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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:42:31 PM | Being charming and engaging is often misconstrued as 'flirting'.
Some people are naturally outgoing, witty and charismatic.
Some people are so starved for attention they assume the person is "interested" in them when it's nothing more than a friendly social interaction.
In this country (US), complimenting a woman at work is called "sexual harassment", so I imagine any kind of affectionate interaction is viewed with suspicion. | |
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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/22/2009 4:43:50 PM | Well I personally do not flirt when I am in a long term relationship because I don't like to play games. I totally want the person that I am in that relationship to trust me and feel safe knowing that I am being faithful.
I think it embarrasses the other partner when their partner flirts with someone else and I would never do this.
I have never had someone do this to me before and so I am not sure how I would feel about it but I think it would really make me feel kind of like I was being toyed with.
Some people think that there is no harm in letting people wonder sometimes I do not agree with this I think provoking distrust is a very dangerous and inconsiderate thing to do.
I think sometimes someone can misunderstand empathy or nuturing and I have to really watch myself with this because I have been told that I have kind of a seductive nature but I don't feel that way. I have a job where I need people to trust me to get through to them and make them feel calm I love being this person for people but sadly yes someone can come along and totally misinterpret my words or actions. | |
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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/22/2009 5:57:31 PM | I think it very much depends what exactly is being seen as 'flirting' and if something is not made clear.
I tend to tease people, joke around etc. Some people may take that as flirting, when I really just look at it as playing. But if I'm in a relationship I will always throw out '..my boyfriend' or something to let the other person know that I"m taken. I make it very clear that this is just playing and completely harmless, so that it can never taken wrong. If I'm with my S.O. at a party I would probably do something to assure him (like stroking his arm, grabbing his hand, touch his cheek), if I was talking or joking with someone, and make it sure that the other person sees it.
When I was in sales and wasn't involved I always talked about my 'boyfriend (Harvey)' so that no potential client took me wrong and thought of asking me out.
I'm not what would be considered 'a flirt', but I prefer hanging out with a bunch of guys and telling dirty jokes, over hanging out with a bunch of women, so I just let everyone know where I stand and it works fine.
It think it's all in the context. | |
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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:04:29 PM | My take on LTR's AND flirting or anything else is this
Relationships take 3 things - if they aren't there - it isn't a relationship. Long term or short term.
1. Respect.
2. Trust
3. Communication
Flirting if it holds to appropriate perimeters within these 3 areas would be fine.
IF the individual maintains those 3 things it is both harmess and will be without any hurt to your significant other. | |
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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:29:33 AM | If someone who says they are committed to you "Needs" to flirt, , it is about there immaturity and their need to be needed.
The question is why do you choose men/ladies who need continuaing external primping???
Usually they are so unhappy within they aren't relationship material anyway even though they play the game of happy families very well, contollers do
Those happy and content get their pleasures from each others interactions and their inner strengths, needing not the continuing adoration of others. | |
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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:40:00 AM | So whats your take on flirting while in an LTR, harmless or hurtful to the relationship you're currently in?
i'm not sure how i feel about this...
i've been accused of being a Chronic Flirt; light teasing or banter just comes out of me instinctively, w/little provocation. i've also been told that this is one of the qualities that friends find admirable and entertaining--that i have an ability to make others immediately feel welcome, connected and engaged. with a wink or a wisecrack, i like to make the men around me feel like men, and the women feel like godesses.
when i flirt, it's rarely an expression of sexual interest or attraction; in truth, i've rarely met men that i feel any kind of attraction to, and absolutely none since i've been w/my special man. in this capacity, i think that flirting or charming is harmless and sets others around me at ease.
but i don't know....
am i wrong?
EDIT:
just read Landra2's comment...
Being charming and engaging is often misconstrued as 'flirting'.
Some people are naturally outgoing, witty and charismatic.
maybe this is what i mean, what differentiates my motive and understanding of "flirt". | |
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| When in a LTR is flirting with others harmless or hurtful?
Posted: 7/23/2009 11:16:22 AM | | Flirting does not have to have a motive to be harmful to a relationship. It doesn’t matter if you intend to take the flirt to the next level or not. If it moves past a natural or subconscious “expression of sexual attraction for another” and morphs into something purposeful you just went from relationship-slaughter to “third degree flirting with intent”. It’s true that we have little or no control or who (or what) we are sexually attracted to, but if you express your feelings to the object of your attraction in any form you’re being disloyal and disrespectful to yourself, your covenant and your SO. | |
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