| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:51:56 PM | | Disappear.....from his life. No matter what you say or how you say it will ever make a difference. Pick yourself up and move on. You can't fix it change it or make it better. There is no magic word to say to him that will make him understand. The only thing this man understands is selfish. I will already tell you his wife doesn't understand him any better than you but she is the one stuck with him. No matter how hurtful this is to you ......... you aren't stuck with him just hurt....and we get over little hurts. Besides the only thing he will understand is.......He got caught.......Let it go and move on. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/19/2009 9:13:11 PM | | Hey there sister woman, well all I can tell you is been there done that and got the tee shirt. The problem with dating a married man is that they rarely leave their wives, and when the wife finds out, if she does, she seems to defend the man and you become the whore, and the bad guy. If it was me, and it has been, I would get rid of him now and tell him he's very lucky that you will not stoop to his level by hurting his wife by telling her just what a cheating **stard she is married to (although I'm sure she knows) they usually do, but rarely want to face up to it, or be alone with the kids. It is so hurtfull that he would take your trust and throw it like trash, but that's what he is doing, and I bet even though you know that now, it is still hard to say good-bye to him. Most married men are master manipulaters and their wives catch the brunt of it, but like I said it is their choice to stay. Usually, the man wants someone exciting on the side, makes the ego bigger, and if he's not with you, he will find someone else. Mine? She chose to show up on my birthday, while my husband and I were in bed after a beautiful dinner and gifts, at 2 am and she did it to get back at him for screwing around on her!! Meanwhile I'm sitting there, the 3 of us, and the 1st thing in my mind is does he have any diseases? Anyway, it still took me months to leave, and get my shit together. I would say listen to your friend the private investigator, and tell this looser you are kicking him to the curb like the 2 dollar siutcase that he is. I wouldn't hurt his wife, we never know what he tells her or the hell she goes through living with him. We don't see the dirty underwear, the cleaning up after him, the screwing around, yet he watched her give life to his own child and then is cold enough to come to you?? I think not! Give yourself the credit and know how strong you are, and don't give him an inkling of your pain. No tears, no yelling, walk away with your head held high, and then fall apart with your friends, they will catch you every time my friend, good luck and God bless you..a fellow sister in pain...K | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/20/2009 1:11:49 AM | | Ask for a threesome with him and his wife if you into that. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/23/2009 2:15:51 PM | Women that "DATE" aka "Mess With" aka "SLEEP WITH" married men= low self esteem skanks!! Amazing how these chicks MESS WITH marrried men n used the term "DATING" when we all know that 99% of the time- it's just SEX! I bet u KNEW and it didn't bother U because he's getting what he wants and u THINK u are getting what u want but U will end up on the losing end like MOST women that MESS WITH married men!!
GET a LIFE, sum RESPECT and get an UNATTACHED man! | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:29:05 PM | Many of us have found ourselves in your shoes. It's usually never good for the person who's not in the marriage. The options are all yours, as well as what you do with the situation.
You've got several options.
You can flat out ask him for the truth, whether or not he tells you, might be a different story.
You can tell him you know that he's married, and break up with him.
You can continue the relationship, knowing what you know, telling him you know or not, but remember he's still going to be in her bed as well.
You can break up with him, and find a good man, telling him why or not.
Weigh your options heavily. Just remember, if you confront him, he may try and cover his mistakes with lies. Be prepared!
Do what you feel is right in your heart, and for your future!
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:59:07 PM | I have to disagree with sending the findings to his wife. We have no business intruding on other peoples lives. She either knows or doesn't care. You will only end up hurting her...not him. Why mess up her "world", he already is!
Next time you feel like you need to hire a private detective....just leave. Always trust your gut feelings. If he lies to her he will lie to you. If he does it to her, he WILL do it to you.
Run...and good luck. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:12:28 PM | OP, please just break it off as soon as possible. Just disappear without further contact and let him wonder what you know. You are worth more than this.
I agree with posters who are convinced that it is a bad idea to inform the wife. It's a hard decision, particularly in light of the possibility of disease, but in the end would you be comfortable destroying lives based on a principle?
Aside from that, you don't really know how his wife would react when and if she confronts him. It's entirely possible that violence could ensure. Or she could already know that he's a dog and has decided to stay with him anyway; she may feel that its disadvantageous to divorce him. Or perhaps she is even having an affair of her own.
Best of Luck....... | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:22:13 PM | I once had a man flirting, calling, and asking me out who I later found out was married. After finding out his marital status, he called me and after he suggested clubbing, drinks, etc. I told him that it all sounded like fabulous fun but I'm not a bimbo...as they are the only ones I know of who go with married men. He then back pedalled and let me know that he just wanted to go out as "friends" and that I got it all wrong. He hung up quickly and I never heard back.
I acknowledge that I haven't read the whole thread and don't know if the OP has dealt with this slimeball yet, but if not, I suggest saying something disarming that will catch him off guard. Best to you. I see that we live in the same area and they are rampant. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:33:32 PM | | you deserve a better man then that, walk away and don't look back... his wife should be told so that she can have a divorce sooner than later, but that will only prolong your pain.... so move on | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:06:37 PM | Why do you care about hurting him? Why does it have to be the best way? Do you think eventually he's going to leave his wife and coming running to you?
If you've been hurt enough you wouldn't be so concerned about his feelings. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:11:24 PM | Hi there, I kinda know how you feel on this I've been there too except that I met that jack ass on Match. He claimed that his child was in a coma and how he needed to be at the hospital nights and weekends. I texted him one day after I did my research and told him that he's a effing liar and that there was no sick child and that he should be faithful to his wife. then I went out for a drink with a close friend (girl) and keep my mind busy with other stuff. It was only hard for few days.
You can do it, you can walk away and don't let him sweet talk to you. You deserve so much better. Tell yourself that you "I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER" and keep on telling yourself that. Don't answer is call. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:41:26 PM | People fooling around on their spouses are quite sneaky, when they want to be. And they are plentiful on this and other dating sites. There are also guys who are engaged looking for a 'little something on the side.'
Back before I met my boyfriend, I was seeing a guy who was very attentive, came to my town to see me (he lives about an hour away), and we had a really nice thing going. I asked him, as I always ask anyone I date, if he was married, or in a relationship of any kind. He flat out stated no, he was single, and was seeing only me.
Two months later I get a phone call. Seems his cell phone bill showed my number, and this woman wanted to know why her fiance was calling someone in my town all the time, talking for hours. I very politely told her the truth. She had a lot of questions, some rather personal, but I was honest and up front about everything. I treated her the way I would have wanted to be treated, had I been in her shoes. She cried, I cried for her, but in the end, she knew what kind of a man she had promised the rest of her life to, and I knew that I wanted nothing to do with him ever again.
He tried to contact me many times. I never answered his calls or emails, I cut off all contact. I hope she did the same, as he obviously had no respect for her, and certainly had no intentions of being true to her.
You need to be a woman with integrity, and tell him to leave you alone. When you mess with someone who is married, it is not only hurting his or her family, but it is hurting you. You know this is totally wrong, and if you continue seeing him, you are compromising your morals and values and self-esteem.
Look at it this way....do you want to be ANYONE'S second hand rose?
Beth | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:12:58 AM | geez, what's with all the folk telling the OP not to contact the wife?
please please please listen......................if we keep our mouths shut these fools can keep getting away with it. if they know that they will get busted they will think twice before lying, cheating and spreading diseases.
let him deal with the consequences of his actions. speak up. be real. care about preventing others from getting hurt!!!!! that includes his wife. you better believe i would want to know if my man was messing around. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:34:36 AM | | I would ask you why you are being considerate of his feelings, her (wife) feelings? How do you feel? furious, hurt, embarrassed? How do you feel?. if your going to tell him then be honest, hey, I felt suspicious, I spied on you, your married um yeah...just state how you feel and have no more contact, it's for you. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:22:28 AM | | Wow. Great idea. You know, I think polyamorous relationships can work, as long as all of the people never get upset, annoyed, or breathe. It's near the same thing, give it a twirl! | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:36:03 AM | | Well, I think it'd be best to end what you have with this guy and move on to someone who isn't married. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:38:20 AM | My vote is to tell him that you know he is married with a child and end it right away! It will save you more hurt and pain in the long run....
 very, very, very quickly away for your own emotional well being.  | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:43:38 PM | | Break the realationship before the wife and child finds out. This could be dangerous because the wife could go after you and hurt you physically. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:10:23 PM | Let's look at the facts.
Both of you aren't committed.
Both of you like drama. You hire a private invetigator and he's married.
You guys are perfect for each other.
Jerry Springer Drama Alarm is piercing my ears here! | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:17:35 AM | I would simply call the dog and tell him it's over, don't call, email, etc., done, basta, kaput, over!
When he asks why, reply simply, cooly:
Ask your wife.
...leave it right there, hang up and let him sweat.
Think about this for just a second...delicious, no?
Make that the your LAST call, contact with him.
I can't say I'd tell the wife for a number of reasons...
-She may refuse to believe you.
-She may go psychotic...put yourself in danger.
-As was mentioned, the possibility of opening yourself up to an alienation of affection lawsuit.
-She may know and tolerates it for whatever reason.
DO get tested for STD's | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:23:25 AM | | I will let it slide because you don't know he was married from the start. But now you know. Confront him. Say listen. I hate to be lie to okay. So when are you waiting on to tell me you married and have kids. Sometimes you need to hit them with the direct question. Now wait to see him answer. If he is married. Cut the relationship off and . I hate people who get involve with married people. Nasty and trifling. | |
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| Dating a Married Man
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:51:34 AM | Easy. Send him an email saying you have found out he is married, and you want no contact with him. Keep a copy for yourself in case you ever need it.
Then move on.
Don't involve yourself in drama with his wife, etc, or playing games with him to see if he will fess up. Chances are, the wife knows something is going, if not the specifics, and has decided to look the other way for her own reasons. She wont thank you for forcing her hand. Whats the point of tricking him or trying to get him to tell you something you already know?
Doing anything other than moving on is only a way of trying to have control over something you have no control over. You can only control how you react now. Move on, and be glad you found out he lied to you before you were more involved than you were. | |
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