| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:39:26 PM | I know how..
Send his wife pictures of you two together. That will end you two and most likely get the poor girl who is married to him away from him and his b.s too. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:41:03 PM | get out of his life.
Chances are his wife knows
chances are if his wife doesn't know she will not believe you.
It is not your place to protect her from disease or any of that nonsense.
If this guy treats a love one like this who knows what he is capable of.
A lot of bad crimes are committed in the heat of the moment.
( Steve McNair comes to mind)
It's not your place to teach this guy a lesson.
you do not owe an adulterer any explanation
You need to protect yourself.
Please do. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:55:40 PM | | Do absolutely nothing. You do not owe him an explanation. Block him completely. Dont give him another second of your thoughts or emotions. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:02:08 PM | Look, the worst of this is over. Now try to have a little fun with it. Make him lie more. And more. And then tell him to screw-off!
A lot of talk here about telling the wife. I am on the side of telling. For a variety of reasons and NOT to hurt her or him. But as someone asked 'wouldn't you want to know?' and the answer is yes, I'd want to know. Good luck! | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:20:26 PM | | I would walk away and not look back. I don't think it's any of your business to tell his wife what's going on, and chances are she already knows, especially if he's on dating sites. I have a friend that went through this with her ex-husband. She could clearly see on the family computer that he was setting up dates with other women, so she gave him him enough rope and he eventually hung himself (not literally!). | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 7:30:13 PM | Wow, that's just the epitome of a scumbag. I hope he's at least having protected sex with these many women he's sleeping with. He could easily get an STD and pass it on to his wife. If he has another child with his wife then the baby could get something too. That is something that is of serious concern.
His wife will be devastated if she finds out but maybe it would be best if she knew what was going on so she doesn't catch anything.. I really don't know. That's a tricky situation. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:04:15 PM | | You can take the time to tell him the truth or not. He has never been truthful with you and every minute with him is a waste of your time. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:19:24 PM | i know you are planning to end it, and i think you should just cut it off, no explanation needed.
i used to not think it made sense to tell his wife, but, i have first hand experience in a similar situation.
i found out my spouse was cheating. the girlfriends husband did not know his wife was sleeping with my husband. i told the husband after many months of agonizing whether or not i should. he was so happy i told him. his wife had been stringing him along with all kinds of vague reasons for her unhappiness in their marriage and he had been going absolutely crazy trying to make himself better and figure out what he had or could do. in the end, he got his sanity back and it just happens that i told him 2 days before he was to sign a financial agreement with her. he regrouped, charged her with adultery and ended up with alimony! which was exactly what she was trying to avoid all along.
it is what it is. you didn't create it. and i think you should tell the wife. she deserves to know and she also needs to know that you did not enter into the relationship with knowledge that he was married.
kaylee | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:12:24 PM | | Tell him you know and end it! Someone always gets hurt in these situations, get out before it's you!! | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:16:55 PM | | send him a Dear John email. truthfully you don't owe this pig anything!! | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/12/2009 12:38:20 AM |  Just remember jerseygirl.... women do the same things men do here on these websites..... she should dump him, explain what she knows, why hurt the wife? The wife didn't do any harm to her. A lesson learned... be more careful who you trust and date from the internet. Now that he may know she had a PI on him, mayne next time he will be honest or stop all together.
Apparently there was no true honesty from him in the beginning...why let it carry on for 6 months? She should have checked him out from the beginning if she suspected anything or for that matter since her friend is a PI check all her aquaintances first. . Let him make his bed and lie in it.....
And before you condone married men or women on these sites.... everyone has their own situations why they are here, or anywhere on the net doing this.
Its tooo bad, that not everyone is HONEST.
anyways part of my 2 cents. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:29:02 PM | That's why I am OPEN up front to anyone I send a message to... probably sends them running for the hills... I thought I was happily married... but for 3 years I've checked up on her, found out she was cheating, and I tried to keep it together for the kids... that never works by the way. So now I am ready to move on, since realistically, she left me 3 or 4 years ago emotionally. Do not waste any time with him. He will not leave his wife, he probably wants his cake and eat it too, much like my 1st and soon to be 2nd ex wife did.
JMHO
Phil | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/12/2009 7:02:23 PM | You've already spent 6 months of your life you'll never get back.
Why spend one freakin' more MINUTE on this joker. Quit taking his calls. Block his emails. If he shows up at your door, tell him you are not interested in seeing him, a he knows why, and tell him to take his sorry carcass out of your sight.
Cindy O | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:39:44 AM | Dump him. He wasn't honest w/you, so how honest could he be w/YOU in the future? He'll pull the same crap w/you, divorced or no, guaranteed.
He's also using a dating site to cheat on his family. That's pretty disgusting. | |
|
jbogie
|
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 65 | |
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:53:53 AM | | someone already said this is a no brainer. do you really need a bunch of folks on a dating site forum tell you how to handle this??? ok then, here's my pitch. no confrontation. just tell him you're moving on. then do it. he deserves no explanation. | |
|
| |
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:05:11 AM |
A lot of talk here about telling the wife. I am on the side of telling. For a variety of reasons and NOT to hurt her or him. But as someone asked 'wouldn't you want to know?'
I do NOT think you should tell his wife. Some people do not want to know. Especially someone who is married and has kids with the person and has a whole life with them. She needs to find out in her own way, in her own time.
I am not howover opposed to you scaring him a little bit... messing with him the way he messed with you... just leave the wife out of it. Teach him a lesson... someone needs to. He sounds like total trash... | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:33:24 AM |
Teach him a lesson... someone needs to. He sounds like total trash...
One of the finer points of wisdom is knowing what is, and what isn't! worth the effort. Why bother trying to teach this lowrent romeo "a lesson"? It's aboout like trying to teach a hog to ride sidesaddle...impossible and utterly pointless.
The OP should just file this whole experience under "lessons learned" and get on with her life.
Trying to teach the guy anything or exact any kind of revenge just gives this situation way more importance than it actually has.
OP, the man was not truthful with you...in fact he was apparently downright deceptive. What happened here is NOT your fault,not very much, anyway. Don't beat yourself up, don't try to "get back at him". Just write it off to experience and get on with your life.
Cindy O | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:53:06 AM | I would just end it, no contact, cut him off from having anyway to get a hold of me and let him wonder (if he bothered to wonder because really I wouldn't have meant anything to him), but if you want to tell him you know he's married, go for it. In no way would I have any further contact of any kind for any reason.
I'm sure it sounds like making him confess will somehow give you closure or make him sorry or teach him a lesson, etc., but really, he's a liar & a cheater, I kind of doubt that any moral lesson is going to teach him anything.
If you've been having sex with him, get tested for STDs even if you used protection and if you do have any, having him be contacted to be tested might shake him up a bit. But in the end, it's your responsibility to know who you are dating and if they are single, so while he's a complete asswipe, don't waste this lesson you've learned so that you don't find yourself in this situation again. I know it all sucks but life sometimes gives us the chitty end of the stick. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:22:46 AM | | You should just tell him you know the truth and then leave him alone. Nothing else. His marriage isnt your business. Dont ruin his family, let the next vindictive woman do that. Just walk away. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:28:46 AM | Love it!
The world as we know it is never as we really know is it?
Just when you're swinging the bat you receive a curve ball - and look at that! It's a soccer ball! Wrong ball! Wrong game!
I'm not making fun of your situation, dear. Truly. Loving a married man and not knowing he's married? Can't be fun.
It's also not fun to put yourself out there, and trust someone you've met, but don't really know, give yourself to them emotionally and then learn they're a liar.
I'm going to try not to say anything hurtful to you,
But if you're sensitive about a topic - opening up to people online who are strangers is a not great idea, even when someone isn't trying to be hurtful it can be.
What you're experiencing is part of the inherent risk of placing yourself emotionally online for dating or love.
You met a man online 6 months ago.
You had suspicions about trusting him.
Yet you did trust him.
But not enough to communicate with him clearly and concisely.
Women - why can we not feel confident enough in our relationships with men to say to them directly -
"hey, I'm really enjoying this time we've spent getting to know each other, but being in a relationship that's long distance has it's own issues. Some things you have said, and not said make me nervous, and now? I'm beginning to feel uncertain and uneasy. I know that my questions may sound like accusations - could you help put my mind at ease please? So that we can continue to trust each other and grow together? What's the truth? Are you seeing other women? How many women? Do you feel a real connection with any of these women? Are you having sex with them? "
If we can't as adults have this conversations with each other - in a mature and honest manner?
What's the point of trying to develop and find something REAL?
There's a vast difference between reality and fantasy online. And if you aren't capable or able to have the conversations and questions that are difficult because of it's embarassment or complications for you - then the world of online dating is going to take many tolls on you.
Your red flags were there for you - but the truth would be that you didn't want to see those truths.
1. You met a man online.
2. You met a man online 6 months ago.
3. You suspected he wasn't being honest with you.
4. You suspected he had numerous relationships with women.
5. You allowed a private investigator to find out what you weren't wanting or willing to ask this man you were involved with on your own.
6. Now the investigator has found out the answers you suspected and you're asking strangers online what to do and how to handle the information.
I can't say what I would do if this were me, because this would never be me.
I can suggest how you might want to continue from this point forward:
1. Be more clear about real and online. Many people lose the boundary - between what's fantasy and what's reality. Here's a quick way to tell the difference. If you shut your computer down and turn it off and leave it off. The people who are still speaking to you? Are real. The folks you interact with via electronics? Are not. Sure there may be people behind the online personas - but what do you REALLY factually know about any of them? Nothing. It's important to ALWAYS keep that lesson front and center.
While my photos show you a woman in her 40's, blonde, sunburnt and living in Iowa that could be entirely a lie. I could be a 500 pound African American man living in Chicago. How would you know? The total truth? You can't. You wouldn't.
2. 6 months? Is nothing. And I would never give up 6 months of my real life to "pretend date" a man online who may or may not be "dating" other women.
Had you met him in person? Were you a long distance apart? Did you know where he lived? Had you been there?
If those things hadn't happened within 6 months of "dating"? Then I would definitely be asking him in person - why and what was up.
He has no idea that I know all this, and I'm wondering how I should go about confronting him about the situation. Do I just ask him and get him to tell me the truth or do I just tell him I know everything and put an end to things. Either way I'm ending this, I'm just trying to figure out the best way to go about it
He has no idea you know? Tell him. Tell him what you did. Tell him why you did it. Act and behave like an adult woman. No games. No lies. No hemming, no dodging around. Just be a woman.
Ask him what? If it's true? If the investigator lied? If he lied? Ask him if you're wrong so he can give you another chance?
Get him to tell you the truth?
This is most odd. Why now can you get him to tell you the truth, when before you could not? Before rather than get him to tell you the truth you suspected, and wondered, and someone else investigated it for you.
Either way you're ending it?
I need to point out that you're ending what?
What is it that you are bringing to an end?
What really exists? Is it something? Or is it nothing?
I'm sorry, because I think what you're going to come to realize is that you've invested emotionally in a 6 month online romace that talked the talk but had zero REALITY or potential for you.
Learn, and move on.
As to what you do with the guy? If it were me, I wouldn't DO anything at all. Nothing.
I'd cut all ties, all contact, all communication. Done. Cold, sharp, edge of cut off.
Anything else - means you believe that you might be wrong and give the guy an out to explain his behavior.
The truth is you both have probably behaved in a manner that's not appropriate for forming a healthy and honest, respectful relationship with each other.
Try to do better the next time you make the choice to attempt an online relationship, and don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone who risks love online learns hard lessons along the way - and yeah, it hurts but only as much as you choose to allow it to.
 | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:46:19 AM | op, here's the strategy i reccommend:
you need to heal from this with as little trama as possible. sooooooo fein innocence and let him come up with all kinds of lies, keep prodding. that will help you see him as he truly is......not the guy you thought he was. let him just talk talk talk till his true face emerges and i guarantee you will not feel the same towards him ever again.
if he comes up with lots of BS and or tries to get you to continue seeing him after the truth finally comes out then call the wife. he doens't have the right to waste your time as he has done, nor the right to deceive you. busted. game over. you will know that hopefully no one else will get hurt like you did. thats doing a good deed, difficult but it should help you process it faster. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:36:46 PM |  I am currently married and looking forward to my divorce because of the very same thing Dishonesty, disrespect, and immaturity). I would not lower myself to his standards but in a graceful and candid way I'd inform him based on his actions I could no longer pursue a relationship with him. Good luck with yourself and may you find a true man that can be true to you and accept you for yourself and not for some selfish desire.
Greg | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:22:14 PM | | Here is the otherside. I was married for 35 years. The last time I caught him cheating was the last time. His wife is not your problem he is your problem. There is no need to cause her hurt he is doing that to her. Just like your gut told you something was wrong she know something is wrong. Tell him it is over, don't give him the chance to give you the bullcrap excuses. If he keeps trying to contact you let him know if he doen't stop you will get a restraining order. Now every year I get myself tested and you should do the same. Good luck to you. There is someone out there waiting for you. | |
|
| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/14/2009 4:16:42 AM | | Write a letter to his wife and tell her what happened and that you didn't know he was married. He has done this before and will again. | |
|
Home
login 
