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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:06:54 PM | Paul (fortygeek)
To answer your question specifically, in a balanced relationship, neither party should tolerate unacceptable behavior. If both people are well-balanced adults, then either party calling spades is acceptable. If both people are well-balanced adults, the issue is discussed and resolved immediately. I have been fortunate enough to have had a balanced relationship before
I totally get ya.. Reason I did ask, is because there is a lot of woman hate on this thread, that I would like the OP to see there is really two sides, and not just male hurt. I wanted to see if you were yet another male hating on women, and seen this as exclusively a thing women spent their life time preparing to do, and that is phuck over the male populous.
It took me looking at my self as a person, a woman, and what I brought to the table, and the attitude I carried into a relationship to create a BALANCED relationship. I had to heal from two bad relationships, and NOT see every man as just another guy that was going to use and abuse me.
I had to learn what to avoid, even if it meant that guy hating on me, because I would not venture into a relationship with them. As well be honesty that things weren't compatible between me and that guy. Abusive men HATE not getting what they want, and I had to stop letting my compassionate side rule my decisions.
I am friends with my ex spouse, an emotional abuser, and a LTR that was a physical, emotional and verbal abuser. WHY, because I learned boundaries, and that these men helped me see the BAD I brought to the table with them. We had some good things, and of course with my ex spouse we have our kids as a permanent connection.
Seeing that you aren't hating on women, and just a guy feeling it for the OP, is good thing. People need to feel understood, and frankly being female, my empathy is not going to do much good.
Thanks for the response... Kate =D | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/15/2009 8:36:04 PM |
maybe its time to UPGRADE on your choice of women? there are plenty of women looking to meet a man, you're telling me you cant find any of these women or are you going after Ms. America's or Halle Berry types or Sport Illustrated models or the strippers with the Big tits and little feet
Im betting you're overlooking the " plain" and " below average" women who are over weight and your excuse is you're not attracted to them? lots of women who fit into that category why not romance them?
Sounds like a DOWNGRADE to me. Dating ugly women is not the solution to end his problems...it would just bring a new set of them. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/15/2009 9:00:14 PM | I like that analogy Mortalez. It is rather odd that throughout the coarse of history two beings that were meant for each other have cause so much strength and downfalls, much more complicated than even the bonding of atoms.
But yeah I get fed up with them a lot. I've never been in a relationship let alone a date, and I for one can't understand it. Sure I'm shy around girls but they always seem to ignore me or pass me by even if they seem to find me attractive. I have two sisters (one who's younger than I am) who are getting married next year and a brother who already has a wife and two daughters. I'm very happy for them but every now and then I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to me?
Being a nice guy ain't easy but it's who I am.
No it's not a crime to want someone to love. Your only crime is being human. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:31:50 PM | OK for those that call this a nice guy post, so be it I never called it one.
for those who say its my fault well you wernt there for every relationship I have had.
I just treat women how I want to be treated, my frustration is there seems to be a lack of women who want a meaningful relationship as opposed to just passing time while its fun.
I just want a compatible woman that likes to spend time with her man, not some woman that puts her man last on her list and then acts surprised when you move on.
you guys are right one should not be a doormate, if a woman does not have time to be in a relationship she should not waste my time in the first place.
and yes dating was much easier in the past, infact I was very good at it but the times now suck, people are so self centered. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/15/2009 10:56:57 PM | OP, you're just dating the wrong women. you're beginning to sink; stop! relax, take a nap, and listen to some music.
you need to first find your center. that's where you are strongest, with little defenses up, and nothing can touch you. it's where you are you no matter what, and when the storm winds/rains come upon you, you're still standing there and you are content and you will attract.
I am so sick of women charging me up only to reverse the current, I could understand if I changed during the course of a relationship but I dont.
women go through this as well. it's a human situation, not a gender specific situation.
Is it a crime to want someone to spend my life with?
no. it's not a crime. it's a human's birthright. however, there are conditions to get to this level.
I know one must have hobbies and friends and I have those things but I dont get the same rush as I do with the touch of a special female.
me too. you're not alone.
Do women just not have the time for relationships? do they want only to fit said relationships into the thinnest slice or their lifes pie?
i can't speak for women, but i can tell you that everything takes time. But you must remember, it is not YOUR time that the universe/life revolves around. and when your time comes, the world's greatest armies won't even be able to defeat you.
are any of you guys fed up as I am?[/quote
contemplate. think. understand. But never become fed up. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:09:55 AM | OP
OK for those that call this a nice guy post, so be it I never called it one.
for those who say its my fault well you wernt there for every relationship I have had.
No...you didn't. I, and several other posters, called it that. But, for the sake of argument, let's drop the 'nice guy' or 'sweet guy' aspect of this post for a second.
I don't have to be there for every relationship to understand one thing...the simple fact that YOU are the common denominator here. You're the one picking them...you're the one letting them into your life.
While I have empathy for you, because I've been in your shoes, I'm beginning to lack sympathy for you because you choose to blame the women for YOUR poor dating choices. Why don't you take a break from dating and figure out why you keep attracting the same type of woman over and over again. Fix the common denominator here and your problems might go away. Just sayin...
yes there are things I like to do but I find I am happiest when I am in a relationship
This is a very telling quote here. Damn near every self-help book on the planet states that you should be happiest with yourself and by yourself FIRST...a relationship should be icing on the cake. Simply stated, being happiest when you are in a relationship means you will take any woman at all to be in a 'relationship' and 'happy'.
OP...been there...done that. Quit getting defensive. Stop and think about it for a bit...
Paul ;) | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:34:30 PM | | kid A Amnesiac, I didnt say for the guy to hit on quote unquote UGLY women, that is not what I said. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:36:52 PM | Airconditionthis summer and Forty geek, you got it on head of the nail!!!!!!
OP, I have been posting my butt off, why, because from the female side I totally hear you.
Life changed for the better when I took a year off after a 3 1/2 yr abusive relationship.
It would have been SO EASY to say he was a totally d!ck, crack out my psychology schooling, and point out all his mental issues, and then jump back on the bank to fish for more guys just like him...
FortyGEEK is spelling it out, and I KNOW it is hard to admit you are the person picking these type of women...
I was the person picking those type of men... DO you honestly think I wanted to be abused, put down, physically hurt in the end??? Do you honestly think I could say I didn't do a damn thing to deserve that shit... THE FACT IS I was there. I figured I could keep control over the situation, and HE would see there was no need to freak out...   
Men and women aren't much different when it comes to selecting bad relationships. It is the WHY we do that WE have to answer. Not a single person can answer WHY the women YOU pick turn out to be what ever term you want to call them...
When I figured out my why, and then figured out how to change it, life changed... My man IS NOT an abuser... We never call each other names... HELL we have been together for a yr, and don't yell at each other...
IT wasn't a lucky break that I met him... IT was ME changing how I selected a guy...
Sometimes I would NOT go out with men that had a certain temperament. They would be pissed, name call women, say that all the women in the area were a bunch of stuck up biotches... Ya know what, whether any one of these guys WEREN'T an abuser, or control freak didn't matter, because there isn't a lose if you happen to miss one person who is what you want...
Keep gaining hate towards the opposite gender, and you will be NICE WOMAN repellent, that is why their are so many NICE GUY threads, or why are all women biotches...
You can think I am just one of them, however I know better... And my SO will tell you how lucky he feels every day to have me as his partner.. NOT BECAUSE I AM THE WORLDS PERFECT WOMAN, FAR FROM IT... But I am perfect FOR HIM...
By the way, I never got the impression you had a "I'm a nice guy rant"...
  Check your bait shug, see what your rigging is set up to catch... | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:12:17 PM |
women have learned to take care of themselves. They are encouraged to get educated, and to provide for themselves, they also have learned just as men, they can get a bit o sausage without buying the whole hog, and can be happy doing what they want in the realm of hobbies...
This very well has brought on some pissed off men,
Seems to me more men would like this type of women. I know I do. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:00:46 AM | Well most of this would make sense if I DID pick the same type of woman over and over, but the women I have dated in the long treacherously frustrating years of my single life have come from different walks of life.
And I find it interesting that love is the only thing people seem to think one should not need in their life.
if I had a passion about making money people would not see that as wrong, or skateboarding , rock climbing etc etc......
but because my passion is romantic love then something must be wrong with me.
its like people care more about their hobbies, friends and such than their SO"s.
yes I need all the things that make me happy to have a full life and that includes love. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:13:50 PM |
Dude, you look ready to kick some womans' ass in your pics. Very angry looking with negative body posture.
Look what you have as a profession. Stop being angry at the world.
Maybe if you didn't look and sound like you hate them before you met them?
Think about it. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:03:42 PM | | actually when I first start dating I'm all happy and cheerful, and those poses on my profile are the most flattering I could make I took 100's of photos and smiling makes me look goofy and distorts my features. the folding of the arms makes them look bigger because my arms are so long they look skinny when unflexed its kind of a cobra effect I stand strait up my arms look boney and my midsection looks dumpy I fold my arms and all the muscles I worked so hard for pop out of hiding. smiling pulls in my jaw and makes my cheeks look fat. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:45:52 PM | Unfold them anyway. That is a closed off "don't dare approach me" stance.
My a$$ looks wide leaning on a car. So what? 5ml of an inch is not going to make or break your looks or mine. Do you want someone that superficial?
You can not let some turn downs or a few bad experiences with people on the internet or in "real life" relationships
make you mad at all the women in the world.
You are the only one that will suffer for your anger. Just you.
You don't have to smile, just don't glare. Relax your jaw muscles.
Put your tongue between your teeth if you have to.
Take off the negative crapola on your profile.
What if the "right one" is looking today and clicks on your profile? Is that the impression you want to give her? | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/19/2009 4:21:38 PM | I just looked at your profile again and really looked at your pictures .
I feel I need to be armed or something. I am not joking or making fun.
If you came in my yard or house (any man) looking that mean I would load the gun and take off the safety.
It all starts with the pictures. You are off to a bad start.
Where do you think that you would place in a race? I think a bit behind the other Jack Asses in the running. ( a little horse humor),H EEEEAAAAWWW!!
Reminds me of a joke. 2 men in a bar, the 1st man says to the 2nd man"hey Jack Ass order me a beer" You know the rest....love it | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:43:34 PM | no takers?
Sorry...was busy enjoying the weekend minus my computer. Beautiful weather in the Pacific Northwest this weekend.
Well most of this would make sense if I DID pick the same type of woman over and over, but the women I have dated in the long treacherously frustrating years of my single life have come from different walks of life.
I very specifically called YOU the common denominator. If nothing else...you just proved my point. If these women were all so different, how come you're still the one getting his heart broken every time? Common denominator.
if I had a passion about making money people would not see that as wrong, or skateboarding , rock climbing etc etc......
but because my passion is romantic love then something must be wrong with me.
Wow...you just compared romantic love to a hobby. Read that to the next SO in your life and see what reaction you get. If the woman has a healthy sense of self respect, you'll probably find yourself single again.
its like people care more about their hobbies, friends and such than their SO"s.
If you are broken, so will your relationship be. I care about MYSELF first, because if I'm not 100%, I cannot give 100% .
yes I need all the things that make me happy to have a full life and that includes love.
Yeah...I need love too. But I get a lot of that from friends and family. You come across as someone who needs the kind of love that only comes from someone who can give you sex. You are seriously mistaken if you think that healthy minded women cannot see this.
Step back, and look at yourself. You are the common denominator.
Paul ;) | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:47:10 AM | I agree with Sarah. And you don't just not smile; rather, you look like you're going to kick my ass! You're obviously of extraordinary intelligence, articulate, very handsome, and a fountain knowledge. I wonder - if you widened your search perhaps you might have more luck. And don't use the posing girly photos behind your head in your profile.
Don't despair. There are many of us looking for solid relationshipe with decent, upstanding men.
And if I'm ever in Texas, I'll look you up so I can see if you really do smile.
;) | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:50:38 AM | | You are too focused on your looks! And one can only assume that the same can be said for the woman you seek. Fifty year marriages are not based on bulging muscles and posing. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/20/2009 4:11:16 PM |
I agree with Sarah. And you don't just not smile; rather, you look like you're going to kick my ass! You're obviously of extraordinary intelligence, articulate, very handsome, and a fountain knowledge. C and C, that is completely on target, and what I got as well...
Look op, I put pics of my SO in my profile... Damn if I can get him to smile for the camera. He has got this absolutely amazing smile, but forgets to us it and wonders why people think he's in some bad mood...gee don't know...
If you are broken, so will your relationship be. I care about MYSELF first, because if I'm not 100%, I cannot give 100% . Paul is absolutely on target here as well.
To many people think they only have to bring 50% to a relationship, that is not even a passing grade, so why would that make a relationship a good one. Ohhhh yes, well the other person is supposed to bring their 50%... Yeah, last time I seen a passing grade by someone elses 50%, is when I buggest them and then did their 50% as well.
Step back, and look at yourself. You are the common denominator.
In your original post, you stated women were trying to change you, and you were NOT having any of that.
Here is what I would like to know, change what? What did they think they needed to have a better relationship with you???
This is the "denominator" that you need to be taking a look at, and analyzing WHY they wanted to part of you changed.
My biological father, is a mean nasty, temperamental, volatile man. My mother didn't try changing him, she catered to his needs, and biotch all the time about it. In the end, (they are both still alive) they have dysfunctional kids that moved so they wouldn't have to be around either of them.
He still doesn't get what part he played, and no biotch is gonna change him.
I DON'T KNOW YOU, AND YOU DIDN'T STATE WHAT THE ISSUE IS, so I am NOT comparing you to my father. However there are many things that a person MAY be in need of over hauling.
WHICH is Paul's point.
I don't think anyone is telling you that having love is something YOU can't have. However only a handful of people have been willing to venture into what exactly is going on to make women leave.
We can blame women, say they are all biotches, and you just haven't found the right one, BUT that only will work for so long. You either end up being so bitter, that you are alone, and pissed off at the entire world, OR you realize that perhaps you have/do a thing or two that creates a bad relationship.
A large number of us have had to figure that out, Paul is a perfect example and states he's in a healing process. I have been there myself, taking time off to look at ME. It is easy to point the finger at everyone else, HOWEVER unless you are picking serial killers each and every time, then YOU TOO contribute to what is going wrong.
Personally I get a big kick out of people who want to pretend to side with you, and say "YA blame the victim, that is what everybody does..." Are you a victim??? What are you a victim of if YOU ARE the victim???
There is NOTHING wrong with wanting love in your life, the majority of people in the world want that. However having a really good relationship takes work, especially in this day and age where family structure hasn't always been the best, and people haven't learned to own up on their short coming.
Long time ago I felt like a victim as well, but then someone gave it to me straight and told me I did NOT come across as a friendly person. I may not have LIKED hearing that, however he wasn't blowing hot air up my back side, he called it as he seen it. Dating in my world became a lot more successful...
Sure I would draw people that had MORE issues than myself, because my esteem was in the toilet, however once I built my esteem, and then realized that I had the responsibility to find out if a person was a good fit for me, and they were emotionally stable, dating really got a LOT better.
May not work for everyone, BUT I have a feeling it will make some differences in your life if YOU figure out what makes dating an issue for YOU.... | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:23:37 PM | I hear ya, but I'm more apathetic now these days.
Firstly our parents were a different generation. Back then, from their upbringing they respected the union of marriage, respected it with some sense of reverence. Toughed it out during the hard times so to speak, and didn't commit to anyone unless they were serious.
These days, due to living in a land of plenty, expectations are higher and people are more picky. Most of the generation now, grow up with a sense of entitlement because their parents were overcompensating for their childhoods and always impressed on their kids that they were special. So kids started growing up thinking that they were special and deserved someone special, and above the average normal population. This doesn't say that you don't deserve it, nor that you don't fit the grade for being desired. It just means that these days, sex has been reduced to a meaningless act thanks to the media and the Internet, and relationships are attempted like trying on a new pair of knickers. The proof is the divorce rate of 45.8% in the US, 37% in Canada. That's almost half of all marriages. I don't agree with it, I despise and resent that some women differentiate between casual sex and being in a relationship. As if one can exist without the other, or rather should exist without the other.
But thus is the world we made, and thus is the world we live in. Life is change whether good or bad. So keep looking but don't compare with your parents. Oh... and don't expect too much out of life, you'll be happier for it. | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/21/2009 11:32:56 AM | Op,
You gotta do something about your profile pix.
You need to upload a few where you don't look so mean! You're a big black dude, and the expression on your face is almost scary.
You're like the guy in my nightmare dream where I am falsely convicted of a crime, I'm thrown in a cell block and you're my roommate...and the first thing you say to me is "I'll protect you but it's going to cost you..." | |
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| Starting to hate women........
Posted: 7/21/2009 4:10:24 PM | I loved your profile and even your pics.......
What you say goes both ways thats for sure. You are sexy and hot and will find yourself someone that is right for you. Have patience and good luck!! | |
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