man for all the reasons of an adult relationship.
Many men need to be needed. At work. At home. We want to be making contributions that would be sorely missed if we were gone. We want to make a difference to those around us. Otherwise, what's the point?
Again, I think if a man is validated and cherished for himself, not just what he can provide, he won't have to feel Needed. He will be able to have a more equal and healthy relationship. That is the point.
 
. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:45:51 AM |
what women mean when they say that is that they can survive (nicely) without a man.
their reasons for wanting a man is to add to their life and add to his life in return. we wouldn't even consider the type of man you describe.
Being a whole person and committing to a whole person not expect the other person to complete you. I do nicely without a woman, but I still want one. 
-Nate | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:58:10 AM | are you saying that women don't need to be needed?? i think EVERYONE needs to be needed.
I think to be "wanted" is better to be "needed". Needy people make me run. Needy people generally have very little to contribute to a relationship. They are always depending on you to do "everything". This zaps your energy. A healthy relationship is when both people feed the fire. A needy person very rarely has enough self-esteem to keep the fire going. Therefore it is very exhausting for the other person. Plus it sucks to be the needy person in the relationship...you have no power. At best, you put yourself in the position to be taken advantage of. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:06:48 AM | Not "needing" a man is,IMHO, an excuse you hear from people you are try justify their lack of social skills or emotional/mental issues for why they are alone.
Or they are a closeted lesbian.
It would NEVER occur to me as a man to make a blanket statement that I "don't need a woman."
If it it did....I hope that remark would be followed by my immediate death....or by my "coming out of the closet" and stating that I'm gay.
In other words..it WOULDN'T happen.
If you are unwilling to modify your attitudes to interact w/ another person...then say that.
If are uninterested in sex...say that.
If you are a closeted lesbian...say that...
But if you are...you probably won't.
But why would anybody say that they don't need somebody else of the opposite sex in their lives as a companion? | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:17:22 AM |
Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Not a very clear question.
What do you mean by need? Need for what? Children? Validation? Resources? Fulfilling what their social group wants?
What do you mean by find? That men are static objects waiting to be found? Like the perfect L.V. purse in the bottom of the bin at the Macy's one day 75% off sale?
What do you mean by happy? Do you mean their happiness is determined by a man?
Do you mean happy in life? Happy in their situation? You mean a constant happy high that never goes away? You mean new XBox 360 happy? Or morphine happy?
What do you mean by women? Which stage of personality development? People change. Perceived needs change.
IMO men and women aren't static objects that hit an end point in development. So there is no "finding." IMO happy is one emotion that no one can live in their entire life.
So your question doesn't make sense to me.
To me it's like a four year old asking "Will the sun choose to come back tomorrow?"
There are too many false assumptions inherent in the question to regard it seriously.
Many men need to be needed.
Many, but not all. Is there an actual figure? Otherwise isn't it inherent from this statement that women will find what you propose in your question from the leftover population?
Unless you meant all, but simply want to be PC?
We want to be making contributions that would be sorely missed if we were gone.
So you are implying or saying that men only do things for the judgment and validation of others?
We want to make a difference to those around us. Otherwise, what's the point?
Fulfill self interest which sometimes is better fulfilled, secured, and maintained by groups? So it's not really about making a "difference" but securing a place within that group?
So how do you think we are going to respond, hearing that a woman doesn't care whether she ever again has a man in her life?
By proving her wrong? By accepting her view and seeing if it matches their own?
By looking among the other roughly six billion people on the world that helps them reciprocatingly and synergistically fulfill their own self interest?
Men who don't care whether they add anything to a woman's life or not. Men who are more interested in getting than giving. Not exactly great partnership material.
Why is this a constant on the forums? The inherent belief or supposition that men and women are a symbiotic (but different) species that is working towards not "needing" that symbiotic relationship anymore so it's best (or dangerous) for them to part ways? Coming to a conclusion that the other gender is becoming a "parasite"?
As though men are going back to Mars and women going back to Venus so we can start fighting each other again?
Could it be the same factors that are leading to (as you ask) not "needing" a man are the same factors leading to men not "needing" women? Rather than factors affecting women, and then women influencing men?
Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Yes. Because "not needing a man" is a symptom of something else. That some people grow out of and change their perspective making the entire concept meaningless. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:20:53 AM | While it may seem to ourselves that we will never find the right person vs. the wrong ones we wind up with we have to put the word in context and break it down.
Yes, we all want and need to feel wanted and yes, needed. Frustrations, bad choices can lead us to the path of saying "to hell with it. I don't NEED a man/woman in my life"
That leads us to the question of just how NEEDY are we in all this? It all come down to the need to please and the expectations we put into trying to please and being disappointed.
I learned to live with myself and to give my own expectations an attitude adjustment - I don't neccessarily need a man in my life based on both the poor choices I made in the past, because I believed I needed a man, and the way those poor choices affected not just me, but the others in my life.
If you can live with yourself for a period of time you will make better choices and make a better companion to the person you do chose to be with down the road. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:29:08 AM |
I think wanting to be "needed" is the same as wanting to feel certain that the person you're with could not do without you and as such, it's about your own hope to put a stop to your fears that your partner just might be able to survive without you.
To take it so far as to say that women who aren't dependent in some way can't find a man is to say that most men are walking scared.
Nope. It's merely unnecessarily negative and off putting. She's on a dating site, and has a profile that says she's looking for a man. Why does she feel a "need" to proclaim to the world that she doesn't "need" a man? No one would think that she's "needy", can't survive without a man, but equally obvious is that she is looking for a man to meet some higher need, whatever that might be.
Who would walk into a restaurant, and say to a waitress " I don't need food", when hoping to order lunch? Who would walk into an oil change place, walk up to the counter and say " I dont need an oil change, when he went there to get one.
What it tells me, when a woman proclaims, for no reason, that she "doesnt need a man" is that she has "isssues" of some sort, that will make her a pain in the ass to date, so it's a great way to create an immeidiate,, negative response in me. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:30:48 AM |
I don't "need" to be needed.
Seems the main point most are making here. This particular statement --or others similar-- is a way to appear strong to others. To need = weak (in many people's minds).
For me, I'd prefer someone willing to be vulnerable enough to CHOOSE need.
Do you know the main role of a pet is to make us feel needed? Secretly most of us are NEED FREAKS.
Embrace it and know you're human. | |
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| Are women who don't need men likely to ever find one and be happy?
Posted: 7/9/2009 10:36:28 AM | I'm with you on this, Timothy Paul. I think many men -- the good ones -- do need to be needed. Not that they're going to die if they don't have that, but they will certainly wither in one way or another. I've noticed that when I depend on (I'll say "depend on" instead of "need," as people can't seem to get past that dirty word) a man for something, he becomes his better and happier self. It's visible, like a flower blooming in time-lapse. Depending on a man doesn't make me, as a woman, needy or weak or dependent in that man's eyes or in my own. Notice the way a homeless (unneeded) man walks: like something much more vital than shelter has been taken away.
But to answer your question: Yes, some women can find men and be happy whether they feel they need a man or not.
And now you've made it so that old Smokey Robinson song will be running through my head all day: "If You Can Want." | |
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