| She DEFINED you/us, get a grip/clue.
Posted: 7/10/2009 11:23:35 PM | arabian angel,
she is clearly disrespecting him. lining him up for a dates only to cancel them to be with her friends? putting up with that is going with the flow? perhaps the flow to depression and low self-esteem. | |
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| She DEFINED you/us, get a grip/clue.
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:01:52 AM | | ^^^^^^^Perhaps you're right....he may hit rock bottom get depressed and lose his self esteem...or perhaps he may come out a whole lot stronger and wiser..Only he can decide how he wants to come out of it. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:06:19 AM | Shakespears Plays and Sonnets by the Bard.
"They do not love that do not show their love.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love. "
Well OP. You're in quite a pickle. Do you continue to pursue this person or not. Will she eventually come around and return to you the love and words you seek from her lips. Or do you move on and let her go. So true is this quote.....
"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours forever."
Sometimes you've got to pull back enough for them to remember who you are, what you mean to them and how you fit into their plan for love. Its obvious she likes you a lot because she came running back after being gone for a while. Maybe you should spend some more time with her, make some great memories & then ask the same questions again. If she doesn't respond, then tell her you need to move on.
I guarantee you if you wait, play it cool, let her stew on those memories.....she'll come running back and then you can ask her for that definition your looking for or you're gonna walk. This could also backfire and she might just not return. Consider that your school of hard knocks with relationships.
It really depends on how much staying power and how cool you can keep it while she gets her thoughts organized. If its too much emotionally for you, I'd say its time to move on and find someone else that fits your liking. | |
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gcdeb
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Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 54 | |
| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 1:24:42 AM | You both want different things and/or are capable of different things.
In my experience, when someone says they aren't ready for a commitment, it just means they aren't ready for a commitment with YOU.
And I sure as heck would not continue to date someone who would not introduce me to their friends and family.
She is right, you do deserve better. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:40:35 AM | Just start to think about what you can do for yourself that will make you more powerful.
focus on you and enjoy yourself then the doors seem to open to you a lot easier.
you will have a different vision.
First stop seeing her as much. Allow her to pic up on your good and happy energy.
Don't ask her anymore questions. Just be smart and conservative!live your life and enjoy it. Move on if necessary if not take a vacation. Don't worry some people don't have a leg but they still walk. Right? Be happy and next time don't give your hart away as easy.
make sure you're loved first. Your a man!   | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:58:25 AM |
Then the first week of June she begins to drift away from me, stops texting/replying/calling me.
It almost seemed like she found someone else.
So I give her an opening to get some "space." She takes it. In my mind I have to let it go, essentially
You have already told yourself what to do. In your mind and heart, you have to let her go. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:21:25 AM |
I stopped reading at this point: Says she doesn't deserve me. When someone says this to you, believe them. You instead chose not to and apparently are suffering from that decision. Next time, you'll know better.
^^^ She's right.
Do not ignore this advice....
Anyone who says they're not good enough, has already reached a conclusion, it's just a matter of time before they check out of the relationship. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:36:11 AM | This...
She said she didn't want to say we are a couple just in case it doesn't work out because she doesn't want to break my heart.
and this...
The best I could get out of her was that she just wants me, and that she's not leaving,
Suggested to me it might be worth the OP hanging in and quit (after only two months) asking for a label of BF/GF. I'm not as concerned about the early days "I don't deserve you" bit as this is "skeleton in the closet girl" from his posting history - she was initially really worried he wouldn't be able to look past something in her past. In that context, the "I don't deserve you" makes sense. I imagine this issue has her moving slow into acknowledging a relationship - she's feeling her way through it, or so I imagine.
If he wants to work on personal boundaries it should be "respect me and don't cancel on me last minute". THAT appears to be the only disrespectful thing she is doing and isn't part of his main complaint. It's worrisome, not the label "BF/GF" thing. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:00:44 AM |
It was very freeing and very loving of him to just let me BE. It eliminated any pressure for me and surprise, surprise, allowed me to feel my developing feelings for him without there being any attachments other than I really think you are an extraordinary person
OP, I am always amazed at how readily the PoF community encourages one to throw love interests away. Perhaps it is because for most another is going to come around in no time at all. It is not that way for me; finding someone to whom I am attracted is rare. Therefore, as long as a relationship is ongoing, even if not living up to my expectations, especially so early on, I would not toss it.
Like Margo, almost as soon as I had entered the dating game, I met a man who became immensely interested in me; I asked him to give me time and to not keep tabs on me, not yet; it was too soon. He gave me almost no time and decided he was better off without me. Pure ego and a need to control for two years later he is not married and this was his great desire and goal. I just do not get persons that hurt themselves if they do not get their own way immediately or the object of their desire in not on their same time table.
I would never toss aside someone I care for merely because we are not on the same page at the same time initially. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:03:28 AM | Stand up, drop your pants and briefs, reach down and see if you still have your balls.
If you do, throw her out like yesterdays meatloaf...if you don't, expect more of the same drama and nonsense from her. It's your choice, be a Nancy boy or be a man. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:52:12 AM | You do everything couples do, but she refuses to say that you're a couple. You're not being played, she's playing her real boyfriend with you. There is a 99.9 percent chance that she already has a boyfriend. and that is where her heart truly is. You answered your own question when you said you were Mr. Right Now, so it's not like you didn't you. If you're after a long-term-relationship, then you're in the wrong place. It's not what she wants from you and you have to accept that. I would tell the typical guy to just enjoy the benefits and goodies that she's giving you while it last. But for you I recommend just breaking all contact with her because your heart is too involved and time away from her is the only cure for that. Let me give you two pieces of advice about women that I think will be helpful to you:
1.) No matter who a woman gives her body to, her heart can only be with one person.
2.) If a woman can get you to do anything she wants without ever telling you " I love you" or calling you her boyfriend then she's not gonna do it. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 11:21:38 AM | Well, she ignored all my attempts to contact her yesterday. I got two texts, one in the afternoon saying "sorry I was sleeping all day" to which I promptly replied and called (seeing as how she was awake) but got no answer. Then one text at the end of the day also stating "sorry, I fell back asleep again." I then also tried to call her/text her right there since she was appearently awake again. But no reply.
She was supposed to at least tell me if we were hanging out Saturday (today) or not ahead of time so I knew if I was going to use my sick day or not (and call in sick to work). She never even gave me the courtesy of at least texting me to tell me she has other plans or not.
YET, she was able to update her myspase account throughout the day, comment mutual friends' profiles, and communicate with other people.
So finally I just gave up and stopped trying to contact her.
Coincidentally, my old friend from 10 years ago shows up after moving back up here from California, and asks me if I want to hang out. So, I did. We stayed out with good conversation over hot chocolate and a shared piece of strawberry cheesecake at Shari's restaurant til about 1am. It was nice to see my old friend. It was nice to actually spend time with someone that wanted to have a real conversation, in person, face to face, and engage in real communication.
Low and behold, when does my GF/non-GF decide to finally text me? While I'm in the middle of spending time with my old friend, at about 12:37am. She texts "how r u?" I wasn't about to be rude to my friend and start a text conversation in the middle of ours, so I waited til we parted to reply to my GF/non-GF, 23 minutes later.
Do you want to take a guess on what happened?
Of course, she did not answer. She probably only texted me because several hours went by without me trying to contact her anymore. And once I replied, she was satisfied enough that she still has me on her string, and did not feel the need to answer me back. That's my guess, anyway. I could be totally wrong. Maybe she's very ill or something. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt, cuz she won't tell me what the heck is going on.
It is now 11:18am the next morning. Saturday. The day we were supposed to hang out or not. I made a couple attempts to contact her so I know whether to call in sick to work or not. But, big surprise: she is still ignoring me.
Am I wrong in thinking that I am being treated like a bag of poop? | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 11:40:43 AM | She's just not that into you. It's that simple if she is, then she would have jumped a long time ago to make sure you knew how she felt. I know it sounds terrible, but honestly, that's the problem. If she won't commit move on. There are a ton of women in the world who would jump at the chance to be with a devoted guy. You just aren't the right one for her, and you are missing out on great opportunities. I'm sure she is a lovely person, but she's not your angel.
I heart you........I'm sorry are we five? Unless she has a complete inability to express her emotions or has some serious holes in her vocabulary she's not saying it, because she doesn't feel it. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:12:42 PM |
I made a couple attempts to contact her so I know whether to call in sick to work or not. But, big surprise: she is still ignoring me.
IMO, this is where your concern should lie. You are not being treated with respect AND you are likely smothering her. I'm not sure that she is moving away because she doesn't care that much for you or whether your constant attempts to contact are shoving her away. It sounds like you are chasing after her; a man who appeared that desperate and needy only two months into a relationship would have my antennae up. | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:13:04 PM | "Am I wrong in thinking that I am being treated like a bag of poop?"
Was this question suppose to be some lame attempt at a joke? Are you ignoring us on purpose? What do you think I and the others on this forum have been trying tell you? | |
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| She WON'T DEFINE US...... how much MORE time should I give her?
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:26:01 PM | If someone says all week long that "we're hanging out this Saturday."
Then later changes it to "I might be hanging with my friend instead, I'll let you know." Full knowing that I have to know ahead of time so I can request the day off or not....
and then they don't respond or initiate any communication the day preceding OR the day OF.....
by me trying to contact them (with the benefit of the doubt that they were unable to contact me for some GOOD reason)....just so I know if I'm taking the day off or not....
is it really smothering?
I do appreciate your perspective though, Margo, as a recovering commit-phobe especially, because, probably, yes, to her, I am smothering.
However, I just received a text from her just now. It says "I just woke up. What's wrong?"
I don't even know how to respond any more. | |
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