| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:27:41 AM | It's basically what You want out of it...I dated...wait that wasn't a date...plain and simple just an FB...I knew he had a live-in right away. After a year I sprayed vanilla sented body spray on my sheets, his live-in could smell it on him...Now McNair met his matchand cheated on the wrong woman, his children don't have a dad...I wonder how his wife will explain it to them...Anyway it went on for 3 years when he finally left for good.
It's all about you and how you deal with it... | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:42:58 AM | Msg 9 says it all! Thanks Jerseygirl!! :)
As for those who say "don't tell the wife" that would "only hurt her" .. IF I were the person in this OPs shoes - I Would so tell the wife! NO not out of 'revenge' - but because he is Risking her Life. I would warn Anyone who I felt had their Life at risk - regardless of why.
IF I were the wife? You're dam straight I would want to know! Not "happy" news for sure - but it would allow me to maintain My dignity and self respect, it would allow me to choose whether or not I wanted a 'run around' husband OR a man who loved, respected and cared about my health.
Informing the spouse of a cheating partner (cuz women do it too) .. is NOT an act of revenge. It is - Not condoning the Hurtful behaviour and possibly sparing the innocent spouse a life threatening disease.
OP - You owe him Nothing. 
Nothin worse than liars. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:46:15 AM | Just tell him why. You don't owe him any more of an explanation than that; in fact, you OWE him nothing, but I would still tell him.
Meet him in a public place--don't let him come to your home when you give him the news. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:50:23 AM | | Why would you want to be involved with someone who cheats on his wife and child? A real man does not behave so negatively. Get some self respect and dump the jerk. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:56:54 AM | Why do you want to instigate drama? He's married. He has a child. He's in a marriage he's not happy with so he's went outside of it. This is none of your business nor should you make it yours.
Tell him what you know and move on. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:58:32 AM |
The silliest thing he did,was not to tell you he was married! I`m a married guy, I tell everyone I`m married. I`m looking for friends. This allows women to see that I`m taken(if they want say,a long term relationship)? It puts the record straight?
I think every relationship(gf`s,family,marriage )etc. Is based on trust?
dirtyboy, if you TRULY intend to stick to only friendship with the women you meet on here, good for you. I can only say from my early experiences online with "honest" married men that EVERY SINGLE ONE of them eventually wanted to have sex with me.
That's why now, I won't even chat with an openly declared married man. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:38:50 AM | I was somewhat suspicious that he might be seeing several women at once, but we weren't committed so it didn't bother me that much.
Translation: "I didn't think he was trustworthy from the start, but rather than listen to my own instincts, I let it continue."
As time went on though, I began to suspect that something more was up through various incidents.
Translation: "As time went on, I mistrusted him even more - which to anyone with an ounce of common sense would be a big RED FLAG and be a reason to end it, why be involved with someone I can't trust - but again, I chose to ignore my own instincts..."
I have a friend who is a private investigator who said he would help ease my mind by checking him out.
Translation: "I hired a friend/P.I. to validate to me that, yes, my instincts were correct."
Ok, so now you know that your mistrust of him *from the start*, which *only got worse* as time went on, was true...
... so NEXT TIME you will LISTEN to your gut, and not waste 6months of time with someone you didn't trust from the moment you met them?? I mean, realistically - by the time you even thought of hiring a P.I. to "check up on him", it should have been *over*, finis, ended, you didn't trust him. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:10:23 AM | i dont know how to approach this gentally. but i will try. Lets see the guy is married with a child, and he hasent told you. so if you ask him he is probally gonna lie and make up an excuse. already starting out bad. and the other thing is if he is cheating on his wife with you and lying to you and probally lying to his wife then how honest about others is he being with you?
i would say confront and get rid of. i know from personal expierence that once a cheater always a cheater isnot true. and i also know that you need to confront him. like carrie underwood says maybe then he will think the next time that he cheats. and you may save some trouble for the next girl.
and he is a married man. 70 percent of all married men will never leave thier wife and kids for "the other woman".
like sugarland says. "the next time you wanna leave her bed fer mine/ what dont you stay/ im up off my knees/ you cant give me what i need/ when she begs you to go/ theres one thing you should know/ i dont have to live this way/ why dont you stay/"
but both breakin up and confronting will teach him a lesson.
and then also you do not wanna get the reputation as a home wrecker either. and if he keeps seein ya and he breaks up with his wife there is the whole "you broke up his marriage knioda thing". and its not him i would feel sorry for. its his wife and child.
and then also if he is cheating on his wife with you and you with other women, what kind of diseases might he have that he is not tellin ya about? somthing potentially life threatening maybe? and then think of the emotional costs as well. if you are struggeling with the issue and he leaves his wife for you, then eventually you will feel guilty. and that guilt is hard to live with.
its all about honesty. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:39:09 AM | | I'd just walk away. It should be enough for you to just tell him it's over and let him know that you know he's married. Then never respond to another call or e-mail from him. That should make him shit bricks for a while wondering whether or not you're the kind of person who would tell his wife. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:46:35 AM | | And also be in a lot of pain from defecating large objects. (I love this expression, and have wondered where it originated.) I found out a man I dated was married, and when he acted as if he had no clue as to why I wanted to end it, I told him I would continue to date him if I either talked to his wife on the phone or he and I met her for dinner, as he said "she probably doesn't care what I do or who I date" when he told me he was married. Strange how I never got to meet his wife or talk to her on the phone. There must be a lot of women who have fallen for married men and kept dating them after they found out they were married, the have your cake and eat it too mentality of these men has never appealed to me. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:50:54 AM | | The best way to end the situation is to do what feels better for YOU. Do you really think you'd feel better just ending it with an open question? Because you know he'll carry on and attempt to make you feel responsible for the break up if you do it that way. So you should just tell him that you know he's lied to you and you've been hurt by it. This way, you had the last say, and he'll know it's all his fault. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:08:46 AM | I did this. I admit it. I had no clue until wifey called me. Trust me she knows. Your not his first indiscression. You won't be the last until she kicks him out.
I confronted him too. His excuse- I was afraid you wouldn't talk to me.
Just get out for your own sanity. He eventually moved here because I think she kicked him out. I'm almost positive he is not divorced yet.
Oh and yeah. He has already moved on to his next victim. You mean nothing. Its all about them being selfish, need for attention, narcissistic and so on. Its not about you and your feelings and it never was.
Relationships that are based on lies end in lies.
She knows. Really just walk away.
The next one with a little time will find out soon enough too. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 11:28:33 AM | | If you know he's married, dump him. Why be his spare tire? He's not going to leave his family, or if he did you can't trust he won't go online again and do it to you. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 11:54:17 AM | | I would suggest you simply walk away. Don't put yourself through any more tough times. Text him give him a heads up he might want to let his wife know she's married to a dog. Wash y0ur hands of it. And it's not you, I've had a ton of married guys ask me out. Scared little boys. He's not worth your tears. Feel sorry for his wife, she's got to live with the loser. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 11:56:51 AM | | I would just say that I had found out by what ever means , that he was married and that I was no longer interested ..............simple | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:14:03 PM | By the by, go get tested... OP, you are probably NOT the first woman outside his marriage he has been intimate with ...
Those STD's do not care if you are married or not.
| |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:51:50 PM | Msg 36
Great post!
The op just needs to dump the guy and move on. She doesn't owe him a reason and a confrontation is pointless unless she is looking to resolve something with him, and I can't imagine what that would be. Good luck to you op. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 2:59:44 PM | | The best way is to send a letter to his wife work wonders in south carolina......lolol end it quick | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:34:05 PM | Of all the scenarios played out here so far, I like Mr Blblblbl's best. Leave him wondering whether you will or have already told his wife. Keep it short and simple and yes, in public. No scene, but in public so that he doesn't have an opportunity to make a scene: "It's over. Perhaps he should confess to his wife, quickly."
The other option you mention, to try to get him to tell you, is not a good idea. It invites him to make excuses, to justify cheating and lying. Unless you are secretly hoping he will be able to fix this so that you can continue seeing him, you don't want to hear his story. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:08:09 PM |
Leave him wondering whether you will or have already told his wife.
This is being vindictive to some degree and isn't needed. | |
|
| |
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:28:20 PM | | Having been on the other side of the cheating spouse, I'm not sure you would be doing her any favors telling her. You can't win here so your best bet is to just walk away. It is not him that is going to get hurt, he knows what he is doing and her really doesn't care, you got hurt and the only other person that is going to get hurt here is the wife. You didn't do anything wrong but that isn't the way the wife is going to see it, if you really feel the need to inform her let the private investigator give her the information and you stay clear of the whole thing. You might feel like you're doing her a favor but she may not see it that way, and some of her anger will be focused on you. If you really want revenge tell him you have aides and he better get check and get his wife checked, that will give him a lot to worry about. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:31:09 PM | I guess I don't understand continuing to date someone I felt I needed to hire someone to investigate to begin with.
I would never contact or accept contact from him again.
As if he never exsisted, what would confronting him acomplish?
Be rid of the garbage, don't sift through it.
He won't push it, as you said he probably has more than one fishy on the side. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:45:13 PM | If this were me this is how I would handle it. I would make the decision for him and I wouldn’t give him one explanation as to where that decision came from either. I wouldn’t tell him how I know or what I know. I would just end it! Let him be the bright one that he is to “figure it out”. If he contacts you again... ignore him...and let him sit and wait and wait and wait and wonder what the hell happened!
| |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 4:46:47 PM | Yeah, I would agree that once you felt a need to check up on him, there was no need to stay with him.
Confront? What for? Just let him be and find someone else. | |
|
Home
login 
