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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 7/31/2009 10:36:12 PM | Mortalez, we don't know what you do, and how YOU change in the middle of a relationship. Everybody I know tries to put their best foot forward, however as they ease into the relationship and get real, then so does the things that are a part of their life.
It seems you need to learn to get to know a woman in the first part, to be able to tell what kind of person they are.
Does she drink, if so how much?
Does she hang out at clubs, or list clubbing as a hobby??? Not someone that will want to give up clubbing...
Is she into drugs, if she does drugs, then she does drugs, you can't change that, and you have to wonder if she is someone you want to be with.
Has she cheated on her partners in the past. One a VERY long time ago MAY have been a mistake, especially IF she regrets it, and feels ashamed by her actions...
Women are more than their looks, what exactly draws you to a certain woman? Does she spend more on her up keep of looks, then she has money? Does she have good friends, or are they wild chicks looking for a good time, this is a good tell as to what kind of time she spends with her chic friends.
Where is it that you meet women, are you usually meeting a woman at the bar, and sleeping with them the first time you meet? That says a lot about the respect they have, and the shallowness of the beginning of a relationship. If the two of you get to know each other on a sexual basis right off, that is what is developed first, then their real personality and red flags are missed because of the sexual infatuation.
You stated you get pi$$ed women try to change you... WHAT IS IT that they are trying to change about YOU??? That is something YOU haven't stated, and is another very telling piece.
Perhaps you are moody all the time, demanding that things are done your way, perhaps you are outgoing in the beginning, but after the fact are a home body, which isn't something they expected from you.
For the love of you life, get a few books on dating, because you can get all the lamenting, women are b!tches, and the more you get that kind of thinking, the more you are gonna get down, and believe this to be true...
Both genders can suck, but there are also really great single people on both sides as well.
This is just ONE venue to meet women, get out and do hobbies where women are but in a humanitarian type of setting, or a hobby that has people who are just down home, and friendly...
NONE OF US know the type of woman you are attracted to, but if she is high maintenance, then she is going to be more trouble then YOU are wanting to have.
Things change in a relationship, but they are hopefully the changes that are in a direction of growth. If every time they are falling apart, then it would seem you aren't really getting to know who these women are and what they are about in the beginning... JUST A THOUGHT OR TWO... | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 6:19:19 AM | I would suggest that anyone who makes a statement that they are "starting to hate women" - actually hates themself, and has all sorts of issues regarding their own psyche. There's no magic ingredient to it all - and no hard and fast rules which state that one is going to bump into their soulmate in this life. The best any of us can do is to be true to OURSELVES and to deal with the underlying issues and problems in our own lives first. Then at least if we do bump into someone, we can at least give them our freely expessed and true views and emotions. If they float the other person's boat then fandabbydoziiiii ! If we operate from a moveable platform though, and moderate our true selves and our true feelings for another, sooner or later our inner selves will shine through - leading to an apparent "about turn" in the other person.
Normally people don't hurt each other - it's more true to say that we hurt ourselves by our lack of REAL deep down honesty, and a failure to accept our weaknesses along with our strengths.
I never look for "love" because it's one of those things which will find us when we are least expecting it. If we look for it, our human nature - in it's natural obsession with finding those things which we seek, will modify the parameters, to fit the person who is the object of our desire - and give us back an untrue representation. "Love is blind" so the expression goes - but in most cases it's not love which is blind, but actually Lust which is blind - whether simple sexual lust, or a yearning to get inside the mystery of another person. Often once the mystery is revealed, it becomes evident that love really doesn't come into the equation. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 6:31:46 AM | Good grief !!!! Misogyny, chauvanism and narrow-minded views .... ! I do wonder why some people actually bother coming onto this site, and although I recognize and applaud freedom of expression, I wonder if the following statement:-
And why are most women boozehounds and alcoholics that have to go out and slut it up in the bars 4 nights a week anyway? It seems even when they have a decent man they can not break away from that lifestyle, damn shallow biatches.
.... is actually backed by any form of empirical evidence ???? Or whether this is simply a product of a woman hater's mind. "Most" women I have met both on here, and elsewhere through my extensively varied life, do NOT fall into this category. And by 'Most' I would estimate probably in excess of 99 % | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 6:47:49 AM |
Mortalez, we don't know what you do, and how YOU change in the middle of a relationship. Everybody I know tries to put their best foot forward, however as they ease into the relationship and get real, then so does the things that are a part of their life. Ok I am not every one you know, I dont change during the course of a relationship and one of the reasons is I can't, I am not wired that way, I have ADHD . now before I get the eye roll, many people get the wrong idea about that disorder because they think we have short attention spans, and while in many causes thats true its not in all cases. during boring non-rewarding tasks we tend to zone out, but things that are enjoyable when tend to get hyper focused. so when you first meet me what you see is what you are gonna get.
Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another Have difficulty focusing on one thing Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless they are doing something enjoyable Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new Be very impatient show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games Well in school I did well because I actually had an intrest in most subjects except math, I got A's in sociology,science, reading, creative writing and history but I often failed in math and english and spelling. I was also in honours art (an advanced art class). But thats enough background the reason I know I dont change is because I dont have an off switch (again hyper-focused), that feeling that all of you get when you FIRST get in a relationship you know, the butterflies, constantly in your thoughts, talking for hours a day, calling just to say hi, watching movies cuddled up together, having sex like wild monkeys every chance you get etc etc.... well unlike most off you my brain does not shut those hormoans off after a few weeks the switch is stuck.
Where is it that you meet women, are you usually meeting a woman at the bar, and sleeping with them the first time you meet? That says a lot about the respect they have, and the shallowness of the beginning of a relationship. If the two of you get to know each other on a sexual basis right off, that is what is developed first, then their real personality and red flags are missed because of the sexual infatuation.
Or its simply that animalistic attraction that is part of our primal nature( you know that thing that has served us so well for 3.5 million years that we are so quick to abandon) and no I dont meet women at bars I use the net for a reason, I am a homebody so it stands to reason that other homebodies will be at home too. I hate going to bars its a suckers game for meeting women for they have all the advantage and I don't want to START a relationship doing something I dont like doing because it will have to be repeated. Example: dreamgirl: why do we never go out any more? mortalez: I hate going out. DG: but I met you when you were going out. Mortalez: I just went out to meet someone and now I've found you. DG: aahhh ok, well your boring lets break up. Nope I dont like starting things I know I wont keep doing, its not fair to the girl.
You stated you get pi$$ed women try to change you... WHAT IS IT that they are trying to change about YOU??? That is something YOU haven't stated, and is another very telling piece.
Well in the past most of those changes were work related, even when I was making good money as a bouncer my ex's often tried to get me to take boring stressful jobs . one girl tried to get me to work for a guy at her church in the IT dept. I love working on computers but not when there are deadlines and bosses rushing me, after a few weeks I would hate looking at computers.
This is just ONE venue to meet women, get out and do hobbies where women are but in a humanitarian type of setting, or a hobby that has people who are just down home, and friendly...
NONE OF US know the type of woman you are attracted to, but if she is high maintenance, then she is going to be more trouble then YOU are wanting to have.
I have hobbies its just that most of them dont attract alot of women, I like gaming, sword play, weight lifting(but I do that at home) and humanitarian work would bore me to tears......
Things change in a relationship, but they are hopefully the changes that are in a direction of growth. There we agree, but to me spending LESS time together is not positive change things should get better not worse. So I have found most change is NOT for the better because like you said people often show their BEST selves in the begining.
[quote}If every time they are falling apart, then it would seem you aren't really getting to know who these women are and what they are about in the beginning... JUST A THOUGHT OR TWO... the opposite I do get to know who they are in the BEGINING!!! , its who they change into that I dont like. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 1:36:43 PM | Hate is a very strong word. Never should your life revolve a woman. Your life should be your own and a special woman should become privileged to live in it. That's the way you should look at your relationships with women. If a woman doesn't make you happy, doesn't make time for you or constantly changes her mind about what she wants, it's time to look for another fish in the sea. If a woman says that she's afraid of getting hurt again, she's not ready to date seriously or be in a comitted relationship. Or, that might be her way of telling you that she's not interested in you. Don't let your hapiness be dependent on a special female. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 2:01:51 PM | I feel sorry for you Mortalez, you're too stupid to see what the problem is, and you're going around blaming every one but yourself.
You remind me of this guy I once played hockey with, he as a bit of a dumb fvck, he was in 4 accidents in 7 years , winter time, he kept driving his ford mustang in the dead of winter, and was in a few accidents , he blamed the the car,weather, mother nature, father time, the politicians, the cops you name it he blamed.
Even to this day he still doesnt believe he's the problem, hopefully one day you will wake up. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 2:23:37 PM |
I feel sorry for you Mortalez, you're too stupid to see what the problem is, and you're going around blaming every one but yourself.
You remind me of this guy I once played hockey with, he as a bit of a dumb fvck, he was in 4 accidents in 7 years , winter time, he kept driving his ford mustang in the dead of winter, and was in a few accidents , he blamed the the car,weather, mother nature, father time, the politicians, the cops you name it he blamed.
Even to this day he still doesnt believe he's the problem, hopefully one day you will wake up.
Look dude I am not here to fight with you, its obvious you not a very kind person. I only seek to get back what I give out period, its not too much to ask.
Logically I know a good woman is out there but I also know statistically the odds of finding her are slim. oh and is it your fault you're still single? I could see if I was rude, uncaring and abusive but I'm not, I would agree with you if I was a cheater or emotionally unavailable but I am not. When I enter into a relationship I show positivity (because I am positive when in a relationship). Geez its like trying to teach a goat to tapdance. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 2:40:08 PM | Mortalez, Im not here to fight with you, I don't know you...and whether you think im not a kind person isn't irrelevant nor do I care what you think of me , we're not talking about me, we're talking about YOU!!!!!!and your negative attitude towards women because of past behaviors. Im not the one who posted about " starting to hate women"
A lot of people on here gave you some really good advice yet youre still fighting them, coming up with all the excuses in the world.
Your yoda lingo is funny though, teaching a goat to tapdance? 
can I throw my own Yoda Lingo in there, never tip toe across the dragons girlfriend when she's sleeping when you have wet shoes  | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 3:36:33 PM | Live from Louisville. My friends and I are fed up too!!! I think alot of has to do with the sitcoms making men look foolish and that women run it all. That is a myth!!! I am successful and do it on my own. Most women you meet want to dictate your life and what you are going to be doing. I went to a Roman Catholic Grade School and High School, and what was stressed, BE YOURSELF. I just want to say this, another problem at our age, we are set in our ways and have more responsibilities which result in less free time. I think another problem is that when people are starting to date now, they have secret agendas. That is my opinion and Good Luck!!!
Chris | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 4:08:44 PM | Mort, it took me 7 yrs after my marriage to find my guy. We are a LOT different from each other, but that is the beauty of it.
Sometimes we DO try rather unconsciously to change each other, however that is not going to happen.
We can say that women think they are in control, and want to control men, however I can personally say I AM NOT interested in changing a man to be what I want him to be.
Fortunately he and I are both home bodies... He doesn't have an interest in humanitarian work himself, however after meeting so many different people, those are the type of gals I see that have a love for others beyond herself. I am a humanitarian, and sometimes that is frustrating for MY SO to, because he sees no reason to teach others anything, or do things for others that they can't do for themselves.
I understand you say you get to know these women in the beginning, HOWEVER, you are expecting these women to be like you, who they are from the start, middle to the end... The who they become IS a reality of most dating, therefore you may need to find someone that has little interest in changing.
As I said, it took me time to find the guy I have been with for a year. We are still getting to know each other, and will be doing that for a life time, that is just how life is. Sometimes he does sh!t that drives me nuts, and I am sure I am the same for him... LOL, in fact he's told my I am too analytical, yeah ok, always have been, nothing new, well accept now that I have been taking the psychology classes, I am using him as a sort of lab rat, which he doesn't find to thrilling. We talk about it, and then I explain I want to understand the reason he thinks the way he does, and why he does things he does.
He says why does it matter? It matters because it is less annoying when I understand why he thinks the way he does.
You state you have ADHD, sometimes it is easy to miss some of the annoying things about a person the first time around when you are "hyper focused" on the finding love part. I have a feeling these women really aren't changing, but rather more comfortable with being the way they were all along...
Once you have gotten past that hyper focus on love, then you see all the other things you didn't notice before. THEY probably want to MAKE you out going, because being a home body can be pretty boring IF YOU AREN'T that way in the first place... Believe me, I had to find home body men, other wise they were bored with me real fast too, however I NEVER started hating men for not being like me, I just knew it'd take time... It did...
I can only say if you continue to develop HATE for the very people YOU want in your life, you are shooting yourself in the foot... Last time as an X ray tech I seen an injury like that, it made walking a b!tch, and he was in constant pain... Orthopedic Surgeons had a major task to try putting his foot back together...
Stop shooting yourself in the foot... Love you for you, and that woman that can handle YOUR life style will come along.... | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/1/2009 6:49:46 PM | Mortalez
I understand what you wrote. Your research is well written, and I commend you for trying to find a solution to fixing them. My ex has ADD and it caused major problems within the marriage. There is a fantastic web site that helped me understand why he did the things he did, and how it affected the relationship. They also have forums, where you'll get answers on why your relationships end. Point out areas that cause difficulties, and then provide stratagies on how to deal with them. www.adhdmarriage.com | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/2/2009 6:40:04 PM |
I understand what you wrote. Your research is well written, and I commend you for trying to find a solution to fixing them. My ex has ADD and it caused major problems within the marriage. There is a fantastic web site that helped me understand why he did the things he did, and how it affected the relationship. They also have forums, where you'll get answers on why your relationships end. Point out areas that cause difficulties, and then provide stratagies on how to deal with them. www.adhdmarriage.com
Remmeber ADHD is not the dis order people think it is, one theory about its origins is that its a throw back to a time with humans were hunters. as stated below:
The hunter vs. farmer theory is a hypothesis proposed by author Thom Hartmann about the origins of ADHD. He believes that these conditions may be a result of adaptive behavior of the human species. His theory states that those with ADHD retain some of the older "hunter" characteristics associated with early pre-agricultural human society. According to this theory, individuals with ADHD may be more adept at searching and seeking and less adept at staying put and managing complex tasks over time. [60]
The hunter vs. farmer theory proposes that the high frequency of ADHD in contemporary settings "represents otherwise normal behavioral strategies that become maladaptive in such evolutionarily novel environments as the formal school classroom." However, one study showed that inattention and hyperactivity appear to be at least as problematic at home as at school.
I find that interesting because I have always done good in jobs such as bouncing, security, I even worked for a bail bonds office, but jobs where I had to react to things as they happened, while tedious jobs I always got frustrated. Another issue that comes uo in relationships is SEX, I like alot of it, the more the better and at first while in the honeymoon stage my partners are in the same mode that I am in. then once the newness wears off they only thing you should do it a few times a week. That goes into conflict with my very thought process. shown below.
The low arousal theory explains that people with ADHD seek self-stimulation or excessive activity in order to ascend their state of abnormally low arousal.[ The theory states that those with ADHD cannot self-moderate and their attention can only be gained by means of environmental stimuli, which in turn results in disruption of attentional capacity and an increase in hyperactive behaviour. This theory also explains why stimulant medications have high success rates and can induce a calming effect at therapeutic dosages among children with ADHD. It establishes a strong link with scientific data that ADHD is connected to abnormalities with the neurochemical dopamine and a powerful link with low-stimulation PET scan results in ADHD subjects. This explains why I feel so at peace with the world when having sex. and why I prefer the stability of a monogamous relationship. being a cheater would work against my feeling of stability. in essence I am genetically PROGRAMED to be faithful. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/3/2009 10:40:41 AM | Instead of blaming all women take a look at what you are doing wrong. You can't change women but you CAN change YOU. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/3/2009 10:42:22 AM |
And why are most women boozehounds and alcoholics that have to go out and slut it up in the bars 4 nights a week anyway? It seems even when they have a decent man they can not break away from that lifestyle, damn shallow biatches.
MOST WOMEN ARE ALCOHOLICS? | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/3/2009 3:49:04 PM | | To be fair I will admit that I have a history of dating low income under educated white trash single moms because I somehow think I can rescue them, and yes most are heavy drinkers and smokers. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/3/2009 3:49:21 PM |
Instead of blaming all women take a look at what you are doing wrong. You can't change women but you CAN change YOU.
Changing me wont make me happy because I like what I like, I dont want to change a woman because at best it would be a temporary change. I just want a woman that does NOT change in a negative way. And I want to know how to tell if a woman is going to change so I dont waste my time. Like I said most women I have dated start off great, then they get too busy, like I said its a bait and switch. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/3/2009 7:06:55 PM |
Changing me wont make me happy because I like what I like, I dont want to change a woman because at best it would be a temporary change. I just want a woman that does NOT change in a negative way. And I want to know how to tell if a woman is going to change so I dont waste my time. Like I said most women I have dated start off great, then they get too busy, like I said its a bait and switch.
Mort hun if you were truly happy you wouldn't be hating on women...
First off PLEASE TELL ME what is too busy???
You are asking women to keep this constant I am not gonna get busy after things settle down, and to be honest that isn't realistic. We all have things we are going to need to do, like a job, school, kids, et al, that will take our time away from totally focusing on the person we are with...
Unless you meet someone that is sitting at home 24/7 with nothing better to do then focus all her time on you, well that isn't realistic in the least.
At the moment I have more time than most, I take classes on line, and have all my free time bound up in doing the home work, or my hobbies, which since my guy works (I am independently financially covered, so I can afford to be at home)
My guy would feel smothered if I focused all my time on him, and in fact it would probably be a major turn off... he likes to come home turn the tv on, and then play computer games.. Fine, I do forums, or home work, we are both in the same room, so it works...
At some point my life will change, and I will use my newly gained education, should my man feel shafted, because all the sudden I changed gears in my life???
The point I am trying to get to is what horrible thing are these ladies doing??? If they are doing these horrible things, that make you feel you got bait and switched on, then YOU still have to change the place, and or type of gal you are going after... There has to be some pattern that each of these people demonstrate in the get, to turn out to be the same disappointment each time...
IE: If I bought a KIA, after KIA, and each one of them fell apart within a certain period of time, it would seem logical to choose a different manufacture, and to find out how well put together this manufacture is... Switching to say a Yugo would not be a good plan, because the fall apart rate is worse...
As to the guy who said all women are drunk biotches... NICE, that is going to go so well for your boy as he gets old thinking women are nothing more than drunk white trash...
Stop going after women who drink... Get to know them... Not all single mothers are white trash drunkards... REALLY, that is not a good statement, and even worse it stays on your profile...
Good news is, a lot of people don't know these forums are a good way to find out how a person thinks, so the next white trash drunkard may not have an issue...
From personal experience... you get what you project... If you think all women are white trash drunkards, that are the very women you will attracted... maybe just a slight mental adjustment, and you too will meet some nice ladies, that are educated, good mums, and don't drink but maybe three or four times a YEAR.... | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/4/2009 12:12:21 AM | I think I know what your problem is mm somebody probably put a spell on you, like witch craft ever wonder about that it is possible not kidding maybe you should go to church.
Hahahah! | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/4/2009 6:02:47 AM |
To be fair I will admit that I have a history of dating low income under educated white trash single moms because I somehow think I can rescue them, and yes most are heavy drinkers and smokers. Heavyiron, I give you credit for admitting that this is YOUR history and your problem.
They're called repair jobs. You're trying to 'fix' people who do NOT want to be fixed...they would rather just wallow in their misery. Misery LOVES company...
One repair job is enough of a chore...but if you continually date them it shows that you have your own self esteem problems to deal with. Take a break from dating, build YOURSELF up, then aim higher. Don't know about you, but I want my next relationship to be a healthy one. Why settle for a repair job?
Paul ;) | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/4/2009 10:05:00 AM | OP
I think that we all think that way from time to time, and not just about women, but about the "guv mint," bosses at work, the economy, etc, etc --- let me off this train!
"I'm taking my Tonka Toy home and not letting anyone else play with it!"
But all you need is one. And after you find that special one, well, no more fitting into a little life's pie. That's what keeps me going.
You can't win if you don't play. I have interviewed several very successful people as part of my work. I don't recall ANY of them not mentioning the fact that they went through several episodes where they failed miserably, but with confidence in their ability to succeed, they finally did. Life is not without risk; the bigger the pay-off, the greater the risk. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/4/2009 3:13:05 PM | OP--- What you may HATE about women, could in turn be you misdirecting this "hate" that you really have on traits you yourself may have. Maybe look back at what got you pissed off... and see if YOU share that characteristic.
But to hate women? Nah... I think it's better to just take a break from them since they CAN be a headache. | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/4/2009 4:55:13 PM | At least in my case it's not that I started to hate women, but I suppose I have a strong dislike for the environment that some women have come from and the associated social traits they carry with them.
It seems many of the women local to me are just superficial when it comes to certain aspects of a male, such as height and hair. If a man isn't "GQ" caliber then he isn't worthy of their attention.
In the last week I met two women thanks to some visiting friends. One woman was an Aussie and the other was a Brit. I found it simply fascinating to speak to them regarding how they view the singles "scene" here in the US in comparison to their home countries. Even they noticed just how shallow many American women are. While many women from outside of the US would be happy to meet a nice guy here and have what would have once been considered the "American dream" of the house with the white picket fence, etc, they see many American women as gold diggers, living for the here and now and not vesting much into the future. Even the most beautiful woman will eventually get wrinkles and sags, not to mention the associated health issues that accompanies getting older.
Do I hate women? No, but I am less fond of those who lack any depth of character in today's society. While it would be nice to have a companion I'm not all wrapped up frettin' about finding one. If it happens, it happens. I've been content living the singles life and enjoy my time as totally mine.
After watching a long time friend go through a very messy divorce I consider myself fortunate in my trials with women. This poor s.o.b. REALLY hates women now ... especially since he's been taken to the proverbial cleaners by his ex! | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/14/2009 9:43:31 AM | | Hey Jimerrific! i read your post and it made me smile. Have never heard a man put it so well. Glad to hear you will keep on being vulnerabal to the successes and failures of your quest for Woman. I have the same attitude and i am a Female. Not a game player, just looking for the right relationship to 'smash and wallow' in! " SonyaSees" in Ohio | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/14/2009 2:37:31 PM | Hate is a very strong word. You must remember that your mother is a woman .Do you hate her? There is no such thing as being too nice . I think you should ke going to the gym until you are ready again. You should not change being who you are for anyone if you feel comfortable and it does not hurt. It better to get dump now than to find out you wasted your time and money. The right one will come along someday. I would say good luck but you do not need it just remeber who you really are. A nice and caring gentleman | |
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| Starting to hate women........ Posted: 8/14/2009 6:54:25 PM | Krebby2001 - well said. I like that.
As I read this thread...one thing comes to me. Life is not about the destination. It's about the journey.
And yes, I think if you get into your 40's or so and you're still looking for the one, it's hard not to get a little negative around the edges.
BUT...how many loves have you had in your life? I have had a few. And yes, it's not fun when it ends. But it was pretty incredible while it was there. I have been loved by some great men in my life. I loved someone so much it hurt. I have felt so loved that someone would jump out in front of the bus to save me. (and maybe one who would have given me a push into it - hahahaha ) I've been on cloud 9, singing show tunes and seeing a blue sky.
And who knows..maybe that will happen again? Maybe... for both of us.
So light up there fella... appreciate what life has given you. It is a gift. | |
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